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Thursday, March 31, 2011

The Perfect Tatgate-slash-Tresselgate Tee

The fine folks at Smack Apparel have come up with the perfect t-shirt to commemorate "the troubles" in Tresseltown.  Makes the perfect gift for that guy who constantly screams "1-9"* in your face.

* Number subject to change following NCAA investigation.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Another day, Another apology

The following is provided to those of you that don't speak Tressel:
It's obviously been a difficult past couple of months. I think The largest regrets I've had in my life have been when I've disappointed people and I've let people down got caught breaking the rules and not telling the truth. And Certainly in this particular situation the mistakes I've made lies I've told have been very disappointing routine and I am certainly sorry for that I got caught... as I have mentioned many times. We do have an ongoing investigation as Shelly mentioned, we are unable to discuss anything involved with that I appreciate your understanding from that stand point because I might accidently tell you guys another lie and will get caught once again. Through these past couple of months we certainly appreciated the encouragement blind eyed fanatical support we have gotten from folks, some privately and some publically, some in this room.

Wallpaper Wednesday: 2011 Frozen Four

#6 Michigan vs. #1 North Dakota -- NCAA Frozen Four Semifinal
Thursday, April 7: 6:30 p.m. EST
Xcel Energy Center • St. Paul, Minn.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

NSFW: I hope that Trojan was wearing a Trojan

Boy, do I miss college: The educational opportunities, the scholarly endeavors, the sex on the rooftops of school buildings.

In a story broken by the Daily Trojan (naturally), a Kappa Sigma fraternity member and a female "friend" were photographed having sex on the rooftop of USC's Waite Phillips Hall.

The school is "appalled" (while the MZone is overjoyed for the off-season material) and USC's Interfraternity Counci President said they "will work tirelessly to reverse the negative stereotypes such an action has perpetuated."

Uh, what negative stereotypes?  Hell, I wish I was at USC right now.  This is a better recruiting tool than anything Lane Kiffin did last year.

So, who took the pictures? This guy.

ED. NOTE: We're #1!  Noticed a spike in MZone traffic from Google image searches. Why? Well, apparently we're the top search result for "USC roof sex." Mom would be so proud!

Monday, March 28, 2011

Oops: Why you shouldn't post predictions on YouTube

Hey, you might want to take this video down, Nostradamus.

Uh, who was up in whose ass?

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Hello Frozen Four

Michigan 2
Colorado College 1

Our first Frozen Four since 2008.


Friday, March 25, 2011

Submitted Without Comment

HT: LSUFreek via EDSBS

It tolls for thee...

The Columbus Dispatch: emails were forwarded...not to someone inside the athletic department, not to Ohio State's legal team, but instead to TP's "mentor" in Jeannette. So much for confidentiality during a "federal investigation" or "not knowing who to partner with".

At this point, anyone who believes the Gordon Gee or Gene Smith to be competent or capable of making the correct leadership choices should have their head examined. The NCAA is going to obliterate them.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

"Get Jim Tressel!": A trick every Michigan fan should teach their dog

Smartest. Dog. Ever.

I hope this pup got the entire bag of Snausages after this display. Good dog!

And you don't even want to know what he does to the Gordon Gee doll.

Michael Floyd: Drunk Like a Champion Last Weekend

Notre Dame receiver Michael Floyd - the school leader in TD receptions - was arrested over the weekend for DUI, blowing a .19 which is just a nudge over the .08 legal limit in Indiana.

And this isn't Floyd's first alcohol-related offense.  In May, 2009, and January, 2010, he was cited for underage alcohol consumption.

After the latest incident, Irish coach Brian Kelly suspended Floyd "indefinitely" and said he didn't know a timetable for determining Floyd's future.

Anybody want to bet the conclusion of that timetable and punishment for this 3x offender will be sometime before Notre Dame's second game against Michigan?  Anybody?

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Welcome to a Future Wolverine!

Congrats to MZone reader SG and his wife who welcomed their first child.  As you can tell from the picture below, the future Wolverine is already being prepped to catch his first game in the Big House.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Liar, Liar, Vest on Fire

"A lie keeps growing and growing until it's as plain as the nose on your face."
~ The Blue Fairy
Pinocchio, 1940

Monday, March 21, 2011

I got 99 problems...

