Rants, comments, thoughts and funny - mostly funny - on all things Michigan and college football.

If you have ideas, tips, links or pictures for the blog, e-mail us at: MichiganZone at gmail dot com.

Thanks for checking out the M Zone. And if you enjoy the site, please pass the link on to a friend or two. We'd sure appreciate it.

Twitter: @MZoneBlog


Best Of Tat and Tresselgate

M Zone Videos

Best Of MZone 2.0

Best Of The Original MZone

Tosu Favorites

MZone Archive

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Happy Halloween from the MZone!

In an effort to offer some relief from dwelling on the disaster that has become Michigan football the last couple years weeks, we'd like to take this time to announce the winner of the 1st Annual MZone Halloween Costume Contest.

The envelope please.

And the winner is...

The woman below dressed as the hottest Tosu fan we've ever seen.


Have a safe and happy Halloween!


Much more to come on Monday. I'm just too drained, bummed, frustrated, INSERT SOMETHING ELSE HERE to think coherently right now.

Penn State post game healing

(HT to SiC for the Titanic idea & bigGexpress for the image)

Penn State beats Michigan 41-31 with a walk-on QB.

Yes folks, it is time to start cleaning house.

Jim.... if you are out there, PLEASE help us.

Rich Rod's Third-year Psalm

A Psalm of Coach Rod. The Gerg Defense is my shepard; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down on third downs; He leadeth me to leave wide-open receivers.
He causeth their goals; He guideth me in circuitous paths for his game's sake.
Yea, though we just walked through the Happy Valley of the Shadow of a Walk-On, I will fear no Brandon, for GERG is with me;
I'm Rich Rod and My Staff (like Barwis, Robinson and Magee), they coddle me.

Gerg preparest a table of losses before me in the presence of mine enemies;
I have tried to annoint with my snake oil; but their offenses runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life;
and I shall dwell in the Big House of the Spread for ever????

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Friday, October 29, 2010

Know Your Foe: Penn State 2010

The Michigan football team returns to action on Saturday night with a visit to Penn State. This will be the 16th meeting between the Nittany Lions and the Wolverines, all of them have taken place since Penn State started playing in the Big Ten Conference in 1993. We hold a 10-5 lead in the all-time series and have a 5-2 record at Beaver Stadium. They have won the last two games against us, including last years 35-10 beat down in Michigan Stadium. The game will be televised nationally by ESPN with former Penn State QB Todd Blackledge in the booth as the color analyst.

History: Penn State originally started out as a high school. It was founded in 1855 under the name Farmers' High School of Pennsylvania. The original charter of the school was to teach the scientific methods and improve the business of farming. When the 1862 version of the Land Grant/Morrill Act was passed, the school took the money designated for Pennsylvania and changed the name of the high school to The Agricultural College of Pennsylvania.

Like many of the original Land Grant schools, the internal struggle for the mission of the school spawned controversy. As the curriculum drifted between the purely agricultural and the more profitable classical, public support and enrolled students diminished. By 1875 there were only 64 undergraduates attending classes. Eventually they righted the ship, renamed themselves again to Pennsylvania State College, and grew to the largest non-governmental economic engine in the state of Pennsylvania. The school now annually generates more than $8 billion in direct economic impact to the Commonwealth and supports more than 60,000 total jobs.

Location: The area the school is located is commonly referred to as Happy Valley although, that is not an official name. The main campus is located in State College, Pennsylvania, though the mailing address is actually University Park, Pennsylvania. If you are confused, join the club.

One of my favorite things about Penn State is the ice cream factory on campus called the Berkey Creamery. PSU’s Department of Food Science runs what is the largest university creamery in the United States, using about 4.5 million pounds of milk annually. About half of this milk comes from a 225-cow herd at the University's Dairy Production Research Center. They offer over 100 flavors and sell 750,000 hand-dipped ice cream cones per year.

In 2008, State College was ranked as the second safest metropolitan area in the United States by the CQ Press. They moved up the top spot in 2009. However, don't let that "safe place" stuff fool you if you plan on showing up wearing maize and blue and making a lot of noise on Saturday night. There is no love for the Michigan Wolverines in Happy Valley. A decade long losing streak will make anyone a bit cranky.

Nickname: They call themselves the Nittany Lions. The name is derived from the mountain lions that used to roam around the area for thousands of years. That was before they were all killed by local citizens in the 1880s.

