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Sunday, February 27, 2011

Vada Murray

We wanted to put our humorous hat aside for a moment and turn to much more important matters.  As some of you may know, former Michigan DB Vada Murray ('88-'90) has been battling cancer since 2008.  The father, husband and Ann Arbor police officer is facing a tougher battle than any he ever faced on the football fied.

Title 9 pointed me to Vada's page on CaringBridge.com, a website for family and friends to share information and support throughout a significant health challenge.  There, his family revealed on February 18th that Vada's cancer had metastasized to his brain.

In the next update on the 26th, his wife provides the following update:

Vada is home from the hospital & resting comfortably.  He has finished radiation treatments to the brain & is undergoing treatments to his spine & pelvic bone.  Radiation makes Vada very tired.  I am still limiting visitors & will let you know when this changes.

We have never, ever, in our lives felt so scared.  We also have never felt so loved.  Thank you for the cards, emails, text messages, phone calls & messages on this website; thank you for your continued expressions of love & support.  Thank you to the Ann Arbor Police Department for their unwavering love.  They give true meaning to the phrase, "Whatever you need, whenever you need it." Thank you for understanding if we don't personally return your message.  We both want you to know, we love you back.

Sarah (and Vada)

We here at the MZone wanted to let Vada and his family know they're in our thoughts and prayers.

We also wanted to provide the Vada's CaringBridge.com info above in case any of our readers want to give any words of encouragement to Vada and his family during this most difficult time.

Spring has sprung

HT: Go BlueBob. Tigers spring training games start today. In tribute to Ernie Harwell...

For lo, the winter is past,
the rain is over and gone;
the flowers appear on the earth;
the time of the singing of birds is come,
and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land.

~ Song of Solomon 2:11-12

Friday, February 25, 2011

Those aren't dolls! Those are Tosu teaching aids!

Oh, man.

Your kids call what's going on in the video below "playing with dolls." But at Tosu it's "a sexual harassment training video created for an employment law class of the masters of labor and human resources program at The Ohio State University Fisher College of Business."

Yeah, obviously a masters level class. Undergrads in C-bus only get to use Play Doh.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

If the RV's a rockin'...it's probably because the shocks gave out

The picture and email below come from regular MZone reader, Phil:

I'm on vacation in Florida (78 degrees tomorrow!) and Mascot Man pulls up beside me at a stoplight.  If it wasn't for the fact that the tires were bald, gray exhaust fumes where coming out of the tailpipe, the RV is at least 20 years old, it has a lighthouse in the back window and a super classy combo ladder/storage locker, this vehicle would be a real OSU chick magnet.  Hey, enjoy the off-season. 

Caption contest, anyone?

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Wallpaper Wednesday: Tim Hardaway Junior

Two straight Big Ten Freshman of the Week Honors deserves a wallpaper.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

UGA's hedges get police protection after attack on Toomer's Corner trees

(from MZone wire reports) Athens, GA - Note to 'Bama fans: don't even think about fucking with Georgia's hedges.

Who you calling overzealous?
In the wake of an Alabama fan poisoning the oak trees at Toomer's Corner, a place where Auburn fans have long celebrated football victories, the famous hedges inside Sanford Stadium at the University of Georgia are now under police protection.

Just in case.

The arrest last week of redneck overzealous Tide fan Harvey Updyke, Jr. (pictured at right)  for allegedly using a potent tree-destroying herbicide on Auburn's cherished trees sent a chill through the Georgia fanbase.  They've been on edge about potential harm to their own hollowed greenery - the pivet hedges which have surrounded UGA's football field since 1929.

So this week, Georgia AD Greg McGarity ordered around the clock protection for Georgia's iconic shrubbery

"We share a loooong border with those crazy, oversigning bastards," said McGarity.  "So we're not taking any chances.  If the police inside Sanford Stadium see so much as one houndstooth hat and a weed wacker between the hedges, I've told them to shoot to kill between the eyes."

"Put the hedge clippers down.  NOW!"