... but Duke ain't one.

Sour grapes? nah, just having fun.
Go Blue!

Friday, March 18, 2011

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Script O-lie-o

(from MZone wire reports)  Columbus, OH - The Ohio State Marching Band (otherwise known as The Best Damn Band in Central Ohio!) will be adding a new formation this fall in honor of Tresselgate and The Vest's ever-evolving story on the matter.

Below, the MZone has obtained an exclusive picture of what it will look like.

In addition, each game a famous "miscommunicator" will be on hand in the 'Shoe to "dot the lie."  For the home opener this season, since Tressel himself won't be available, the school is in negotiations with the father of that "missing" balloon boy kid to do the honors.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

MZone Flashback: Liar Liar, Vest on Fire!

ED. NOTE: The post below is from September 8, 2006. In the wake of Tressel's recent troubles, I thought it deserved a re-post. Seems Tressel has a pattern of "miscommunication" that predate Tresselgate.  Shocker.

Before any big showdown in college football, fans can expect tons of hyperbole and hype. But Ohio State coach Jim Tressel has added "miscommunication" to this week's clash between his "top ranked" Buckeye squad and the "#2 ranked" Texas Longhorns.

During his weekly media luncheon, when talking about his USA TODAY Coaches' Poll ballot, Tressel told reporters, "(Texas is) the defending champions, I've got them ranked No. 1 on our ballot because I think they deserve that. I think they deserve that top to bottom. I think they deserve that from a program standpoint."

Sounds nice, eh? Only one problem: it's not true.

According to USA TODAY itself, Tressel's official ballot on record with them shows he did not vote for the Longhorns as No. 1. He had Ohio State at #1 and Texas at #2.

"USA TODAY's policy is that when a vote is made public and the paper knows it to be inaccurate, then USA TODAY, in its oversight role as administrator of the poll, will set the record straight to protect the integrity of the poll," said Jim Welch, deputy managing editor for sports.


ESPN.com reported that Stan Jefferson, Ohio State's director of player development, called in Tressel's ballot Tuesday morning. He said he changed the ballot and did not have time to tell Tressel. He called the incident a "miscommunication."

"When it came time to vote on the preseason poll, we voted Texas No. 1 and us No. 3 after talking about it as a staff," Jefferson told The (Mansfield Ohio) News Journal. "When I called in his poll [Tuesday morning], he did not tell me to put Ohio State No. 1. I put that down because we were No. 1 in the preseason poll that came out. I did not have time to get with him today before the press conference. It was an honest mistake on our part."

Riiiight. This guy just took it upon himself to change the head coach's ballot. Uh huh.

Such "honest mistakes" by Tressel and Ohio State are no surprise to Michigan fans. Before the 2004 Michigan-Ohio State game, Michigan's team bus was stopped by police and subjected to a search by drug/bomb sniffing dogs.

Carr was incensed by the incident and asked one of his assistants to check into it. He was told Ohio State can “do what they want to do at Ohio Stadium.”

But later, an Ohio State media relations director announced that this check was not out of the ordinary, and had been done for all visiting teams.

When Michigan looked into that, Wisconsin, Penn State and Indiana (who visited Columbus that year), all said they didn’t face anything like this when they entered the stadium.

At the time, Carr said about the apparent discrepancy, “What really is interesting is that they would say that with all these other schools it’s been the same all year long when it hasn’t. There is an issue of credibility here.”

And that's what this latest "miscommunication" is all about: credibility.

You know, before that 2004 game, Carr and Tressel spoke on the field as head coaches often do. During that conversation, the "security check" came up.

“(Tressel) asked me if we got in okay, and how was everything going,” Carr said. “I said, ‘Well, as a matter of fact, they just had your dogs out there searching our bags, Jim. I don’t know what the hell that was all about.’

“But he said, ‘Well, I didn’t know anything about that.’ ”

Just like his USA TODAY ballot.

The pattern continues.

(Thanks to reader AR for the initial tip on this)

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Baaaad search engine results bring sheep f*ckers to MZone

Sometimes I check out site's stats to see how folks are finding the MZone.  I especially like to see what Google search terms bring readers to our humble little corner of cyberspace.