Penn State claims to be the first university to choose a Lion as their mascot. Legend has it one of their baseball players went to a game at Princeton in 1904. He was jealous of the Tiger moniker used by Princeton and somehow convinced everyone to adopt “Lions” in 1907 without a vote or contest. The origin of the word "Nittany" is a little more obscure. The most commonly accepted explanation traces its derivation to Indian words meaning either "single mountain" or "protective barrier against the elements”.

Mascot: In the 1920s, a pair of stuffed mountain lions was placed in the Recreation Building to watch over athletic events. About that same time, the tradition began of having a student dressed in a furry lion costume clown around on the sidelines at football games.

It appears that that costume from the 1940 is still in use today. It looks like it has been on the sidelines longer that Joe Paterno himself. Between you and me, the Penn State Lion costume sucks and is embarrassing for a traditional football power like Penn State. I would rather not have a costumed mascot than have that mangy looking thing running around.

In direct contrast to the middle school quality costumed mascot -- Penn State has an awesome statue in the place they call “Lion Shrine” on campus. The Class of 1940 gave their alma mater $5,430 to pay for the construction of the shrine located between the Recreation Building and Beaver Field. German sculptor Heinze Warnecke carved the lion on site in the summer of 1942, from a thirteen-ton block of limestone.

Colors/Logo/Helmet: Penn State wears blue and white, but that hasn’t always been the case. In 1887 a student committee was appointed to develop color options from which the student body would select the school's official colors. Dark pink and black was the unanimous choice of the student body after considering the color combinations presented by the committee.

The baseball team was the first to sport pink and black. However, the pink faded to white after a couple of weeks and the students then opted for blue, rather than black, and white rather than pink.

As you would expect, Penn State has a very iconic primary logo. This is the second time around for this stylized mountain lion head icon. You may not remember, but it was replaced in 2001 with more modern logo designed by a professional branding company. This change was met with almost universal disdain from fans and alumni and lasted three years before they went back to the old logo.

Penn Staters are as proud of their plain white headgear as we are of our beautiful winged masterpieces. Combined with the plain white pants and white or blue jerseys they wear the most ordinary, and yet at the same time most recognizable, uniforms in all levels of football. Most of the time, Penn State doesn’t even put bowl game patches on their jerseys. But rest assured, they do have that omni-present Nike logo. There really isn’t any history to their helmets, except for a 5 year period (1968-74) where they put numbers on their sides (like Alabama). Just like the new logo, they went back.

Fight Song: Just in case you have not gotten the primary theme of this place, you need to listen to their fight song... Boring. The one interesting aspect about their fight song is how it is presented during a game. Specifically after a touchdown, it is played through once and then slows down and stops. The band then resumes after the extra point is kicked by the team and plays it again.

When they are not playing at a football game, the band will play "New Fight On, State", known simply as "NFOS", which is a shortened version of the song without the slowdown and pause and replay.

Fight on State (GO!)
Fight on State (GO!)
Strike your gait and win, (LET’S GO STATE!)
Victory we predict for thee
We’re ever true to you, dear old White and Blue.
Onward State, (GO!)
Onward State, (GO!)
Roar, Lions, roar: (LET’S GO STATE!)
We’ll hit that line, roll up the score,
Fight on to victory ever more,
Fight on, on, on, on, on, Fight on, on, Penn State! (S-T-A-T-E GO! STATE!)

For most people, the most recognizable sounds coming out of Beaver Stadium is either the amplified toilet flushing sound they call a Lion Roar.

Academics: Academically, Penn State is faced with the same situation as Michigan State. They stand on solid academic ground. Unfortunately for Penn State (and Sparty) the natural comparison with the other major university in the same state is not favorable. The school is currently ranked as the 47th best National University in the US News and World Report rankings.

Football: Any conversation about Penn State football needs to start with Joe Paterno. He has been at the school for over 6 decades, including the last 43 years as head coach. He has delivered two National Championships and has the most victories by any Division I football coach. Paterno has coached won more bowl games and delivered more undefeated seasons than any other coach in college football history. He is one of four active coaches inducted into the College Football Hall of Fame.

In 1969 Michigan Athletic Director Don Canham contacted Paterno to see if he would be interested in the then vacant Michigan job. Paterno turned down the offer and Michigan went on to hire Bo Schembechler. That same year, Paterno was also offered the Pittsburgh Steelers job before Chuck Noll took over and created an NFL Dynasty.

