College Football Blog

Off-Season Posting Schedule

2012-01-22T02:32:00.000-05:00

We've officially entered Off-Season Blogging Mode here at the MZone. Oh, we'll still be putting stuff up, just probably not every day (unless of course if Ohio implodes again like they did last off-season). So check below this post for new nuggets of MZone goodness.

Be sure to follow us on Twitter @MZoneBlog as we'll still be tweeting away during the off-season. Plus, we'll let you know when we have new stuff up here.

Tide Teabagging Scandal Really Puts this Commemorative Shirt in New Light

2012-01-20T11:58:00.002-05:00

The jackhat who teabagged the passed out LSU fan after 'Bama beat the Tigers in the BCS title game was arrested and jailed. Brian Downing, 32, of Smiths Station, AL was booked on charges of sexual battery and obscenity after officers met him at his attorney's office in New Orleans.

Yes, I can't think of a more appropriate place than a jail cell for a person who likes to rub his genitals up against another dude against his will. Good luck with that, Brian! I'm sure your other cellmates in LOUISIANA will be very understanding and realize you were just joshing around with that Tiger fan, huh?

But that's all really just preamble to the picture below.

Is it just me or, in the wake of the Tide Teabagging Scandal does this shirt design commemorating 'Bama's National Championship just seem...wrong?

Maybe the text at the bottom should read, "He's not dead...he's just passed out and getting teabagged."

Happy New Year from Columbus: Now take cover!

2012-01-20T02:25:00.001-05:00

Michigan fans have experienced first-hand what a hellhole Columbus is during visits to the 'Shoe for Michigan-Ohio State games. But apparently the city's suckness is not limited to rivalry weekends. The video below was taken in C-bus this past New Year's Eve. As the person who posted it on the vid's YouTube page says:

Listen for about five minutes with your eyes closed and imagine where this video might have been taken. I think this speaks for itself.

Right around the 4 minute mark is where it really gets Fullujah-esque.

(HT: DC)

Hey, Sparty -- Get off my floor!

2012-01-19T03:17:00.000-05:00

Would've put this up yesterday but was too busy doing my cyber-duty and protesting SOPA/PIPA. But today it's back to blogging. So, without further adieu...

Here's the wallpaper Andy made in the wake of Michigan's 3rd consecutive victory over MSU. Simply...beautiful.

MZone on strike today to protest SOPA & PIPA

2012-01-18T00:38:00.003-05:00

If I had any clue how to dig into the MZone's HTML without fear of totally screwing up everything, you would be looking at this more professional and impressive strike page. Since I'm lost when it comes to the code stuff, you get this half-ass attempt instead. But the intent today is the same: to join websites Google, Wikipedia, Bluehost, Craigslist, Reddit, Mozilla and hundreds of others to protest Internet censorship bills SOPA and PIPA.

For the record, we are TOTALLY AGAINST sites that simply exist to traffic in stolen TV shows, movies, music and the creative efforts of others. Internet piracy is a real problem. However, when the decision as to what constitutes such creative thievery is left to a handful of entertainment companies and folks like Rupert Murdoch (who is for both the bills as you can see via his tweets), then I get more than a little nervous. These are, after all, the same companies that tried to stop the VCR from ever being citing piracy in the famous Betamax Case (Note: I would have linked to Wikipedia's explanation of that case. But since they're dark today...)

Yes, Internet piracy must be stopped. But these bills aren't the answer.

Click here to get an overview of both sides of the debate.

Click here to contact your representative in Congress.

'Bama "grayshirts" new OC after oversigning coaches

2012-01-17T01:30:00.010-05:00

(from MZone wire reports) TUSCALOOSA, AL -- The MZone has learned that newly hired Alabama offensive coordinator Doug Nussmeir is being asked to sit out the 2012 season and join the Crimson Tide staff next year because Nick Saban has signed too many football coaches. Nussmeir, who had been the offensive coordinator at Washington, found out only after he and his family arrived in Tuscaloosa on Monday afternoon.

"Coach Saban said he wished he would’ve been able to tell me before I quit my old job, sold my house, moved all the way across the country with my family and had six other coaching offers I turned down instead of telling me now," said Nussmeir as he stood next to his crying wife and kids on the front lawn of the new Tuscaloosa house that they can no longer afford. "He (Saban) said the only reason he can’t have me join his staff for this season is because he can’t have too many offensive coordinators. He can only have one. And he hired three. But he said he was going to bring me in for the 2013 season. And I know it's true because he said he would pinky swear that he would keep his word about that – which has to really, really mean something. I mean, it's not like he offered to just sign some random piece of paper."

So what happened to Nussmeir's new job between the time he agreed to it on Friday and the time the offer was pulled on Monday? According to MZone sources, after Nussmeir accepted Saban's offer, the Tide head coach then made an offer to Oklahoma State offensive coordinator Todd Monken on Saturday and Stanford OC Pep Hamilton on Sunday. When both said yes, it left Nussmeir as the odd man out since Washington's offense wasn't as highly ranked as Oklahoma State's or Stanford's. No word yet on whether Monken or Hamilton will be next to get &^%$ by Saban on this one.

When the MZone asked Nussmeir what he was going to do this fall since all the prime OC jobs are already filled at this point, Nussmeir said he was going to stay in Alabama. "Coach Saban said he'd help me get a job at the Piggly Wiggly during the time I'm not on his staff. What an awesome, caring man, huh?"

While, Nussmeir seemed understanding about having his job yanked away at the 11th hour, other assistant coaches weren't so forgiving of Saban.

"It's deplorable," said new Florida OC Brent Pease. "A person agrees to something, doesn't look elsewhere because he thinks he's set, then is told at the last minute, 'Sorry, you're on your own'? And that's supposed to be okay? I can't believe there's not a national outcry about this. But, as usual, the ESPN's and Gary Danielson's of the world aren't saying shit. They only care about the players. Typical."

Last summer, the SEC instituted limits on the number of assistant coaches a team can have. But Saban, notorious for having extra coaches to his staff at Alabama, was unfazed at the time. "It's not going to be that much of a management issue for us to be able to continue to create the same number of opportunities for young coaches and just try to manage it a little better."

Alabama coach Nick Oversaban reveals how many
coaches he's over the limit for the 2012 season

Well done, MZone readers

2012-01-13T03:14:00.001-05:00

I tweeted about this the other day but felt it deserved its own post.

Last December we asked MZone readers to help the state of Ohio come up with a new slogan for their license plate. Well, the results are in and apparently you made your voices heard.

Put it this way, here's the opening paragraph from the The Plain Dealer story about the license plate campaign:

COLUMBUS, Ohio — It's pretty clear: Ohioans love God. And they also love to mock Ohio State football.

Uh, I'm going to go out on a limb and say the "they" the writer is referring to aren't Ohioans. Just guessing. Because here was another paragraph later in the story:

But some were downright mean and surely won't make the final cut, such as "Worst State Ever," "O-Lie-O" and 81 votes for phrases containing the word "sucks." You get the picture.

Priceless. Finally, the story mentioned this:

But about half of the OSU-related suggestions referenced the school's embarrassing recent NCAA scandal, including "Free tattoos."

Terrelle Pryor, the former OSU quarterback who left the school in 2010 amid scandal, pulled in nearly 800 votes from fans or haters, many of whom cannot spell his first name -- there were seven different variations.

And then there was Pryor's coach, Jim Tressel, who was booted from the school and subsequently punished by the NCAA over the same issue.

Tressel received only 16 votes, far fewer than the football program's most popular coach ever, Woody Hayes, who reeled in 656 votes. Even Hayes' arch-nemesis, Bo Schembechler, former coach of That School Up North, got 225 votes. Go figure.

Yeah, go figure.

Best of all, the link above for the Plains Dealer contains a searchable database of all the submissions. Gee, I wonder how variations on "Buckstache" got five submissions? (Although the MZone takes no responsibility for whoever submitted "Titty Fucking" as their suggestion. Really? "Titty Fucking"?!)

Anyway, I just think it was mighty neighborly of so many MZone readers to help Ohio out. Well done, folks. Well done.

Ohio State, this is your fan base...

2012-01-11T00:47:00.000-05:00

How are we gonna make it through the off-season? Like this...

And this...

And it's only January 11th.

Buckeye fans: The blogging gift that keeps on giving.

And the new most-watched MZone video is...

2012-01-09T03:45:00.002-05:00

As a college football nut, I know I should be excited about the title game tonight. But I'm not. Not on January 9th. Not a for a rematch.

However, what I am excited about is that we have a new most-viewed MZone video (at least from MZone 2.0) and it's very appropriate that it became #1 this weekend as it's LSU-centric. Clocking in with approximately 157,000 views, The Les Miles Hand Clap Song passed Michigan Fans Discuss Rich Rodriguez (152,000+ views) over the weekend.

Is this a sign for Miles' Tigers? Leave us your prediction in the comments section.

The "healing" picture you would have gotten had Michigan lost

2012-01-06T01:34:00.000-05:00

As I watched the initial ugliness of the Sugar Bowl play out on my TV -- .a 0001 yards per carry average on first down, VT making 3rd-and-long conversions as if Gerg had been named honorary DC before the game, and a Hokie walk-on kicker drilling FGs like he was an All-American -- I mentally picked out the perfect "healing" picture if Michigan ended up losing. Actually, it wasn't so much a healing pic as punishment. If the team was going to give the effort that it initially looked like it was going to give, then I was going to give the same effort in finding a healing pic.

The photo I had in mind comes from a previous MZone post on November 1, 2007. Entitled Caption Contest: M Go Mardi Gras!, I thought the New Orleans connection and beaded content would have made it the perfect choice based the explanation above. Thankfully, I didn't need to use it. Because if you think a loss would have made you ill...

Here's the original post with the pic that would have been used:

Yesterday, reader WM sent us perhaps the greatest single reader-submitted picture in the history of the MZone. NSFW? Folks, this thing is Not Safe For Life!

First, the setup courtesy of WM's email...

"I'm a big fan of your blog and live in Houston, TX. I just traveled up there for the Michigan/Minnesota game, and I wanted to share a pic I took from that game, and more IMPORTANTLY, and picture from Mardi Gras several years ago. I'm wearing a Michigan hat and the rest....well, the rest explains itself! Thought you may be able to use the Mardi Gras pic for some lighthearted comedy!"

Talk about burying the lead. He sends a picture of Michigan running out of the tunnel which is good, you know. Then the one below...

(ED. NOTE: Please finish any and all beverages you are currently drinking before scrolling down)

Do you fine people have idea how many pixels of blackout I had to use to make this remotely semi-safe for our often-R-rated-but-never-X-rated site? Those were the largest areolas I've ever seen in my life - real, pornographic or imagined.

Sweet Jesus! He's being swallowed alive. His buddy right next to him could have been shouting WM's name at the top of his lungs and he wouldn't have heard shit.

And check out the reactions of the guy in the Dolphins hat on the left and the dude in the background. Priceless. Simply priceless.

Folks, this deserves a caption contest - nay, demands it. Here's what we came up with...

"New Orleans ear muffs."

Leave us your best in the comments section while I go gouge my eyes out with a tuning fork.

MZone Autopsy looks at the flip side of all things Sugar

2012-01-05T13:23:00.001-05:00

Another downside of bowl games stretched out across January is that some of us have to jump back into the post-holiday work world and thus can't blog about the games as quickly as hoped. So, after a slight delay, let's take one more look back at Michigan's Sugar Bowl victory in...

MZone Autopsy: Virginia Tech

* Yes, it was an ugly game. And yes, we got a little lucky. But after several instances of Michigan getting the short end of the bowl karma stick, the Wolverines were due for the bowl gods to finally smile their way. Phantom Touchdown, anyone?

Charles White's "TD" in the '79 Rose Bowl: Football Optional

* Along those same lines, in short time, nobody will remember how Michigan won only that we won.

* Okay, I admit it: I actually felt a little bad for the VT kicker when he missed that last FG in OT. It was such an amazing story -- 3rd string kicker who'd never before made a FG in a game calmly making kick after kick -- that I hated to see it end that way for the kid. On the flip side...

* How 'bout Michigan's kicking game? From the depths of last season when any FG had about as much chance as a fan-pulled-from-the-stands halfcourt shot during a basketball halftime contest...to Brendan "Brunette Girls" Gibbons becoming absolutely money. On the flip side...

* Yeah, I know: ~~Keith Stone~~ Gibbons probably shoulda been called for a false start on that final FG for, you know, false starting.

Keith Stone...or Brendan Gibbons? You make the call

*I'm not usually one to bitch about play calling but when your All-American center can barely stand on one of his legs, it's probably not best to keep putting your wildly mobile QB under center. Doesn't it make more sense to run out of the shotgun even more so Denard has a least a little more time in case your hobbled center gets beat? Just sayin'.

* Bitch, Part II: Uh, for the record, that Fitz Toussaint running play on first down didn't work. Like, ever. So we might have wanted to get away from it at some point.

* Is it just me, or throughout the years, does Michigan seem to be the team with the biggest disparity between how they played during the regular season and how they look in a bowl game? My goodness. Along those same lines...

* Our defense gave up so many uncharacteristic 3rd and longs that I almost expected to see members of our defensive coaching staff rubbing stuffed animals on our players.

* Frank Beamer deserves props for sending home his 2nd string kicker due to a curfew violation. He'd already left his 1st string kicker back in Blackburg due to B&E charges. So when his 2nd string kicker came back to the hotel late, how easy would it have been to have him run extra laps in the spring? Or make him not run out of the tunnel with the team? Or not let him kick the opening kick-off? You know, BS "punishment" that Tressel or Dantonio would've doled out (yeah, I know -- Tressel and Dantonio would've had the B&E kicker there saying we "have to let the legal process play its way out" before dealing with it). Instead, Beamer put the 2nd stringer on a bus -- A BUS -- home and went with a kid who'd never made a FG before. I was impressed. On the flip side...

* Frank Beamer's 4th down "fake" in the 4th quarter was one of the more boneheaded call I've seen in a loooong time. When everybody I was watching the game with is yelling, "Watch the fake!" as VT lined up to punt -- coming out of a time out -- you know you're not fooling anyone. Don't understand it, but I'm thankful for it.

* As for VT's OT TD/Non-TD, put it this way, if that had been Michigan, I'd still be pissed but it probably was the right call. I think. However, the question really isn't about whether I think he made/didn't make the catch. To me, the question is whether or not there was indisputable video evidence to overturn the call that had already been made. By that measure, I'm not so sure. I had to watch the damn play several times to conclude that I think the ground aided the catch. Point is, if the rule states that the replay must show indisputable evidence to overturn the call on the field, then I'm not sure this instance rose to that.

In the same way, I think Michigan got boned in the Iowa game re: the Hemingway TD catch/non-catch at the back of the endzone. I thought he caught it, but once the initial call on the field was "no catch," it was going to be hard to overturn that based on the rule calling for indisputable evidence.

* Don't fuck with Holly Rowe. And no, that wasn't Angelique Chengelis from the Detroit News on the receiving end as some initially thought.

* The feeling after winning the game was one of the strangest I've ever felt after winning a big game. After the Ohio State game, it was pure ecstasy. After the Sugar, it was subdued relief. On the flip side...

* The pure joy I did feel was for Brady Hoke and those players. Brady did something nobody expected this year. 11-2 and a BCS bowl victory? Are you kidding me? Yeah, I saw that coming. And Junior Hemingway's emotion after the game was so pure. He perfectly summed up everything those kids -- especially the seniors -- went through during their U-M careers. Nice job to ESPN for cutting away from most of such a moving speech to play it underneath game clips. You know, because why would we actually want to see it?

* The oft-repeated stat that this is only the 5th U-M team with 11 wins is a tad misleading in that we now play 12 regular season games. Put it this way, how many times do you think all those Schembechler teams that went 10-2 in the 70s and 80s would have notched an 11th win, especially if that 12th game was a home contest against WMU/EMU/PICK A CARCASS.

* When's the last time you've felt this much optimism going into an off-season? Damn, it feels good! On the flip side...

* Not to rain on the optimism parade, but Michigan has to have one of the most brutal schedules in the country next year: Open with 'Bama in Dallas; ND, Nebraska and Ohio all on the road; then throw in likely top 10 team MSU at home. It's gonna be tough but something tells me Brady will have the team up to the challenge.

Go Blue! And congrats again to team 132 for a hell of a season!

Don't F*ck with Holly Rowe

2012-01-05T01:34:00.001-05:00

Been meaning to put this up. Did you see ESPN's Holly Rowe elbow out another female reporter to get an interview with Brady Hoke after the Sugar Bowl?

That other reporter should've shoved her ass back.

Wallpaper Wednesday -- Sugar Bowl Edition

2012-01-04T18:36:00.000-05:00

Our buddy Andy was there and turned the sweet taste of Sugar Bowl victory into today's wallpaper...

Brendan Gibbons would approve of this post

2012-01-04T13:03:00.002-05:00

From last night's post-game presser...

Question: Brendan, what was going through your mind as Virginia Tech calls time out and it's overtime you're lining up that kick and thinking about lining up that kick? What was going through your mind before the kick in overtime, during the timeout and all that?

U-M KICKER BRENDAN GIBBONS: Brunette girls. Every time we were like struggling in kicking, Coach tells me to think about girls on a beach or brunette girls. So that's what we did. Made the kick.

Excellent idea. So we put the picture up below. Not for us, but for Brendan Gibbons.

And if you're struggling in your job today, try thinking of this brunette.

Hell, can't hurt.

(HT: MGoBlog for transcript)

Michigan - 23, Virginia Tech - 20

2012-01-04T00:36:00.000-05:00

It wasn't pretty. It might have even been a tad lucky.

I don't care.

Michigan wins its first BCS game since the 2000 Orange Bowl.

Go Blue!

Sugar Bowl Open Thread

2012-01-03T03:03:00.000-05:00

Folks, you have no idea how good it felt to type the name of a BCS bowl in the title line of this post. We've come a long way from The Dark Period. Now Michigan just needs to complete the journey today against Virginia Tech.

Leave us your thoughts, comments and general what-not about the game in the comments section.

GO BLUE!

(pic via AnnArbor.com)

Know Your Foe - Virginia Tech

2012-01-02T02:04:00.137-05:00

ED. NOTE: My former MZone blogging cohort and Know Your Foe's creator, Benny, returns to pen today's very special Sugar Bowl edition. And judging by the email I got from him late last night, Benny had a blast spending many hours of his holiday weekend blogging again:

OK, it's done. It's 1:24 am and I'm starving and exhausted. I'm going to take a shower.

There are not enough profanities to explain how angry I am right now. And the hatred I have for you is beyond description. I might just write a Wikipedia article about it.

And if you think I'm going to be doing this again in the fall when we play Alabama, well….actually that one might be really fun and interesting to write. I'm going to put it on my To Do list so that I get an early start.

Safe to say, I think Benny's thisclose to coming back to the MZone full time.

The Wolverines’ return to national prominence culminates in the Sugar Bowl on ~~New Year’s Day~~ ~~January 2^nd~~ January 3^rd when U-M faces the 11-2 Virginia Tech Hokies. This marks only Michigan's second trip to the Sugar Bowl and its first ever game against Va. Tech. So you must be asking, who are these Hokies and what should we know about them? To answer these and many other questions, the MZone is proud to present this year's special BCS bowl version of KNOW YOUR FOE.

History – Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University, more commonly referred to as Virginia Tech, was founded in 1872 when the Virginia General Assembly purchased the facilities of Preston and Olin Institute and incorporated the Virginia Agricultural and Mechanical College (a mouthful of information only slightly less confusing than the 200 pages of family history in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo novel). Since then, the school has been chasing an identity in the shadow of the Univeristy of Viriginia. It’s very much similar to the big brother-little brother relationship that defines Michigan and Michigan State. Virginia is a nationally-recognized academic powerhouse, was founded by Thomas Jefferson, and has an alumni list that reads like a Who’s Who Hall of Fame. Virginia Tech – not so much.

In 1896, the name of the school was changed to Virginia Agricultural and Mechanical College and Polytechnic Institute to better reflect the school’s offerings. The “Agricultural and Mechanical” portion of the name was rarely used and in 1944 the name of the school changed yet again, this time to Virginia Polytechnic Institute. In 1970, after an attempt to change the name to Virginia State University, the name was officially changed to it’s current incarnation. The Virginia Tech moniker took hold in the late ‘70s.

Until 1932, every able-bodied male student was required to participate for four years in the Virginia Tech Corps of Cadets. The requirement was changed to two years until 1964, when participation became voluntary. Women were allowed in a separate unit in 1973 and were fully integrated in 1979. Virginia Tech remains one of three public universities in the country (along with Texas A&M and North Georgia College and State University) with both an active corps of cadets and "civilian" lifestyle on its campus.

Location – Blacksburg, Virginia. Founded in 1798, this town of 42,620 is dominated by the university. Located in the western end of the state, frighteningly close to West Virginia, the town is named for William Black who owned a large tract of land and laid out the plan of streets and lots. Perhaps establishing a tradition that the university followed, the town changed its name in 1893 by dropping the H in Blacksburgh.

Make no mistake – Blacksburg is no Ann Arbor. This is evident to any visitor and is painfully reflected in their respective Wikipedia articles. Ann Arbor’s “Culture” section could be an article unto itself while Blacksburg’s “Points of Interest” section is so pathetic that it includes an Osteopathic college while its “Annual Town Events” section has two events.

Nickname – Hokies. One of the two things that make Virginia Tech unique is it’s nickname. The name comes from the Old Hokie spirit yell which began with the first name change in 1896. The yell goes as follows:

Hoki, Hoki, Hoki, Hy.

Techs, Techs, V.P.I.

Sola-Rex, Sola-Rah.

Polytechs – Vir-gin-ia.

Rae, Ri, V.P.I.

Later an “e” was added to Hoki and the line “Team! Team! Team!” was added at the end. Old Hokie was the winning entry in a contest that paid $5. We’d say Virginia Tech got their money’s worth.

Although the contest winner claimed that he made up the word “Hoki,” some at Virginia Tech have claimed that the word was in fairly common usage and is equivalent to “hooray.” Sounds to KYF like someone is making this up to attach meaning to their identity.

The unofficial nickname for much of Tech’s history was the Gobblers. The name originated in 1909 when football coach Branch Bocok (yes, VT had a football team before Frank Beamer) started the “Gobbler Club” for his players. The nickname was so popular in the first half of the 20^th century that a live turkey would appear on the sidelines gobbling food during games. The Gobbler nickname usage diminished in the late ‘70s, though it lives on in the school’s mascot.

Mascot – HokieBird. The Virginia Tech mascot has its roots in the unofficial Gobbler nickname. In 1913, a local resident chosen by the student body to be the school’s mascot (these were much simpler times) had a large turkey pull him in a cart at a football game. Though Dave Brandon might have liked this idea, the university president at the time felt it was cruel to the bird and ended the practice after only one game. But the turkey returned with the man who had trained the bird to gobble on command. The live turkey mascot continued into the ‘50s. Finally, a costumed Gobbler appeared in 1962. Twenty years later the mascot was changed to something close to what appears today, and has been in its current incarnation since 1987 – a maroon cardinal with a snood. Despite the Gobbler lineage, it was named the Hokie Bird since by that time the Gobbler nickname had lost its popularity.

Colors – Maroon and Orange. This is the most unique thing about Virginia Tech and not just among college teams, but in all of American sports. No other major sports team uses this color combination. There are a number of colleges that wear maroon, mostly with gold (Minnesota, Arizona State), while others combine it with white (Mississippi State, Texas A&M). And plenty use orange. But the maroon and orange combination is one that even Arena Football teams haven’t thought of.

Surprisingly, the uniqueness of the combo is the reason they were chosen as the official colors back in 1896. Before that the school’s athletes wore black and cadet-gray uniforms to recognize the civilian cadet presence on campus. But in 1896 a committee was formed to pick new colors since the school had recently changed their name and had a new nickname. The committee selected burnt orange and Chicago maroon (hey, a Big Ten reference) after discovering that no other college used the combination.