For instance, there are some 35 million search results for "M Zone" if you type the term into Google, but we're #1, which is nice.

Sadly, there are some search terms that bring people to our blog who are probably really disappointed when they realize they stumbled upon a college football blog.  Like last night, for example.  I saw somebody came our way after doing a Google search for - wait for it - "Best way to have sex with sheep."

Of the almost 2.2 million (yes, MILLION) results for such a query, for some reason the M Zone shows up in the #3 spot on page one.

Now, I didn't remember writing a sheep f*cker post so I clicked on the link to find this mini-blurb of an off-season post from March 2010 about an Arizona man who was very fond of his neighbors livestock.

See how bleak it gets during the off-season when Ohio State coaches aren't lying and our b-ball team isn't making The Dance?

What are you looking at?  This is a college football blog.

ED. NOTE: Sadly, just posting this post about the above will probably take us to #1 in the sheep f*cker search engine results. Great.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Fab Five Movie Review: Two Banners Down

This is going to be brief. 

As entertainment and strictly as a documentary, I thought the FAB FIVE movie on ESPN last night was really good.

As a Michigan fan, I'll say what I've always said about the Fab Five: their "legacy" is one of destroying the program.  Period.  The reason simply making the tournament this year is such a big deal for our once proud program is a direct result of the carnage left behind by the Fab Five, who never won anything during their days at Michigan.

Furthermore, watching these guys a) show no remorse for what happened to the program as a result of their "legacy" - and even "blaming" Michigan to some extent and b) hearing them continually talk about about the money they weren't making as college athletes, was appalling and tells me not much has changed.

Put it this way, if you change the colors on the jerseys in that doc to Green and White or Scarlet and Gray, Michigan message boards - and probably this blog - would be filled with M fans today ripping them.

Their legacy is still being felt today - and not in a good way

Guest Post: Tressocchio or Vestocchio?

MZone reader Josh sent us an email with some photoshopped pix saying, "It's uncanny the resemblance Tre$$el has to other famous liars."

While they were all good, this one still has me laughing.  I think we've found a new official pic-slash-avatar for the Tosu head coach.  Simply outstanding.

Only question is what's his name: Tressocchio or Vestocchio?

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Dancing! #8 Michigan vs. # 9 Tennessee

We're in, baby!

Michigan is the #8 seed in the West Region and will play #9 Tennessee.  Winner of that plays the winner of #1 Duke vs. #16 Hampton.

Dare to dream match-up for Michigan:

The #2 seed in the bottom of the West Region is San Diego State, coached by former Michigan head coach Steve Fisher. 

Go Blue!

(vid HT: Varsity Blue via MVictors)

Saturday, March 12, 2011

OSU marching band to dot the "lie" in 2011

In an update to their tradition of dotting the "i," this fall the Ohio State marching band will begin dotting the "lie" in honor of head coach Jim Tressel.

Note: The pic above was emailed to me.  After doing a little research (unlike some national radio hosts when good stuff winds up in one's inbox), I believe it was created by MGoBlog commenter Kurpit.

Genius.  Pure genius.

Friday, March 11, 2011

We interrupt our regularly scheduled mocking of Jim Tressel for M Bball!

It's great! To be! A Michigan Wolverine!

MZone Exclusive: Redlined First Draft of OSU Letter to NCAA

Yesterday, we printed in full Ohio State's letter to the NCAA regarding Tresselgate.   Since then, portions of an earlier draft of the letter have been leaked.  Initially, in addition to missing the first two games of the 2011 season and paying a $250,000 fine, Ohio State officials considered banning Coach Jim Tressel from spring practice and summer camps.

And that's not the only shocker.

In the MZone exclusive below, we have obtained a copy of the heavily edited rough draft of the last "Conclusion" paragraph of that letter.  As you'll discover, significant changes were made before it was submitted.