In 1993, after years of beating cupcakes like Temple, Maryland, and Rutgers -- Joe and the Nittany Lions started to play football in the Big Ten Conference. As you would expect, life got a little tougher for the once dominate Nittany Lions. Since joining the conference, they have won a total of three Big Ten football titles along with setting a new standard for complaining about the officials.

The Penn State football program has had such a history for churning out great linebackers, the school has earned the nickname “Linebacker U.” The great Penn State linebackers looks like a who’s who of college football defensive greats: Jack Ham, LaVar Arrington, Brandon Short, Mark D’Onofrio, Andre Collins, Shane Conlan, Paul Posluszny, Dan Connor, and Detroit's favorite Matt Millen.

Other Famous Penn State football players include Heisman Trophy winner John Cappelletti and Pro Football Hall of Famer Franco Harris. More recently they have produced NFL players like Larry Johnson, Kerry Collins, and Michael Robinson.

Other sports: When most people think Penn State athletics, they think football. But in reality Penn State has one of the most successful overall athletic programs in the country. They have finished in the Top 25 in the NACDA Director's Cup every year since the inception of the program. Sports Illustrated recently ranked their overall athletic program as the 6th best in the nation. They have won 60+ National Championships in sports other than football, including three straight women's volleyball championships (2007, 08, and 09).

Famous alums: The Penn State Alumni Association is the largest dues-paying alumni association in the world. Names that you might recognize: Mark Parker, CEO of Nike, Former Secretary of Defense William J. Perry, Former Pennsylvania and first Director of Homeland Security Tom Ridge, Steve McCurry, photojournalist who is (most famous for the National Geographic photograph of the "Afgan Girl"; Herman Fisher, co-founder of Fisher-Price toy company; Richard T. James, Inventor of the Slinky; Jef Raskin, human-computer interface expert (best-known for starting the Macintosh project for Apple); John Aniston, soap opera actor and father of actress Jennifer Aniston; ESPN sideline reporter Lisa Salters; Hugh Rodham, Hillary Clinton’s brother, and Tom Verducci, writer for Sports Illustrated.

Presidents? No. But, Penn State can claim four astronauts including Guion Bluford, the first African American in space.

The Game: The last two season we were terrible and they were pretty good. Add in the fact that after nine straight losses they were extremely motivated to grind us into little bits. This year, the field is a little more balanced.

If there is any team in the Big Ten conference that our defense can match up against, it is this Penn State team. Quite frankly, they are almost as bad on offense as we are on defense. Not to mention, they will likely be playing without their true freshman starting QB.

As crazy as it sounds, all this adds up to a MUST WIN for Rich Rodriguez. I am going out on a limb to say, if Michigan does not win this game, we will have a new coach before 2010 ends. Yep, I said it. It really boils down to win this game, go to bowl, and he will get another season. Lose this game and kiss the future hello.

In the end, Michigan will win because our offense is better than their offense. Denard will run these fools into the dirt.

Michigan 49
Penn State 33

New Ufer Video

Tuesday marked the 29th anniversary since the voice of Meeeechigan football, Bob Ufer, passed away.  And even though we already did a post about it that day, I stumbled upon the Ufer clip below that'd I'd never seen before.  It's from a special in 1979 called "Blue Magic" celebrating 100 years of Michigan football.

Can never get enough Ufe (at least Andy and I can't).

Thursday, October 28, 2010

MZone Exclusive: 2010 College Football Coaches' Halloween Party

Man, are we tired today. Since weekends are for football, last night was the big Coaches' Halloween Party at Rick Neuheisal's house and the MZone was there.

What a bash!

Below are a few of the pictures we snapped at the shindig.  Whatever you do, don't pass these around.  Some of the coaches might get pissed and ban us from the party next year which is supposed to be at Saban's place. 

Speaking of Saban, Alabama's $4 Million Dollar Man showed up as a doctor since he hands out so many medical scholarships each year.

And we still don't know what Vol coach Derek Dooley was thinking coming as World War II German General Erwin Rommel.  Even Joe Pa thought it was tacky. And he would know since he served in WWII.

Or was it WWI?

And good to see Dan Hawkins has a sense of humor about his situation. He came as Freddy Krueger since Colorado can't seem to get rid of him.

Chip Kelly had everybody in stitches. Dude can party. Does beer bongs the entire night in in under :20 seconds. Actually times himself. Fucking animal. He came as Darth Vader because his offense is like the Death Star in STAR WARS, destroying every team in its path.

Shit - who the hell invited Lane Kiffin?