Logo/Helmet – Virginia Tech went to a stylized “VT” logo in 1983 and has used it on their helmet ever since, with “throwback” exceptions. Why the consistency with this logo when just about every school changes theirs (and with Tech’s propensity to change their name)? Well the logo and helmet was the one that’s been in use since just before the arrival of football coach Frank Beamer and with his massive success at the school, there’s no way they’re going to change it.

The Hokies have used the VT combination as the logo on their helmet almost continuously since the mid-‘60s. The only exception was during the early ‘70s when they tried to associate themselves more closely with the state of Virginia by having a silhouette of the state on the helmet (sort of how Sparty used to have the big state of Michigan on their basketball court). But most Hokie fans probably thought it was some sort of hat and the team went back to using the big V with a smaller T on top. But that also likely proved confusing – why would the T come first, and many fans probably wondered why the team had TV on their helmets when their team was almost never shown on television.

Fight Song – Tech Triumph. Composed by a Tech student in 1919, the tune is pretty generic college marching fare. Not terrible, but certainly not in the upper echelon of so many of the Big Ten schools’ fight songs. But the lyrics....oh, the lyrics. Part of the lyrics sound like they come from a forlorn lover’s lament (refences to being true and faithful, proclaiming “our hearts are with you,” and “we will greet you with a glad returning,” and TWO references to DYING!). Meanwhile, many lines in the chorus are at least suggestive and could substitute for descriptions of an adult film (“Just watch our men so big and active,” “We know our ends and backs are stronger,” and “To see our team plow through the line, boys.”). KYF does like the reference to the Old Hokie yell at the end.

Techmen, we're Techmen, with spirit true and faithful,

Backing up our teams with hopes undying;

Techmen, Oh, Techmen, we're out to win today,

Showing pep and life with which we're trying;

V.P., old V.P., you know our hearts are with you

In our luck which never seems to die;

Win or lose, we'll greet you with a glad returning,

You're the pride of V.P.I.

Chorus:

Just watch our men so big and active

Support the Orange and Maroon. Let's go Techs.

We know our ends and backs are stronger,

With winning hopes, we fear defeat no longer.

To see our team plow through the line, boys.

Determined now to win or die:

So give a Hokie, Hokie, Hokie, Hi,

Rae, Ri, old V.P.I.

Academics – According to the most recent U. S. News” ranking of America's Best Colleges, Virginia Tech is a solid, if unspectacular 71^st, which, coincidentally, ties them with their little brother counterpart Sparty. This ranking would put them near the bottom of the Big Ten, ahead of only Indiana (#75) and Nebraska (#101).

Athletics – Unitl the arrival of head football coach Frank Beamer in 1987, the Viriginia Tech athletic program was essentially non-existent on any sort of national basis Their biggest rival was the Virginia Military Institute. After playing as an independent since 1965, the Hokies moved to the Big East in 1991 and then to the ACC in 2004 (after being rejected by the conference in 1965 and 1997, while big brother Univeristy of Virginia has been in the ACC since 1954.)

Football dominates the athletic landscape at Tech, and for good reason. In the 25 years under Beamer, the Hokies have won over two-thirds of their games and currently have the third-longest bowl streak at 19 (trailing only Florida State and Florida) and their streak of eight straight 10+ win seasons is the best in the nation. Only Boise State and LSU have better records than Virginia Tech since 2004. Furthermore, the Hokies played in the national championship game following the 1999 season. All of this success has been under Beamer who played at VT and has been the head coach since 1987. Beamer is currently the longest-tenured and winningest active coach in Division I. The Hokies had some success prior to Beamer’s arrival, but it was in the obscurity of the Southern Conference, or as a lower-echelon independent. There were six minor bowl appearances prior to Beamer as head coach, while this year’s Sugar Bowl will be Va. Tech’s 19^th with him as coach, including eight BCS bowls.

The Hokies field 19 varsity sports (Michigan has 27), but has had limited success at any other sport outside football. The school has never won a national title in a varsity sport, though it has won a national title in the non-varsity sport of bass fishing. (yes, bass fishing). The basketball team has been better as of late, but still has only been to eight NCAA tournaments and hasn’t been beyond the second round since 1967.

Famous alums – The list of famous Virginia Tech alumni is about as thin as any I've seen in all the years I've been doing Know Your Foe, although they do have seven Medal of Honor recipients including Major Lloyd W. Williams who supposedly uttered one of the more famous quotes of WWI: "Retreat? Hell! We just got here."

VT alums include some astronauts, some anonymous CEOs, and even a Miss America from 1979. But the only recognizable names are athletes, and mostly football players: Micheal Vick, Bruce Smith, DeAngelo Hall, and Don Strock who all wore the maroon and orange.

The list also contains plenty of local politicians but, alas, no U.S. Presidents.

The Game – Michigan’s season is already a success in most people’s eyes regardless of the outcome of the Sugar Bowl. Only the most wild-eyed optimists could have envisioned 10 wins, breaking the losing streak to tOSU, and re-establishing the Wolverines in the national consciousness. Meanwhile, Virginia Tech went into their conference championship game with only one loss despite several lackluster wins over hapless teams such as East Carolina and Duke. The Hokies have only lost to one team, but got smoked by Clemson twice. Yet they’ve beaten some decent teams like Georgia Tech and spanked rival Virginia. Frank Beamer’s team is uninspiring but solid. But not good enough to take down Brady Hoke in his inaugural season.

MICHIGAN - 20
VIRGINIA TECH - 13

Delany gets it right: B1G/Pac-12 announce scheduling agreement

2011-12-29T02:44:00.001-05:00

One year ago, Jim Delany almost allowed the biggest blunder in Big 10 history when word leaked that the Michigan-Ohio State game was going to be moved from its traditional spot at the end of the regular season. Hell, it was so bad, I immediately returned from blogging retirement to man the keyboard in protest of this boneheaded decision. Thankfully, The Game stayed put (unfortunately for my productivity, I somehow kept blogging).

That hair and those eyebrows just
scream evil genius

Yesterday, Delany teamed up with his counterpart in the Pac-12, Commissioner Larry Scott, to announce "a collaborative effort to enhance long-term scheduling commitments between the two conferences across all sports amongst the 24 institutions." And more football specific, starting in 2017, "the objective is to create an annual 12 inter-conference game schedule between the two conferences."

And just like that, the SEC's addition of Mizzou and Texas A&M seems so...quaint. The Big East's addition of Boise State and...who again?... seems so 2011. As Scott points out, the B1G and Pac-12 gain a lot of the upside of expansion (broader reach, new markets and recruiting areas( without actually expanding. And with the conferences' TV deals with ESPN expiring in 2016, the BTN and the Pac-12 new network stand to make a financial killing.

The new scheduling means the B1G nine-game conference schedule that was being discussed is kaput. And it also means replacing one non-conference with the new Pac-12 game (whether that "replaced" game is the annual crap-fest against some MAC or 1-AA school or ND remains to be seen. I for one wouldn't mind showing ND the door, or at least not having that game every year).

According to the Freep story on the announcement, "together, the Big Ten and Pac-12 encompass 15 states holding 43% of the nation's population and 22 of its top 50 television markets." Not a bad national footprint and recruiting pitch. Plus, it doesn't take much foresight to see this positions the B1G (and the Pac-12) as the leaders for any future shifts in the college football landscape.

So while last year during the M/OSU bruhaha, I hated Delany with the intensity of a thousand suns, today I must tip my maize and blue cap to him for getting so far out in front of the curve, the other conferences must now rethink their plans as the contemplate catching up.

The Great Offensive Myth of 2011

2011-12-27T03:45:00.002-05:00

In a column called Grading the First-Year College Football Coaches, Yahoo sports editor Mike Huguenin graded all 22 new head coaches (not including interim coaches) on their initial campaigns. After guiding the Wolverines out of The Dark Period to a 10-2 record and BCS bowl berth, Michigan's Brady Hoke received an "A" with Huguenin stating:

Hoke left San Diego State and arrived at a Michigan program that had a full cupboard on offense. But the defense had been atrocious, and Hoke made a masterful hire at defensive coordinator when he snagged Greg Mattison away from the NFL’s Baltimore Ravens. The Wolverines’ offense isn’t as good as it was last season, but the defense made huge strides – and that improvement is why the Wolverines are in their first BCS bowl since the 2006 season. Hoke is a good fit at Michigan, and assuming his recruits pan out, the Wolverines will be back among the Big Ten’s elite for the foreseeable future.

There. Did you you catch it? The Great Offensive Myth of 2011:

The Wolverines’ offense isn’t as good as it was last season

Really? By what measure? Because I've seen this assertion made a couple other times in various places, but is it true? Is Michigan's 2011 offense "not as good" as the 2010 variety? Or is former coach Rich Rodriguez's reputation as an offensive guru and his introduction of the spread in A2 overshadowing the facts on the field from last year to this one?

So let's take a look.

According to cfbstats.com (which is a great site if you've never checked it out), Michigan's scoring offense (including its bowl game) for the 2010 season ranked 25th in the country, averaging 32.8 points per game.

So how does the 2011 squad stack up in that category? With its bowl game to go, Michigan ranks 22nd in scoring, averaging 34.2 points per game.

Now, I'm no math wiz, but I do believe that 22nd is better than 25th, and 34 is more than 32. Then again, I was just a liberal arts major at Michigan and didn't study the hard sciences.

Let's check out some other stats, shall we? Last year, Michigan's rushing offense averaged 238.54 ypg. This year, they have fallen waaaay off -- just 235.67 ypg. Almost 3 yards a game LESS than last year. Fucking Borges.

The big "advantage" for 2010? Passing yardage. Last year, U-M averaged 250.2 ypg through the air. In 2011, that number dipped to 187.4 ypg. Of course, it's hard to say how much Michigan being completely out of games such as MSU, Wisco, OSU and Mississippi State in the 4th quarter last year inflated that stat. No need to play tight when you're smoking the other team.

And yes, Denard also rushed for 1,702 yards last year vs. "only" 1,163 this season. But Michigan also established a second running threat in 2011 with Fitz Toussaint (1,011 yards) to lesson the load on Denard and make opposing defenses worry about another set of legs besides just those of the U-M QB.

More?

2010: Offense averaged 6.8 yards per play
2011: Offense averaged 6.41 yards per play

2010: Team passer rating of 145.99
2011: Team passer rating of 141.19

2010: 3rd down conversions -- 44.77%
2011: 3rd down conversions -- 48.39%

I'll stop because I think you get the point -- which is that Michigan's offense didn't really take any measurable step back in 2011. In fact, with Denard taking less of a beating and the emergence of another running option in Fitz Toussaint creating a more balanced attack, I'd say they took a step forward.

Put it this way, if you were an opposing coach, which Michigan offense would you least like to face?

Thank you!

2011-12-22T03:06:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I know: the NCAA velvet hammer came down on OSU this week. Had planned to put up a post at how laughable the punishment was but then, well, screw it. It's the holiday season and I still have shopping to do. So I'll just go with this cartoon from Gary Finkler, a graphic designer and sports fan, who combined those passions and started a sports art blog called 7th Inning Sketch.

I do however want to take a moment before checking out completely for the next couple of days to thank those who helped the MZone continue to chug along this year. There is no way I could -- or would want to -- keep the site going without all the folks who pitched in.

First of all, I must give a big shout out to Rigby who took over the all-important Photoshop post here on the MZone. Not only are his 'shops top notch, but he was always willing to help, even if I shot him an email about some wacky concept at some ungodly hour. You have no idea how many hours he put in. Thanks, Rigby.

Thanks to Michigan Sports Girl who not only submitted a number of guest posts, but was constantly promoting the MZone on her popular Twitter feed @SupportBradyHoke. She really helped push our following up over the 1,000 mark recently. Thanks to Andy who, even though he had to step away from regular blogging, still sent us a number of great wallpapers. Thanks to Ron for his help with fan fave Know Your Foe. Thanks to Steve for his guest posts. Thanks to reader Mikoyan for use of his pics when needed. Thanks to Surrounded in Columbus for material, pics and tips from deep behind enemy lines. Thanks to all the others who submitted links, pictures, tips and story ideas. Much appreciated!

A special thanks to my former blogging cohort and college pal, Benny, who returned (after much "No way in hell" talk) to his Know Your Foe creation for Michigan's inaugural B1G battle with Nebraska (he's also working on the Sugar Bowl edition!). And a bigger thanks to Benny for all the lost work hours for patiently listening to my "Is this funny?" calls throughout the season as I pitched him the latest idea for the MZone.

Most of all, thanks to you, the loyal MZone reader. Your daily readership, comments, suggestions, kind emails and sense of community make it worthwhile and are why I keep doing it.

Have a great holiday!

Go Blue!

Ohio: Where honoring the disgraced is just how they roll

2011-12-20T00:18:00.000-05:00

Not much to blog about with the Sugar Bowl still a couple weeks out and the holidays on the horizon...until I got the email below from MZone reader Megan:

Fallen Heroes

As a Michigan alum living in Columbus, the picture below is one of the many reasons why I love this city.

Enjoy! It was like an early Christmas gift.

This is so...Ohio. Didn't realize Fathead had a Disgraced Coaches section. Who knew?

Why do I get the feeling that if Bernie Madoff had won a National Title or two for Tosu and had a winning record against Michigan, Buckeye fans would hang a wall-sized poster of him in their double-wides?

Damn straight it's a trailer park joke!

MZone Holiday Mode

2011-12-17T00:09:00.000-05:00

Light blogging probably from now until the Sugar Bowl draws near as real life takes over during the holidays. Of course, the last time we said "light blogging" here at the MZone, Ohio State imploded in a sea of scandal and we never had a break. Therefore, if Tosu decides to do it again (which would be the best Christmas present of all), you can rest assured that the MZone will fire up Ye Olde Photoshop Machine.

However, even during the craziness of the next couple weeks, we'll keep throwing 140-character nuggets your way on a regular basis via Twitter. So be sure to follow us @MZoneBlog. And any new material will be below this post.

Go Blue!

Have a Hoke and a Smile

2011-12-16T00:23:00.002-05:00

At the Michigan Football Bust this week, emcee Desmond Howard compared Michigan to a soft drink brand and the Rich Rodriguez years to one of the flavors:

"It’s a brand. It’s like Coke. So, some people in the board room at Coke made some crazy decisions in the past to make Cherry Coke. But then the consumers didn’t like it too much. So, they had to go back and bring in some brilliant mind to get this thing back on track."

Now, I think Howard meant New Coke, not Cherry Coke. And I take great umbrage if he didn't, comparing the failed Rich Rod flavor to the highly underrated Cherry Coke (which, if 11 Cherry Coke cans lined up on defense last year, could not possibly have done worse statistically than what Gerg employed).

But that's all behind us now. I'm just happy with have the real thing as Michigan's head coach since -- wait for it -- things go better with Hoke.

ED. NOTE: Yes, this entire post was simply an excuse to Photoshop a Diet Coke can as a Brady Hoke can. But can you blame us? After reading Desmond's quote, it was just the sort of low hanging fruit we can't resist here at the the MZone.

Brandon hired as Christmas consultant, unveils new look for Santa

2011-12-15T02:06:00.003-05:00

(from MZone wire reports) North Pole -- Kris Kringle named Michigan athletic director Dave Brandon as a special consultant for the upcoming Christmas holiday and changes are already in the works. At the press conference announcing his hiring, Brandon unveiled several new looks for Santa's iconic attire and said Jolly Old St. Nicholas will be wearing each of them as he heads across the globe on Christmas Eve.

Needless to say, not everyone was pleased.

Following a brief "elf fight" upon seeing leaked photos of the new suits on the popular holiday blog Every Day Should Be Christmas, Brandon calmed the crowd by assuring the concerned elves and several of the reindeer that these were not permanent changes nor were they the only suits Santa would wear during his yearly sleigh ride. Most of the time, Brandon said, Santa would still be wearing his traditional all-red-with-white-fringe suit. He insisted the new "legacy costumes" would only be used for a limited time during a small portion of the trip.

"The new candy-cane-adorned suit is only going to be worn over parts of Canada, the violet snow-flaked-encrusted costume is for the Netherlands, and the tie dye look is specifically for UC Berkeley," said Brandon as Mrs. Claus and Rudolph stood nearby, modeling two of the new suits.

Brandon claimed he understood the anger expressed by those who didn't want any changes to Santa's familiar and time-honored look. However, he pointed out that an update to the Old Man's attire was needed if Christmas wanted to continue to appeal to a younger audience. "Look at Halloween," said Brandon. "It's a marketing bonanza because there are so many different costumes to choose from. Kids love it. So while we're sensitive to tradition here at Christmas, we're also mindful of the need to keep pace with the other holidays during the year."

The new suits will be available starting Friday on The SantaDen for $60 each.

Miscellaneous Monday

2011-12-12T00:22:00.002-05:00

There's Now a Dead Guy in The Big House

Saw this on YouTube: some dude sprinkled his stepfather's ashes on the field at Michigan Stadium after the Wolverines beat Ohio last month...

Sure, on one hand I get it. On the other, uh, well, there's some dead guy now on the 50 at The Big House.

The Perfect Addition to Any Office

Got the following email last week:

Felt the need to share the newest addition to my office. I might take him home and make him the center piece for the Sugar bowl party!

I live in Nebraska so I’m thinking of putting a pile of half eaten corn under him!

Go Blue!

Nick

That's probably the only Wolverine anybody from Nebraska laid a hand on this year.

M Go Camaro!

While Nick's office addition is a fine way to show your Michigan pride, the picture below is not.

I was searching on Google for a picture for a post using the words "Christmas" and "University of Michigan" and, sadly, this popped up:

Man, we sure wish he'd have just gone with the 1/2 shirt at Wal-Mart instead.

We're not together anymore, Rich. This is getting awkward

2011-12-09T03:42:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, Rich Rodriguez did a radio interview on The Huge Show on WBBL out of Grand Rapids. I know: why is the new head coach of Arizona doing radio interviews in Grand Rapids, Michigan, rather than scouring God's earth for a decent defensive coordinator to join him in Tucson? Good question. But I digress. Anyway, during the interview (which you can listen to here on MVictors), Rodriguez was asked the following about Michigan:

"Do you think if you were still the coach this team would have been 10-2 this year?"

"Yep. At least." (laughs) "But that's again being confident and a lot of things going the right way, and certainly we had to make a few changes, needed alterations and had to play better defensively." [emphasis added]

Look, I don't want to beat a dead horse here but if you're gonna say that, then pardon me while I get my whip. Okay, got it. Thus...

You're out of your fucking mind. I'm just happy Michigan didn't have to go through a 4th year of The Dark Period to prove it. I'm glad we didn't have to watch another squad not only not improve during the course of a season, but get worse as the weeks wore on. I'm thankful to not have seen a great offense get stuck in the mud each time it played a team with a pulse.

I'm glad that's all behind us.

Rodriguez's answer perfectly illustrates exactly why -- outside the obvious W's and L's -- that I was relieved after Michigan pulled the plug when it did. When it came to the losing, that wasn't his fault due to -- get ready for the list -- injuries, "bare cupboards," everyone not "pulling in the same direction, whether it's coaches and players and administrators," etc. etc. etc. INSERT ANOTHER EXCUSE HERE.

And now that Michigan is coming off the first 10-win season by a rookie coach in A2 since Fielding H. Yost in 1901, one that not even the most optimistic fan could've hoped for? Naturally, Rodriguez could have done just as well. At least.

No, that's not confidence, that's hubris. That's a man who hasn't learned from his mistakes like he claimed he has. That's a coach I'm glad is no longer leading our team.

So what should Rich Rod have said to the interviewer's question?

How about something along the lines of, "I don't want to get into that. It serves no purpose. I'm the head football coach at Arizona now, not Michigan anymore. But since I coached most of those guys, I'm happy for them, proud of them and wish them the best. They and the current staff did a tremendous job this season."

It's called the high road. With no subtext to deflect blame. No wink-wink to make sure folks "know" what "really" happened.

Instead, once again, Rodriguez sounds like an old lover who says he's moved on but then takes every opportunity to talk about why the relationship didn't work out and, more importantly, doing so via thinly veiled barbs explaining why the break-up wasn't his fault.

Contrast that with Brady Hoke's words.

When he was first hired, Hoke was asked about his expectations for the upcoming season. Now, it would have been very easy and understandable for him to say something about lowering expectations due to a new coach with new assistants coming in with new schemes, new plays and new ideas. He could have pointed out he was taking over the worst defense in the history of Michigan football. He could have asked for time saying Vince Lombardi couldn't make that much of an impact in one year. He could have said a lot of things like that.

But he didn't.

Instead, if you recall, Hoke said that the expectation is for Michigan to win the Big Ten championship. He said that's always the expectation at Michigan. And he stated that if they didn't do that, then he and his assistants will have failed the players.

When Michigan lost the MSU game played in the tornado scene from The Wizard of Oz, he could have shouted from the rooftops about how Michigan was robbed due to MSU's thuggish play. But he made no excuses.

And at the end of his inaugural 10-2 season which led to a BCS bowl berth, was Hoke basking in his success or pointing out how well he did? Quite the contrary. Hoke said his team didn't win the B1G and thus they still had a lot of work to do.

Rodriguez also mentioned in this interview (and others) that Michigan's players this season were "his guys." Really? Weren't contributors this season such as Hemingway, Herron, Huyge, Molk and Wolfolk all 5th year seniors who were recruited by and thus played a season for Carr? And, correct me if I'm wrong, weren't players like Demens, Floyd, Koger, Martin and Moore 4th year seniors who were initially recruited by Carr but still signed with Michigan when Rodriguez took over?

Point is, it's not "Rodriguez's team" any more than it's "Carr's team." It's Brady Hoke's team. It's Brady's team and he deserves the credit.

So good luck in Arizona, Rich. Really. Everybody says you're a nice guy. And the past has proven you're a good football coach. It just didn't work out in A2. Shit happens.

But if you have moved on as you claim, then please stop talking about it. And no, nobody wants to hear, "Well they asked me about it! I didn't bring it up." Fair enough. So in an effort to solve that problem, here's a crazy idea: stop doing interviews with Michigan-based media outlets for awhile. Because, going back to the old relationship example, you're gonna end looking like the dude who keeps hanging out with the mutual friend who lives down the hall on your ex's floor in her dorm. And that doesn't look good.

I'm just sayin'.

According to Rich Rod's telling of the story, the bare cupboards
were the fault of the previous homeowner.

From Our Readers...

2011-12-08T00:44:00.000-05:00

Mark "Green Skull" Dantonio?

Got the following email from KP:

So I was watching Captain America the other night and I couldn't help but notice that Huge Weaving (I think that's his name) who plays the Red Skull looks deceptively similar to one coach in Green and White.

You make the call.

Let's take a looks, shall we? Here's Hugo...

And here's Complaino...

Busting a Nut

The following was sent to us by Steve who runs Michigan Meets SC (as in the state)...

Back in 2006, the last time Michigan and Ohio State played for anything meaningful, a friend of mine and work colleague came back from a visit to Cincinnati Ohio, her home town, and brought me a buckeye. Attached to it was a little flag. One side said “Do Not Open” and the other side said “Until Michigan Beats Ohio”. Notice even back then “State” was gone. Huh, go figure. It sat on my desk and over the years the nut dried out, the hull began to crack and peel away. I could see the nut but not touch it. I had really taken it for granted, like it would always be there. Intact.

Anyway never giving up hope I applied tape and such to keep in intact for one day I knew I would get to peel away what pissed me off and bust that nut open. Anyway on November 28^th at 5:00 PM I cracked that nut. Up until my drive to work that Monday morning I had forgotten about it. A dreary Monday suddenly turned into a day long anticipation of releasing that nut from it’s confine of tape and dried hull. It was truly like winning all over again. Almost ceremonial. I hope I don’t have to wait that long again to get a nut. Thanks Team 132.

