Rants, comments, thoughts and funny - mostly funny - on all things Michigan and college football.

If you have ideas, tips, links or pictures for the blog, e-mail us at: MichiganZone at gmail dot com.

Thanks for checking out the M Zone. And if you enjoy the site, please pass the link on to a friend or two. We'd sure appreciate it.

Twitter: @MZoneBlog

Facebook/MZoneBlog

Best Of Tat and Tresselgate

M Zone Videos

Best Of MZone 2.0

Best Of The Original MZone

Tosu Favorites

MZone Archive

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The Most Interesting (Michigan) Man in the World

Several months ago I started thinking about an idea for another MZone video.  Unfortunately, life intervened and I never got around to it.

But, last week, our friend Dave at Maize n Brew did a piece that inspired me to finish the darn thing.

So MZone Motion Picture Corp, in association with I Need To Stop Wasting Valuable Productive Time Making These Things When I Should Be Working, presents...

The Most Interesting (Michigan) Man in the World



(HT: CadillacMatt95 for the music)

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Not All Buckeyes Are Bad

In an effort to heal the rift and tone down the heated rhetoric flying between Buckeyes and Wolverines in the wake of Tresselgate, Tatgate and Whatever'sComingNextGate, we at the MZone stumbled upon the following picture at Busted Coverage.

The photo hit Ye Old Internet when the MZone was on its extended sabbatical, yet can something like this ever really be called "out of date" or "old news?"  I think not.



Apparently, the girl was spotted in the crowd when GameDay was in C-bus in 2009.


According to the boys at BC, the blonde above is/was an OSU sophomore named Shari (who probably dots her "i" with little smiley faces or hearts depending on her mood).  All we know is that she seems to hate Michigan and loves to pose in her underwear.  We can live with the former due to the later...



See, we're not so different.  And just looking at the photos above makes me dislike OSU less.  I hope it worked for you, too.

Fuck U of M?  Uh...okay!

And yes, there are more pix on the Busted Coverage links above.

You're welcome.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Our thoughts are with Austin Hatch

Words fail me at the almost inconceivable tragedy that has befallen future U-M basketball player Austin Hatch.

Over the weekend, the 16-year-old Indiana hoops star - who recently accepted a scholarship to Michigan - was severely injured in a plane crash that took the lives of his father and stepmother.  Hatch's father was flying the three of them to the family's vacation home on Walloon Lake in Northern Michigan when the single-engine Beech A36 crashed.  Austin is in a medically induced coma at a hospital in Traverse City where doctors are monitoring his brain swelling, among other injuries.

Tragically - and as hard as it is to comprehend -  this is the second fatal plane crash Hatch has survived, and Friday's accident left him with no living siblings or parents.

In 2003, a plane - also piloted by Hatch's father - crashed on the way back to Indiana from the same Michigan lake house.  That accident took the lives of Austin's mother, 11-year-old sister and 5-year-old brother.

As I said, words fail me with something like this.  So all I can do is say that Austin is in my thoughts and prayers.

Friday, June 24, 2011

MZone to do list: add Michelin Man

If you follow Yost's twitter account, you might have noticed our friend (or is that foe?) Tony Gerdman at The OZone got a random tweet directed his way from a disgruntled (and now apparently former) reader. If you don't already follow Tony on Twitter, you should do so. His attention to detail and perspective on anything related to what is happening in Columbus is a great counter weight to what we typically flock to as Wolverine fans. Expand your mind and look at the world from a new angle.

Anyway, back to the tweet... read for yourself:



Keep in mind, nobody at the MZone is a professional web designer or journalist. We have not spent any money on focus groups or market analysis. I am pretty sure T9 (despite her stunning lack of photoshop skills) is the brains and has the highest IQ in the group. I know that Yost has a pretty good sense of humor and is an Oscar worthy video producer. I've been known to chop up and pump out an image or two. So the question needs to be asked: What makes the OZone different from the MZone? and What can we do different to win the hearts and eyeballs of the fine folks at The Gamers Lab? I think I found the answer.... but just in case, here is a screen shot and scorecard to help:



Wednesday, June 22, 2011

M Go Marriage: Brian at MGoBlog tying the knot

As you may know, Brian Cook, the proprietor of MGoBlog, is getting married this weekend.  Now, according to his post on the subject, the nuptials are taking place at a "top secret location."