Most uncomfortable moment of the night came when Mack Brown, Urban Meyer and Bob Stoops were all standing around the keg saying that, because his team is #1 in the latest BCS poll, they thought Auburn coach Gene Chizik would be there - and Chizik was right next to them, dressed as Gene Chizik, but nobody recognized him.

Talk about awkward.

Was great to see MSU's Mark Dantanio feeling well enough to attend and making light of his recent health issues.

Les "The Mad Hatter" Miles came, too. But he got there just as everybody was leaving. Guy thought the party was tomorrow night, not last night. Shocker.

Tressel, Tressel, Tressel. Jesus, he really never does take that vest off!

Boise State's Chris Petersen and TCU's Gary Patterson crashed the party together, although they had a hard time getting in at first.

Poor Brian Kelly. He had already purchased his costume before Notre Dame's game last weekend. So while he thought he was coming as a sailor, behind his back the other coaches were calling him Navy's bitch.

Really, Schiano? We know you love Jersey but...

And a couple coaches kept a football theme with their costumes.

Rich Rodriguez came as Vince Lombardi. He wanted to wear something else, but by the time he got to Wal-Mart to buy his costume this week, he said the Halloween shelves were pretty much empty and implied that it was Lloyd Carr's fault.

And we don't think Rich Rod was too happy when Stanford coach Jim Harbaugh showed up in his costume.

Almost looked like a fight might break out between Rodriguez and Harbaugh until Wisconsin's Bret Bielema got there and everybody burst out laughing which eased the tension.  What the hell was Bret thinking?

Okay, Andy and I are leaving the MZone office early and calling it a day. Each of us needs to go home and get some sleep. We're exhausted. Big thanks to Neuheisal for inviting us. And sorry about the sofa. My bad. Never gonna mix beer and shots again after eating a burrito.

Oh, and while Paterno may be 83, he sure knows how to do a beer bong. He was the only guy who came close to keeping up with Chip Kelly.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Mel the Praying Mantis Passes

One of the most prescient cephalopods the world has known, Paul the Octopus, is dead. Paul became an international star in July when the world learned of his prowess for correctly predicting soccer World Cup matches. He was on the money with all eight games he picked. 
And as these things tend to happen in threes, number two has hit: Mel the Praying Mantas cashed in his prayer beads yesterday and passed away after a short illness.  Mel was a local insect icon in Ann Arbor known for his uncanny ability to accurately predict every Wolverine win/loss since September 2008.  A longtime U-M fan, "Michigan Mel" could be seen at every home game praying incessantly for a Michigan victory.  He often led scores of fans in the South Endzone in enthusiastic prayer for a decent defense.  Sadly, those prayers went unanswered.
“He’ll be missed,” said Susan, a longtime season ticket holder who knew Mel.  "He can't be replaced.  Sure, there's Butterfly Bob in Section 8, but he's sometimes belligerent and often uses foul language around kids."
Funeral arrangements were not final at press time but Larry’s Bug and Pest Control will be handling them. 
Michigan Mel during a recent vacation to Boca
(HT to Phil for the guest post!)

Wallpaper Wednesday - Stephen Hopkins

Hey Coach Rod... Give me the ball... I will change your world!!!

BREAKING NEWS: "Duck" Star seen in skies over Los Angeles

(from MZone wire reports)  Los Angeles, CA -- The college football destruction machine known as Oregon football was seen late last night heading toward Los Angeles.  Residents are being urged to remain calm. Officials hope their only target is the USC football team on Saturday and that they will spare the rest of the city.

Please stay tuned to the MZone as this story continues to develop.

Navy SEALs Compare Recent Battle to Tennessee Football

(from MZone wire reports)  Kabul, Afghanistan -- Members of a Navy SEAL platoon compared their successful assault on a Taliban stronghold in Kandahar yesterday to the University of Tennessee football team.

"They way we pushed right through their perimeter and took out their entire position, it was like a running back busting through the Tennessee Volunteer defense for a long touchdown run," said Lieutenant Dave Garrett Nelson who led the special operations forces in the two hour battle.

"I don't want Tennessee football fans to get mad at me.  I'm not attacking them.  But the way those guys just broke down under our firepower reminded us all of Derek Dooley's team."

Fellow operator Paul Zillikowski agreed.  "It's college football out on those mountaintops.  Each time we get in a firefight, it's just like a big play in a big game at Neyland Stadium."