The institution was wondering when the other shoe was gonna fall regarding the charade that is Cheaty McSweaterVest.  How the hell it took this long is beyond us is very surprised and disappointed in Coach Tressel's lack of action in this matter.  His behavior in this situation is par for the course out of character from him and is contrary to his proven history of saying one thing in those bullshit self-righteous books he pawns while doing another behind the scenes of promoting an atmosphere of NCAA compliance within the football program.  Since this shit has been going on ever since his hiring as the head football coach in 2001 (i.e. Maurice Clarett, Troy Smith, etc.), he and his staff have ignored attended the NCAA rules education sessions on a consistent basis, regularly made up sought interpretations, and self-reported an almost laughably huge fuckload of nearly 400 secondary violations.  His lack of truthfulness action in this matter appears to have been the result of thinking he was above the rules and wouldn't get caught as usual indecisiveness regarding the appropriate actions to take in this specific situation in which he was placed if you can even begin to wrap your head around what a huge set of stones it took to even try to pass that nonsense off as a plausible excuse, as opposed to a blatant disregard of NCAA legislation stretching back to his Youngstown State days.  Nevertheless, we recognize that because he wins a lot of games and beats Michigan, we look the other way when we can and offer the insulting slap on the wrist punishment in this letter now  that he should have forwarded this information in some manner to appropriate institutional officials.  With the exception of this mistake that you know about, he is a man  of integrity and high moral standards if you set the bar somewhere between, say, Pete Carroll and the SMU program during the Eric Dickerson years. 

This institution really hopes you'll buy the ginormous load of horse shit in this letter in the same way you shockingly believed the whole 'Cam Newton didn't know' steaming pile appreciates the cooperation of your staff in this inquiry.

Suckers, Sincerely,

Larry Gordon Gee, President

Moe John Bruno, Faculty Athletics Representative

Curly Gene Smith, Director of Athletics

cc: The assclown who tried to fuck with The Game 
    Mr. James E. Delany

Thursday, March 10, 2011

MZone Word of the Day: Tresselness

Truthiness (noun)- a "truth" that a person claims to know intuitively "from the gut" without regard to evidence, logic, intellectual examination, or facts.

If you're a fan of The Colbert Report, you're probably familiar with the word above which was popularized by the Comedy Central show.

Well, in the wake of Tresselgate, we here at the MZone would like to introduce our own Word of the Day:


1. Not admitting you're wrong even after you've been caught
2. Feigning ignorance regarding well-established rules you should be fully aware of in your position
3. Misleading those trying to get to the bottom of a scandal

(see also Nixonian)

The emails might not be the most damning part: OSU's letter to the NCAA

Below is the letter detailing the "self-report violation" that OSU sent to the NCAA regarding Tresselgate-slash-Tatgate-slash-They'reFuckedAnd2GamesAin'tGonnaCutIt.

While much attention has focused on the emails between Tressel and a no-longer-anonymous Columbus attorney, think the document below (and the questions raised reading it) may hint that Tosu's and Tressel's aren't over.

Let me just say I will be shocked if the NCAA rubber stamps Tosu's self-imposed wrist slap penalties of a 2 game suspension and $250,000 fine for The Vest.

UPDATE: MZone reader and admitted Buckeye, Dennis, put up a comment that deserved main page status:

Maybe Tressel didn't know who to confide in since they can't even figure out where to sign their names on the letter. sigh

UPDATE II: Matt Hayes at The Sporting News agrees: the letter could be the dagger. (HT: MGoBlog)

Wednesday, March 09, 2011

Profiles in Leadership: OSU President Gordon Gee

From Tuesday's press conference in Columbus:

REPORTER:  Did you ever consider firing Coach Tressel?

GORDON GEE:  "No.  Are you kidding?  I'm just hoping the coach doesn't dismiss me."

Now Playing at the MZone Theater: Tresselgate Double Feature!

And back for a special return engagement:

The Vest's Emails at the Heart of Tresselgate

So, how damaging (or not) are the emails at the center of the Tresselgate controversy swirling in C-bus?

You be the judge.

Below, in chronological order, are the emails between head coach Jim "Not Quite So Teflon" Tressel and an unnamed attorney from last April and June.  The emails - with portions blocked out - were released by Tosu officials at the press conference yesterday.

Wallpaper Wednesday: Hoops explosion

I don't want the news of the Michigan basketball sweep over Sparty, for the first time since 1997 to get lost in this Nixon Tressel mess. I created a G, PG-13, and PG version for this week.

In addition, I wanted to take advantage of the soon to be lost into the abyss of pop-culture history Sheen-ism from this week.