But not that secret since yours truly is one of the groomsmen.

So here's a pic of Brian, me and the guys after we tried on our tuxes: 


Yeah, I know - I was surprised as well that Brian asked Carr to be a groomsman.  But apparently Carr throws a hell of a bachelor party so he made the cut.  And we tried to tell Harmon to take off the darn helmet, but I guess it was to cover up his ginormous head.  Look at the size of that thing!

Should be an incredible evening.  Lots of great Meeeechigan folks are coming, although Jim Harbaugh and Les Miles sent their regrets (and rumor has it Rich Rodriguez is gonna try to photo-bomb the reception so Bri had to hire security.  How sad).

Tom and I chipped in and hired a killer band for the evening.  Here's a little clip of the last wedding they did:



Most beautiful thing you've ever seen, right?  Now that's how you get a dude choked up at a wedding.  I can barely type now.

Okay, all joking aside, congrats Brian.  From Andy, me and the rest of the MZone staff (and by "rest," I mean Andy and me each counted twice) best of luck to you and your bride-to-be. 

And if you could just send us a copy of the wedding video, I promise you a special MZone UFR that you'll never forget!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

What the MZone looks like in June without a new OSU scandal



C'mon, Ohio State. We're counting on you. It's a looooong way to go until the first game.

Sincerely,

The MZone

Monday, June 20, 2011

Dear Dave Brandon: You can't take a picture with tradition, either

"You can't get your picture taken with the Block M. Mascots are really embraced by the youth demographic and we want to take advantage of that, for all the reasons that are obvious." 

Athletic Director Dave Brandon on having a mascot at Michigan

In many ways, Michigan AD Dave Brandon is one of the primary reasons the MZone is again part of the U-M blogosphere.  And that's not a compliment.

After 2+ years of cyber silence (and no intention of returning), I came out of hibernation last August when, in the midst of Big 10 divisional realignment talk, it was revealed that the Michigan-Ohio State game was almost certainly going to be moved from its traditional season ending spot on the schedule.

Now, it's one thing for Jim "Yes, the Tat 5 should play in the Sugar!" Delany to whore out to network wishes and advocate moving The Game.  Or Barry "We want to sit at the big table!" Alvarez getting behind changes that will keep many folks across the country from thinking first of the Wolverines and the Buckeyes when they think of the Big 10.  But Michigan's own athletic director supporting something that would dilute and detract from what arguably is the greatest rivalry in college football?!

Asinine.

Brandon should have been screaming from the rooftops in protest.  Instead, the former Domino's CEO didn't even seem to realize what an appallingly bad idea it was, talking about preparing for change and saying such things as:

“I think there’s a distinct possibility that game will be a later game in the season but not necessarily the last game of the season.  That’s simply because I don’t think the coaches or the players or the fans or the networks or anyone would appreciate that matchup twice within a seven-day period.”

This after voicing the misguided (and still misguided!) assertion that it's better to have Michigan and Ohio State in separate divisions "because we’re in a situation where one of the best things that could happen, in my opinion in a given season, would be the opportunity to play Ohio State twice.  Once in the regular season and once for the championship of the Big Ten."

No, that's not one of the best things.  Really.  It's not.  And for Michigan's AD to not understand that was actually sort of scary.

Yeah, I know he played under Bo.  But that doesn't mean his leadership of The Leaders and Best is always correct or beyond reproach.  Sometimes Brandon's boardroom background needs to take a back seat to lessons learned in The Big House locker room.  Because if Bo had still been alive and heard that crap about The Game, he'd have kicked Brandon's ass right back to Domino's.

Those were the answers of a man more concerned with television than tradition, seemingly more interested in appeasing advertisers than alums.  At a time like that, Michigan fans needed and deserved their team's old QB/DE, not the former pizza CEO. 

Unfortunately, Brandon only changed his tune (along with the B10, and OSU's president and AD) after - holy shit, locusts! - U-M and Ohio State fans teamed up to voice their unified outrage at the asshattery.