If you have an idea, picture, link or video for the site, please send it our way!

Ohio Needs Our Help

2011-12-07T00:56:00.007-05:00

Last night, we got a tweet from @BPotterR alerting us to an opportunity to help our neighbors to the south. Apparently the fine folks in Ohio are looking for a new slogan for their license plates:

On behalf of Governor John Kasich, welcome to "MY OHIO PLATE." Ohio's new license plate and driver's license will showcase how Ohioans feel about Ohio. Please select the one slogan, phrase or fact that you think best describes Ohio. The deadline for submitting your recommendation is January 8, 2012. We'll review your suggestions and unveil the final version later in 2012.

Folks are then presented with a list of options to choose from including (and no, we're not making these up):

* 1st Traffic Light
* White Trillium (which is not the substance the bad guy is trying to obtain in the next James Bond movie, it's a flowered plant)
* 40,948 Square Miles
* State of Perfect Balance
* Rubber Capital of the World

They also have Tosu-centric choices such as "The Horseshoe" and "Woody Hayes" (we're guessing somebody tried to get "Fuck Michigan" on there but was unsuccessful).

Sure, some of these are okay. I mean, who wouldn't be bursting with state pride driving around sporting "1st Traffic Light" on their license plate. But none of them really capture what Ohio is. Luckily, there is a way we can be neighborly and help Ohio with this important and difficult decision. At the bottom of the BMV page with the choices is a blank write-in box under the heading "What does Ohio mean to you." Naturally, we have very strong feelings about that one. So, after giving it some thought, we here at the MZone came up with a couple suggestions:

* The Buckstache State
* I believe in hell, I live in Ohio
* Ohio: It's like Michigan...only without the class or scenery
* Speed Trap Capital of the World
* Ohio: Round ends, high inside. Just like its residents
* It could be worse, I could live next door in Kentucky
* Who farted?

Anyway, we're still trying to figure out which one to submit. And make sure you do your part for Ohio by giving them a suggestion. Let us know what it is in the comments section.

UPDATE: T-man sent us his submission. Pretty darn good...

University of Illinois Official Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl Email

2011-12-06T02:43:00.006-05:00

Many Michigan fans received an email from the Alumni Association and/or the Athletic Department about tickets for Michigan's Sugar Bowl appearance and bowl tour packages. Pretty exciting stuff.

Of course, not all bowl games are created equal. In an MZone exclusive, we have obtained the bowl email the University of Illinois sent to its alumni and fans. You'll notice the excitement level isn't quite the same...

Holy fucking crap!

The University of Illinois football team is just as stunned as you are to find out we were invited to a bowl game. We're playing in something called the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl on December 31 against the only team in America less deserving than the Illini, the 6-7 UCLA Bruins (I know, right?). And as embarrassing as this is for all involved, we're actually required to send out this email inviting you to join the Fighting Illini as our interim head coach faces off against their interim head coach in a bowl game so absolutely unnecessary even hunger is ashamed to be associated with it.

You may purchase bowl tickets (limit of 14,000) for $25 -- Box Endzone (Note: the box is to be placed over your head to hide your identity just in case any TV cameras point your way), $50 -- Sideline View (of the other seven people in your section lonely enough to be spending New Year's Eve at this cripple fight), or $75 -- Club (as in you're in a special club of not very smart people who paid $75 bucks to see a team on a 6 game losing streak face off against a team that actually has a losing record). There is also a special Family Plan Ticket Package. Bring the family to the game and, for $40, get 4 tickets, 4 hot dogs, 4 sodas, 2 game programs and a free evaluation by a trained medical professional curious to know why you hate your family so much.

Ticket sales begin Tuesday, December 6 at 8:30 a.m. (with the office pool over/under on when the first call actually comes in now hovering around 4 p.m. -- on December 27th). To order tickets, visit www.lookatthepileofdogshitRonZookleftbehind.net or call the Illini ticket office at 1-877-HOW-HUMILIATING. As an incentive, a raffle will be held at halftime of the game in which the winner will get an immediate interview for the head coaching vacancy at either of the game's participating schools.

Travel packages are also available. Each includes hotel accommodations, game tickets, and ground transportation to San Francisco's AT&T Park on game day (although this fiasco is such a crime it should be held on Alcatraz). Be sure to also ask about attending our Official University of Illinois Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl Tailgate! But don't delay as we only reserved a four-top at IHOP for this humdinger.

Let's paint the town orange and blue! (or, short of that, see if we can get at least one dude to show up wearing orange and another in blue)

CLICK HERE FOR TICKET INFORMATION

(no, it's not a live link as we don't think such a radical move is either warranted or necessary)

MZone Autopsy: Bowl Selection Edition

2011-12-05T03:49:00.001-05:00

Michigan got rewarded for its big turnaround in 2011 (and, let's be honest, for being Michigan, fergodssake) with a Sugar Bowl invite. The Wolverines will take on the Virginia Tech Hokies on January 3rd in the first ever meeting between the two schools.

Let's take a quick look at the Sugar and a couple other bowl matters.

MZone Autopsy: Bowl Selection Edition

* The early line from the Wynn in Las Vegas has Virginia Tech as a 2.5 point favorite.

* This is Michigan's second appearance in the Sugar Bowl. The Wolverines lost to Auburn 9-7 in 1984. Michigan's last BCS game was a 32-18 loss to USC in the 2007 Rose Bowl. U-M's last BCS victory was 35-34 over 'Bama in the 2000 Orange Bowl.

* While I'm obviously thrilled to be in any BCS bowl after wandering in the football wilderness the previous three seasons, I would have much rather played Boise or K-State.

* V-Tech is 11-2 with both losses being beat downs at the hands of Clemson

* To those saying that Michigan didn't deserve a BCS bid: if there were a 16-team playoff, Michigan would have made it. If there were a 4-team playoff, the teams folks are bitching the most about for getting left out -- namely KSU and Boise -- would still have been left out. So really, the argument that Michigan shouldn't have gotten an at-large berth and a "more deserving" team should have is just an argument about which playoff format one favors, then trying to overlay their "rage" on top of the selections made. Because outside the top 2, the system is basically about the teams that would have made a 16-team playoff forced to play musical chairs. That's it.

* Best thing about Michigan's BCS bid: it pissed off MSU and Drew Sharp. Sweeeeet!

* Michigan is tied for the 17th toughest schedule (the other team tied at 17? VA Tech). K-State's schedule was 23rd, Boise's was 40th. Michigan played 10 -- yes, 10! -- bowl-bound teams this season.

* Dear Spartan fans: Stop bitching. Michigan didn't "take" anything from you. After losing the B1G title game, you dropped to #17 in the BCS rankings. You weren't even eligible to go to a BCS game. Yes, you beat Michigan during the season. Congrats. You also got smoked by ND and Nebraska, two teams U-M beat. In both of Michigan's losses, the Wolverines had a chance in the fourth quarter. If you should be pissed at anybody, it's the two DBs who somehow were right next to the Badger receiver but gakked during Wisco's 4th and 6 conversion that ultimately led to their winning TD. Be mad at your coach who called for a punt block when you were about to get the ball back with just over 1:30 left in the game. Get upset with the player who ran into the kicker. Don't blame Michigan for having the Rose Bowl in your grasp then letting it slip through your fingers.

Then again, life is unfair. Like when a player punches a dude in the face but doesn't get kicked out of the game. #Karma

Actually, I'm guessing even you guys can see the irony in a team that bragged about their goal of playing "60 minutes of unnecessary roughness" each game losing the B1G title and Rose Bowl bid on a roughing the kicker call. Doh!

* Things that are "cute" now but that you are going to get tired over over the next month until the game comes: "Geaux Blue!" and "Hoke vs. the Hokies."

* Worst bowl match up: 6-6 Illinois (riding a 6 game losing streak and having fired its coach) vs. 6-7 UCLA (having also fired its coach) in the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl. Even hunger is embarrassed.

* Amazing how an LSU/Bama rematch is okay to the SEC now, but they were up in arms about the possibility when Michigan's only loss in 2006 was by also by just three points to the #1 team in the country...but on the road instead of at home...and less than 24 hours after the most iconic coach in school history had passed away.

* Finally, our pal Andy, who did the "Sparty No!" pic above has put together a Sugar Bowl wallpaper for your download pleasure. Enjoy!

A Michigan fan's weekend rooting schedule

2011-12-02T02:12:00.003-05:00

I'm not a fan of a playoff (I'm an old bowl tie-in then unseeded +1 supporter), but this weekend's conference championship games are a complete waste of time. Seriously, how bad is the system when the only impact from a ranking standpoint isn't at the top but whether or not #16 Michigan -- which isn't even playing -- will end up in the BCS top 14 and thus be eligible for a BCS bowl game?

I mean, just about everybody agrees that LSU can lose the SEC title game on Saturday and it won't matter -- they'll still play in the BCS Championship against Alabama. But who doesn't want that dream match up of a team that didn't win its division versus a team that didn't win its conference to prove on the field which is the best team in America?

At least there's some excitement in the other title games. Like will UCLA yell mercy in the 3rd quarter of the PAC-12 championship game against Oregon, in which the Bruins are a 31 point 'dog? Or who will win the ACC, where...uh...Clemson plays...somebody else...in a game nobody watches anyway? And let's not forget the ~~Seat Filler~~ B1G Championship where Sparty takes on the Badgers in a showdown featuring two of the angriest, stick-up-their-ass coaches in America.

Damn, somebody pinch me!

Of course, as mentioned above, the only reason to watch this weekend's games is to see if Michigan can rise from its current spot at #16 in the BCS standings into the top 14. So, who do we need in which contests? Let's discuss, shall we...

B1G Championship -- # 13 Michigan State vs. # 15 Wisconsin

Root For: MSU (although if you can't stomach the thought, it hopefully shouldn't matter)

Why: A win by either should drop the loser behind Michigan. That goes for Sparty even though they beat Michigan since this would be their third loss. And who doesn't like to see Sparty suffer? However, from a strength of schedule standpoint, it might be more helpful if Sparty wins, thus dropping Wisco and beefing up U-M's SOS.

SEC Championship -- #1 LSU vs. #14 Georgia

Root For: LSU to win in a rout

Why: While it probably doesn't matter in terms of the BCS Championship, it does matter big time for Michigan. A Bulldog victory would be very bad. And even a close Bulldog loss could be troublesome. Thus, this is no time for Crazy Les to be on the sidelines. We need focused, grass-eating Les.

Bedlam -- #3 Oklahoma State vs. #10 Oklahoma

Root For: Okie State

Why: Simply put a loss won't drop the Cowboys below Michigan. Maybe a blow out could, but it would have to be massive. But the game's in Stillwater so don't count on it. With two losses already, a Sooner set back would be perfect for the Wolverines' hopes.

PAC 12 Championship -- # 9 Oregon vs. How-The-F*ck-Is-This-6-6-Team-Here UCLA

Root For: UC.. I can't even type it with a straight face

Why: The answer to the question about how on God's earth UCLA is here is that 10-2 USC is on probation. Look, obviously it would be extremely helpful to Michigan if UCLA won (as Oregon would drop like a stone in the BCS rankings) but if you're hoping for that, you're also hoping to find out Santa Claus is real this December and thinking the NCAA is actually going to impose sanctions with teeth against OSU.

Ed. Note: The only good thing about this is the where the PAC 12 stages its title game -- at the home stadium of the team with the better conference record. Thus, there is no need for seat fillers. And it keeps teams playing hard in order to lock up this benefit. Take note, B1G.

#11 Kansas State vs Iowa State

Root For: Iowa State

Why: The computers love K-State. Even though they're only #15 in the human polls, they're #11 in the BCS. A loss ends that problem. And ISU has a lot to play for -- they're 6-5 and another win would significantly improve their bowl outlook. But the game's in Manhattan, KS so it's going to be tough.

ACC Championship #5 Virginia Tech vs. #20 Clemson

Root For: Virginia Tech

Why: A Hokie loss probably won't drop them below Michigan while a Clemson win might -- maybe -- help them vault the Wolverines. So play it safe: Go Va-Tech!

Texas at #17 Baylor

Root For: Texas

Why: Baylor is breathing down Michigan's neck at #17. A win -- with their Heisman Trophy candidate QB -- against a name program and there's a good chance the Bears jump the Wolverines (plus, Baylor President Kenneth Starr will sue if they don't). Go Longhorns!

Conference USA Championship -- #6 Houston vs. #24 Southern Miss

Root For: Southern Miss in a rout

Why: This is another example of a game that may not matter since Houston is #6 and undefeated. However, maybe a big Southern Miss win will cause voters to realize that Houston's "best" victory this season is against...nobody.

Well, Michigan fans, that's the weekend. You now know who to root for. Get at it!

Fingers crossed and...

Go Blue!

David Boston gets his Buckstache on!

2011-12-01T18:31:00.002-05:00

You know, folks, with the regular season over, there's always a worry that there will be a lack of materiel to fill the MZone "pages." But then I remembered, Wait a minute -- we live in a world where the next Buckeye scandal is just around the corner. Case in point:

Most of you probably remember former OSU receiver David Boston who is best know for getting owned by Marcus Ray in the '97 M/OSU game and having said ownage immortalized on the cover of SI...

Well, Boston has a new, bigger embarrassment to add to his resume: Buckstache.

For those of you not familiar with the term (shame on you!) it refers to Ohio State fans, players and players-to-be busted for various run-ins with the law who all seem to sport various degrees of upper-lip-centric facial hair.

So what did Boston do?

According to this story sent to me by MZone reader SH:

Boston was charged with aggravated battery on Wednesday. Boston allegedly punched a woman twice in the head, leaving a gash that required 10 stitches."

One woman who lived with Boston (but was not the one beaten) said she witnessed Boston drink a bottle of vodka, a bottle of wine, and take some pills on Wednesday. Boston was supposedly set to move out into a nearby hotel.

What a gentleman.

And here's Boston rockin' the full bearded Buckstache for his mugshot...or should we say Buckshot?

HAIL: Brady Hoke named Big Ten Coach of the Year

2011-12-01T02:33:00.001-05:00

Some said he was the back-up choice. Some claimed Michigan settled when it "couldn't" land Les Miles or Jim Harbaugh. Still others derisively pointed to his ties to former coach Lloyd Carr.

Today, those folks are hard to find.

He's B1G Coach of the Year, fer God's sake!

After leading Michigan to a 10-2 record -- including a perfect 8-0 at the Big House with wins over ND, Nebraska and Ohio -- Brady Hoke was named the Big Ten Coach of the Year by both the media and the other coaches in the conference. It was the 6th time a first-year coach had been awarded the media honor which began in 1972 and is named after some guy you probably never heard of. This marks the inaugural presentation of the coaches' award which is called the Hayes-Schembechler and is named after...I'm kidding. If you need an explanation for that, please ask your mom how to get back to the Justin Bieber fan site.

As pointed out here and so many other places, Hoke took over a team that had only won six B1G games the previous three seasons and matched that total in his first. He inherited a defense that was both a punching bag and a punchline. It was "ranked 110th in total defense in 2010, 16th this season. It was 108th in scoring defense in 2010, No. 9 this year." And contrary to some fears, the offense didn't suffer -- it was 25th in scoring last year, 23rd this year with a game to go.

In short, Hoke did a helluva job. Best of all, he did it with class and dignity.

And he's starting to run out of room in his trophy case as this is Hoke's third Coach of the Year honor in four seasons. Previously, Hoke won the MAC's Coach of the Year award while at Ball State, then he won the same honor for the Mountain West when he was the head man at SDSU.

Well done, Coach!

Coincidentally, on the same day Hoke was honored, former Michigan defensive coordinator Ron English was named Coach of the Year in the MAC for his work in turning around the Eastern Michigan ~~Hurons~~ Eagles.

Gee, I guess Lloyd Carr's coaching tree isn't too shabby after all.

Finally, this feels like the perfect time to repost the MZone editorial below that first went up on January 13th of this year.

Will some UM fans one day wish they hadn't "shouted at the airport?"

I've been disappointed by the harsh criticism of the Hoke hire in some Michigan quarters. Obviously one doesn't have to do cartwheels if they disagree - that's what being a sports fan is all about. But some of the shrill negativity from Day 1 is sad (and no, Rich Rod didn't face such a "the sky is falling!" response immediately following the announcement of his hiring and his first press conference. But more about that in a post next week).

Judging by some reactions, one would think Dave Brandon hired me (I got a call, but no face-to-face). Hell, Fox News wasn't this harsh on Obama until at least six days after his inauguration.

But history always has the last laugh.

When Gene Chizik was hired at Auburn in December 2008, the first video shows the "welcome" he got from one Tiger fan. This, uh...passionate fan...showed up at the airport to heckle AD Jay Jacobs as he arrived back upon the Plains with his new coach. The fan was less than thrilled by the selection of Chizik, a former Auburn assistant - an "Auburn Man" if you will - who just went 5-19 at Iowa State.

Actually, there's no need for me to point out Chizik's record as you'll soon understand why:

But, in the wake of Auburn's national title, the maker of the new video below theorizes that that airport "Greeter" might do things a little differently if he had a mulligan:

I hope those Michigan fans who are "shouting at the airport" today regarding Hoke's hire also wish they had a do-over in the near future.

(Video HT: EDSBS)

ED. NOTE: As Benny noted (yes, that Benny), did you hear what the guy in the top vid shouted out around the :58 second mark?

God spites ref for bad call

2011-11-30T10:32:00.000-05:00

Been meaning to say something about this...

Did you notice the bile bursting forth from the ref when he announced they were overturning Fitz Toussaint's TD late in the game? Everybody I was watching with asked, What the hell was that?

Well, after getting all Zapruder on it, I think a Higher Power was in the process of making the ref's innards purge themselves from his body after such an atrociously bad call.

Who's coaching Ohio: The Urban Legend or the Urban Myth?

2011-11-29T00:57:00.000-05:00

As you may have heard by now (I think it was on the one of the sports blogs somewhere), Ohio hired a new coach yesterday. And they got themselves a great coach.

There. I said it. Based on his past record and accomplishments, one could even argue they got the best available coach. But in the immortal words of Lee Corso, ~~"Aww, fuck it!"~~ "Not so fast my friends."

Just four short years ago, Michigan nabbed a can't miss coach who'd won everywhere else he'd been. And 10 months ago after the can't miss coach did, they hired what a sizable portion of the U-M fan base called -- and I'm being kind here -- the 85th choice when "better" choices like Jim Harbaugh and Les Miles didn't pan out. And Michigan's equivalent to some of a "safety school" hire has so far gone better than almost any of us dared to dream.

Point is, you don't know. So while Ohio State fans spent much of the yesterday ~~yelling at their dial up modems because they couldn't get online at the Rent-to-Own store for Cyber Monday~~ believing that an O-H was already being engraved on the next BCS Championship Trophy ~~that they'll be on probation for~~, I say there are no guarantees. I mean, wasn't John Cooper hired due to his past success at ASU, including a Rose Bowl victory over Michigan? And I seem to recall more than a few snickers in Maize and Blue circles -- and panic in Scarlet and Gray/Grey ones -- when OSU struck out with bigger names and hired some guy named Jim Tressel "pryor" to the 2001 season.

And just who is this guy? Yeah, I know about the "W"s and "L"s, but I mean the man behind the headset. The man whose program had over 30+ arrests in his 6 years at Florida. Who quit, then unquit, then quit again when things got tough in Gainesville. Who swore he wasn't interested in the OSU job a couple months ago -- so much so that his daughter took to Twitter to quell the speculation -- then denied again last week while parsing his words like a practiced politician when the story began to leak about his impending hire. It was "truthiness" at its finest.

So sure, the hire looks perfect on paper. And on the Buckeye blogs. But the games aren't played there. As Matt Hayes said in the Sporting News, the Urban Meyer the Buckeyes think they're getting might not be the one who'll actually be on the sidelines.

But what if Meyer turns out to be as advertised?

Bring it. Because isn't that who you want to go into Columbus and beat next year? Isn't that what The Game is all about? Bo vs. Woody. The Ten Year War. Our best against their best.

So let's do this. No matter which Meyer they got. We'll help get the smack talk started...

It's never too early to start the smack talk!

MZone Picture of the Day: Super Sale in Ohio

2011-11-28T12:30:00.003-05:00

Our pal BigAssHammm who, unfortunately, is trapped behind enemy lines, sent us this picture he took near Cuyahoga Falls, OH on Saturday. We're guessing this display was full...until right after the Michigan-Ohio game ended.

MZone Autopsy: That School in Ohio

2011-11-28T04:16:00.001-05:00

I think I'm only now finally coming down off the high. That game...that game...

That game.

I don't think I've been as nervous for a Michigan game since the '97 Michigan-Ohio State when the Rose Bowl and National Championship were on the line. Crazy as this may sound, Saturday's game almost felt like it was more important for Michigan's psyche. Personally, I don't think I've ever wanted one more -- nay, needed one more -- than the 2011 edition of The Game.

Had Michigan lost it would have been devastating. Yes, there would have been no denying the strides made this year, but a loss would have gnawed at the soul for a long time. Instead, Michigan's hard fought victory has turned the 2011 campaign into one that none of us could have realistically hoped for or imagined. And back on the personal level -- it made blogging and Twitter a hell of a lot of fun over the weekend!

Now let's take one more look back at The Game that ended The Streak in...

MZone Autopsy: That School in Ohio

* Don't let the close score in any way shape or form detract from the sweet taste of victory. Some Buckeye fans are trying to taint the victory by saying this was the worst OSU team in forever. And yes, many Michigan fans didn't just want a "W," they wanted retribution. But this Ohio State squad was a team playing with nothing to lose, finally fielding a team with all its weapons, the most potent of all being desperation.

So this was exactly the kind of titanic struggle that the great mythology of this series demanded and deserved. To understand why it absolutely had to play out the way it did, check out our post from yesterday, The Hero's Journey.

* The overturn of Fitz Toussaint's touchdown was one of the most egregiously bad replay calls I can remember. What part of "can only result from indisputable video evidence" did those clowns not understand?! It would have been criminal had Michigan lost after that. When that TD was taken off the board, I started to think that Benny Oosterbaan must've been busted having an affair with the wife of somebody pretty high up in the afterlife because it looked like the fickle finger of football fate was about to f*ck us. Hard. I hope somebody questions the B1G about it (the replay call, not Benny Oosterbaan's sexually active ghost). Seriously. I really want to know what was indisputable. There were two angles, one in which the ball was over, one in which it might -- might -- have been, what?, an inch shy? Maybe. But indisputable? Hell no!

But don't just take it from some biased blogger. Watch this video of Fox Sports refereeing guru Mike Pereira as he goes over the play and discusses why it was wrong.

* Let the most recent chapter of The Game serve as reminder number 6,482 that Michigan-Ohio State must always be played on the last Saturday of the regular season. Saturday's showdown left no doubt that the B1G's marquee match up must never be moved. And if Dave ~~Branding~~ Brandon and Gene "See No Evil" Smith ever float the idea again of putting the game anywhere else -- as they did in 2010 which is why the MZone returned from cyber hibernation -- they should be immediately canned.

Ed. Note: I still believe it was a colossal mistake to put U-M and OSU in separate divisions, but that's a debate for another time if the B1G ever expands again.

* By beating that school in Ohio, Brady Hoke just became the first Michigan coach to claim at least 10 wins in his debut season since -- wait for it -- some guy named Fielding H. Yost in 1901 (who won 11).

* Brady's six B1G wins in his first season equaled the total conference games won during the three years of The Dark Period.

* Team 132 became the first Michigan team to ever go 8-0 at home in a single season. And anybody who said they predicted that (beating ND, Nebraska and Ohio along the way) or that Michigan would win 10 regular season games this year, is a liar or a meth head. Or a lying meth head.