Tuesday, March 08, 2011


Two weeks ago - before Yahoo! Sports posted a story claiming that Ohio State football coach Jim Tressel knew about Buckeye players trading merchandise for free tattoos more than eight months before the school said it was made aware of the allegations - The Vest was photographed reading Dr. Seuss books to a group of school children in Ohio:

Well, in light of the recent allegations in C-bus, may we suggest the following for The Vest's next reading to the kids:

 An excerpt:

We looked!
Then we saw him step in on the mat!
We looked!
And we saw him!
Terrelle and his tats!
And he said to us,
"Why do you sit there like that?
I know it is wet
And the sun is not sunny.
But we can have lots of fun
Lots of fun with booster money!"

"I know some good bars to go to,"
Said the QB.
"We can drive in the new car
The new car dealer just loaned me!
We will take the car, take the car out for a ride.
My coach
Does not care, so I have nothing to hide!"

Then Sally and I
Did not know what to say.
But Terrelle said Coach Tressel
Would look the other way.

But our fish said, "No! No!
Make Terrelle go away!
Tell that Cat with the Tats
You do NOT want to play.
He should not be here,
He should be on probation!
He should be suspended
With the rest of Buckeye Nation!"

"Now! Now! Have no fear.
Have no fear!" said the QB
"I won't get caught
Since my coach just ignores me.
Why, we can have
Lots of fun doing my thing
With a game that I call
Selling my championship ring!"

An excerpt:

I do not like the game's laws and its rules
I do not like them, they're only for fools
I did not like them during the days of Clarett
I do not like them nor have been busted just yet
I let Terrelle Pryor get his free tats
Then claimed, "Oh, I did not know about that!"
I do not like the rules they have about class
The N-C-A-A can kiss my Vest-wearing ass
I do not like the rules out on the field
And if we get busted, I'll surely appeal
I do not like the rules here in the 'Shoe
And our fans do not care as long as I beat the Blue
I do not like rules here or there
I do not like them ANYWHERE!

MZone Exclusive: NCAA video of Tressel's response to allegations

The college football blogosphere blew up last after Yahoo! Sports posted a story claiming that Ohio State football coach Jim Tressel knew about Buckeye players trading merchandise for free tattoos more than eight months before school said it was made aware of the allegations.

But in an investigative story of our own, the MZone has obtained the exclusive NCAA video below in which Tressel claims he is shocked - SHOCKED! - to hear that there may have been cheating going on behind his back.

Friday, March 04, 2011

Your life vs. college life: Go U Northwestern, indeed!


After sitting through a boring-as-hell meeting for 2+ hours that's already running waaaay long, your boss actually has the nerve to ask if folks mind staying an extra 15 minutes (which is still going 25 minutes later) so he can talk about more bullshit that could've been covered in the initial meeting that should have lasted all of about a half hour.

And because of where you're sitting and his view of your seat, you can't even secretly play Angry Birds on your iPhone while pretending to review the work materials. 


First off, you're already spending a couple hours a week talking about sex in your Human Sexuality course at Northwestern.


Today's class was especially awesome as the topic was bondage, swinging and other fetishes.

More winning.  Duh.

But then, after class was officially dismissed, your professor said students could stick around "if they want" for a demonstration of sex toys and the female orgasm

If you want?  Gee, lemme see: live sex show or Poli Sci 138?  Tough call.

So you and a hundred of your classmates take the professor up on his generous offer.  Next, an exhibitionist couple provide a learning experience that will last a lifetime: the woman undresses on stage and her male partner brings her to orgasm with a device that looks like a machine-powered saw with a phallic object instead of a blade.

As you watch, you can't help but wonder what the wait list is gonna be like for this class next year.  Hell, students from other schools are going to be on this wait list.  "I'm studying abroad this semester - in Evanston."

Yes, it's not often Charlie Sheen is jealous of your life.

If only Econ were this interesting.

Greatest. Class. Ever.

ED. NOTE: C'mon, you know every student in there had a cellphone. Where is this YouTube video?!

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

Denard: Kinda of a Big Deal

Wisconsin Booger Eaters?

HT: Sru

Former Wisconsin All American John Moffit is the player in the sweat pants, all the way to the right in the video.
You have no idea how much I wish this was Justin Boren.