But that wasn't the end of Brandon's questionable calls.

Earlier this month there was the "retro jersey" controversy.  And just last week, Brandon created another stir when he hinted that he was exploring the possibility of adding a Wolverine mascot to The Big House sidelines, talking about it in terms of "youth demographics."

"I'm struck by the fact that when opposing teams come to our stadium, and they bring a mascot, all of our young fans are lined up to see if they can get a picture taken with it, whether it's the Penn State Nittany Lion or Sparty," Brandon told Michigan Today. "That's a little annoying to me.

You know what's annoying to me?  Not realizing you don't need some fur ball on the sidelines to get kids hooked on Michigan football or to become lifelong maize and blue fanatics.  It's been working pretty darn well the last 130+ years without one.

"Picture time, Youth Demo!  Go Blue!"
The reaction from the maize and blue faithful was equally as unenthusiastic and Brandon, like he did with the M/OSU scheduling scandal, backtracked, this time saying the idea is "not an active project."

But this isn't about pictures with mascots, or even "youth demographics."  It's about mom and dad's money.  Because college football is big business.  And slapping some furry creature on toddler tees and sippy cups will bring in a couple extra bucks.   But doesn't being at a school which has sold out the biggest college football stadium in the land each and every game since 1975 - with seat licensing fees tacked on to ticket prices to boot - buy a program at least a little bit of a buffer against shit that sounds like something bandied about in a marketing meeting and thrown against the wall (or sent out with 2-for-1 coupons) to see if the idea sticks?

Look, I realize that traditions need to evolve.  That's why I supported The Big House renovation and upgrades but hated the ring around the stadium.  That's the reason I love the idea of a night game but hate the cheesy-ass "retro" jersey money grab that was tacked on to it.  Being able to tell the difference between upgrading tradition and upending it is the key.

And how does one know the answer to that?  I liken it to the old supreme court definition of pornography: I know it when I see it.  But most importantly, Michigan needs its AD to know it.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Most Inspirational Speech of the Year

Busy couple of blogging days this week. So going to take it easy today and leave you with the most inspirational speech I've seen since that 4 year old kid did the Miracle speech.

Why do I think we're seeing the first glimpses of a future college football coach here?  If this is what the kid can do after riding a bike at about 4 or 5, think of his halftime speech on the road in Norman.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Reason #846 why you shouldn't riot: A flash-bang to the balls

Really, Canada?

Frankly, I expected more from our friendly, Molson-loving neighbors to the north.  But, following the Canucks' 4-0 to the Boston Bruins, fans went on a rampage in downtown Vancouver.

Now, besides it being wrong, illegal, dangerous, yada, yada, yada, you really shouldn't riot because, well, you just might catch a flash-bang to your nutsack.  Like this guy...



Actually, that was the best save made by a Canuck all night. Had that been Luongo, it would have gone right through his legs.

But hey, if you don't get your genitals blasted off by police projectiles, you really want to try to capture the moment of your Canadian white-trashiness with a good picture.

Check out the guy trying to get his girl to take a pic of him in front of the flaming car starting at the :10 second mark in the vid below.  When she gets the shot, she jumps in for a couples photo.  Ah, memories.  Boy, there's one for the wedding video!

And I never knew it, but Canadians sure must hate port-o-pots.



But why on earth would you be on top of one. Like this poor sap...



This last one is horrible as rioters attack a man trying to stop people from looting (3:06 mark)



(HT The Big Lead for last two vids)

Why letting players sell their own memorabilia is a bad idea

Many have tried to excuse the transgressions of Terrelle Pryor and the Tat 5 - namely trading or selling their own items - as not only minor, but something that should be allowed for college athletes.  The thinking behind that goes, If it's theirs, why shouldn't they be able to trade or sell it like anybody else?

Well, at first blush, I admit that sounds reasonable.  If I'm a straight-A junior PoliSci major and somebody wants to give me a free Rousseau tattoo in exchange for my copy of Thomas Hobbes' Leviathan that I autographed, it's all fine and dandy. 