* The 40 points Michigan hung on OSU is tied for the 4th most points Michigan ever scored against the Buckeyes and the most since putting up 58 in '46 (thought still a ways off from the record of 86 in 1902). And that wasn't some hack-ass defense since, even after the U-M game, OSU is tied with Oklahoma for the 27th best scoring D in the land and is #23 in total defense.

* Couldn't believe all the bitter tweets by Buckeye players immediately after the game. From one guy saying he's "never going to lose to those scrubs again" to Boren (not Justin but Zach) claiming Michigan showed a lack of "respect" for The Game, to several other disparaging comments by others, it actually made them look bad. I pictured them all sitting there on the team bus on their long ride home, heads buried in their smartphones, typing their tacky tweets while poor Luke Fickell sat up in the front, watching the rest of the CARS 2 DVD playing over bus' entertainment system.

* In looking up some of the stats for this post, I noticed Michigan's captain in 1908 was Adolf "Germany" Shultz. I guess in 1908 you could get away with that. Nowadays he'd claim his first name was Eddie and go by "Shultzy."

* Luke Fickell did a great job in a virtually impossible situation. And I'm not just talking about the Michigan game. All season. But I was particularly impressed with how he handled himself in the post-game presser, when he was getting hammered with questions about his future. He made it all about The Game. Best of luck to him in the future.

* As you know, Buckeye fans are waiting on pins and needles for Santa to deliver an early present for their team in the form of new head coach Urban ~~Liar~~ Meyer this week. And some Michigan fans are worried such a hire will tip the scales back in the Bucks' favor after only one Michigan victory. Well, if I may say something to those folks that someone may have tweeted in kinder terms over the weekend: Sack. The. Fuck. Up. This is Michigan, for God's sake!

First of all, those name hires rarely work out as well as hoped for. For every Saban at 'Bama, there's a Dennis Erickson at ASU. And I even seem to recall a "can't miss coach" being hired in A2 a couple years ago, a guy who'd won "everywhere he's been." But that didn't turn out so well if you recall.

More importantly, let them have their Urban Myth. It's great for the rivalry and we have Brady, for God's sake. If this season has proven anything, that ain't too damn shabby!

* Remember when Urban's daughter tweeted “HE IS NOT repeat NOT, GOING TO OHIO STATE" a couple months ago? Bad news: Daddy lied.

(Thanks to Andy for the picture!)

The Hero's Journey

2011-11-27T04:45:00.003-05:00

It's not supposed to be easy.

Mythologist Joseph Campbell believed that there is a basic structure to any good narrative. No matter the language, culture or country, he argued that there is a pattern that must be followed. A series of tests a story's protagonist must overcome to get what he wants. And the bigger the reward being sought, the more daunting the challenges must be to achieve it. The more valuable the golden chalice, the harder the quest to grasp it.

He called it the monomyth: The Hero's Journey.

Michigan fans had hoped for an easy victory over Ohio State. A blowout. A cake walk. But that's not how good stories are told. Even ones written not on the page, but between the lines of a college gridiron. For after 7* consecutive losses, the task was too important. After three years staring into the football abyss, the final push toward the mountain top demanded it be the hardest.

The hero's journey must never be easy.

He must enter the cave and slay the dragon. Not in the first chapter of the book. Or the start of the movie. And certainly not during the first half of college football's most storied rivalry when facing one's fiercest adversary .

Everything Michigan faced yesterday was a test to see just how bad they wanted it. How much they were willing to fight to get it. To determine if they would quit in the face of seemingly unending obstacles.

To discover just how far they were willing to go to complete their journey.

When facing the 3rd worst passing offense in the country, what were the Wolverines going to do when the Buckeyes scored on a 50+ yard touchdown bomb on their very first possession? When a nine point lead disintegrated into a one point deficit at halftime, how would they respond after the intermission? When the star QB fumbled, the punter gave one away, the rebuilt defense showed cracks and the opponent kept fighting, it was nature's way of asking one burning question:

How bad did the hero want it?

And just when it seemed success was at hand, like any good story, there was one final tribulation. One last twist. When the clinching touchdown was unfairly taken away with only moments left, would the hero rise yet one more time to the occasion, or finally give up. Falling just short of his goal.

Michigan's stirring victory over Ohio State played out just as it was supposed to. Exactly as it was intended to be written.

Saturday's conquest tastes so sweet today because the barriers blocking Michigan from seizing the crown seemed insurmountable. But now the demons have been vanquished. The biggest dragon slain. The maiden's hand won. The clock has struck :00.

And the hero's journey is now complete.

(HT: to @jlfelicity for sending us the pic above taken by @laurenleland)

Michigan - 40, That School in Ohio - 34

2011-11-26T16:17:00.004-05:00

It wasn't pretty, but it's a big Meeeeeechigan "W"!

And with The Streak now history, I think President Ford speaks for all Michigan fans in saying...

Yes, my fellow Wolverines, our long national nightmare is over!

Need more? Sure you do! And with the Michigan victory, here's one of the most beautiful things you'll see today courtesy of the Columbus Dispatch...

And this is what 114,000 Meeechigan fans celebrating a victory over OSU looks like...

(HT: BP for the pic!)

Michigan vs. Ohio Open Thread

2011-11-26T01:08:00.000-05:00

It's here. The Game. Meeeechigan vs. That School in Ohio. I want this one more than I've wanted to beat the Bucks in a looong time (uh, especially since we haven't beaten the Bucks in a looong time).

Leave us your thoughts and comments here and be sure to follow the MZone on Twitter.

GO BLUE! BEAT OHIO!

(Big thanks to Andy for all the fantastic wallpapers this week!)

And here's one more from our buddy Mikoyan and his site, Michigan Exposures...

Behind Enemy Lines: Talking M/OSU with The Buckeye Battle Cry

2011-11-25T20:07:00.001-05:00

As you know, we take special delight in giving our Big Ten brethren from Columbus grief here on the MZone (probably because we haven't been able to do it on the football field for quite some time ~~due to their lax interpretation of the rules~~). And while ~~most~~ ~~a large portion~~ some Tosu fans react to our shenanigans as they do when somebody tries to explain to them that pro wrestling is fake, some not only have a sense of humor, but they give as good as they get. Such is the case with the boys of The Buckeye Battle Cry.

This week, in anticipation of The Game, they asked the MZone to answer a few questions about the greatest rivalry in sport in their Across the Web series. So, in a nod to bipartisanship, we reluctantly agreed. Below is the transcript.

-------

Do you ever feel dirty rooting for the Maize and Blue? Do you ever get one of those shudders like pure evil has settled into your soul?

Never dirty, just horribly dazed watching what passed for our beloved Wolverines the last three years. And if you've been following the Maize and Blue this season, as you know, the only evil emanating out of A2 is of the Pop Evil variety. While, as the world knows, the evil that spews forth from Columbus is more of a Mordor strain.

What's your favorite memory of The Game? On the other end of the spectrum, what play or game gives you nightmares?

Sweet, sweet memories.

Near the top of the "good" list are '95 and '96 when Michigan wasn't given a chance and Ohio State was undefeated and, I believe, #2 in the country both times. Of the two, I think I enjoyed '96 a tad more just because it was in Columbus. That was the 13-9 Michigan win that swung U-M's way when Shawn Springs slipped and fell allowing Tai Streets to score on a 69 yard slant. OSU had been up 9-0 at halftime and you could almost hear the dread as it settled over the stadium. My god, I'm getting weepy just thinking about it again. But I digress.

Actually, at the top of my fave list has to be '97 when #1 Michigan faced off against #4 OSU with everything on the line. The Game initially looked to be a Wolverine rout with Charles Woodson returning a punt for a TD (you seen that replay once or twice, right?). But when OSU cut U-M's 20-0 lead to 20-14, you could hear a ~~car key jingle~~ pin drop in The Big House. Thankfully, Michigan held on and then won the Rose Bowl to claim a National Championship.

It was the stakes of '97 and what a victory meant that made it so meaningful and memorable. Conversely, that's precisely why 2006 still gives me nightmares. For the first time in history, Michigan and Ohio State were #1 and #2 at the time of The Game. OSU had the big lead at halftime but Michigan fought back. With 6:49 left, Michigan had cut the lead to 35-31. OSU had the ball on the Michigan 38 yard line, 3rd and 15. Troy Smith rolled out and threw an incomplete pass. Michigan was gonna get the ball back with a chance to drive down for the winning score. But...

Michigan LB Shawn Crable was flagged for a late hit on Smith. OSU got the first down and scored the clinching TD three plays later. So that play/game is still what sends a chill down my spine whenever I think about it. Now if you'll excuse me whilst I clean up the vomit from my keyboard after having to actually write about that &%$# game/play. (Memo to self: never do one of these Q&As with a Buckeye blog again. Ever.)

Many Ohio State fans are frustrated by our current Athletic Department's decision to commercialize football and basketball games. With M*ch*g*n making similar decisions regarding "special" uniforms and weddings at the Big House, are you concerned that some of the "soul" of gameday experience is being compromised?

I think this is Ohio State

100%. I loathe "special" uniforms. Does that mean I'm out of touch? Maybe. But you didn't need any of that shit for decades and The Game did just fine.

Look, I can't stand the very sight of your scarlet and gray/grey uniforms and your little pot-leaf-infested helmets. I get the same feeling seeing them that that a bull must get when he sees the color red (obviously bulls hate OSU, too). Which is exactly why, when Michigan plays Ohio State I want, to see them! That's part of the rivalry -- the bile that rises when I see your godforsaken uniforms. I want to see two teams in the 'Shoe or The Big House that look like Michigan and Ohio State, not Nike or Adidas ads.

I guess the only positive is, the last two years when you guys wore whatever it is the hell you wore for The Game, at least in some small way it didn't feel like we were losing to Ohio State because you didn't look like Ohio State (then again, we didn't look like Michigan. Unfortunately, that had nothing to do with our uniforms).

M*ch*g*n seems to have a defense for the first time since Mr. Carr left the program. What does that feel like, and who makes it happen?

Hey, been meaning to ask -- what's with the lack of "i's" when spelling Michigan? I assume it's because folks in Columbus are really big Wheel of Fortune fans. But again, I digress...

For years to be known as a defensive-minded school and then to not simply slip but completely implode was disgraceful and painful to watch. Worst of all was watching Michigan actually get worse as the season progressed the previous three years. Even in the year we lost to Appy State then got smoked by Oregon, by the time we got to the Ohio State game, we were playing for the Big 10 title and a trip to the Rose Bowl.

So here in 2011, to go from where we were just last year to where we are now is nothing short of miraculous. Last year we were the 110th ranked defense! How bad is that? Before this season, I think any U-M fan -- myself included -- would have been thrilled with something out on the field that wasn't a YouTube Yakety Sax clip waiting to happen. It's mind boggling to now be not only good, but statistically one of the best defenses in the country.

As for who makes that happen, Rich Rod inadvertently answered that during his presser this week when he was introduced as the new Arizona head coach. He said that it was hard watching Michigan play this year because "those are all my guys."

Exactly. Which means you have to give all the credit in the world to Brady Hoke and Greg Mattison for coaching them up to the level they've attained this season.

So- you've got another coach from Ohio who's turned things around for your program. What was your initial reaction when Hoke was hired?

Big fan and supporter from day one. Which wasn't even close to the case in much of the Michigan blogosphere. Many wanted a "bigger" name. Or thought Michigan "settled" for Hoke. But for every big-name hire that works miracles -- like Nick ~~Oversigne~~r ~~Oversaban~~ Saban at 'Bama -- many, many more fail, ala Rich Rod at Michigan ~~and hopefully Urban Meyer at Ohio State~~.

Put it this way, I don't seem to recall Buckeye fans exactly overjoyed with The Vest's hiring. He wasn't the first choice. But he loved Ohio State and understood the rivalry ~~and knew how to cover shit up~~. Heck, Michigan fans weren't thrilled when Bo was hired. The headline in the local Detroit paper was "Bo Who?"

Hoke loves Michigan, obviously gets the rivalry and is a damn good coach. You don't do what he did at Ball State -- BALL F'ING STATE! -- and SDSU and not have some coaching chops. And he's only confirmed that with what he's done this season at Michigan.

Colin Cowherd- Asshole, or Douchbag? Discuss...

Gee, how do you pick one? I think you have to merge them and go Assbag or Douchehole. Or, as he was named by the blogosphere after the CowherdItSomewhereElseFirst incident with us, Schrutebag. The guy's a clown. I don't think he has insight as much as he's successful at trying to call attention to himself by being a jackhat.

(Finally, something I think UM and OSU fans can actually agree on. )

Currently, tOSU has two M*ch*g*n natives on their roster, while UM has 21 former Ohioans on their squad (I'm assuming they've been permanently banned). With several more folks from our state seemingly headed north to the dark side, how does it feel to know the successes in Ann Arbor don't happen without the state of Ohio?

Say what you will about our lack of success against OSU the last couple of years, I think your very question proves that U-M is a school that will give a kid a chance to escape the heinous stigma of having to attend that school in Ohio. Sure, it may help our football team but on a larger human scale, it's more of an act of mercy and kindness.

In spite of your hopes and dreams, the Rodriguez Era didn't transmogrify into the Oregon Death Attack that you envisioned. What's your take on Rich and his time in Ann Arbor? How do you feel about his new gig in Arizona- will he raise them up?

From everything I've heard and read, Rich Rodriguez was a good guy. And his success pre-A2 points to a fine football coach. However, I think the fit was a bad one from the get go. He came in and talked like -- as well as backed up said words with his actions -- as if he was taking over at Buffalo State, not the winningest program in the history of football. Instead of "updating" our offense, he proceeded to tear everything to the ground. He threw not only the baby out with the bathwater, I think he also pitched the entire tub (or maybe it just got overrun by the sink while employing his 3-3-5 defense during the bath itself).

Rodriguez's attitude -- both stated and implied -- that "we had more work to do here than I thought" was both a) entirely incorrect and b) a mindset that leads (and led) to mediocrity (and worse). Contrast that with Hoke who said if we don't win the B1G our first season, we'll have let the kids down because that's what we always strive for at Michigan. Put it this way, I'll excuse his "failure" this year.

As for how he'll do in Arizona, I actually think he'll succeed there. While I don't think he'll compete with the powers in the Pac-12 year in and out (which is a UA issue, not RR issue), I think he'll put together a solid, winning program. And I wish him well. Again, sounds like a great guy, but wasn't the right man for the Michigan job.

We're asking everyone - If the B1G expands, who would you want to add? If we can only pick up one team, who would you drop from current membership to keep things at 12?

Boy, I don't know. I guess my two part answer to that is: a) anybody but Notre Dame. The B1G has been wooing them and kissing their ass for so long -- plus helping them schedule by having UM, MSU and Purdue play them each year -- that I say screw 'em. Not only do I not want them, I wish U-M would drop them from the schedule so we could play an interesting home-home against a variety of high-quality opponents like OSU is doing with Texas, Miami, etc.

And b) if we do expand, no matter who joins, the biggest thing we need to do is put Michigan and Ohio State back in the same division. I still believe that it was a colossal mistake to separate Michigan and Ohio State. There should never be a chance that the result of The Game will be a mulligan; a do-over in the conference championship game. N-E-V-E-R. Winner take all. That's part of what makes it special.

As for dropping someone, I wouldn't. I love the general stability of the conference. Although, just to be a dick I'd tell Brett Bulimia we were dropping Wisconsin only to watch his head explode. Not a fan of his. I bet he listens to Colin Cowherd.

How do you feel about this game coming in? Does it feel like that 2004 game, or do you feel that M*ch*g*n will finally be able to take advantage of having the upper hand again? Other than the ones your fans will jingle, what are the keys to a Wolverine victory?

I never want to say I'm confident going into The Game (certainly not after losing so many in a row, some of them even with Ohio State using eligible players). But while this could come back to bite me in the ass, I really like Michigan's chances. Looking at it as objectively as I possibly can, Michigan should win. Period. This year U-M is the better team. I think even OSU fans would admit that (internally, not out loud). Furthermore, unlike The Dark Period, Michigan is -- and I have to get used to this again -- actually improving as the season has gone on. Just as importantly, from what I've seen this year, OSU isn't close to a complete or good team. Miller is going to be a great QB...but not this year. Not yet. He's too young and doesn't have enough help around him. Plus, with The Game being played in The Big House, it really does feel like the odds and rivalry gods are in our favor.

As for the keys (to the game, not the famed Big House cheer variety), I actually believe the biggest is the mental aspect for Michigan. Sure, players can say they weren't around when The Streak started and they're a different group of guys. But in the back of their minds, they have to be feeling the pressure. Plus, with Fickell apparently gone, he and his team have nothing to lose.

So first and foremost, Michigan has to do their best to concentrate on just this Michigan/Ohio game, not the larger albatross that is The Streak. After that, the key is to make Braxton Miller beat you with his arm. I don't think he can do that yet, especially with what Mattison will be throwing at him from a scheme standpoint (at least that's my hope). If you see Braxton Miller with a lot of third and long situations, I think Michigan could potentially have a big day.

Offensively for Michigan, I think RB Fitz Toussaint is the key. I believe it actually starts with him more than Denard. As Fitz goes, so will go Denard. If he can establish himself early, forcing OSU to focus on both his and Denard's legs, the Bucks could be in for a long afternoon. So if I'm Fickell, I actually concentrate on stopping Fitz and once again try to turn Michigan into the one Denard man show of last season.

In closing, thanks for having me, gentlemen. I appreciate the opportunity to show that, while we both give each other a ton of crap online, there is a ton of respect for The Game and both participants (I almost said respect for that school in Ohio but my keyboard wouldn't even allow it to be typed).

Now, here is where I guess I'm probably supposed to wish you luck this Saturday. But it would be a complete and total lie. Thus, I wish you the opposite of luck.

Go Blue!

Still more BEAT OHIO wallpaper

2011-11-25T17:15:00.000-05:00

Just when you thought we couldn't give you more, Andy did!

Know Your Foe -- That School in Ohio 2011

2011-11-25T05:48:00.002-05:00

You know what I hate most about college football? How fast the damn season goes. I wait all year for it to start and then it's over in the blink of an eye. But you know what I love best about college football? Meeeeechigan vs Ohio State. The Wolverines vs the Buckeyes. Good vs Evil (I mean real, honest-to-god evil, not Pop Evil).

Tomorrow marks the 108th edition of The Game. And, even after the The Dark Period we just endured and The Streak which we're still suffering through, Michigan holds a 57-44-6 advantage. But that you know, what you didn't know about the angry mob of f-bomb aficionados from that school in Ohio is found below in the final regular season edition of Know Your Foe.

Ed Note: After Thanksgiving and family, I started and finished KYF waaaaay too late. Please forgive any typos. I'm too tired to re-read before passing out of exhaustion.

History - The school was founded as THE Ohio Agricultural and Mechanical College in 1870 as a land grant institution. Later that year, the first group of 24 students, including three women, started attending classes (while probably wearing "Fuck Michigan" shirts). Like most land-grant schools of the era, an internal battle was fought to determine the mission of the school. On one side was the "narrow gauge" crowd, looking to teach subjects strictly related to agriculture and mechanical functions. On the other side was the "broad gauge" crowd looking for a more diversified curriculum that included liberal arts and sciences. As was the case in almost all of these land grant battles, the “broad gauge” side eventually won. In 1878, in light of an expanded focus, the college permanently changed its name to Ohio State University.

But that wasn't the only battle for OSU, because the school was also under fire from other schools within the state of Ohio. Both Miami University and Ohio University were considered more prestigious institutions at the time -- and they were justifiably upset to not be selected as THE state university and the recipient of government allocations. Former U.S. President Rutherford B. Hayes lobbied hard for monies for Tosu, mocked the other schools, and basically browbeat the state legislature to give the new institution a prominent position above Miami and OU. In the end, the state legislature settled the issue by declaring Ohio State as the only school that would be allowed to offer doctoral degrees. Miami and Ohio would be limited to Bachelor and Masters Programs. This also established the proud Tosu trend of bullies named Hayes bringing their school glory.

Location - Columbus, Ohio. The city - named after the lost explorer - is the capitol and largest in the state of Ohio. Many folks are surprised to learn that C-bus is the biggest because the cities of Cleveland and Cincinnati are more well known, home to major league sports teams and not the center of evil in the known universe. According to Benny's 2007 KYF, Columbus has kept its largest city in Ohio title by bullying the few surrounding suburbs into annexation in exchange for sewer and water service that the city controls.

Nickname - The Buckeye is the official state tree and a creative term of endearment for the pioneers on the Ohio frontier. Apparently, one of the first acts of the original settlers was to cut one of these stinky trees down and somehow this led to calling themselves buckeyes since. The leaves appear in a five-leaf cluster, and the fruit (nut) resembles the eye of a deer, thus the name: buck-eye. It’s poisonous to humans, horses, cattle, and coaches as it apparently causes them to punch opposing players and lie to the NCAA.

Coincidentally, there is a city in the U.S. named Buckeye, though it's in Arizona, not Ohio.

Mascot - In 1965, Ohio State students Ray Bourhis and Sally Huber decided Ohio State needed a “game day” mascot and persuaded the athletic council to study the matter. At the time, mascots were commonly live animals brought into the stadium or arena. A buck deer was contemplated but that idea was eventually rejected given the impossible logistics of keeping a deer calm in a large crowd (even a deer can only hear so many f-bombs before losing its shit).

Instead, they went with a 40-pound paper-maché buckeye nut which was worn over the head and torso, with legs sticking out. They named him Brutus Buckeye. He made its initial appearance at the 1965 homecoming football game against Minnesota. The heavy costume did not last long and it was soon replaced by a more permanent and durable fiberglass shell. Sometime during the 1970’s they added a baseball cap to the bucknut with limbs. Today Brutus looks like something out of a muppet nightmare, frightens anyone he comes in contact with, angers other mascots into an uncontrollable rage and causes still others to do this on YouTube.

Thing Atop A Fast Foot Restaurant Brutus...Lonely Brutus...Asshole Frat Guy Brutus

Colors - Scarlet and Gray. The official colors were selected by three students in 1878. The reasoning for the combination was that they were a “pleasing combination” and weren’t being used by any other college. The original selection of orange and black was shot down when the students discovered that Princeton used those colors. This was the closest Ohio State has ever come to being confused with Princeton.

Logo/Helmet - The primary athletic Ohio State logo from 1957 to 1987 was a simple, yet enduring block “O”. Since 1987 they have added a more modern “Ohio State” arched through the middle. They have a ton of secondary logos, the most common combining the classic “O” with a buckeye leaf and nut.

One should be careful, however, not to confuse the official school logo with their now-more-well-know logo, The Buckstache.

Normally, the Buckeye's have their distinctive silver bullet helmet design. It had been unchanged since 1968 until Nike got involved and OSU whored-out The Game with "special" and "Pro-Combat" uniforms the last couple years. Thankfully, they'll be returning to tradition tomorrow. They also love to award their ~~little pot-leaf~~ Buckeye Leaf helmet stickers. The design was "originally drawn in 1950 by alum and comic strip artist Milton Caniff and was intended to represent the buckeye tree as a symbol for strength and sturdiness of all Ohio State students. The first Buckeye leaf decal appeared on the helmets of the 1967 OSU football team and are still given to players today for execution of an exceptional play on the field." They're now trademarked by the school.

Fight Song - In 1915, OSU student William A. Dougherty, Jr., set out to write the perfect fight song for his school. Dougherty felt that something more exciting was needed for pep rallies and football games than the sad melancholy Carmen Ohio (which sounds like something the students would sing in Dead Poets Society). Thus, Across the Field was born. It debuted on October 16, 1915 against Illinois and has not stopped playing since (although it is important to note that they had to wait another 4 years before they could play it during a win against Michigan).