When asked if he thought some people might be offended comparing war to college football, Nelson said he didn't think so.  "Everybody knows we mean no disrespect.  Sports is the center of the universe.  Just ask coach Dooley, he'll tell you.  And we understand that.  We know that's what's really important.  What we're doing?  Hell, it's just life and death, fighting for our country."

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Bob Ufer: God Bless His Cotton Pickin' Maize and Blue Heart!

Hard to believe, but it's been 29 years today since Bob Ufer, the voice of Meeeechigan football, passed away.


For those Michigan fans who lived out of state or are too young to remember, all I can say is you missed something special.  Back when Ufer called the games, U-M was only allowed on TV twice a year so you listened to most Michigan football on the radio.  And even when the game was televised you turned down the tube and listened to "old man Ufer" and his enthusiasm as he cheered for his beloved Meeeechigan. 

So in honor of the late and great Bob Ufer, here is a clip I've probably heard 1,000 times in my life and I still get chills.  Michigan vs. Indiana, homecoming 1979.  Take it away, Ufe...

Need more Ufer? Agreed. Try here, here and finally the "banner incident" from 1973.  The quality sucks, but it's still pretty awesome.

Tennessee Coach Derek Dooley Compares Vols to Germans in WWII

When are coaches and athletes going to learn?  Comparing one's team, sport or on-the-field struggles to military battles and other life-and-death issues of war is always a really bad idea.  The latest in this long list of sporting chowderheads is Tennessee head coach Derek Dooley who compared his young, inexperienced team's struggles to that of the German forces during the Allies' invasion of Normandy during World War II.

"Right now we're like the Germans in World War II," Dooley said. "Here comes the boats, they're coming. You have the binoculars, and it's like, 'Oh, my God, the invasion is coming.' "

"Figuring out how to stop the
'Cocks this weekend, I feel like

Jonas Salk trying to stop polio."
Actually, it's more like, "Oh, my God -- he's not really making this comparison, is he?  Yes, he did.  And he didn't stop there:

"I don't want the German people to get upset at me.  I'm not attacking them, but that's what happened. You had one group, they weren't worried about what the plan was and orders and all that. When the war hits, things change. You've got to go," said Dooley.

"You had the other group, and they go, 'Wait a minute, they told us the invasion was way further north,' where we had the empty tanks and we were hiding Patton out. 'We weren't ready for this, now what do we do?' 'We better wait until Rommel tells us what to do.' "

Oh, man.  Gotta love the inflated sense of self-importance.

Well, I don't think Dooley has to worry about the German people getting upset with him.  But he might want to consider the parents of the 19-year-old kid who isn't on a college campus this fall watching college football because he's fighting for his country on a mountainside in Kandahar.  And the stakes, as much as this might come as a surprise to some coaches and athletes, are just a tad bit higher. 

Look, college football ain't war.  It's a game.  A great game.  An exciting game.  My favorite game.  But still just a game.

Thus, while Derek Dooley's biggest worry is South Carolina on Saturday, a bunch of 18-22 year olds - the same ages as his players - are simply hoping that the abandoned tire they're approaching on the side of the dirt road isn't hiding an IED. 

So keep it in perspective, coach.  To do otherwise dishonors the service of our uniformed men and women who would give anything for their biggest worry this weekend to be whether or not their favorite team won or lost.

'Bama Fan With Too Much Time On His Hands + Camcorder = This Guy

I especially love all the comments on YouTube for this video.  Comments like "LMAO" and "FUCKING HILARIOUS."


Some people really need to get outside more.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Random Funny From the Web Today

Hey, if college football teams can have bye weeks and non-football Saturdays, college football bloggers can have bye weeks and non-football-related posts, too

So I just read online that MySpace has been sharing with its advertisers data that can be used to identify user profile pages.  And my first thought was, 'Holy shit!  How awful - somebody still uses MySpace?'

ED. NOTE:  This post was a direct response to reader GoBlueBob's request to add a post - any post - in order to move the picture of the rather large semi-clothed Buckeye fan further down the page.  You're welcome.

Oregon Duck Mascot Moving to Muscle Beach

(from MZone wire reports)  Eugene, OR -The Oregon Duck mascot has decided to leave the team and move to Muscle Beach in Venice, California, to pursue a career as a professional body builder.  The decision came after the Duck - which does a push-up for each Oregon point after every Oregon score - did his 346,831st push-up this season in the 4th Quarter of Oregon's 60-13 pounding of UCLA last Thursday.