So why shouldn't student-athletes be allowed to barter, trade, or sell their things in the same way that student-students are allowed to?  Because there's no way to stop such an allowance to quickly devolve from students making a couple extra bucks into players getting paid big bucks by boosters.

Once you open that Pandora's Box, it won't take long for the "value" of the items sold or traded by star players at major programs to sky rocket.  Suddenly, the real estate mogul-slash-"autograph collector" - who just happens to be a fan of INSERT SCHOOL NAME HERE - is paying thousands of dollars for the star QB's autographed jersey.  And what do you know, the bowl-game cleats of the the All-American RB have the exact same trade value as a used Lexus.  Who'd'a thunk it.

Yes, the amount a player could get from selling or trading stuff could simply be capped at "X" each season/year/career.  I'm sure that would work awesome.  Because the schools and NCAA are doing such a bang up job of keeping money and extra benefits out when it's not legal.  So I bet if it were legal, it would totally reduce the problem.

If schools want to talk small (keyword: small) stipend - an equal amount for each player that amounts to the spending money those caught cheating always claim they're doing it for - that's a discussion to be had at some point.  But paying players - and that's what this would quickly lead to under the guise of "selling what's mine" - is not the answer.

"Yes, I do believe this is a fair price for your jock strap, Mr. Heisman Trophy Candidate."

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Proof Urban Meyer Will Wind Up as Coach at Ohio State

If you were a reader of The Original MZone (respect), you probably remember The Buckstache...


We coined the term after noticing several Buckeye fans, players and players-to-be who were busted for various run-ins with the law, all while sporting an out-of-style 'stache.

 The word even made its way into the Urban Dictionary:

A mustache adorned by fans of The Ohio State University. Sporting a buckstache often leads one to a life of crime and perversion. The buckstache was made famous by the Michigan Wolverine based blog The M Zone.

Well, speaking of "Urban" (and crime and perversion), all of Columbus is hoping and praying that former Florida coach and Ohio native Urban Meyer will end up on the OSU sidelines in 2012 (Luke Fickell who?).

And judging by this picture Our Honor Defend dug up of Meyer from his days as an OSU assistant in the 80s, it appears he's a shoo in!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Meet Luke Fickell

Ohio State officially unveiled interim INTERIM INTERIM (emphasis Ohio State's, not MZone's) head coach Luke Fickell yesterday.  Here's a brief bit of the presser...


(Smith intro via Eleven Warriors)


What?

That's not him? Are you sure?

Well...okay. 

Here's another clip of some other dude talking in Columbus yesterday.




If I were a Buckeye fan (and I thank the Lord each and every day that I am not), he doesn't exactly inspire a ton o' confidence based on this press conference (either of the above).  Hell, he looks like the 37-year-old assistant that he was until the "Fickell" finger of football fate tapped him on the shoulder. Then again, the guy was thrown into a no-win (or some would say, no-lose) situation. 

But you never know.  Who would've thought that Lloyd Carr would've gone on to a National Title and Hall of Fame career when he got his unexpected shot?  Same guys just step up when the rest of the world counts them out.

Yet Fickell's future in Columbus may not come down to W's and L's.

When asked if he had known of any past or present NCAA violations or any players or coaches who had done the same, Fickell stumbled through the following answer:

“You know I can honestly say that um...where I wasn’t going to say I had blinders on but...very focused at the task at hand and I was not informed of any information until it became public knowledge.”

It was almost as if he was trying to address a second part to that question which wasn't asked: “If the cars and memorabilia and tattoos were so prevelant, how could you not have noticed, too?  Everyone else on campus seemed to notice the cars the players were driving.”

So the bottom line is, if Tosu's Troubles turn out to be rampant in the program (and not isolated to the Tat 5), I think OSU is going to need a clean break with the past, no matter how well Luke Fickell does on the field (I'm also looking at you, Gene Smith and Gordon Gee).  He'll get the broom in after the season even if Urban Meyer isn't taking their calls. 

Finally, while we swear OSU's deer in the headlights INTERIM head coach looks like a certain waterboy, MZone reader JS said Fickell has "runaway bride eyes"...