While this is the main fight song, Buckeye Battle Cry is played after touchdowns (meaning Tosu fans haven't heard it a lot this season). Fan favorite Hang on Sloopy (NOT Snoopy) is played every home game and no mention of anything to do with the Ohio State music would be complete without a mention of Script ~~O-lie-o~~ Ohio in which their marching band boldly steps onto the field and performs a move they initially learned from the Michigan Marching Band.

As much as it pains me to say it, I think OSU's fight song and Battle Cry are top notch. And if you've ever been in the 'Shoe when Hang on Sloopy plays, it's pretty darn cool. Okay, enough compliments. Let's take a look at OSU academics.

So there's that

Academics - According to the latest U.S. News & World Report rankings, OSU is #55, tied with Pepperdine and U of M (puh-LEASE: Maryland) and their acceptance rate is 68%. But they did rank 8th in U.S. News' "Up and Coming" colleges section, tied with Ball State and a notch ahead of Biola University. So from everybody here at the MZone, congrats and good luck with that, OSU!

Athletics - Few schools have the athletic tradition of Ohio State. They currently field 36 varsity teams and are one of only three universities (Michigan and Cal-Berkeley being the others) to have won national championships in the big three sports (football, men's basketball, and baseball).

In 2007, Sports Illustrated nicknamed Ohio State's athletic program as being "The Program" due to the unsurpassed facilities, unparalleled amount of men's and women's sport teams, their success, and the financial support of an impressive fan base." Gee, after The Downfall, I wonder if they'd still say today?

Exceptional former athletes at Ohio State include Olympic Gold Medalist and Dude Who Made Hitler Eat Crow Jesse Owens, NBA greats John Havlicek and Jerry Lucas, college basketball coaching legend and chair-thrower Bobby Knight, and golf superstar Jack Nicklaus (attended, did not graduate).

Football - It is in football that most people recognize and associate Ohio State. They’ve won five recognized national championships, including most recently the 2002 crown. They’ve won 34 Big Ten titles (a number I didn't have to update after last years KYF due to their season being wiped away). They have a combined seven Heisman Trophies including the only two-time winner: Archie Griffin in 1974 and 1975. They have produced many NFL stars and college and pro football Hall of Famers. Famous names you might recognize include Jim Otis, Jack Tatum, Eddie George, Chris Spielman, Orlando Pace, and Cris Carter. Recent NFL first round draft picks include Chris "Beanie" Wells, Malcom Jenkins, Vernon Gholston, Anthony Gonzales, and Teddy Ginn Jr.

However, Ohio State is football probably most well known as a place that once-great coaches eventually are forced out in disgrace. The two most iconic coaches in the school's history met such a fate: Woody Hayes for punching a Clemson football player after he intercepted Art Schlichter; and Jim Tressel who "forgot" to tell his bosses, oh, 642 times about his players associating with shady characters, selling merchandise and lying to the NCAA.

Famous Alums - As you would expect, Ohio State has a long and somewhat impressive list of famous alums. They have many successful CEOs and political leaders. They have produced two Nobel Peace prize winners and have accumulated 10 Pulitzers. Recognizable names include former UofM President Harlan Hatcher, Tuskegee Airmen Squadron Commander Harold Brown, WWII Medal of Honor winner Robert Scott, Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center co-founder Charles Kettering, Goosebumps author RL Stine, Windex inventor Harry Drackett, Shoney’s founder Alex Schoenbaum, ESPN SportsCenter director Vince Doria, Actress Patricia Heaton, annoying comedian Richard Lewis, Rascal Flatts lead singer Gary LeVox, Ric Ocasek from The Cars, country singer Dwight Yoakim, Baseball Hall of Fame sportscaster Jack Buck, and the co-founder of Wikipedia Larry Sanger. They also provided an education to serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer. By far the most humorous and ironic name I find on this list is Teflon inventor Roy Plunkett which is probably why it took so long for folks to finally realize the truth about Tressel.

As much as Michigan fans don't want to admit it, Bo Schembechler has a graduate degree from Ohio State. From his coaching days under Woody, he also has a pair of those little gold-pants charms they give out for beating Michigan but never tried to sell his on eBay.

KYF counted at least four NASA astronauts, there may be more. And although the state of Ohio has produced eight US Presidents (William Henry Harrison, Ulysses S. Grant, Rutherford B. Hayes, James A Garfield, Benjamin Harrison, William McKinley, William Howard Taft, and Warren Harding) -- none of them attended or graduated from Ohio State. But they are an "Up and Coming" school. So who knows what the future holds.

The Game - The stakes in this game are huge...for Michigan. The pressure is all on U-M since they haven't beaten OSU since 2003* and this year's Buckeye squad is, frankly, not that good. The feeling by many is, if not now, when? Ohio State's offense is currently ranked 108th in the country. Basically, their offense is where Michigan's defense was last year. They're starting a freshman QB and are led by a soon-to-be-replaced coach. The odds couldn't be any more in Michigan's favor...which scares the hell out of me. Pre-The Dark Period, I wouldn't be that worried. But the albatross of The Streak makes the biggest obstacle to victory, I believe, mental. Plus, it's The Game. Anything can happen.

But not tomorrow. Not in The Big House. Not with Team 132. I think it'll be close - closer than we'd like, hope for or expect - but they have nothing to lose. Yet lose they will.

Michigan - 24
Ohio State - 17

Time to paint a happy little 'W'

2011-11-25T01:09:00.000-05:00

A pre-The Game post from our friend, Michigan Sports Girl of @SupportBradyHoke.

Not sure if many people know, but famed artist Bob Ross was quite the Michigan fan. On the day of The Game, he was known to proclaim "Beat the devil out of the Buckeyes!" in the same vein that he always cleaned his brushes. And although he always referred to us as the team in Midnight Blue and Yellow Ochre, we knew what he meant.

Now, as he watches The Game tomorrow next to Bo and Woody, he'll be looking to paint a happy little "W" in the win column for Meeeeechigan. His message to Team 132?

"From all of us here, I'd like to wish you a happy game - and Beat Ohio, my friends."

Ed. Note from Yost: I highly doubt Woody would let this guy sit next to him during The Game.

Happy Thanksgiving from the MZone!

2011-11-24T03:51:00.003-05:00

Thanks to all who take a few minutes of their day to check out the site. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

And even on this holiday -- with The Game so close you can taste it like the meal you're stuffing your face with today -- we're not going to leave you hanging. Below are some of the lesser known works by Norman Rockwell that the MZone recently discovered in the archives.

Enjoy and...

Go Blue!

A very special thanks to Rigby for staying up waaaaay late to do these for today.

More Beat Ohio Wallpapers: Bo, Desmond & Charles

2011-11-23T15:03:00.000-05:00

You mean yesterday's offerings weren't enough? Fine. Andy outdid himself with three more.

Go Blue!

New Beavis & Butthead Episode: Michigan vs. Ohio State

2011-11-23T04:57:00.000-05:00

As you may have heard, MTV's Beavis and Butthead is back. And in an MZone exclusive, we have obtained the clip below from this week's show in which the boys weigh in on Michigan and Ohio State.

Enjoy...

Yep. Just another little something to pass on to your Buckeye friends. You're welcome.

Go Blue!

The new Buckstache logo is here! The new Buckstache logo is here!

2011-11-22T15:47:00.000-05:00

Everybody coming up huge this week. In honor of The Game, Rigby helped me with a new Buckstache logo. Ah, just in time for some new fan board avators and a little pre-game smack talk!

And for those of you who may be new to the site and aren't sure what a Buckstache is, for cryin' out loud, do your homework! This is the MZone, for god's sake!

Beat Ohio!

2011-11-22T11:16:00.005-05:00

Ladies and gentlemen, my former blogging co-hort, Andy, has returned -- as any good Michigan Man would for The Game -- to create some very special wallpapers. Here's the first batch. Enjoy and...

Go Blue!

Not enough for you? Be sure to check back. Andy made more! And we'll be putting them up throughout the week.

Luke Fickell talks to his team before the Michigan-Ohio State game

2011-11-22T00:15:00.000-05:00

In an MZone exclusive, we have obtained the video below of ~~soon-to-be-fired~~ Ohio State football coach Luke Fickell addressing the Buckeyes for this week's big Michigan-Ohio State game.

As you can tell, the man is a motivational master.

Note: I was going to start a "Luke Fickell" tag for posts about him here at the MZone. But then I realized, what's the point?

Something to share with your Ohio friends this week

2011-11-21T15:19:00.001-05:00

In honor of Michigan-Ohio Week, we reach back into the MZone Archives for one of your favorites. Below is a little something you can pass on to your Buckeye friends this week (and really, throughout the year).

You're welcome!

First there was the ESPN "Without sports" commercial of the Ohio State/Michigan couple making out on the couch. Now comes this one...

Hoke-Pelini Postgame

2011-11-21T11:17:00.000-05:00

Before we turn our attention to all things Ohio, our ol' pal Andy made this special post-Nebraska wallpaper for your enjoyment.

MZone Autopsy: Nebraska

2011-11-21T02:27:00.001-05:00

I'm still speechless. Michigan's victory -- nay, bitch slap -- of Nebraska was a thing of football beauty. A resounding win over a quality opponent. No flukes. No miracles. No question.

It looked like...Michigan, for god's sake!

So before we turn our attention full-time this week to that school in Ohio, we take one final look back to savor the "W" over "N."

MZone Autopsy Report: NEBRASKA

* Are you getting tired of praising this defense yet? Me neither. Nebraska didn't convert a third down until the third quarter. Sit back for a moment and try to wrap your head around that. Last year, U-M had the 110th ranked defense in the country (out of 120, in case you're wondering). Last year, this defense gave up 35.2 points per game, 107th in the country. This year, Michigan has the #14 ranked defense in all the land and is giving up 15.6 per game, 6th best in the country!

Want a little more perspective? In its 13 games last year, Michigan gave up 458 points. Through 11 this season, they've surrendered 172. In other words, to equal the punchline that was 2010, Michigan would have to give up 144 points -- in EACH of its remaining two games (OSU and the bowl).

Folks, that's not improvement, it's mind boggling. Because this wasn't some talent-laden group coming back. It was, well, the 110th ranked unit in the nation.

No more.

* Contrary to what you may have heard (a lot) by some, this genie-wish-like turnaround on defense has not come at the expense of the offense. This year, Michigan's scoring offense is ranked 25th, averaging 33.6 points per game. And last year? Michigan had -- pause for effect...keep pausing...wait for it...okay, keep reading -- the 25th ranked offense, averaging -- one more pause -- 32.8 points per game. Yep. The current coaching staff that some continually keep claiming are shackling or hurting or not properly utilizing Denard have actually, factually done no such thing.

Oh, and best of all -- Denard is still able to play at full strength and speed here at the end of the season because he's not getting the living snot kicked out of him each and every game.

Want more here, too? Okay. Last year through 13 games, Michigan scored 426 points (which includes the OT Xbox game vs. Illinois). This year through 11 they're at 370, meaning they have to average a very possible 28 points in each of their final two games to equal the offensive genius we gave up when Brady Hoke and Al Borges came to town.

Now, cut and paste the above and send it to all your friends who, for some reason, are still bitching about the current coaching staff and what they're "doing to Denard."

* In 2010, Michigan was dead last in kicking, making just 4 of 14 FGs. This year, they're 9 for 13 with two games to go.

* The most disappointing thing about the previous three seasons ~~besides just about everything~~ was the utter lack of improvement as the season wore on. Michigan got worse as the weather got colder. Again, no more. The team on the field Saturday is not only now, across the board, a good football team but, best of all, they're getting better. No, they're not a great team. And they don't belong in the same breath as the top teams. But this team would have a fighting chance against all but a handful of teams in the country right now. Even against them, would you really count this team out?

* If Michigan wins on Saturday, Brady Hoke will have won just as many B1G games in his first season -- 6 -- as Rich Rod won in his three years at the helm.

* I think the fans -- myself included -- are having a harder time believing in the quick turnaround than the team as evidenced by my reaction to watching the Nebraska game. Even when U-M was up 21, I -- and the Wolverine fans I watch with -- were still nervous. Waiting for the other shoe to fall. It's like fan PTSD after The Dark Years. Although...

* That roughing the kicker call against NU was weak. Very weak. We were up 14 at the time, had been stopped on our previous two drives, and big mo' was wearing Big Red. But after the penalty, Michigan drove down and scored to go up 21. Game over. Still, it was a horrible call. I guess somebody felt they owed us for Iowa. Speaking of which...

* Denard's roll out TD down near Nebraska's 2 yard line is a play I'd like to have seen on that 4th down against Iowa. &%$#ing IOWA!

* Loved the fake FG call but would not have been in favor if we'd lined up to simply "go for it" on 4th down, if that makes sense. When we lined up to kick, I thought it was a smart call. When we faked, I thought it was genius.

* THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY THIS TEAM SHOULD LOSE TO OHIO!

GO BLUE!

(HT: SG, although he was unsure original creator)

Tribute to Lloyd Carr

2011-11-20T19:27:00.000-05:00

Here's the video tribute to Lloyd Carr that played before the Nebraska game in honor of his induction into the College Football Hall of Fame.

122-40 W-L record
5 Big Ten titles
1 National Championship

Thank you, Coach!

Michigan vs. Nebraska Open Thread

2011-11-19T01:21:00.000-05:00

Leave us your thoughts & comments on the Michigan-Nebraska game as well as all the rest of the cfb happenings (including the shocking Oklahoma State-Iowa State game!).

Go Blue!

Can't believe it's been 5 years

Know Your Foe - Nebraska 2011

2011-11-17T23:25:00.139-05:00

He's back! Ladies and gentlemen, it is with a tear in my eye and a lump in my throat that I write these words. That's because today's Know Your Foe was penned by none other than Benny, the creator and originator of Know Your Foe waaaay back in 2006 during The Original MZone (respect).

For those of you who may be new to the site, Benny was my blogging comrade in arms during MZone 1.0 from 2005 until early 2008. I continued for a few months after that then stepped away as well. When I started the blog back up last fall, Benny declined to return in order to have something called a life. Too many early mornings after a late night of MZone Photoshopping had him burned out. His keyboard was hung up for good.

But I did not give up. Ever since returning to the blogosphere, I have been begging and pleading with Benny to join me. To once again be bathe in the warm glow and acclaim that comes from putting up pictures of cheerleaders-turned-pornstars and having one's material stolen by Colin Cowherd. I wanted to get the band back together. For what was Simon without Garfunkel? George Michael without the other dude whose name nobody remembers from Wham!? But, alas, Benny always declined.

Until today.

Benny agreed to come back just for the Nebraska Know Your Foe (probably to get me to stop begging and pleading with him). And while he called me numerous times during the week, bitching and complaining about agreeing to do this because of the time suck, I think he's finally excited to be back judging by the the email below which I got from from him at almost 1 a.m. this morning:

"It's done.

Take a look. Edit if you like, certainly for any errors. I have to wash the dishes and take a shower.

I hate you with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns."

Yep. As you can tell, Benny's excited as hell to be back. In fact, based on the above, I'm pretty, pretty, pretty sure he's going to tell me any day he's returning to blogging full-time. I can feel it.

So sit back, relax and enjoy our first Benny-penned KYF since 2008.

Yost

The Wolverines welcome the newest member of the ~~Big 10~~ 11 conference, the Nebraska Cornhuskers to Ann Arbor for the first time since 1962. Michigan has won three of the six meetings (there has been one tie in 1911). This is the first regular-season meeting between Michigan and Nebraska since '62, as they have split their two bowl match ups after that. The teams sport identical 8-2 records and both bounced back from losses with road wins last week. Who are these newcomers, and what should we know about them? To answer these and many other questions, the MZone is proud to present this week's version of KNOW YOUR FOE.

The seal looks like
the wheel from
Wheel of Fortune.

History – The University of Nebraska was created in 1869, two years after Nebraska achieved statehood. The Nebraska legislators elected to create one unified University in the state, unlike their uppity neighbors Iowa and Kansas. That's why we don't have a Nebraska State University. The first two degrees were granted in 1873 and I can't help but wonder if the guy who was second in the class ever admitted to being last in his class. The first 20 years of the school were marked by small classes and lack of funds before a late-century boom took the enrollment to around 1,500 students. Near the end of the 19^th century it was the 15^th biggest school in the country. Growth continued into the 20^th century with the development of the farm campus (seriously), which is now known as East Campus. The school is formally named the University of Nebraska-Lincoln and is commonly referred to as UNL, NU (which makes no sense) or simply Nebraska.

Hey look, there's a star above Lincoln!

Location – Lincoln, Nebraska. Lincoln is the second largest city in the state (behind Omaha) and is one of five state capitals that also house Big Ten teams (along with St. Paul, Columbus, Madison and Lansing – it’s close enough). It’s nicknamed the Star City because it’s the capital and state capitals are represented by stars on a map (Know Your Foe is a bit of a map geek and even we find that lame. Not quite the “Big Apple” of the “City of Broad Shoulders” for sure).

There’s a 20 foot statue of a
farmer up there – pretty cool.

The city was obviously named for Abraham Lincoln but that decision was, believe it or not, met with controversy. The village was originally founded as Lancaster in 1856 when the capital of Nebraska territory was in Omaha. Legislators wanted to move the capital closer to more densely populated part of the state so they chose Lancaster as the new capital. However, some legislators who were against the move tried to derail this plan by renaming Lancaster to Lincoln after the recently assassinated President. They knew this would be met with hostility since many residents were sympathetic to the Confederacy in the recently completed Civil War. But the ploy didn’t work and even though Lancaster became Licoln, it was still named the capital upon statehood on March 1, 1867.

Lincoln’s main industry is service, and the economy is driven by the university and the state government. There are virtually no suburbs as most of the land around the city has already been annexed. The town is home to the second tallest capitol building in the U.S. and is the hometown to erudite talk show host Dick Cavett, and current major leaguers Joba Chamberlain and Alex Gordon.

Nickname – Cornhuskers. There's no conference in the country with the variety of excellent nicknames as the Big Ten. With the exception of the Wildcats, and maybe the Spartans, each Big Ten school boasts a nickname that are unique and instantly identify their teams. This might be the best reason to allow Nebraska into the conference. Cornhuskers is absolutely unique and brings to mind only one thing: Nebraska. So much so that the state officially co-opted the nickname in 1945.

Before the turn of the 20th century, the Nebraska football teams had a number of nicknames including the Old Gold Knights, the Antelopes, the Tree-Planters, the Rattlesnake Boys, and the Bugeaters, which was their most popular name until 1900. At that time, Lincoln sportswriter Cy Sherman believed that the Nebraska team deserved a more glamorous name. The Iowa teams at that time were sometimes referred to as Cornhuskers and Sherman thought that name was better suited for the Nebraska team. Besides, Iowa fans were partial to one of their other nicknames, the Hawkeyes. The Cornhusker nickname stuck and Sherman went on to a 60-year sportswriting career and is credited (or blamed) for originating the AP football poll that still rues its ugly head over college football to this day.

But what is a Cornhusker? Well, it’s one who shucks corn, something just about all of us have done. Know Your Foe still looks back fondly on the days when our mother would order us outside on a hot summer day to shuck the fresh Michigan corn on the cob.

Mascot – Herbie Husker. The Cornhuskers went through a number of mascots, starting with Corn Cob in the ‘40s and ‘50s. Yes, this was a guy wearing a giant corn cob head. 1962 saw the arrival of Husker Man who looked like Purdue Pete’s alcoholic brother. Husker Man didn’t stick around very long and gave way to another anthromorphic corn cob, Mr. Cornhead, in the mid ‘60s. Harry Husker then took over in 1965. Is there any doubt he was based on numerous boosters who set fire to the NCAA rule book?

The corn cobs are cool - the humans are seedy looking.

Finally, in 1974 Herbie Husker was born. He was the result of the incredible cartoonist Dirk West. Seriously, check out his work – brilliant on so many levels. West created Herbie for the 1974 Cotton Bowl and later refined the character who would then be used as the mascot for all Husker teams since. He underwent a major transformation in 2003, losing the gut and getting quite cut (unlike actual Nebraska fans). He also lost the dye job and is now a brunet. All of this surely helped him win the national mascot of the year in 2006. In 1994 Lil’ Red joined the Nebraska mascot family. The inflatable dude is the nightmare Michigan fans had when Dave Brandon floated the idea of a Wolverine mascot for kids to take pictures with.

I prefer original Herbie - he
had a corn cob in his pocket.

Colors – Scarlet and Cream. One of only eight schools to call their red scarlet, Nebraska is one of three scarlet teams on Michigan’s schedule this year (joining San Diego State and Michigan’s next opponent tOSU). They’re also one of only three NCAA schools that count their white as cream (along with Indiana and Oklahoma). Know Your Foe has stated our problem with red (or scarlet) over the years here on the MZone. Suffice it to say it’s just too common. No wonder the Huskers gave up so many points to Wisconsin earlier this season – they probably didn’t want to tackle anyone wearing the exact same colors as they were wearing. Besides, scarlet and cream sounds like a delicious ice cream flavor.

The colors haven’t changed in Lincoln for over a century. At one point the team wore gold as evidenced by the Gold Knights nickname in use in the late 19th century. But the scarlet and cream combo has been a Nebraska tradtion since the Cornhusker nickname came into being in 1900. The only slight deviation is the reference to the Nebraska defense as the “Blackshirts.” This nickname is in reference to the black practice jerseys worn by the first team defense in practice and dates back about 50 years when legendary head coach Bob Deveney wanted the defense to wear a contrasting color to the offense’s ~~red~~ scarlet. Thankfully the Huskers haven’t succumbed to the uniform nonsense of late and haven’t gone to a black uniform. Yet.

Looks like something
from Laugh-In.

Logo/Helmet – Since 2004 Nebraska has gone with a simple red block N and for the ten years before that they superimposed a script “Huskers” over the N. Unfortunately these recent logos feed the stereotype about the state – flat and boring. But in doing research for this piece, Know Your Foe was fortunate enough to find HuskerJ’s page of Nebraska’s mascots and logos. Scroll down and check out the absolutely groovy logos from the early ‘70s. Far freakin’ out. How could that possibly come from the same school that’s used the block N for twenty years?

No need to mess with this.

Nebraska’s helmet might not be as flashy as whatever crap Nike’s been pushing on Oregon and Oklahoma State, but it’s solid as hell and has been virtually unchanged for over 40 years. A simple white shell, a scarlet stripe down the middle and a plain but elegant N in the middle. The only change since 1970 was the move to a red facemask for the 1982 Orange Bowl. Nebraska’s helmet history is about as boring (and great) as that of Michigan. Sure, they had NU on there for a a couple of years in the ‘60s and numbers before that. But the current Nebraska helmet is as iconic as any in college football. Let’s hope it stays that way. (As always the helmets are courtesy of the excellent Helmet Project.)

Fight Song – Apparently the Cornhuskers have at least two fight songs. According to this source, they play Hail Varsity after a touchdown, and There’s No Place Like Nebraska (also known as Dear Old Nebraska U) after the extra point. It’s unclear what they play after a field goal or a safety. If There’s No Place Like Nebraska sounds familiar, it should. It’s extremely similar, if not the same, as Florida’s fight song, We Are The Boys of Florida. How could two powerhouse football programs - who met for the national title in the 1996 Fiesta Bowl - have the same fight song? Evidently, they also share the song with the Toledo public school system.

The lyrics to the two songs are quite different. Hail Varsity is pretty standard fight song fare, with a touch of communist march – heavy on loyalty, a politically incorrect sexist bent, and talk of fighting for victory.

Hail to the team!

The stadium rings as everyone sings

The Scarlet and Cream

Cheers for a victory echo our loyalty

So on mighty men!

The eyes of the land upon every hand

Are looking at you

Fight on to victory

Hail to the men of Nebraska U!