"First, I dropped from a waist size of 106" to 32" after the first two games,"  said the Duck sometimes known as Puddles, though not to his face anymore.  "But I didn't realize just how many damn push-ups I'd done this season and what the effect on my body was until I looked in the mirror on Saturday.  Holy crap!  I'm ripped!  So I decided now is the time to pursue my lifelong dream of becoming Mr. Olympia."

The Duck never thought that dream could become a reality, especially after his weight had ballooned in early 90s during the lackluster Rich Brooks seasons.  "We just weren't scoring.  That and I loves me the Taco Bell," said the Duck as he showed off doing those one-handed Rocky push-ups.  "Now, thanks to the number one offense in American, I can bench press just over 400 pounds.  Put it this way - I'd like to see that Ohio Bobcat mascot try to pull that shit with me that he pulled on Ohio State's Brutus.  I'd kick his punk ass all over the football field.  And you can print that."

Though nothing is official yet, the Duck also said he's planning on a series of late-night fitness infomercials.  "You think that P90X stuff gets you in shape?  Ha!  Trying doing push-ups after every score when Chip Kelly's offense plays New Mexico at home!"

MZone Pop Quiz: Bo Schembechler Quotes

So you think you're a Michigan fan?  See if you can pick out which quotes below were uttered by legendary Michigan coach Bo Schembechler.

MULTIPLE CHOICE (You may select more than one answer)

Bo said:

A.  "The Team!  The Team!  The Team!"

B.  "If I still aspire to call plays and be involved in the offensive planning or special-teams planning, there is only so many hours in the day. I want to know what we're doing defensively and have some input, but those guys spend a lot more time watching that film and studying that and have got expertise.  I can give them two cents' worth. I hope it's worth more than that."

C.  "Those who stay will be champions!"

D.  "Vince Lombardi could come, too, and not going to fix some of the problems we have on defense, so we've got to do what we've got to do."

E.  "I can get a piece of ass anytime I want. Shit, I've got Caroline in the bedroom right now, passed out cold. I could violate her ten different ways if I wanted to."

The MZone: Your Source For Facts!

So, just how legit is the MZone?  Well...

I was searching for something relating to the Oregon/Death Star post we put up on Friday and stumbled across the Wikipedia entry the site has for the Oregon fight song, "Mighty Oregon." 

And where do the fine folks who put up Wikipedia entries get their entries?  Scary as it sounds, they get some of their info from the MZone because one of the three entries listed as "References" for the article at the bottom of the page was Benny's "Know Your Foe: Oregon" from 2007.

Which is ironic because, as Benny said when I pointed this out to him, "This is fantastic. The funny thing is, I probably used Wikipedia as my original source."

So while it's very flattering, just remember: using the MZone for facts is like using The Daily Show as a news source.

If we said this was Jim Tressell minus his sweater vest, would Wikipedia buy it?

ED. NOTE: The picture above is an undoctored pic from one of our old caption contests.  No, seriously.

Friday, October 22, 2010

The Duck Star

If you watched Oregon vs. UCLA last night, you saw that the Ducks are good.  Scary good.  Like this good...

Big HT to Friend of the MZone DC for the Photoshop!

And I can't even take a beer in?!

A man posing as a member of the color guard snuck into Michigan Stadium before the M/MSU game earlier this month toting - wait for it - two M16 assault rifles!

Yes, you read that correctly: the crack stadium security folks - that never miss the lone plastic water bottle some 65 year old alum is trying to bring in to avoid the concession lines - waved a dude with two - TWO! - M16s right on through.

So, to put it subtly, HOW IN THE &^%$ DID THAT HAPPEN?!

Apparently the man, who is a full-time National Guardsman, pulled the ol' "I'm with the band" trick in which he simply walked in claiming to be part of the on-the-field military personnel who raise the flag, etc.  He was busted when - after making it in AND onto the field - an authorized member of the color guard recognized he wasn't part of their group and reported him to police.

When police arrested him, he said he just wanted to see the game but couldn't get a ticket so he figured (correctly) he'd use his uniform to get in.

Now, while some dude sneaking into a bar or a sold-out concert using the oldest sneak-in trick in the world is funny, a guy sporting a pair of high-caliber military weapons in the post-9/11-slash-post-Mumbai world to sneak into a stadium holding 113,000 people isn't quite as amusing.

But it gets even better.  Police defended their actions claiming they didn't do anything wrong because they didn't find any ammunition on him or in his gun so they didn't consider him a threat.

Bravo, officers.  Bravo.

Yeah, because if he really were a terrorist, he would have never dreamed to have somebody else with a ticket sneak the bullets in.