Monday, June 13, 2011

You cannot be serious! MZone uncovers inspiration for throwback jerseys

It's no secret that I'm not exactly in love with the throwback jerseys unveiled last week.


As has already been discussed here and elsewhere, they're not throwbacks to anything Michigan has worn in the past, try as some might to sell them as such (key word: sell).

Yet I couldn't help thinking I'd seen them before, or at least their forefathers.  Just not on a football field.  But where?

Then I was clicking through the channels over the weekend and stumbled upon an HBO special on the tennis rivalry between Bjorn Borg and John McEnroe.

And there it was.

Judging by the pictures below, apparently these jerseys are throwbacks to wood racket tennis circa 1980.



TP Final Exam

All the way back in January of 2009, I posted on the Spawn of MZone a story about Terrelle Pryor's rigorous upcoming academic schedule. At that time, we put together a comprehensive study manual for the class OSF123 - The ABCs of Buckeye Football.

Now that TP is a former Buckeye student athlete, we wanted to follow up on that class and see how he performed. As luck would have it, Pryor just took the final exam before exiting the school because he was never going to play another down of college football didn't want to be a distraction to his team.

Congrats to Terrelle for getting an A+ in this difficult class. With the incredible combination of your athletic skill, sharp mind, and mature decision making... your future is very bright. Good luck big fella.

Friday, June 10, 2011

"Bitches, leave!": Bill Stewart Gone at West Virginia

Bill Stewart is out at West Virginia.  And we don't want to say that what went on between Stewart and coach-in-waiting-slash-new-head-coach Dana Holgorsen got really ugly, but the MZone has obtained this exclusive video of how the end came.

Throwback jerseys? More like throw-away jerseys

UPDATE: It's official.

(pic via @GerdOZone)

We've been so caught up in gleefully ribbing our Big 10 Buckeye brethren about the swirling scandal in C-bus that we haven't weighed in yet on the "throwback" jerseys set to be unveiled tonight for this year's Michigan-Notre Dame game.  So, without further adieu, here are the jerseys, which were mistakenly leaked on the MDen (pic via MnB)...


...And here's our review:

Those suck ass.

Seriously, we could get all Project Runway* on this crap and tell you why, but we're working under the assumption here at the MZone that our readers have eyeballs and use them when visiting our site.  Hence, is there really a need to break it down on an aesthetic level?

In general, I hate throwback jerseys - even when the design isn't as obnoxious as the one above.  Because they are nothing - NOTHING - more than a money grab.  Period.  As Brian said best of all:

Tomorrow we'll enter the ranks of schools that dress up like clowns for a little bit of money from a shoe company.

Plus, I believe such eyesores detract from the game day experience.

Unfortunately, the powers that be at Michigan and the other schools which agree to bastardize their uniforms for a couple extra bucks apparently confuse what keeps fans coming back for the game vs. what keeps folks returning for the game day experience:  The game itself is about the unexpected while the game day experience is all about the expected.

So much of college football at programs like Michigan and many others is about the traditions.  The conditioned emotional response of the familiar.  The chills one feels when the team runs under the giant "Go Blue" sign or when the band plays The Victors or when the fans hold up their car keys to drown out the opposition on 4th and inches come from a lifetime of consistent acquired memories.

That's not being old fashioned, that's respecting and understating the foundation that keeps 100,000+ people coming each and every football Saturday to The Big House.

Thus, while the term "throwback" is supposed to imply a link to a school's storied past, the term is nothing but trickeration.  Such uniforms have nothing to do with honoring the past or instilling new memories.  Instead, it's all about lining pockets at the expense of those things.  They are not nostalgic, they're gimmicks.  The only reason they call them "Throwbacks" is because "Additional Revenue Stream" jerseys would be too off-putting.

ONE FINAL THOUGHT

If the picture at the top of this post does indeed turn out to be the monstrosity spit forth tonight, how fucking bad were the rejected designs?  Because in order to come out as the final product, the maize and blue pigeon dropping above must have been up against some runner-up choices like this...



Actually, neither of these are much worse.