Friday, February 18, 2011

Obese Buckeye fan gets stuck in doorway after shoplifting, then tased

Why T9 thought this warranted but a small blurb on his Delicious Buffet to the right, I'll never know.  I trust you'll see why I bumped it up, stat.

According to NYDailyNews.com:

A 400-pound Michigan woman was busted for shoplifting--and later hit with a Taser-- when her motorized cart got stuck in a supermarket's door, according to police.

Jerrie Perkins, 30, allegedly tried to steal more than $600 worth of electronic merchandise from a Meijer in Rochester Hills last week.

As she attempted to drive out of the supermarket in her cart, the door's alarm was activated. Perkins became hostile when Meijer employees approached her and asked for her receipt.

The 5-foot-2 woman shoved a loss-prevention officer and hit her in the face, the Oakland County sheriff's office told The Oakland Press.

When authorities asked her to put her hands behind her back, she cursed, according to a press release from the sheriff's department, "balled her right hand into a fist and took a fighting stance."

Twice Perkins was asked to put her hands behind her back before deputies zapped her with the Taser.

On her Friendster account, Perkins describes herself as a singer/songwriter/deejay with "a little extra weight."

She was released on $15,000 bail and charged with unarmed robbery, resisting and obstructing a police officer and second-degree retail fraud.

So, why did we do a story about a female shoplifter in Michigan?  Well, check out the pic below:  apparently Ms. Jenkins is a "big" Buckeye fan.

As far as we know, the only basketball in this photo is the orange and white one
being held by the woman in black

Now, there is so much to discuss about this story, I'm not sure where to begin.  So let's just dive in, shall we?

First of all, in the NYDailyNews.com article linked above, their caption under the pic above reads:

Jerrie Perkins, 30, right, attempt to steal from a Meijer in Michigan was foiled when she got stuck in the doorway, police said. 

Perkins is the one on the right?  No shit.  Gee, thanks for clearing that up.   

And I love this line in the initial news story:

On her Friendster account, Perkins describes herself as a singer/songwriter/deejay with "a little extra weight."

Uh, who the hell has a Friendster account?  What is a Friendster account?   Isn't that like a place where swinger's meet?  Can any of our readers in The Lifestyle clear that up for me?

And "a little extra weight"?  Come! On!  Weighing 400 pounds and having to get around on a scooter is not " a little extra weight."  I know we all exaggerate online but that's like Gerg Robinson saying his defense had "a couple lapses" last season.

Finally, I see she was charged with unarmed robbery, second-degree retail fraud, and resisting and obstructing a police officer.  "Obstructing"  a police officer?  Okay, that's just being mean now.

Hey, what is the female equiv of the Buckstache?

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Wallpaper Wednesday - Off Season

Spectacular achievement is always preceded by spectacular preparation.
~ Robert H. Schuller

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Did Gator Bowl loss cost Rich Rod two jobs?

Was Michigan's blowout loss to Mississippi State in the Gator Bowl so embarrassingly bad that it cost Rich Rodriguez two head coaching jobs?


Baltimore Suns sports writer Jeff Barker recently got 25 pages via Maryland's public records law to see what really went on during the Terp's recent head coaching search (to replace the fired Ralph Friedgen).   Barker said "the idea was to examine search-related travel expenses, ask questions and see if there were any surprises."

So what did Barker discover?  Well, Maryland officials may (or may not) have contacted then-Michigan coach Rich Rodriguez in Jacksonville, FL while the Wolverines were "preparing" for the Gator Bowl.  According to Barker:

"I didn't know about the trip to Jacksonville, which was something of a mystery. It turns out that Michigan was preparing for the Gator Bowl at the time (Dec. 27) Maryland representatives visited Jacksonville. Michigan was then coached by Rich Rodriguez. Do I know for certain that Rodriguez was the target of the Jacksonville trip? Nope. But I do know Rodriguez was contacted by Maryland reps at some point during the search."

So what really happened?  The MZone has obtained this exclusive transcript of a phone call that took place in the office of Maryland AD Kevin Anderson on Sunday, January 2nd.    