There’s No Place Like Nebraska on the other hand is much more charming and unintentionally funny (not to mention a better tune). Any song that mentions that the women are hot, the men are nerds, and the weather sucks is OK with us. The only questionable lyric is the “true blue” mention. That might not fly with Cornhusker fans this week.

There is no place like Nebraska

Dear old Nebraska U

Where the girls are the fairest

The boys are the squarest

Of any old place that I knew

There is no place like Nebraska

Where they're all true blue

We'll all stick together in all kinds of weather

For dear old Nebraska U.

Academics – According to the most recent U. S. News' ranking of America's Best Colleges, Nebraska is 101st, by far the worst rating for any Big Ten school. Even Sparty is ranked 71st. Nebraska's tied in the rankings with such academic powerhouses as Florida State, NC State, Kansas, Oklahoma, Oregon, and Tennessee. That group might make up a good sports conference, but it’s far from Ivy League in the classroom. Maybe the N on the helmet stands for “knowledge" (I know: an oldie but a goody).

Athletics – Nebraska is in their first year in the Big Ten and was a charter member of the Big 12 Conference (and all its various incarnations) in 1907. It’s too early to tell who the Cornhuskers’ rivals will be. Back in the ‘70s and ‘80s there was none better than Nebraska-Oklahoma on the gridiron. But when the Sooners moved to the South division of the Big 12 they didn’t meet every year. There was an attempt to make Colorado a rival but that never really took.

When this guy's your
all-time leading scorer
you have a bad program.

The Huskers field 21 varsity teams (Michigan has 27), including women’s bowling and women’s rifle. The women’s volleyball team is one of the most storied programs in the country. It must be all the beaches in the state that produce such great players. Nebraska has won three NCAA titles (1995, 2000, and 2006), has been a runner-up three times, and has five other final four appearances. The Cornhuskers are second only to Stanford in titles and winning percentage. The men’s gymnastics teams has won eight national titles, though none since 1994, and the women’s track and field team has two national titles, though none since 1984. The men’s basketball team has been a disgrace. They haven’t won a conference title since they shared the Big Seven title in 1950! Know Your Foe didn’t even know there was a Big Seven. They haven’t won an outright conference title since winning the Missouri Valley Intercollegiate Athletics Association in 1916. They’ve never won an NCAA tournament game, they’ve made only six tournament appearances, and their first trip to the tournament wasn’t until 1986.

When it comes to Nebraska athletics it’s football, football, football. The Huskers began playing football in 1890 and have won 46 conference titles and have won or shared five national championships, including the undeserved share of the 1997 title. Only Michigan and Texas have won more games than Nebraska. Let’s hope the Huskers don’t catch the Longhorns this weekend – Texas has 856 victories, Nebraska has 855. Michigan leads with 892. Only Rutgers has played more football games than Nebraska (who’s tied with Navy and one game ahead of Michigan), and Nebraska’s all-time winning percentage (.704 entering the year) is 8^th best (Michigan’s .733 is tops). Not only has Nebraska had tremendous on-field success, but they’ve sold out every game since November 3, 1962, an incredible streak of 317 games.

Maybe Carnac knows
who will win on Saturday.

Famous alums – The list of Nebraska alumni isn’t all that impressive (with two exceptions). They’ve had their share of academics you’ve never heard of, some legal figures of low to moderate fame, and, of course, plenty of great football players from Heisman winners Johnny Rodgers (1972), Mike Rozier (1983), and Eric Crouch (2001), to great NFL’ers like Roger Craig, Irving Fryar, and the Detroit Lions’ Ndamukong Suh. But what the Nebraska alumni list lacks in volume it makes up for with quality at the top. Other schools may have more well-known business leaders, but Nebraska boasts one of the wealthiest people in the world and one of the most successful investors ever in Warren Buffett (B.S., 1950). I would imagine he has no problem scoring Husker tickets despite the sellout streak. And though other schools can lay claim to plenty of greats in the entertainment field, Nebraska can top them all with alumnus Johnny Carson (1949). For those too young to know, Carson owned late night TV for decades and paved the way for David Letterman and Conan O’Brien, not to mention hundreds of comedians. Good stuff.

Three Nebraska graduates have been U.S. senators, five have been U.S. governors, and one was even the president of Latvia, but, alas, no U.S. Presidents.

The Game – Michigan might have played their best game of the year last week in Champaign. Hell, it was the best defensive performance for Michigan since probably 2006. Meanwhile the Huskers were also gutting out a tough road win. But they’ve been on a bit of an "on one week off the next" pattern. That bodes well for Michgan if it keeps up. The Wolverines appear to be peaking on D and the offense is still potent if not powerful. The team has played very well at home and Saturday will be no different. MICHIGAN 20, NEBRASKA 13.

SpongeBob sings IN THE BIG HOUSE

2011-11-17T21:25:00.000-05:00

So I was bored and the idea made me laugh. Finally -- a G-rated MZone video the entire family can enjoy.* Behold...

* Except Brian at MGoBlog's family

The Journey of the Armadillo to Ann Arbor

2011-11-17T14:40:00.000-05:00

Our friend Michigan Sports Girl returns with a look at the new mindset on Michigan's defense.

The day that Coach Mattison returned to Ann Arbor, the first thing that came to mind was, "Man, Coach Rig from 'Necessary Roughness' is back in town? Nice. Time to get down to business on Main Street."

(For those of you unfamiliar with this fine cinematic masterpiece, "Necessary Roughness" is a film that features the storied Texas State Fighting Armadillos and the hilarity that ensues throughout their struggle to recover from some serious NCAA infractions that paralyzed their program. Ironically, a pretty timely story given the recent troubles in and around the NCAA as of late. It also features the comedic stylings of one Sinbad. You should check it out.)

If you have seen the movie, then you've gotta admit: the resemblance between these two coaches is uncanny.

So, when our defense began to improve and resemble a real "Meeechigan Defense" throughout the course of this season, I began to become even more convinced Coach Mattison and Coach Wally Riggendorf were one in the same. I mean, perhaps Mattison's coveted halftime 'adjustments' include things like this infamous halftime speech by his doppleganger Coach Rig to help light a fire under our defense:

Ok. So, maybe they're not the same person after all. Coach Mattison is much more subdued in his approach. But you know what? It's working. Mattison is working miracles with our defense. But, how?

Fast forward to this week's coordinator presser in Ann Arbor. When asked about what makes his approach different than previous coaches, Coach Mattison spoke about consistency with discipline, and the degree of toughness to which Team 132 is now held -- players, coaches, and everyone else working within the hallowed walls of Schembechler Hall.

He made one thing very clear: there will be no more baby rabbits in the Michigan locker room. Not on his watch.

To play Michigan Defense, to coach Michigan Defense, you've got to have skin a lot thicker and tougher than that.

And, that's when he introduced this:

THE ARMADILLO.

Gotta love the irony. Said Mattison:

"One thing that you appreciate about this defense, and they know this is how it’ll always be here -- you can’t have skin like a baby rabbit in our room now. If you do, you won’t make it. We even put up a picture of an armadillo early in the year because you better have that kind of skin."

Armadillo Pride.

He continued:

"It’s never personal, but I don’t care if you’re a four-year starter and an All-American, the bottom line is what you see on film, it is going to be corrected, and it is going to be addressed. That’s what you kind of appreciate about these guys is they’ve gone through the transition of not having their feelings hurt and going, ‘Coach, I got it.’ Okay, here you go, and you move on. That’s Michigan football. Brady does it with the coaches. You better not have skin like a baby rabbit around him. He’s going to tell you you didn’t do a good job on that. That’s all you ever want when you’re working is to be told what you can do better.”

Tough players. Tough coaches. I like that.

So, whether it came from the fictional home of Texas State or from somewhere else, since the coveted armadillo became representative of those in the trenches of the Michigan defense, the improvement has been dramatic, unlike the ridiculous stuffed beaver that Gerg ineffectively pushed in the face of our defenders in seasons past. But, we won't relive that memory right now. Why would we? We've now harnessed the toughness of the armadillo. And it shows.

Hey, if the armadillo is helping to toughen up Team 132 - especially heading into these last two games - then I am in full support of a theoretical mascot for this program.

Especially one with a thick skin.

My, what a difference a year makes.

Spot the BCS Bowl Contender

2011-11-16T11:23:00.001-05:00

If (and it's a big if) Michigan were to win its final two games, a 10-2 and top 10-ranked U-M -- which hasn't been to a BCS bowl since the 2006 season -- would be a very attractive at-large selection. Yet that probably won't happen because, while one of those slots will probably be filled by an 11-1 Stanford (deserved), the other could be filled by an undefeated team with one of the two resumes below.

And while you could (rightfully) argue that a 10-2 Michigan doesn't deserve a BCS bowl bid, does the team in contention below?

See if you can spot the BCS bowl game contender based on their schedule thus far:

TEAM "A"                                        TEAM "B"

UCLA 38-34                                     Western Illinois 20-6
North Texas 48-23                            Central Arkansas 31-10
Louisiana Tech 35-34                        New Mexico 48-45
Georgia State 56-0                            Texas-San Antonio 22-7
UTEP 49-42                                      Stephen F. Austin 45-10
East Carolina 56-3                            Nicholls 47-7
Marshall 63-28                                  McNeese State 38-14
Rice 73-34                                         Lamar 66-0
UAB 56-13                                        Southeastern Louisiana 38-9
Tulane 73-17                                     Northwestern State 43-17

Gee, both have a regional Texas opponents on there. Both have a victory against a small Louisiana on there. Hmmm.

So who is the BCS contender? Well, if you guessed "Houston," you're only half right. Team "A" is the University of Houston. Team "B" is the 3rd ranked school in 1-AA, Sam Houston State. U-H will most likely "qualify" for the non-Big 6 BCS auto bid if they finish undefeated due to their ranking.

But, hey, when you've beaten a 5-5 Rick Neuheisal-coached UCLA team (at Houston, by the way) for your marque victory, why not?

Sure, Michigan hasn't exactly played a murder's row. But did you know that the only team Michigan has played thus far with a losing record is Minnesota?

And Houston? The only team they've played thus far with a winning record is Louisiana Tech.

Hell, forget Michigan. If I were Sam Houston State, I'd be pissed.

Jon Stewart on the Sandusky Interview

2011-11-16T10:20:00.000-05:00

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Jerry Sandusky Phone Interview

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show Full Episodes

Political Humor & Satire Blog

The Daily Show on Facebook

MZone Autopsy: Better Late Than Never

2011-11-15T03:54:00.002-05:00

Sorry for the delay with our autopsy but, well, lifetus interruptis.

MZone Autopsy Report: Illinois

1. DE-FENSE! It's impossible to overstate the job that Hoke, Mattison and the other coaches have done with Michigan's defense this year. They took - literally - the worst defense in the history of Michigan football (110 in total defense, 108th in scoring, 112th in passing last season) and turned them into - wait for it - the 5th best scoring and 22nd best overall defense in the country.

Think about that. As we tweeted yesterday, in order to give up as many points as it did last season, Michigan would need to average 101 points against them in their remaining two regular season contests and bowl game. It's mind boggling. Okay, now stop weeping with joy and keep reading.

Illinois didn't even make its first foray into Michigan territory until the third quarter! Yes, I'm so emotionally scarred from The Dark Period that I kept waiting for the proverbial other shoe to fall. But not only didn't it, it was the defense and JT Floyd - JT Floyd! - stepping up when things got a little tight and the Zookers cut the lead to 10 points in the 2nd half.

2. I think going for it on 4th and goal from the one was a mistake. In general, good idea and I love this attitude and mindset from Hoke. But not this time. And my reasoning is simple: math and momentum. On the road, up 14 with about five minutes left in first half, I believe it's more important to be up three scores than the margin being either 17-0 or 21-0. Because when it doesn't work, we're one play away from it being a one-score game.

Again, in general, I like going for it on these types of plays. But not here. And it's not weakness, it's math.

3. JT Floyd. Until Saturday, I always viewed Floyd with suspicion. But he had a monster game. Yes, he may have gotten away with a PI early, however the stop on that play seemed to give him confidence that carried throughout the game.

4. All the consternation about Devin Gardner coming in early on "those packages" and "playing so much" was nullified by his play when called upon last Saturday. Many folks were up in arms about "all" the times Devin entered previous games early on, both with Denard also on the field but sometimes not. But such snaps when the game was still in doubt and not simply hand-offs during 4th quarter mop up duty paid off when Denard was injured in the second half and Devin had to fill in with Illinois making its charge. I think it's fair to say his poise last weekend was a direct result of those previous reps and packages when the games were still undecided.

5. Fitz! This is exactly the running attack Hoke has always alluded to that would take pressure off Denard. Tony Gerdeman at the OZone tweeted that "Denard Robinson has been held to 63 yards rushing or less in 5 of 6 B1G games. That only happened once last year (62, against Illinois.)"

All I say to that is, isn't it nice to have an actual TEAM? When Michigan's chance didn't entirely rest with one player? Yes, his numbers aren't as flashy, but there's no denying that U-M is an infinitely bettter TEAM.

So while Robinson's passing numbers (and accuracy) might be cause for alarm, his rushing stats shouldn't be.

MZone Factoid: DE-FENSE!

2011-11-14T12:18:00.000-05:00

HAIL!

How improved is Michigan's defense this year? Well...

In order to give up as many points as they did last year, Michigan would have to average 101 points against them in its remaining three games (the two regular season contests and then the bowl game).

Yes, read that again: Michigan would have to give up over 300 HUNDRED POINTS to equal the carnage of 2010. Even last year's defense might not be able to do that.

Might not.

So this Thanksgiving, be sure you give a little extra thanks for Greg Mattison. And when you're done, give a some more that you never have to see anything like the picture below ever again.

Except in your nightmares.

Five-year-old trying to give Pop Evil a run for its money

2011-11-14T00:36:00.002-05:00

Found the videos below from 5 year old rapper Lil' L-Dubb (who has his own website. Kids these days). According to the description included with the first video:

Hey everyone, this is a preview to my new song produced by Bonezondabeat called Make the Stands Rumble! I had fun making this so I hope you enjoy this small clip. My dream is to attend a University of Michigan vs. Ohio State game. Hopefully I reach my goal before I turn 10!

Yesterday, the finished product was posted. Between now and his first post, his dreams got bigger:

Hey everyone. I love Football, but what I love more about football is MICHIGAN FOOTBALL! ... My dream is to make a music video to this at THE BIG HOUSE that would be soooo awesome! But I need your help to send this to everyone you know.. Thank you so much for taking the time to listen... Lil' L-Dubb

No matter what you think of the finished song below, judging by the description above, I think we can all be impressed by this 5 year old's command of the English language.

Lyrics:
Michigan fans up in the stand
Stand up, clap those hands!
make the stands rumble!
I said make the stand rumble!
Michigan fans up in the stand
Stand up, clap those hands!
make the stands rumble!
I said make the stand rumble!
Lets Go!

Welcome to the big house, where they don't play no games
From city to city everyone knows there names
Yeah thats right, that's right, Hear them fans roar
Come and see what the wolverines have in store
Defense guard that line, make them fumble
Ofense catch them off guard, make them stumble
We get the ball, yeah they in trouble
yeah were the best, you can tell by the score on the Jumbo!
Tron now lets rewind that back
Now look at that defense get another sac!
Were unstoppable, you can't deny it
stop our ofense? man don't even try it
Yeah it's all about that Maize and blue!
You rock any other team color than you have no clue!
Of who's the best of the best!
In the whole league not just the midwest!
Lets go!

Michigan fans up in the stand
Stand up, clap those hands!
make the stands rumble!
I said make the stand rumble!
Michigan fans up in the stand
Stand up, clap those hands!
make the stands rumble!
I said make the stand rumble!

Wait a minute, Wait a minute
Stop The music I forgot to mention!

Hate
Oh how I hate
Oh How I hate Ohio State
It's all about that Maize and Blue
Oh How I hate Ohio State

Michigan fans up in the stand
Stand up, clap those hands!
make the stands rumble!
I said make the stand rumble!
Michigan fans up in the stand
Stand up, clap those hands!
make the stands rumble!
I said make the stand rumble!
I'm Out!

Well, it's obvious from the lyrics that the kid has never attended a Michigan game before. If he had, he'd know that U-M fans never "make the stands rumble" by standing up and clapping their hands.

But I can help. Here's how I'd change the lyrics:

Raise your hand and shake your keys!
Down in front! I can't see!
Gonna get me the usher
If you don't sit down and shush 'er

You're welcome, Lil L-Dubb. Yost Out!

How you know it's bad in Columbus

2011-11-13T13:34:00.000-05:00

Our pal SiC sends us today's front page from The Columbus Dispatch. Now, during the ~~cheating~~ glory years, you could count on a story about the OSU game being on the front page. But now, when they lose? Not so much.

Now the Bucks just get that "oh by the way" turn-to-the-sports-section teaser in the upper lefthand corner; like the tiny B-list celebrity picture they have on the cover of PEOPLE magazine when Brad and Angelina are front and center.

Michigan vs. Illinois Open Thread

2011-11-12T00:21:00.001-05:00

Michigan faces its last road test of 2011 against Illinois today. Leave us your thoughts on that game and all the other CFB action taking place around the country. Or, if you don't already, please follow the MZone on Twitter @MZoneBlog. We tend to be there a lot on football Saturdays.

And in honor of Veteran's Day yesterday and all those who serve and have served before them, I thought this was a very appropriate picture. Thank you for all you do.

(pic via U-M football Twitter feed...I think)

Know Your Foe -- Illinois 2011

2011-11-11T02:17:00.001-05:00

After their ugly loss against Iowa last week, Michigan travels to Champaign to take on the 6-3 Fighting Illini tomorrow in their final away game of the 2011 season. The Wolverines hold a 67-23-2 advantage in the series, including last season's 67-65 victory ~~on the Xbox~~ in The Big House. Following their 6-0 start, the Fighting Zooks are doing their best Michigan 2009/2010 impression by dropping their last three games. But of course you knew that. What you didn't know you'll find below in the blog post your mother always warned you about...Know Your Foe.

Not sure if this is the seal...
or something from a notary public

History: Founded in 1867, the school was originally called Illinois Industrial University with half the people even way back then probably mispronouncing it as IlliNOISE Industrial University. The school's first president was obviously injured in a farming accident as he dreamed of creating the "West Point for the working world" but instead wound up with "A place that would hire Ron Zook." Classes began in the spring of 1868 with two teachers and a small number of students. As with most land grant colleges of the time, the actual mission of the university was a hotly debated item between those interested in providing a classic liberal arts education and those seeking a trade focused school. Eventually that battle was decided in favor of the holistic liberal arts curricula, and the school was renamed as the University of Illinois in 1885 (with many people still mispronouncing it). In 1982 the name was again formally changed to The University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, indicating the flagship status within the University of Illinois system and additional verbiage that nobody really pays attention to.

Location: The University is located in the twin cities of Champaign and Urbana (total population 180,000) in east-central Illinois. Situated about 140 miles south of Chicago, 125 miles west of Indianapolis, 180 miles northeast of St. Louis, but only 4 blocks away from the Middle of Nowhere.

Illinois is one of the few educational institutions to own an airport. Willard Airport is an integral part of their Institue of Aviation and they also recieve and launch commercial flights from American Airlines. Best of all, the airport quickly helps folks get the hell out of Urbana-Champaign as soon as they graduate.

Nickname/Mascot: They call themselves the Fighting Illini. Today the school claims to the NCAA the name is used to honor the Illinoisans ( <-- real word) who fought in World War I. That has not always been the case.

From 1926–2007 Illinois also used the Fighting Illini moniker in reference to the Native American Indians that used to live in the area and had a mascot named Chief Illiniwek. In the 1980s this sparked significant controversy, with critics calling it a racist stereotype and a symbol of the oppression to Native Americans. Supporters claimed that it was inoffensive and a source of pride and reverence. The University remains deeply divided on this issue.

Chief Illiniwek is a fictional name and not based on an actual American Indian chief. Additionally, there was never an Indian tribe that went by the name Illini. The actual term is a used to describe the group of six tribes (Kaskaskia, Peoria, Michigamea, Moingwena, Tamaroa and Cahokia) that lived in the area. These Indian tribes were removed by the US government to settle in Kansas in 1832, then in 1867 when the US wanted to open Kansas to white settlers, they were removed to Oklahoma.

Whether Chief Illiniwek was a mascot of the university is a matter semantics. Most fans considered him such, but the university never officially called the Chief a mascot, instead using the term "symbol," claiming that a mascot hangs with the cheerleaders and cheers from the sideline, things the Chief never did. Regardless, the university started to get some appeals to remove the Chief in 1989. Those were rebuffed due to the passion of alumni. But when the NCAA deemed the mascot/symbol to be “hostile and abusive” in 2005, the Chief’s fate was sealed. After all, the designation was going to cost the university money. So despite some appeals, the university agreed to remove the Chief at university functions. His final performance was at a basketball game on February 21, 2007 before a tearful crowd at the Assembly Hall.

"I know - let's just write the name...then underline it!"
"Duuuude! Nailed it!"

Colors/Logo/Helmet: Orange and Blue. For the first 25 years of its existence, the University of Illinois changed colors more often than the leaves on the campus trees. They originally used silver and cardinal. Then in 1891, blue and white. In 1892, yellow and black were used, while in 1893, Dartmouth green was used in an event by the Athletic Association. They had also previously used black and yellow, crimson and olive green, while the Alumni Association had used old gold and black or orange and black. Finally, with company coming over for the dedication of the Engineering Hall building in 1894, the university officially adopted blue (for steadfastness and stability) and orange (for freedom) as their official colors. If you hadn't noticed, the NFL Chicago Bears employ the same combination. This is not a coincidence: Bears founder, long-time coach and owner, George Halas, is an Illinois alum.

For KYF's money, Illinois has the worst looking helmet in the Big Ten. The slanted "Illinois" is something my 9 year old nephew could create on an iPad...that he was using for 5 minutes while visiting the Apple store.

Fight Song: The official Illinois fight song is called Oskee Wow Wow, and no, it's not by Ke$ha. The song was written by two Illinois students (Howard Green and Harold Hill) in 1911 – but only after they decided the official school song (Illinois Loyalty) was not very good for getting the crowd fired up during a game.

It is the only fight song KYF knows of that refers to specific people like Teddy Roosevelt and three guys named Roberts, Artie Hall and Heavy.

Old Princeton yells her tiger, Wisconsin her Varsity.
And they give the same old "Rah-rah-rah! at each university.
But the yell that always thrills me, and fills my heart with joy
is the good old Oskee-Wow-Wow that they yell at Illinois.

Oskee-Wow-Wow, Illinois! Our eyes are all on you.
Oskee-Wow-Wow, Illinois! Wave your orange and your blue (rah, rah!).
When the team trots out before you, every man stand up and yell.
Back the team to gain a victory. Oskee-Wow-Wow, Illinois!

(There is also a second verse, which is rarely sung)
Teddy Roosevelt may be famous, and his name you often hear.
But it's heroes on the football field each college man holds dear.
We think with pride of Roberts, Artie Hall and Heavy, too.
Oskee-Wow-Wow for the wearers of the Orange and the Blue!

Academics: Thanks to Tom Cruise, Illinois has a national pop culture reputation as a "safety school" for midwestern kids that can't get into to their first choice college. The reality is Illinois is a pretty good school. According to the most recent US News' ranking of America's Best National Universities, Illinois is ranked as the 45th best school in the country, tied with the University of California - Irvine, Texas, Penn State and Yeshiva University (which, as you read this, is probably getting an invite to the Big East). That ranking is a slight improvement from the 47th spot the Fighting Illini sat in last year.

Football: The Illini started playing football in 1890. Over the years, the team has won 15 Big Ten championships, the last coming in 2001. They have been to 15 bowl games and won 6 of them. Their last bowl win was the 1999 MicronPC Bowl. They have won or shared five football National Championships, two of them before they were called the Illini. Their last national football championship was in 1951. They are a charter member of the Big Ten, yet don't really seem to have any rivalries. They're like that kid your mom used to make you play with because he lived down the street, but you weren't really buddies.