* Don't give me shit about the Project Runway reference.  Because if you have a wife or girlfriend, you've had to take one for the team at some point and sit through an episode of this eye-gouger.

Thursday, June 09, 2011

The Real Reason Tressel Resigned

The other shoe - or should we say shirt - has dropped in Columbus.

You just knew there had to be more.


UPDATE: It keeps getting worse.

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

The Wonderful World of Tressel presents Vestocchio

MZone Family Films, in association with the Wonderful World of Tressel, is proud to present the timeless animated classic...VESTOCCHIO.

Shot in stunning blogovision, Vestocchio tells the story of a 1-AA coach who dreamt of becoming big time coach.  But he was done in by his wooden ethics.

So sit back, relax and share the magic of...

VESTOCCHIO!

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

Jim Tressel for President!

You're a disgraced football coach.  Forced to resign under an ethics cloud.  Called a liar by the NCAA.  With potentially major violations still to come for the once-proud program you left behind. 

What do you do next?

Politics, naturally!

At least one columnist is saying the coach many called The Cheater The Senator would be a natural fit for public office because it's Ohio and they'd elect a fucking tree stump if it beat Michigan nine times he's "a gifted speaker, he knows the state of Ohio well and would have little trouble raising money."

And while the columnist in the story linked above touts Tressel for a possible U.S. Senate run in Ohio, we say a man with the stones to live such an ethically challenged professional life while putting forth such a holier-than-thou public persona should aim higher. 

As the t-shirt of the fan who had nothing better to do with his life showed up at Tressel's house to support him last weekend said: Jim Tressel for President!

And we at the MZone have just the running mate for Tressel.  Behold, the first spots for Tressel's 2012 campaign.







Monday, June 06, 2011

Buckeye fans keeping Tressel's demise in perspective

Look, I get that OSU fans loved Tressel, if for no other reason than he was 9-1* against Michigan.  But even reasonable Buckeyes (if there is such a thing) have to admit some of their fan base have totally lost it in their defense of a man the NCAA called out for lying.   Seems the more evidence against him, the more they dig in their steel-toed work boots.

Yesterday, I saw a tweet by a Buckette who responded to a comment on one of my tweets by saying this:

Tressel became the fall guy. The Board figured that if Tressel resigned, the penalty against OSU w/b lessen from NCAA

Yes, Tressel became the fall guy for - wait for it - Tressel!  He has no one to blame for this mess but himself.

But my favorite defense of Tressel was the one I saw over the weekend.  I was on Amazon looking up one of The Vest's books for a post idea and stumbled across this review posted after Tressel resigned:

Jim Tressel is a Man of Integrity. People of Integrity expect to be believed and when they are not, they let time prove them right. Even Jesus had players who betrayed Him. (emphasis MZone)

Apparently this insightful reviewer is referring to Judas, who played middle inside linebacker for Jesus's stacked 32 AD team.  As most of you know, Judas thought he was good enough to start but he turned out to be the 12th man on the Apostles that season.  And unfortunately for Judas, back in those days everybody played both ways (ironically, this also made Judas the first documented case of oversigning).

But I kid.  I really do.  Because I think it's perfectly legit to compare the situation of a lying college football coach to, you know, THE LORD.  And anybody who disagrees with me is acting like Hitler.

So the question isn't 'Why would you compare Tressel's situation to that of Jesus?' but rather 'Why wouldn't you?'

Sermon on the Porch: Jim Tressel addresses his flock after they show up at his house

ED. NOTE:  Some will say I've crossed a line in the religious sand with this post.  And maybe I have.  I admit it's pretty risky to use The Almighty in a comedic post about college football.  Especially when we all know the only respectful way to bring up the Lord's name is when equating His divine story to that of a disgraced former college football coach in an Amazon review.

The Life of Tressel: OSU fans always look on the bright side

To help with the pic above (and have something to hum along to), click here

Friday, June 03, 2011

Close Up of Buckeye Helmet Stickers


(HT: EDSBS)

OSU names Happy Gilmore as interim head coach

With The Vest having been gone some four days now, it's time to start making fun of Ohio State's place-holder-until-they-beg-Urban-Meyer interim coach, Luke Fickell.