The Terp AD meets with with his staff.  Several names of coaches are up on a big dry erase board: Randy Edsall, Rich Rodriguez, Mike Leach, Gus Malzahn.

Kevin Anderson:  "It's crunch time, folks.  We need to hire a football coach asap or we're going to start losing verbal commits.  We have four candidates--" (Anderson stops, walks over to the board and erases Rich Rod's name) "--Make that three candidates.  Jesus, did you see the Gator Bowl yesterday?  We dodged a bullet the size of Friedgen's waist size there.  Whew!"

As everyone else nods in agreement, the phone rings.


Kevin Anderson (answering the phone): "Kevin Anderson."
Rich Rodriguez: "Hey, Kevin.  It's Rich."
KA (covers phone, to the others in his office): "Shit.  It's Rodriguez."

Everybody else in the office moans.

KA (uncovers phone): "What's up, Rich?"
RR: "You see the game yesterday?"
KA: "Yeah, that, uh, that, you played 'em tough..." (covers the phone, to the others in his office) "...for about half a quarter!"

Everybody in the room stifles their laughter.  Anderson holds his finger to his lips - Shhh!

RR:  "Listen, Kevin, I really enjoyed meeting you guys when you were down here on the 27th and I just wanted to tell you I'm interested in the Maryland job."
KA:  "Gee, that's, uh, great, Rich.  But if Dave Brandon hasn't made a move yet, don't you think he's going to keep you?"

Kevin looks at the others in the room and shakes his head - no fucking way.

RR:  "Maybe.  But I've gotten a pretty bad shake here.  You know, the cupboards were bare and the previous coach, Lloyd Carr--"
KA:  "I know, I know.  You mentioned Carr and the cupboards when we met -- 846 times.  How it was everyone else's fault."
RR:  "So, should I have my agent call you then?
KA:  "Uh, you know... "(Anderson grabs a piece of paper off his desk and starts crunching it up next to the phone) "...Gee, you're really hard to hear, Rich.  Got no reception.  Damn AT&T."
RR: "I thought this was your office number?"
KA: "Say what?  You're gonna fish this summer? Good for you, Rich.
RR:  "No, I said--"

Anderson quickly hangs up the phone.

KA:  "Fuck."


Anderson reaches down and yanks the phone cord out of the wall.

KA (to his staff):  "Okay, where were we?"

(HT: Angelique's Chengelis's Twitter feed)

Friday, February 11, 2011

Grammy Buck, A2 Drunks and the Other Boylan Girl

Poor Grammy. You see what Buckeye fans do to the elderly? It's heinous. Please, just turn off the camera and let grandma watch WHEEL.

See - even grandma won't lower herself to say, "Go Bucks."

Below, watch citizen journalism at its finest in the parking structure next to Scorekeepers.

And I think I just became a big women's b-ball fan.

Thursday, February 10, 2011


Image via EDSBS via QB Force.

This looks like a great opportunity for an MZone caption contest, my entry:

Once you start down the dark path,
forever will it dominate your destiny,
consume you it will.

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

MZone Exclusive: Fax Cam Wars Begin

Last week on National Signing Day (aka The Day You Didn't Get Shit Done at Work), the internet blew up with this image of the Alabama fax cam:

Now, while we're not fans of Nick "Oversign" Saban, as a general rule, we applaud the efforts of anyone trying to enhance the otherwise boring process of waiting for 18 year old high school football players to send over a signed piece of paper.  And nothing "enhances" said process like adding sexy coeds to the mix.

But if Saban thought other schools would merely stand idly by and let 'Bama corner the Fax Cam market as a way to sway potential recruits, he was wrong.

Very wrong.

In an MZone exclusive, we have obtained the images below after a few schools tested out their fax cams this week in preparation already for NSD 2012.