From an individual star football player perspective, it is hard to present better names at the top of the list. The Fighting Illini program has produced three of the greatest football players in the history of the game: Red Grange, Ray Nitschke, and Dick Butkus. For those of you that watch the Big Ten Network, current analyst Howard Griffith also wore the orange and blue.

Yes, this is a trophy game, damnit! Got Turtle?

Like many B10 teams, Illinois plays in several annual "trophy games," not of which matter. My favorite is the ever important IlliBuck trophy game with Ohio State. The Illibuck is the second oldest trophy passed between Big Ten Football programs (yep, the Little Brown Jug is the oldest). Originally the "trophy" was a live turtle picked for its long life expectancy as a symbol of the long life of the rivalry (no, seriously, there's a trophy game between OSU and UIUC). Since the original turtle died, there have been nine wooden replica Illibucks carved with the scores from games on its back (I swear to God, we're not f*cking with you on this).

Up until 1933, Illinois was always Ohio State's last game of the season. Ohio State has since replaced them on that last spot on their schedule with someone else.

They also play Purdue for the Purdue Cannon and Northwestern for the Land of Lincoln Trophy (which was originally called the Sweet Sioux Tomahawk and should now be called the Shit, Is This The Only Game On Trophy).

Athletics: Illinois is a charter member of the Big Ten. The university offers a surprisingly low number of varsity sports. There are only 10 men’s and 11 women’s sports teams. To make things a little more odd, they actually classify cheerleading as both a men’s and women’s varsity sport which, if you've seen the team under coach Ron Zook, I guess you can understand.

The Fighting Illini claim they have won twenty-five National Championships dating back to 1900. Surprisingly they have only won two National Championships in any sport since 1958 — Men's Tennis in 2003 and Men's Gymnastics in 1989. No women’s team has ever won a national title.

Most people think of Illinois as a basketball school. They have won 17 Big Ten titles and been to five Final Fours. Sadly, their basketball success seems to always end in ruin as they hold the record for playing in the most NCAA tournament games without a winning a championship. Most will recall the 2005 Illinois basketball team that went undefeated until the last game of the regular season (where they lost to Ohio State) and then lost again in the NCAA Finals game to North Carolina. Also, not many Michigan fans can forget how the Illini lost in the 1989 Final Four Semis – after they had beaten us twice in the regular season.

Like we were going to go with Larry Ellison's picture

Famous Alumni: Famous former Illinois athletes include NBA stars Derek Harper, Eddie Johnson, Nick Anderson and Kendall Gill. Baseball Hall of Famer Lou Boudreau. NFL top pick Jeff George and Pro Bowler Simeon Rice.

The list of non-athlete famous people that attended Illinois’ is pretty impressive. They claim to have 21 Nobel laureates and 20 Pulitzer Prize winners. Names you may recognize include Playboy founder Hugh Hefner, actor Gene Hackman, Oracle founder Larry Ellison, Congressman, Lincoln Memorial Architect Henry Bacon, Phoenix sports owner Jerry Colangelo, BET founder Robert Johnson, former GE Chairman Jack Welsh, and the creator of the Harlem Globetrotters Abe Saperstein. ‘60s comedian, singer and satirist Allan Sherman was kicked out of U of I for being in a female dorm past curfew.

And all readers of this blog are indebted to several Illinois alums who made/make the MZone possible. This list includes Marc Andreessen, the creator of Mosaic (the first graphical Web browser) and Netscape; Steve Chen, the co-founder of YouTube; and Hugh Hefner, founder of Playboy magazine.

For those of you are keeping score: Illinois has had one alum, John Anderson, lose a presidential election but, alas, no U.S. Presidents...and no astronauts.

The Game: I'm not going to lie: last week stung. A lot. As noted in our autopsy, Michigan played its worst game of the season. And while I believe - and believe strongly - that Hoke has us headed in the right direction, I'm getting tired of laying giant eggs on the road (and no, N'Western - in front of half full with U-M fans enjoying a weekend in Chicago doesn't count). So I wouldn't be surprised either way tomorrow. Thus, without much confidence, I'm going to go with my alma mater:

Michigan - 24
Illinois - 22 (Don't ask why 22. It was probably Zook doing something stupid)

Student reaction to Paterno firing is reflection of symptoms behind scandal

2011-11-10T05:13:00.004-05:00

As I watched events unfold in Happy Valley after Joe Paterno was fired last night, I was initially embarrassed for the students shouting for JoePa's return. Begging for one more game.

But as their chants of "We are...Penn State" gave way to more of a mob mentality; as news vans were overturned and street lights were toppled, I became angry. Such blind loyalty to a coach, and a team, and a school is exactly what caused men like AD Tom Curley, President Graham Spanier and, yes, coach Joe Paterno to abandon their responsibilities -- not as ADs, administrators and coaches; and not from a legal stand point -- but as human beings. As fathers themselves. People who, in attempting to the protect "the brand" behind the blind loyalty, failed on an immeasurably larger moral scale.

The scandal brewing around Penn State isn't about a football coach. Or a team. Or a school. As others before me have said, it's so much bigger. And infinitely worse. This is about a bunch of kids -- some allegedly as young as 8 years old -- who were raped. Yes, the terms "abused," "assaulted," and "molested" are thrown about and have been used more often since the story broke. But while the meaning may be a legal distinction, those other terms sometimes seem to soften the horrific crimes that allegedly took place. And such ugly, vile acts deserve no such shading.

If you think Joe Paterno was treated unfairly, read the grand jury report. It won't be easy. It'll make you want to cry, scream or both. Regarding the incident which was brought to Paterno's attention, the one involving "Victim #2" (there were allegedly eight over 15 years that are known about so far), a Penn State graduate assistant (now known to be current assistant coach Mike McQuery) entered Penn State's football building where, according to the grand jury report, he:

"heard rhythmic thumping, slapping sounds. He believed the sounds to be those of sexual activity. As the graduate assistant put the sneakers in his locker, he looked into the shower. He saw a naked boy, Victim 2, whose age he estimated to be 10 years old, with his hands up against the wall, being subjected to anal intercourse by a naked Sandusky. "

He saw a 10 year old boy -- somebody's son -- being raped by a then-58-year-old man. McQuery, who was "distraught" according to the report, talked to his dad, called and then went to Paterno's house where he "reported what he saw." Paterno testified that the GA was "very upset." Paterno then called Curley to his home -- on a Sunday -- and told him he had seen Jerry Sandusky "doing something of a sexual nature to a young boy." And after reporting this to Paterno, and Paterno telling his bosses, the GA heard back a couple weeks later:

"He was told that Sandusky's keys to the locker room were taken away and that the incident had been reported to the The Second Mile (Sandusky's charity)."

They took away the locker room keys. For the alleged rape of a 10 year old boy.

And Joe Paterno knew about it. Knew. Not allegedly knew. Yes, the rape itself is only alleged at this point. But not the fact that McQuery told Paterno he saw something horrible happen to a little boy in the shower of the school's football building. That is not in dispute. Paterno himself admits -- both in the grand jury testimony and since the story broke -- that an upset McQuery told him he witnessed something awful between a 58 year old man and 10 year old boy in the school's football building. Nobody denies that.

Of course the spin now is that Paterno (and Curley and Gary Schultz, another school administrator who was told at the time) were not informed by McQuery of the severity of what he saw in the shower. They're all falling all over themselves now trying to downplay what was reported. Claiming McQuery (who also failed miserably in this whole sordid affair) only said there was "inappropriate conduct," something that made him "uncomfortable," or "fondling," or "horsing around."

As if that makes the inaction of Paterno and the others okay. Absolves them of their moral responsibility. It does not. Because there is no instance when it is okay for a 58 year old man to be with a 10 year old boy naked in a shower, "horsing around."

So I don't care if Paterno was a great football coach. Or won a lot of games. Or graduated a lot of players. Or gave a lot of money to the school for a nice library. He had to be fired. Immediately and without ceremony.

Yes, it was one mistake, as his some of his interviewed supporters were quick to point out on TV last night. And he apparently broke no laws. For that he will suffer no legal consequences. More importantly, and sometimes overlooked in the aftermath of the firing, Joe Paterno did not rape little boys. Jerry Sandusky is allegedly the monster solely responsible for that. Paterno's failing was an ethical one. Not for what he did, but what he didn't did do. If actions speak louder than words, in this case, Paterno's inaction was even louder and more damning.

Even JoePa understands that.

Before he was let go, Paterno said he wishes he would have done more after being alerted about the incident. He could have: In 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010 or 2011. Or any of those other times he probably ran into Sandusky around the campus he was only banned from this week, or in the weight room Sandusky apparently used just last week. But Paterno did not. Instead, his moral inaction did and should have cost him his head coaching job.

If you think that was unfair to JoePa, well, that's exactly the kind of culture that led to some folks thinking after the rape of a 10 year old boy that the right thing to do was to take away some locker room keys.

So to all of you I saw on TV causing trouble on campus last night, yes, You are...Penn State. Now stop tipping over news vans, and screaming for the return of a coach who doesn't deserve that title anymore, and decide what that slogan means. Joe Paterno forgot. Will you?

Operation: Hail (aka Bravest. Glee. Club. Members. Ever.)

2011-11-09T13:25:00.002-05:00

And you thought the Navy SEALS who pulled off Operation: Geronimo by sneaking into Pakistan to take out Bin Laden were brave and daring.

Ha.

The latest online version of LSA Magazine (which I didn't know was apparently purchased by Soldier of Fortune, Inc.) has an article on ~~Operation: Out of Your Fucking Mind~~ Operation: Hail described as this:

Can U-M students pull off singing "The Victors" on Ohio State University's campus? Watch as three glee club members invade rival territory wearing maize and blue and belting the Wolverine fight song.

LSA sent three students down to the heart of Buckeye territory to do the unthinkable: Sing "The Victors" on Ohio State University's campus and somehow make it out alive. Wearing maize and blue, glee club members Mary Wilhelm ('14), Brandon Cory ('13), and Justin Lu ('14) fearlessly execute Operation: Hail. Raise your fist and cheer for Blue as you watch this crazy, courageous display of Wolverine pride.

Now, if that's true, if LSA actually sent these glee club members down there, they may have just violated about 56 state and federal laws concerning student welfare.

Here's the visual proof of their mission. It should probably come with a disclaimer...

WARNING: No Glee Club members were harmed during the making of this video (although they may have to go into hiding for awhile).

Another Real Life Interruption

2011-11-09T02:36:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the light blogging this week. Just slammed at work. But never fear, I'm working on a new MZone video and Ron is busy at work on this week's Know Your Foe: Illinois (uh, right, Ron?).

Colin Cowherd: Scratcher or Picker?

2011-11-08T03:46:00.003-05:00

Jon, the proprietor of MonkeyWrench32 - a website devoted to all your Detroit sports wallpaper needs - saw the "pic" below of our pal Colin Cowherd on Awful Announcing and brought it to to our attention. Might not be indisputable video evidence that he's a picker but we're certainly not going to give him the benefit of the doubt.

MZone Autopsy: Dissecting the Iowa Game

2011-11-07T03:59:00.001-05:00

That was just plain ugly. Sadly, we have to take a look again in this week's edition of the MZone Autopsy.

MZONE AUTOPSY REPORT: Iowa

1. Michigan didn't deserve to win. Sad but true. Iowa played their best game of the year while Michigan played its worst. I'll even go so far as to say worse than MSU because this ~~wasn't~~ shouldn't have been a good enough team to cause U-M such problems, while the Spartans are. As mentioned in our anti-healing healing pictures, this was a complete team loss: Denard's bad fumble, the INT into a sea of black at the end of the first half, a missed XP, dropped passes, questionable coaching, and on and on and on. Yes, it was indeed a team effort of suck. Having said that...

2. There were some ~~pretty bad~~ ~~you gotta be kidding me~~ ass-awful calls in the game, two of the worst on Michigan's final possession. Sadly, while I do think Junior Hemingway caught the TD pass on second and goal, once it was initially called incomplete on the field, I think it was hard to say it was "indisputable" and thus overturn it. Had it initially been ruled a TD, it probably would've stood.

And the last play of the game...WTF?! How was that NOT flagged for PI? As HSR said, "there have been efforts on Dancing with the Stars with less contact."

Yes, that's probably the worst end-of-game-in-the-endzone-non-PI call against Michigan since MSU in 1990 (go to the 7 minute mark, watch, get pissed again like it still matters).

And I'm not even bringing up things like, oh, the long PI flag that was thrown against Iowa...then picked up.

I know, Don't put the game in the refs' hands and you don't have to worry about this stuff. True. And even if we'd scored there at the end, Michigan still had to get a 2-point conversion just to get to OT. True. But still... &^%@!

3. Immediately after the game, Michigan fans took to the Interwebs, blogs, boards and Twitter to trash (or snark) the U-M coaches, mostly Al Borges and the offensive play calling. Even I was "that guy." In talking to my former MZone co-hort, Benny, in the aftermath, I was bitching about how easily U-M marched down the field its final two drives out of the shotgun. I gave Benny the most cliched, uninformed fan lament; one you've probably heard or will hear a lot this week: "Why didn't we do that the entire game?"

Benny's reply: "Because they weren't in the same defense they'd been in all game." His point was that the reason Michigan had an easier time on its last two drives was because Iowa was in a looser D. Up two scores with under 10 minutes left, they just didn't want to give up the big play.

Yeah, maybe.

But can I at least bitch that -- especially on the last play -- Denard should've been rolling out for a play that gave the most electrifying runner on the field a run/pass option rather than calling something in which he had to thread the needle?

In defense of the coaches, I will say that you can't blame the play calling for the missed XP, Denard laying the football on the turf, or throwing into double coverage at the end of the first half, or receivers dropping balls right in the numbers, etc. etc. You take away those glaring mistakes and, with the same game plan, we probably don't need an end-of-the-game miracle or have to worry about shitty calls.

SIDE NOTE: In looking for the clips above, I stumbled upon some dude bitching in the comments of an M/Iowa video about how Borges and his crew have ruined one of the best offenses in cfb. He then went on to state that if RR were still around, we wouldn't have this problem.

Yeah, life would be all lollipops and gummy bears.

Remember: he's a Buckeye!

4. Chris Spielman must love how many anxious U-M fans he's created with his incessant complaining each time Devin Gardner enters the game. But when DR is on the field with DG, I don't think it's "taking Denard out of the game" but rather (hopefully?) giving opposing defense new headaches and more worries. Each time Denard goes in motion, he's probably being accounted for in a way that's disproportionate to somebody else. In theory, it's not a bad plan. Especially since, as you may have noticed, Denard has kind of struggled as a passer this season (even when his receivers aren't dropping balls like they greased up with cooking oil). Unfortunately, I'm not sure Devin is progressing like anybody would have hoped.

Is it "ruining" Denard's rhythm by inserting Devin each game? Honestly, I don't think DG is playing that much for it to be a problem. Plus, with Denard's propensity to get injured, U-M needs a back-up who can step in and play. Who hasn't just taken a couple knees during mop up duty. I think it's more of an execution problem.

5. Michigan is making progress and is a better team than last year. Before the season, I said to Benny that I thought Michigan would finish the regular season around 7-5, but be much closer to 9-3. This was in contrast to last year in which Michigan was 7-5 but, in my opinion, closer to 3-9. Put it this way, in both of Michigan's losses, the Wolverines had a chance well into the 4th quarter (and right until the last play against Iowa). Last year, when Michigan lost, they lost. You didn't have to worry about the refs or the calls at game's end because it was long over by then.

So I still believe we're headed in the right direction. However, 7-5 would now leave a bad taste in my mouth. I need a) a road win next week against Illinois and b) a victory over either Nebraska or OSU. Yes, I'd like wins against both, but I don't see that happening. Which isn't a slam because...

6. What did you expect? While it's good to be disappointed after every loss -- expectations in A2 should always make that the case -- did anybody really think U-M was ready to contend for the B1G title this season? While I always hoped for that, I certainly didn't realistically expect it. But we are making progress. Keep the faith, as hard as last Saturday was (and it certainly sucked balls).

These are the only healing pix M fans deserve

2011-11-05T17:27:00.003-04:00

After an ugly fumble, an INT, a missed XP, poor tackling, dropped passes, questionable coaching and failing to score in four chances from the three yard line at the end of the game, that game was a team effort of suck. As the saying goes, we win as a team and lose as a team.

We also heal as a team and fan base. Normally after a Michigan loss, we put up pictures like this in an effort to take U-M fans' minds off what transpired on the field. But after today -- and all the bitching I'm hearing around the blogosphere and Interwebs -- we don't deserve the usual MZone healing pictures. Not a chance.

So here are your post-Iowa healing pictures. Take a good look. Consider them the healing pix equiv of having to run laps after today's performance, both on the field and in cyberspace.

God help us all if you force me to go down this path again after Illinois. I'm just sayin'.

Michigan vs. Iowa Open Thread

2011-11-05T03:22:00.001-04:00

Can Michigan reach the 8 victory mark for the first time since 2007? Fingers crossed. Leave us your thoughts on Michigan-Iowa or any of Saturday's college football action, including the big ~~Oversigning Bowl~~ LSU-Alabama game.

(Not sure who to give props to for the pic above. Found it online but there was no clear author listed. So if anybody knows, please let me know. Thanks.)

Know Your Foe - Iowa

2011-11-04T03:29:00.002-04:00

The 7-1 Michigan Wolverines hit the road to face 5-3 Iowa at Kinnick Stadium on Saturday. While Michigan holds a 40-12-4 record over the Hawkeyes, Kirk Ferentz's team will be gunning for their third straight victory over U-M -- something that's never happened before in the history of the series. But you knew all that. What you don't know is found below in another hair-raising edition of...Know Your Foe!

The picture was crooked on the official
university bookstore website.
Guess they weren't 1st in graphic design

History: The University of Iowa was founded on February 25, 1847, a mere five days after Iowa was admitted into the Union. Not surprisingly, it was Iowa's first public institution of higher learning. What is surprising is, regardless of what the seal says, the official name of the school is State University of Iowa. But in 1959, the Iowa State College of Agriculture and Mechanic Arts changed it's name to Iowa State University of Science and Technology (aka Iowa State). Due to the confusion, rather than change its name, the State University of Iowa Board of Regents approved using "University of Iowa" (UI) for everyday usage in October, 1964. So, to recap: Iowa is actually Iowa State, Iowa State is actually Iowa Tech, and officially there is no such thing as The University of Iowa.

Iowa takes great pride in claiming to "be first" in a lot of things, some of which even have nothing to do with being the first to install pink locker rooms for the visiting football team. It was the first U.S. public university to admit men and women on an equal basis. It established the first law school west of the Mississippi (becoming one of the first institutions in America to grant a law degree to a woman and an African-American, in 1873 and 1879 respectively). And in 1870, the university opened the first co-ed medical school, probably so that all those co-ed lawyers had somebody to sue.

Continuing on with its theme of firsts, SUofI was the world's first university to accept creative work in theater, writing, music, and art on an equal basis with academic research, and to put an African American on a varsity athletic squad (Frank Holbrook, 1895). Iowa also pioneered standardized testing, so we can all blame them for those damn scan-trons (or thank them for keeping so many Spartans and Buckeyes from getting into Michigan).

Location: Iowa City, Iowa. It’s the sixth largest city in Iowa, and was the first state capitol until 1857. The Old Capitol building remains and is a centerpiece of the Iowa campus. It’s tied with Stamford, Connecticut as the U.S. Metropolitan area with the highest percentage of adult’s holding a bachelor degree (44%). Much like so many of the locales that are home to Big Ten schools, Iowa City is a stereotypical college town. There’s a pedestrian mall that includes many of the town’s restaurants and bars. There’s a lively music scene. And it’s been ranked as the eighth most enlightened town by something called Utne Reader, and the tenth smartest place to live by Kiplinger’s.

Nickname: They call themselves Hawkeyes. The state of Iowa is known as the Hawkeye state. How the state (and university) got the name Hawkeyes used to be the subject of a bit of a debate. Some claimed the name is a tribute to Chief Black Hawk due to the Black Hawk War of 1832. But the the Iowa Athletics site maintains that it originally came from the novel, The Last of the Mohicans, by James Fenimore Cooper. In the book, Hawkeye was the name bestowed on a white scout who hunted and lived with the Delaware Indians.

Who's your mascot?

Mascot: The university has a costumed Hawkeye, known as Herky, who has been a symbol of the university since 1948. The university had had gone through a number of mascots, including Burch, a black bear cub who lived under the football bleachers until he was found drowned in the Iowa River in 1910 (the MZone's first thought: ask Brutus the Buckeye where he was that day). Herky was conceived by a journalism instructor and his name was selected based on a statewide contest.

Herky's first appearance at a football game came in 1959, but he was soon banned from the sideline after a couple of problems. In Evanston he came close to starting a riot when he pulled the tail off Northwestern's Wildcat mascot, and he also caused a stir when he climbed an electric pole at a home game.

Originally made of papier-mache and chicken wire, today’s mascot has a couple seven pound Kevlar head versions: two wearing football helmets and one without. They heads are manufactured by the same Minnesota company that makes Sesame Street costumes, and cost a total of $5,880.

Colors/Logo/Helmet: Officially, they wear Black and Old Gold. For a previous Iowa KYF, Andy searched high and low, but could not find any related story as to how and why they picked these colors. And let's be honest, the “gold” for Iowa is really more of a yellow. But given that they grow a lot of corn in Iowa, it makes sense that their gold is more "corny."

The logo is something called a Tigerhawk and was introduced in 1979 when former head football coach Hayden Fry arrived from North Texas State University. Fry was allowed to hire a marketing group to create the logo to in an effort to reshape the image of the Iowa football team which hadn't had a winning season since 1960. It must have worked, because Fry turned the Hawkeyes into a respected football program where he gathered 143 wins, 3 Big Ten titles, and 14 bowl appearances in 20 years.

Although, as we stated in a previous post here at the MZone, if you turn it on its side, their logo looks a lot like Fred Flintstone. You be the judge:

And their uniforms look a lot like those of the NFL’s Pittsburgh Steelers, another change courtesy of Hayden Fry's attempt to make the woeful program he took over play like winners by looking like winners. With the approval of the Rooney family, Fry basically copied the Steelers uniforms. Prior to that, Iowa had a series of non-descript yellow and black helmets. About the only thing that has changed on the Iowa helmets since 1979 is the addition of a small, circular yellow decal containing the letters "ANF" on their helmets; the acronym stands for "America Needs Farmers" and was intended to draw attention to the economic plight experienced by many farmers in the American midwest.

You can spot the difference by noting that only one of the
teams above would lose to the Minnesota Gophers

Fight Song: The Iowa Fight Song was written in 1951 by Iowa native Meredith Willson, creator of Broadway play The Music Man. The song only has 61 words, yet the word “Fight!” appears nine times. Hell, the word “Iowa” only shows up four times.

The word is "Fight! Fight! Fight! for IOWA,
Let every loyal Iowan sing;
The word is "Fight! Fight! Fight! for IOWA,"
Until the walls and rafters ring (Go Hawks!)
Come on and cheer, cheer, cheer, for IOWA
Come on and cheer until you hear the final gun.
The word is "Fight! Fight! Fight! for IOWA,"
Until the game is won.

Academics: According to the latest US News and World Reports rankings, Iowa is #71, tied with BYU, V-Tech and fellow B1G school, MSU. However, they more than make up for this so-so ranking with a #4 spot on the Princeton Review list of the Top Party Schools.

The pride and joy of the University is probably the Writers’ Workshop. The Workshop is a two-year residency program which ultimately requires a creative thesis, usually a novel or a collection of stories. It was the first creative writing degree program in the country and it’s alumni have won a dozen Pulitzer Prizes, and four graduates of the program have been named U.S. Poet Laureates. So I’m sure if Know Your Foe was in the hands of a Writers’ Workshop grad it would be much more interesting.