Now, we could go into great detail about Fickell's past and coaching experience, but why bother?  OSU fans don't want him coaching there any longer than he has to.  Hell, even Luke Fickell probably hopes Urban Meyer becomes Ohio State's next permanent coach.

But we did notice one thing we had to mention.  Is it just us or does Fickell look a hell of a lot like The Waterboy?

One is a major movie star, the other will probably end up being a wedding singer in 3 years

Thursday, June 02, 2011

Tresselgate: Our Blogging Cup Runneth Over

It's June. The last thing I should be doing in the wee hours of the night when I have to get up for work in the morning is blogging about college football. Did I mention it's June?

But just when I think I can take a break...Tresselgate pulls me back in!

JIM TRESSEL...COME ON DOWN!

(from MZone wire reports) Hollywood, CA -- Former Ohio State football coach Jim Tressel has already lined up his next job.  Not surprisingly, it involves being on TV with a microphone in hand.  But while, for most coaches, that usually means stepping into a sports broadcast booth, Tressel's microphone will be of the long, skinny variety.

The MZone has learned that the recently-resigned Buckeye coach will be replace Drew Carey as host of The Price is Right because "Tressel is simply better at giving away free cars" according to longtime Price producer Harvey Millsap.

"Tressel's probably given away more cars than Bob Barker did during the entire 104 years he hosted the show" explained Millsap.  "And like Barker, Tressel has that same, non-threatening 'old guy in the dessert line at Home Town Buffet' vibe about him."

Millsap also said several popular games on the long-running show will be updated or changed when Tressel takes over this summer.  Among them are "Hi Lo" and "That's Too Much!"

Currently in "Hi Lo," a contestant is shown six grocery items and asked to choose the three he believes are the highest-priced.  When Tressel arrives, the contestant will be shown six tattoos and asked to choose how many pairs of Gold Pants he'll have to trade for five of them.

The biggest change is coming to "That's Too Much!"  In the present version of the game, a contestant is shown up to ten prices for a car in ascending order of price. The contestant wins the car by correctly identifying the first revealed price which is higher than the actual price by calling out "That's Too Much!"

On Tressel's show, that format will be completely scrapped and retitled as "Phone a Booster!"  In the new version, each contestant will randomly call Ohio State fans in the Columbus area to see who will pay for the new car they just picked out at the local car dealership.  If the booster initially refuses, the contestant will yell, "Fuck Michigan!" until the booster changes his mind and pays for the car.


(HT to KK whose FB post inspired this idea)


DUDE, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO WRITE SOME NEW LYRICS

Last October, we introduced you to a pro-OSU, pro-Tressel video that was so gloriously, jaw-droppingly bad it was Showgirls-esque.  In light of recent events, it begs for a re-posting.

Looks like it's time to write a new tune, Mascot Man.



I know, right? Rest assured, this may not be the last time I post this. Simply classic.

REST THE VEST

My former blogging cohort, Benny (respect) sent me the following tidbit he saw on Uni Watch.

The Fort Myers Miracle, the minor league baseball affiliate of the Minnesota Twins, is holding a "Rest the Vest" night on June 6th.  According to their press release, "

The Fort Myers Miracle feel the disappointment and anger of the Ohio State University football fan today and want to help ease the pain. So the time to move on from the Jim Tressel era is now!

The new coach of the Buckeyes presumably will not wear sweater vests on the sidelines; so it's time to retire them. Fans are encouraged to bring their sweater vest and place it in the retirement bin near the front gate of Hammond Stadium.

Patrons willingly letting go of the prized possession will have the opportunity to participate in a test drive of a beautiful sports car from Classic Cars of Florida.

The Miracle want everyone to enjoy the "Rest the Vest" Night and even though you might not have a favorite sweater vest, if you have a tattoo then you also benefit.

Just by showing a tattoo, Ohio State or non-related, fans will receive a piece of Miracle memorabilia to keep or sell.

We know it has been a long saga that has affected Buckeye Nation, but let the Miracle help with your move into the Luke Fickell era.

Why the Florida-based minor league baseball affiliate of the Minnesota Twins is concerned with events in Columbus is beyond me, but who am I to judge?