Even though he joked about oversigning after grabbing 37 - 37! - players two years ago, Mississippi coach Houston Nutt has been overshadowed on the topic by Nick Oversaban* and 'Bama.  So there was no way in hell Nutt was going to let the same thing happen in the upcoming Fax Cam Wars.  As you can see below, Nutt and Ole Miss decided to "out execute" 'Bama with their fax cam -- and in the process delivered a significant upgrade to interested viewers as compared to a single Crimson Cabaret Girl.

Needless to say, we here at the MZone predict big things for Nutt's next recruiting class.  And he just might break his record 37 signees, to hell with the rules!


There's a reason Vandy is often near the bottom of the SEC.  Case in point: their entry below in the Fax Cam Wars.  It was predictably studious and boring.  No wonder they can't land the big recruits.  Didn't the coaching staff learn anything from their school's Theta chapter?  Better yet, couldn't they have a couple of them near the fax on NSD?


Signing top level recruits has not been a problem for the USC Trojans over the last decade. Unfortunately, things may get tougher now that the NCAA has stepped in and demanded they follow the rules like everyone else.

Then again, their coach is Lane Kiffin who, despite sanctions, signed a Nutt-ish 30 players this year!  Things could even be better next year with the addition of the new fax cam they tested this week in LA.  Of course, we hope this Song Girl is cheering for a new recruit's signature and not something else.  They do get confused sometimes.


Unwilling to stand pat, even in the wake of their National Championship, the Tigers are ready to show 'Bama that while sex may sell, there's something that recruits the parents of recruits respond to even more than hot coeds.

ED. NOTE: The Auburn athletic department contacted us to say that neither they - nor any future recruits - had/have/will have knowledge of this fax cam image.


Never underestimate Jim Tressel.  As you can see below, he knows just how to woo potential Tosu recruits.

Well played, Sweater Vest.  Well played, sir.

* That's right: Nick Oversaban. Learn, use it, pass it on. And so it is christened.

Wallpaper Wednesday: Champion

Monday, February 07, 2011

"Investment Opportunity" with Art Schlichter: What could possibly go wrong?

This guy swindled you?  Shocker.
Art Schlichter is in trouble - again.  The former Tosu QB-slash-gambling-addict-slash-ex-con is under investigation for a scheme that allegedly swindled numerous people out of several million dollars.

According to the ESPN.com story linked above:

(Schlichter) reportedly solicited people for money as part of an "investment opportunity" that involved brokering and selling tickets for Ohio State football games and other prominent sporting events to various people nearly two years ago.

The money collected by Schlichter was then used to place bets, some of which exceeded six figures.

You know, if you're dumb enough to give your money to Art Schlichter for him to "invest," then you deserve to be ripped off.

Seriously.  How fucking stupid were these people? Apparently they couldn't get in touch with the Nigerian Internet guy to send their money to him so they decided to go with Schichter.  I mean what could possibly go wrong with an "investment opportunity" run by a guy who has served time in 44 - yes, forty-fucking-four! - different prisons or jails since 1994?*

* That's not comedic hyperbole, that's true!

Sunday, February 06, 2011

This is what we do

The best Super Bowl commercial. Not even close.

Super Bowl Sunday Open Thread

Super Bowl Sunday 2011

Who are you cheering for ?

Charles Woosdon and the Green Bay Packers
LaMarr Woodley and the Pittsburgh Steelers
I don't care - I am just watching for the commercials
Football ? I come to the MZone for the girls

Thursday, February 03, 2011

Detroit Zoo Zeb sees shadow: 6 more months of U-M infighting

Yesterday, famed groundhog Punxutawney Phil didn't see his shadow which, according to lore, means spring is near.

But there was no such luck in Michigan.

The wolverine Detroit Zoo Zeb came out of his quarters and saw his shadow.  Sadly, it means there will be six more months of infighting between the various Michigan fan factions that developed during Rich Rodriguez's tenure.

"Hater!"  "Kool Aid drinker!"

Yes, unfortunately we're in for still more bitching about the Brady Hoke hire (even though he pulled off a near miracle with the recruiting class he put together in just 3 weeks).