Surely U-M officials see that, right?

"There wasn't anything that we believe was done incorrectly or improperly by police in any of the checkpoints there," said Diane Brown with the university's Department of Public Safety.

Uh, yes there was...


On the plus side, they did make him leave his Thermos.

BANNED!                                       NOT SO BANNED

Beer Bong Fridays Double Play: Ronald Reagan & 2 Girls, 1 Beer Bong

This is so wrong on so many levels.

Gee, wonder what her boss at the job she's due at in 5 hours would say when if he sees this?

Sorry you had to see that. And just to cleanse your palette, I present 2 Girls, 1 Beer Bong for your viewing pleasure.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Why I No Longer Believe in Santa

Et tu, Santa?  No wonder I never got the stuff I wanted as a kid. It all makes sense now...

Different Ways Wisco Fans Celebrated Tosu Victory

Some Wisco fans studying abroad in Prague did their thang by teaching some Czechs how to Bucky...

Some Badger fans celebrated by letting cute girls kick them in the nuts (no, seriously)...

Then there's the classiest Badger of them all...

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

The Battle of Fort Rodriguez


(from MZone wire reports) Ann Arbor, MI -- Simmering tensions between Michigan fans supporting Rich Rodriguez and those opposing the beleaguered head coach erupted in hostilities yesterday marking what many consider the start of a civil war amongst the Wolverine faithful.

The initial battle broke out on the main Michigan message boards at Scout.com and Rivals.com in the wake of Michigan's 38-28 loss to Iowa on Saturday.  Following the defeat, those against Rodriguez began comparing the 2010 campaign to the clusterfuck that was the 2008 2009 season while those urging patience claimed the talent in Michigan's secondary was only slightly better than the back-ups on the JV squad at Ann Arbor Pioneer.

"Rich Rodriguez is the worst coach to ever have coached any sport in the history of sports, including the ancient Greek Olympics.  And he probably kills puppies, too," said Rivals poster "9-4AndAVictoryOverFlorida-InANewYearsBowl-DoesntSeemSoFuckingBadNow_DoesIt851" as he fired a cannon shot at the pro-Rich front lines.

Gen. Brian Cook surveys the battlefield
But that volley was met by a quick counter-attack from ImNamingMyTwinDaughtersRich-And-Rodriguez7856, "Rich Rodriguez is a God, only in human form. On a football field.  Wearing a headset.  And not only will he win us 9 National Titles in a row, he'll also cure cancer during the off-season if people would just have a little patience."

A second front in the expanding conflict opened up in the Maize and Blue blogosphere when the website Genuinely Sarcastic was so disgusted with Michigan's performance last weekend that they refused to put up a new post following the Iowa game.  Instead, the bloggers simply left up their MSU game diatribe, "Disillusionment," which slammed Rodriguez and the direction of the football program under him.  Brian Cook, Supreme Commander of the pro-Rich Rod forces at MGoBlog, ordered the anti-Rich Rod rant removed.  When Genuinely Sarcastic refused, Cook and his army of some 75,000 plus daily readers encircled the curiously-named site and threatened to cut off their Internet traffic by removing them from his links section.

Faced with a cyber Siege of Stalingrad that would leave its traffic flow on par with this Florida Gator site,  Genuinely Sarcastic was able to dispatch a cavalry rider to the MZone in a desperate plea for help.  Military experts theorize that the MZone was picked because it's founder, the strikingly handsome and noted lothario, Colonel Fielding Yost, is said to sympathize with the "What the &^%$! is Rich Rod doing to our &^%$! football program?!" faction of Michigan fans.

However, having only recently returned to the blogosphere after being AWOL for 2+ years, Colonel Yost and his meager readership were no match for the Mighty MGoBlog, and calls for reinforcements from the Wolverine Liberation Army went unanswered.

Unrelated, cool-looking battlefield map for no reason
Rumors that In Rod We Trust launched unprovoked attacks against MVictors and Maize N Brew at the urging of Private Rick Leach because the two sites wouldn't change their names to WeTrustWorshipAndLoveRodEvenMore.com and .org, respectively, were unconfirmed at press time.

And unidentified reports claiming that Go Blue M Wolverine, The Hoover Street Rag and Holy Fuck I Think We're Now Officially Out of Michigan-Themed Names For Any More Michigan-Themed Football Blogs started a guerrilla campaign against MGoBlog by planting links to Michael Rosenberg articles on the site's comment section were also unverified.