This is either Hayden Fry or a
police sketch of a serial killer

Football: Football was first played as a club sport at Iowa in 1872, but it was not a varsity sport until 1889 (and may not be again after last week's loss to Minnesota). They lost their first official varsity game to Grinnell College in the one and only game they played that season. The next year they won a game. Ten years later they went undefeated and were offered a place in the Western Athletic Conference, which later became the Big Ten. Iowa has won eleven Big Ten championships, the last in 2004. Nile Kinnick won the 1939 Heisman Trophy, beating out Tom Harmon (#Bullshit). In 1970, Michigan’s Bump Elliott became Iowa’s Athletic Director a year after Don Canham replaced him as coach with Bo Schembechler (#NotBullshit).

Over the years, 92 Hawkeyes have been named a first-team or second-team All-American, and 22 have been named consensus first-team All-Americans. They have produced three members of the Pro Football Hall of Fame, including Michigan native Paul Krause. Nine players and five coaches represent Iowa in the College Football Hall of Fame, including 1985 Heisman runner up Chuck Long. As previously mentioned, Hayden Fry brought Iowa football back to life in 1979. They have been a consistently tough Big Ten opponent since (although, did we mention they lost to Minnesota last week?).

Other Sports: The University of Iowa currently fields 24 varsity teams. But when you think Iowa sports, you need to begin with wrestling where they rule. Legendary Olympian Dan Gable and 2 other coaches have led the wrestling Hawkeyes to 21 national and 32 Big Ten titles, includes nine straight national titles (1978-86). Their men’s basketball team has had some success, making it to three Final Fours. Their baseball team made the drive to Omaha and the College World Series in 1972.

Famous Alums: Famous non athletic Hawkeyes include Actors Gene Wilder (who was once married to U-M alum Gilda Radner), Tom Arnold and Ashton Kutcher. TV news anchor Tom Brokaw and Pulitzer Prize winner Tennessee Williams and novelist John Irving . The founder of famous public opinion poll, George Gallup was a football player and editor of school paper. Grammy winning singer Al Jarreau and Academy Award winning screenwriter Diablo Cody (Juno) both spent some time in Iowa City. And they must live with the shame of Lou Holtz on this list as well.

Iowa alum Gene Wilder and the pre-Hayden Fry Hawkeye football team

Ron's pick: I believe in our kids, and they'll keep it rolling. This is not last year or the year before. They get it done.

Michigan - 28
Iowa - 17

Yost's pick: Last weekend was a huge game for Michigan. Not only wasn't it a loss, but it wasn't close. They put away an inferior team and didn't let them hang around or let them back in it. And before The Dark Period, Saturday's game in Iowa would probably be a road version of last weekend. But, even after their loss to Minnesota (did we mention--? Nevermind), Iowa is 5-0 at home (0-3 on the road). So while they played poorly last weekend, Iowa isn't a bad team (right?). Still, are these Wolverines really going to lay an egg for Brady Hoke during his birthday week? Just can't see it. Very close. Comes down to the forth quarter but I think we pull it out.

Michigan - 28
Iowa - 27

Happy Birthday, Coach Hoke!

2011-11-03T11:54:00.001-04:00

Yes, 53 years ago today, Coach Hoke entered the world: already donning a leather helmet, some menacing eyeblack, and clutching a pigskin under one arm. It is rumored that his first words were "toughness" and "accountability" - but that could just be an urban legend. Based upon what I know of Coach Hoke, I tend to believe the former. The man was born for football.

Growing up, there was a sign that hung at the entrance of his childhood home: "Life is spelled F-O-O-T-B-A-L-L." That phrase pretty much defines Coach. Before every game in high school, he would head out to his garage and hit a punching bag for a while: followed by sitting down at the piano and plunking the keys a bit and maybe hit the snare drum for a while. Then, it was go time. Always moving. Always trying to improve. That's Brady Hoke. Even then, he was going to compete, as hard as he could, and he was going to win. He has brought that mentality with him to Ann Arbor, and boy does it show.

So, in honor of Coach's birthday, I decided to see what other November 3rd babies were out there. Who else shares this day of honor, you ask?

The one and only Dolph Lundgren. Ivan Drago. He and Coach both have something in common: a master's degree in Bad Assness. That is a real degree at Ball State. Seriously.

Charles Bronson. Star of "The Dirty Dozen" and "Deathwish." Yet another bad-ass born on 11/3. Coach was actually offered a small role in "The Magnificent Seven" opposite Bronson as a gun-toting two-year-old with a set of spurs and an attitude: but, his mom felt he should concentrate on blocking and tackling instead. Thank you, Mama Hoke.

Roseanne Barr was also born on November 3rd. It has been rumored that she calls Coach Hoke every year and sings him her own screeching rendition of "Happy Birthday." Not the best present.

And then, there's the man of the hour: our coach.

Fans, I've gotta say: as a die-hard Michigan fan since the glory days of Bo and Ufer - and with Hokeamania in full effect and sweeping across the Wolverine nation - I couldn't be happier on this November 3rd. Michigan is back, my friends: and soon to be better than ever - thanks to having our fearless leader back on the sidelines for the maize and blue.

So, Happy Birthday, Coach Hoke! Thank you for all that you have done for us. You embody all that is a true Michigan Man to me, and I couldn't be more proud to call you our coach. Thank you for always leading by example, and for your unwavering commitment and undying love for the university that we hold so dear. Best wishes for a great year - and many more great seasons - ahead.

We sure are happy to have you home!

][V][ GO BLUE!

Michigan Student Section: FAIL

2011-11-02T03:11:00.003-04:00

I know it hasn't been easy. Especially for the seniors who, coming into the fall, have endured the worst three year stretch in the history of Michigan football. Still, it's no excuse for this...

Where the hell are the students?!

No, that's not the spring game. It's not the waning minutes of the Minnesota blowout. And it's not the turnout for some *NSYNC reunion tour. Sadly, that mass of emptiness in the picture above is the student section in The Big House, just three minutes before kick off of the Purdue game last Saturday. On Homecoming. For a team with a then 6-1 record. Ranked in the Top 20.

Oh, the rest of the stadium was packed. The rest of the Michigan fans somehow found a way to make it to the game. Folks who drove in from Detroit, or Grand Rapids, or Flint. Points all over the state and beyond. They were there. But not the students. Who only had to stumble over from West Quad, or their fraternity, or their apartment off Packard. They couldn't make it.

How sad.

You'll notice that there is no line snaking down the aisles. No harried or hungover students rushing to their seats. Students simply late due to a rough Friday night. Nope. Those lines never materialized. Because it didn't get much better than the picture above all game. The top remained empty througout.

I know I mentioned the invisible students in our MZone Autopsy of the Purdue game. But the more I thought about it, the more pissed I got. And we're not alone. Brian at MGoBlog had this to say:

There's no reason to sell those people tickets at discounted rates if they're not even going to show up and be loud.

Preach. You think Dave Brandon wouldn't love to get "X" thousand of those discounted tickets back from the students so he could sell them at full price to fans who will also spend another $100 bucks on food and ugly throwback jerseys each game?

There will be plenty of time to miss games. When that big project is due and you have to work all weekend. When one of your so-called friends gets married on a football Saturday. When your son is sick or your daughter has a dance recital. When life moves you far away from A2. Then you'd give anything to spend one more carefree Saturday in The Big House with your friends. Cheering on the Maize and Blue.

But it will be too late.

So get your asses to the games. This isn't some 8 o'clock on North Campus. This isn't IU. This is Michigan, for God's sake!

(thanks to RG for the pic)

Damn you, real life!

2011-11-01T11:56:00.000-04:00

Real life intrudes on blogging today. Back to our regularly scheduled shenanigans tomorrow.

MZone Autopsy: Dissecting the Purdue Game

2011-10-31T00:57:00.002-04:00

Folks, this is going to be a lot more enjoyable than our first "autopsy" feature when we were forced to cut open the corpse found buried in plastic bags outside Spartan Stadium.

MZONE AUTOPSY REPORT: Purdue

1. During the previous three seasons, last weekend's Purdue game is one U-M would have probably lost. One of those dreaded "second half of the season" games that revealed Michigan to be imploding rather than improving.

But not this time. Not this year.

Michigan stomped on an inferior opponent the way it should have, both defensively and offensively. It was - dare I say - like old times. In talking to my former MZone cohort Benny yesterday, he mentioned that we still don't know how good Michigan is because we haven't beaten any good teams (ND falls into a "maybe" depending on which weekend we're talking about). And while I agreed with him, I said the biggest difference is that, while we may indeed not be great team, Michigan is playing football at a level now that has the Wolverines beating the teams they're supposed to. The teams Michigan used to routinely pound, with every game not being a coin flip.

Yes, I'm so damn scarred by the previous three seasons that, after Purdue's initial drive, I felt a flash of deja vu all over again. But Michigan stayed the course and eventually put Purdue away, pretty much by halftime and certainly before the 3rd quarter was over.

How refreshing.

While we probably won't go 4-0 to end the season, I can honestly say I wouldn't be surprised if we did. And, unlike years past (okay, three of them), I would be very surprised if we went 0-4.

2. So that's what a running game looks like. Boy, was it beautiful to see a Michigan player not named Denard tear up the opposition's defense on the ground. RB Fitz Toussaint's 170 yard day (59 of it coming on a beautiful TD run in the third quarter) is the sort of output that U-M fans used to be used to. If the Wolverines can make this a regular thing - and do it against high quality teams - look out. It will take a hell of a load off of Denard. Put it this way, if the Maize and Blue can establish this sort of ground game on a weekly basis, it's going to be fun to watch folks notice other good things which will happen as a result. Like, "Wow, I didn't know Denard was such a good passer!" Funny how that works.

3. For the first time this season, injuries are a concern for the Wolverines. Up until this point, Michigan has been beyond blessed in the health department. Not anymore. Safety Jordon Kovacs missed the game and is probably out for Iowa with a knee injury. Left guard Ricky Barnum re-injured his ankle and had to leave the game. And left tackle Taylor Lewan had to miss part of the game with what could be a knee injury. With Michigan's lack of depth and four tough closing games, it's not good. But as Coach Hoke said about the injuries, "That's football."

4. The "Rocket Man" entrance of the game ball was cool as hell.

About the only negative was that this was the loudest thing inside The Big House on Saturday. I'm actually mildly surprised nobody yelled "down in front" at the guy as he flew past.

5. Shame on the students. Where the hell were you?! You can see it in the "Rocket Man" video above as well as many of the YouTube vids posted: the students simply didn't show up. No, I'm not talking "late arriving," I mean the student section NEVER FILLED UP (the pink cancer "M" students were trying to form had holes in it the entire game). Not gonna put up much about this now because I think this deserves its own post. But there is no excuse and it's just sad.

6. I think Michigan won twice yesterday: By beating Purdue and hearing about Sparty losing to Nebraska.

7. A safety?! You remember what those are, don't you? Can you believe it had been EIGHT YEARS since U-M's defense last recorded one (vs. Houston in 2003). I don't want to say U-M fans are shocked to see such things after Gerg and the last three years, but check out the fan video of the safety below. There was less pandemonium by the dude working the camera in CLOVERFIELD when he was being chased by the giant monster.

8. Man, I really enjoy beating Danny Hope. Especially since we probably don't have that many more years to do it.

Michigan vs. Purdue Open Thread

2011-10-29T00:45:00.000-04:00

Michigan returns to action after a bye week for its homecoming game against the Purdue Boilermakers. Leave us your thoughts on U-M/Purdue and all of Saturday's cfb action below.

This pic just kinda felt homecomey

Know Your Foe - Purdue 2011

2011-10-28T01:45:00.011-04:00

Saturday marks Michigan's homecoming game as the 6-1 Wolverines welcome Purdue to The Big House. This will be the 57th meeting between the two schools, with Michigan winning last year's contest, 27-16. But those are the facts you can find anywhere. Below is the stuff you didn't know in another death-defying edition of Know Your Foe.

"Hey, IU -- blow me!"

History: Purdue was founded as a land grant college on May 6, 1869 when the Indiana General Assembly accepted a $150K donation and 100 acres of land from Lafayette businessman John Purdue to establish a college of science, technology, and agriculture in his name. But it wasn’t just the Morrill Act and Purdue's love of education that got the school started. It was spite. Purdue had been denied a professorship at Indiana University. So to help Indiana students have an alternative to the school in Bloomington, Purdue donated the money and land to help start the school that would bear his name. Classes first began at Purdue on September 16, 1874 with 39 students. Purdue issued its first degree, not surprisingly a Bachelor of Science, in 1875.

As a side note, Mr. Purdue’s is buried on campus near the Union Building, which is surprising since we at the MZone thought it was hidden inside that giant drum they wheel around the football field.

Location: West Lafayette, Indiana. Purdue is the flagship of the six campuses within the Purdue University System, one of the largest university systems in the United States. It is situated in Tippecanoe County about 65 miles northwest of Indianapolis. The place is named in honor of General Lafayette, a French military hero who fought with the Continental Army during the American Revolutionary War.

Can't be all bad in WL, right?

While Andy claimed in a previous KYF to have known some nice looking Purdue grads, he also noted this in no place to go looking for girls. According to the 2000 US Census, for every 100 females age 18 and over, there were 137.2 males in West Lafayette. This unusual distribution can be explained by Purdue's strong academic programs in male-dominated fields such as engineering. Whatever the reason, the MZone hereby motions to rename West Lafayette as Sausage, Indiana.

Nickname: Boilermakers. The nickname dates back to 1891 when a local reporter referred to the football team as “Boiler Makers” following a 44-0 whitewash of Wabash College. The title of the story was called “Slaughter of Innocents” (which is an apt description of the previous three years of Michigan Football). The next year the student newspaper (still called the Exponent) began using the name and it stuck. As far as nicknames go, this one is a true original. Purdue is the only college known as the Boilermakers.

Before becoming the Boilermakers, Purdue’s sports teams had a bunch of silly industrial/farming names, including the surreal “Clod Mashers and Lunch Punishers from the wilds of Tippecanoe County”. Other names were the Corn Huskers, Rail Splitters, Haymakers, LogHaulers, Blacksmiths, Sluggers, Hayseeds, Pumpkin-shuckers and my personal favorite: Cornfield Sailors...not that there's anything wrong with that.

Kiddie ride? Nope. Purdue's mascot

Mascot: The Boilermaker Special has been the official mascot of Purdue University since 1940. It essentially is a Victorian-era railroad locomotive built on a truck chassis. The Special was originally designed to demonstrate Purdue's engineering programs. It is "street legal" and can be driven on expressways at a top speed of 65mph and it attends all of Purdue’s football games home & away. Hats bearing the logos of defeated opponents are attached to the Boilermaker Special's cow-catcher (which leaves it pretty empty some years). There is a smaller version (called the X-Tra) for indoor events. The Special is operated, maintained, and funded by the unfortunately named Purdue Reamer Club.

Just to be confusing, the official mascot of Purdue athletics since 1940 has been Purdue Pete. He began as a logo for the campus bookstore. He made his first physical appearance as the athletics mascot at a pep rally in 1956. Pete has lost his head several times, literally. They lost his original paper-mache head in 1962 on the way back from Iowa City. The head was in the back of the Boilermaker Special when a strong gust of wind blew it out into the road. The crew stopped the Special and searched for hours for the head without any luck. The only thing they found was little piece of the shoulder pad.

About the only think missing from Purdue Pete, in our opinion, is a super 'stache in honor of the apparent coaching pre-req at PU.

Colors/Logo/Helmet: In 1887 Purdue University adopted its school colors, Old Gold and Black. These distinctive colors were inspired by the brass and iron found on the steam engine Lafayette that passed through the state (OK, we get it -- you like trains). Unlike Big Ten teams Iowa and Minnesota, the Purdue gold is actually gold, not yellow.

They use a “forward moving P,” as their primary logo. This logo is nice clean and basic. They have also used various versions of a train engine as an alternative logo. Again, it is a uniquely Purdue symbol and there is no confusing it with any other college logo.

Considering they have not had a ton of success as a football program, they have a pretty stable helmet history. In the early 1950’s Purdue’s helmets looked a little bit like the Michigan helmets without the wings. They went to a “numbers on the side” period in the 1960’s until they went with the current gold with a black P in the early 1970’s. However, for some reason during the last two years of the Fred Akers era they had a two-year fling with black helmets (1989 and 1990).

When Drew Brees led Purdue to the 2001 Rose Bowl, they wore a special “Rose Bowl” version of the helmet. I think it looked great because it combined the classic Purdue style with the very special (and rare, as it only happened once before in '67) occasion of the Rose Bowl visit.

Fight Song Hail Purdue! is the official fight song of Purdue University. The lyrics were written by James Morrison, to the tune set by Edward Wotawa in 1913. The song was initially titled "Purdue War Song" and was dedicated to the Varsity Glee Club, of whom Wotawa was a member. The lyrics also talk about friendship, and time spent together, so it starts to devolve into a poem a guy would write to a girlfriend he just dumped, but overall a solid fight song.

Hail Purdue
To your call once more we rally,
Alma Mater, hear our praise;
Where the Wabash spreads its valley,
Filled with joy our voices raise.
From the skies in swelling echoes
Come the cheers that tell the tale,
Of your vic'tries and your heroes,
Hail Purdue! We sing all hail!

Hail, hail to old Purdue!
All hail to our old gold and black!
Hail, hail to old Purdue!
Our friendship may she never lack,
Ever grateful ever true,
Thus we raise our song anew,†
Of the days we've spent with you,
All hail our own Purdue.

When in after years we're turning,
Alma Mater, back to you,
May our hearts with love be yearning,
For the scenes of old Purdue.
Back among your pathways winding
Let us seek what lies before,
Fondest hopes and aims e'er finding,
While we sing of days of yore.

Academics: The reputation of Purdue as a top engineering school is well known. It was the first university in America to award an aviation engineering degree under the direction of the Wright brothers. Purdue was the first university in the country to offer college credit for flight training, and the first to offer a degree in aviation. Over the last ten years, Purdue has awarded more aerospace engineering degree than any other school, and awards more engineering degrees to women than any college in the country. It’s known as the cradle of astronauts, and has one of the largest international student populations of any public university in the U.S.

According to the latest US News and World Reports rankings, Purdue comes in #62. Not exactly Michigan, but more importantly to John Purdue -- higher ranked than Indiana!

Athletics: Purdue was a charter member of the Big Ten and played a central role in its creation. They have an intense rivalry with Indiana in all sports. The Boilermakers battle the Hoosiers on the football field each year to win the Old Oaken Bucket. Purdue leads the series by a wide margin. Found on a farm in southern Indiana, the oaken bucket is one of the oldest football trophies in the nation. The winner of game gets to add a bronze "P" or "I" chain link and keep the trophy until the next face-off. Ironically, the first competition in 1925 led to a 0-0 tie, resulting in the first link on the chain being an "IP."

It is good that they battle so hard with Indiana, because in over 100 years of Big Ten football the Boilermakers haven’t really battled anyone else. They have won only one non-shared conference championship (1929) and have only shared of seven others. Only two of those co-championships have taken place in the last 55 years.

But in basketball it is a different story -- Boilermaker Basketball teams have won more Big Ten Championships than any other conference school, with 27 (Men 21 and Women 6). The guys have been to two Final Fours and the ladies three. The Purdue Women won the NCAA title 1999 while the Men were voted NCAA Champs in 1932 (before the NCAA tourney).

The rest of the Boilermakers athletic teams are just plain weak. In this century, they’ve only won a handful of Big Ten titles. They show no historical conference dominance in any sport. Their only other national championships have come in golf (1961 Mens and 2010 Ladies).

Purdue's Popcorn Engineer

Famous alums: Purdue alumni have headed corporations, held federal offices, founded television networks, and flown through space. Purdue’s distinguished faculty have won Nobel prizes, solved long-standing riddles in science, headed government agencies, and received countless awards. Famous Purdue people include: Russell Games Slayter, inventor of fiberglass; Harold Gray, creator of Little Orphan Annie; George Peppard, movie actor; Orville Redenbacher, popcorn king; and Ruth Siems, inventor of stove top stuffing. They have a nice list of famous athletes including legendary basketball coach John Wooden; NFL Hall of Fame coach Hank Stram; and Pro Bowl QBs Drew Brees, Len Dawson, and Bob (you can call me Brian's Dad) Griese. I would be remiss without mentioning that former Lions QB and current SEC lobbyist Gary Danielson went to Purdue. It is sad to see that a guy that went to high school in Michigan and attended a Big Ten School can be such a blow-hard against his midwestern football roots.

As I mentioned above, Purdue is known as the "Cradle of Astronauts". They have graduated 22 NASA astronauts, including the first and last men to walk on the moon. Pretty impressive. The most recognizable Purdue Space Man is Neil Armstrong. So yes, Purdue beats Michigan in the race to space -- but they have no US Presidents. White House, Bitches!

The Game: The previous two years, this is the point at which the bottom begins to fall out of the Michigan season: quick start, crappy ending. But I just can't believe Brady's Boys will let that happen. I can't. Not again. Not on homecoming. Against a Danny Hope-coached team.

This game will be no cakewalk as Purdue stepped up and smacked Illinois last weekend on the road. But that's more of a Zooker issue that something that can be attributed to Purdue props.

No, I think MSU was not the "beginning of the end," but rather just a stumble. And tomorrow Denard has his best game of the season.

Michigan - 34
Purdue - 24

25 Things We Love About Michigan Football Saturdays: #15 Carl Grapentine

2011-10-27T02:16:00.002-04:00

You remember this list, don't you? Well, I barely did. Heck, I had to go back and look at my notes to remember where we were on our countdown. But I'm up to speed and we continue today with...

#15 Michigan Marching Band and Stadium Announcer Carl Grapentine

"Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the Michigan Marching Band. Baaaaaand, take the field!"

You just got chills, didn't you? Yeah, me, too.

When you hear Carl Grapentine, the Michigan Marching Band and Big House announcer, utter those words over the stadium PA system on Saturday, all will be good in the world. The game will be mere moments away. And Grapentine's soothing baritone will have just set the stage. Like your mom saying grace before Thanksgiving dinner. You wouldn't even think of touching the turkey until mom had her say.

Same with Carl in The Big House.

For me, the game doesn't start when the Wolverines run out of the tunnel. Or when they race under the "M Go Blue" banner. Or even at kick-off. Nope. I'm in full game-mode as soon as I hear Grapentine.

According to the Michigan Marching Band website, "Grapentine has been 'The Voice of the Michigan Band' since 1970 when he was appointed to the post by Dr. William D. Revelli. An alumnus of the University of Michigan School of Music, he played oboe in the Symphony Band and Symphony Orchestra, and was baritone soloist with the Men's Glee Club during his student years." Having outlasted Bo, Mo, Carr and Rich Rod, Grapentine is as much a part of the band and the gameday experience as anybody down on the field forming the giant block "M".

In 2006, Grapentine added to his duties when he became the stadium PA announcer, as well. He took over for Howard King, who was The Big House public address announcer for 33 years, from 1972 until his retirement at the end of the 2005 season.

In this capacity, Grapentine is responsible for this other chill-inducing announcement...

"Good afternoon. And welcome. To the University of Michigan football stadium. And this, the 57th meeting between Michigan and Purdue. Now for the starting lineups..."

Then, after the teams are introduced on Saturday...

"...And in his first season as head coach...Brady Hoke!"

Here come the chills again.

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting #15 on our list of the 25 Things We Love about Michigan Football Saturdays...Carl Grapentine.

ED. NOTE: Notice how he no longer says, to my knowledge, the exact number of members in the MMB as he does in the above older recording. Anybody know when that stopped and why? Or am I just not paying attention like I should these days?