And you're gonna have to keep hearing about how, if Rich Rod would have been given a chance to return for a 4th season, not only would U-M have gone undefeated and won the national title, but the worst defense in the history of Michigan football would have magically transformed into an impenetrable, stuffed-animal-free force...and the special teams would have suddenly produced kickers nailing 50 yarders with ease.  If...only... "they'd"... given... him...a... chance.

But such infighting should only last for six more months.  Then the hope and optimism of the approaching 2012 season will take over.

At least until the first game is played.

(Picture HT: Michigan Exposures)

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

MZone Exclusive: National Signing Day Pictures

As college football coaching staffs anxiously wait by the their fax machines to receive hoped-for Letters of Intent from recruits, the MZone staff has fanned out across the country to provide live pictures of this yearly ritual as it happens.

Check back throughout the day as we update this section.

With only 9 commits going into National Signing Day, the mood around the fax machine was dark in Westwood for Rick Neuheisal and his staff:

Rick Neuheisal and his staff take recruiting frustrations out on fax machine

In another MZone Exclusive, we were able to sneak into the Lasch Football Building in Happy Valley to obtain this picture of Joe Paterno's fax machine:

Joe Paterno's fax machine gears up for another National Signing Day

We don't want to say SEC schools oversign, but the MZone has obtained this exclusive picture of Alabama attempting to gather up all the faxed LOIs it has received thus far today:

LOIs arrive at Nick Saban's office

And here's our first picture coming in from East Lansing as the MSU coaching staff gets it's first LOI:

MSU coaching staff receives first LOI

U-M to Snowmaggedon: We're still open, bitch!

It may be National Signing Day (or National Oversigning Day if you live in the South) for college football fans,  but that is being overshadowed right now by "I Hope The Power Stays On Day" in many parts of Ohio; by "Holy F@ck Was That Thunder Snow?! Day" in Chicago; and "Son of a Bitch!  Are Those Snow Flakes or Shards of Glass Digging Into My Face When I Go Outside To Shovel The Motherf@cking Driveway for the 38th Time Today Day" in Michigan.

Yet, while most governments, schools and universities in Michigan - including those pussies in East Lansing - are closed Wednesday due to the weather, the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor will remain open.  Why?  Because this is Michigan, for God's sake! 

So, in honor of the snow storm with the most nicknames ever; the only weather event that actually caused me to actually search for, find and turn on The Weather Channel in all my years as a cable TV subscriber; and the school that told Snowpacalypse to suck it, here are my two votes for today's Wallpaper Wednesday:

And the more explicit...

Wallpaper Wednesday - Tom Harmon

If the Super Bowl is a blow out in the second half, you can always tune in to the Big Ten Network on Sunday at 9PM to watch the premier of BIG TEN ICONS episode #5 featuring Tom Harmon.

For those of you wondering, yes this is a black and white photo (I colorized it). Also, yes, that is Sparty in the funny looking single striped winged gold helmets. Ask any one of those mouth-breathing idiots and they will gladly tell you that Michigan State College deployed their winged helmet before Fielding Yost did in Ann Arbor. Yawn.

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

It's time I came clean

As you've noticed, my blogging output has slowed considerably since the beginning of last week.  I said at the time it was due to work.  And that's true.  But it's not the whole story.

Some of you probably were beginning to put the pieces together based on recent news events and how they matched up perfectly with my blogging absence.  You were right to assume this was no mere coincidence.

For the rest of you still scratching your head over the cryptic clues, I'll just come clean:  When I'm not blogging, I'm the United States ambassador to Egypt. 

I know, shocking to some but for others it makes perfect sense.  So while you're not getting your daily fill of Photoshopped movie posters and semi-naked co-eds, I trust you understand the obvious work distractions.  Plus, my Internet access has also been severely curtailed. 

Thus, please bear with me while I solve things on the diplomatic front so that I can get back to my true calling: running a marginally successful college football blog during the offseason when most folks don't really give a rat's ass about college football blogs.

Thanks for your patience.


Diplomacy: I hate Florida, but it doesn't mean I won't post this picture. 
Because it's the right thing to do.