With the Maize and Blue Nation about to be torn apart right where the maize meets the blue, Michigan AD Dave Brandon called for calm and asked EDSBS founder Orson Swindle to help broker a peace accord, even offering to throw in free pizza.  But Swindle was on his way to the LSU/Auburn game and refused to get in the middle of the conflict.

"This is for U-M fans to figure out by themselves," said Swindle.  "On their campus, on their message boards and on one of the 698 Michigan-centric college football blogs out there."


Wallpaper Wednesday - Bye week

I didn't feel like spending any time this week creating another complex wallpaper, so I just decided to use one of the photos I took the night before the UConn game. After it was cropped, resized, and sharpened -- the image looks pretty cool as my laptop desktop wallpaper. For anyone that is wondering, that is the south end zone

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Buckeye Mustard Chug

ED. NOTE: "Why, Yost, do you put up so much Tosu material?" Answer: I'm a generally lazy blogger. And the quickest way to find something in a pinch to fill space is YouTube. Well, searching terms associated with Michigan or U-M football most of the time brings up videos having to do with Michigan (the state of) or U-M football. But search "Ohio State" or "Buckeyes" and the YouTube heavens often provide things like Musturd Chug. It's just how life is.

Mascot Man Follow-Up - "For all your mascot needs!"

Last week, we brought you this video of a Buckeye fan calling himself "Mascot Man."  The video was so craptastic, some Buckeyes suggested that it was actually a Michigan fan secretly behind the giant head and bad music in order to embarrass Buckeye Nation Unincorporated Township.

After watching the video (numerous times until my side hurt), I can see why any Tosu fan would wish that to be the case - that some bored but resourceful U-M fan bought a guitar, painted it scarlet and gray, purchased an Ohio State jersey, pants and other Tosu attire, made a big giant paper mache and cloth buck-nut head, spent hours writing a kick-ass ditty to the Village People's YMCA song and finally - to really sell the ruse - bought, framed and hung (what appear to be) three old Ohio State programs on his bare white wall.

Yes, if I were a Tosu fan, I would hope for that as well.  With all my heart.

So the crack investigative team here at the MZone wanted to learn more about the mystery beneath the mascot (man).

At the end of the video, Mascot Man leans into the camera (since apparently he couldn't get a friend or even his mom to work it while shooting his masterpiece) and asks folks to check out his Facebook page.

So we did.

Now, we couldn't see the whole thing since (shockingly) we're not Facebook friends.  But his wall has seven pictures, each of them with the costumed Mascot Man surrounded by women - many in Buckeye attire - at what appear to be sports bars (and/or Hooters).

Then there's his bio:

Mascot Man
For all of your mascot needs!
Tailgate Parties - Birthday's
Wedding's - Kid's Parties
Corporate Events - Any event where a costumed character is needed!

Ahhhh, I can see it now...

"Amber, I've loved you since the day I met you.  And on our wedding day - when I get to tell the world how much you mean to be - I wanted to surprise you with something special, something you'll always treasure and remember.  I invited a musical guest to perform--"

"OH MY GOD, DOUG!  You got Rascal Flatts to play at our wedding!?!"

"Close.  Hit it..."

"Tressell...you're a stud in this town! I said Tressell!..."

I think it's safe to say that Amber - and everybody else at that wedding - would be in tears.  For a variety of reasons.

And let's not forget the big corporate event...

"Johnson, our employees have been working hard this quarter.  Lots of overtime.  Really busting butt.  I want to do something special for them next week at the company retreat in Dayton."

"Good idea, sir.  We could hire a comedian to perform.  Or maybe massages for the women and--"

(CHUCKLING) "Oh, Johnson, Johnson, Johnson.  That's why you're the VP and I'm the President.  I had something... different in mind.  Watch this..."

"Buckeyes...there's a place you can go!  I said Buckeyes...when you want a good show!..."

I think everybody reading this has just one questionHow much?  How much does it cost to get this kind of high-caliber entertainment for your event?  I don't know.  Is any amount really too much?  Because I think we can all agree -  you can't put a price tag on genius.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Now Playing at the MZone Theater

What the critics are saying about this week's provocative and controversial double feature:

"I feel like we've seen these films before.  Thumbs down."
Roger Ebert
Chicago Sun-Times

"Two films sure to end up on Brian's 'Naughty List'"
Peter Travers
Rolling Stone

"Hahahahahahaha! Fuck Michigan! You guys suck! 2,521 days!"
Some OSU fan who likes to troll on Michigan sites