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

Two-Minute Drill: Tresselgate Edition

Look, we could try to drum up something new, different and non-Tresselgate to put on the MZone.  But if the folks who made THE HANGOVER can simply change the setting from Vegas to Bangkok then regurgitate the exact same movie and call it THE HANGOVER II, then mere bloggers shouldn't be expected to come up with completely new stuff each day either.  Plus, we don't charge $12 bucks and $8 more for popcorn.

And let's be honest, if you're a Michigan fan, The Troubles are the gift that just keep on giving.  So why would you want them to end?  After so many years of misery at the hands (and thrown objects) of those scarlet and grey "fans," I think we all deserve to sit back, relax and enjoy.

IN COLUMBUS, THEY SHOOT THE MESSENGER

I guess I should be shocked by the response of some Buckeye fans who seem to be blaming just about everybody but, you know, the guy who lied/cheated/covered it up.  But I'm not.  It's even to the point where the 21-year-old student reporter who did the Ray Small story for the OSU student newspaper is getting threatened with bodily harm.

WTF?!  Seriously.  YOUR COACH LIED!  Period.  He brought this all upon himself.  Period.  Not Ray Small.  Or Kirk Herbstreit.  Or any reporters.  Jim Tressel is the reason this is all happening.  It's self inflicted.

Period.

So leave the 21-year-old econ/journalism major alone and turn your anger at the man who deserves it: Jim Tressel.

TRESSEL'S RESIGNATION LETTER

If you haven't seen in yet, here is the text of Tressel's letter of resignation that he delivered to OSU's soon to be fired AD Gene Smith:

Dear Gene:

After meeting with university officials, we agreed that it is in the best interest of Ohio State that I resign as head football coach.

The recent situation has been a distraction for our great university and I make this decision for the greater good of our school.

The appreciation that  Ellen and I have for the Buckeye Nation is immeasurable. We have been blessed to work with the finest group of young men in America and we love them dearly. In addition, we cannot thank you enough ... the high school coaches we have worked with over these many years.

We know that God has a plan for us and we will be fine. We will be Buckeyes forever.

Jim Tressel

What a colossal load of shit.  First, he calls what's going on "the recent situation" like he's talking about problems with the office fax machines, not the NCAA hammer coming which he caused the school to be smacked with.

Next, he says, "I make the decision for the greater good of our school."  Oh, that's rich.  If Tressel was so concerned about the greater good of the school, then he'd have turned over the emails last April to his bosses, the compliance department - somebody! - besides Terrelle Pryor's "mentor." If Tressel was so concerned about the school, he wouldn't have hung his school out to dry in December when he knew - he knew! - since the previous spring that it had been going on.

But he didn't. 

Because Jim Tressel was more concerned with the greater good of Jim Tressel and his won-loss record.  All this "he did it to protect the kids" crap is utter BS.  He did it to to protect Jim Tressel.

And, Jim, since you brought up God, I bet God's initial plan for you was not to cheat.  Or lie.  Or cover-up the first two.  In fact, maybe He's not a fan of yours either.  And maybe, just maybe, He led that OSU official to those emails in January that you thought you'd buried for good.  I'm just sayin'.

Finally, and most importantly, it's not "Buckeye Nation."  Tressel has lived long enough now in Columbus to know it's "Buckeye Unincorporated Township."

MORE TRESSEL

All you needed to know about Jim Tressel's integrity was revealed long before the infamous March 8th press conference and well before Ohio State stumbled upon the emails in January that he'd been hiding from them for 296 days.  For me, Tressel's decision to let Pryor and the Tat 5 play in the Sugar Bowl said it all.

If Tressel had any integrity, if he cared so much about "molding young men" and "teaching life lessons," then he wouldn't have let Pryor and the others play. 

Maybe it's because Tressel was simply covering his own ass.  Since we now know, despite his bogus claim of "confidentiality," that The Vest discussed the initial emails with Pryor's "mentor" in Pennsylvania, maybe he was worried that if he grew a spine and benched Pryor, his star QB (or his "mentor") might have a story to tell.

Contrast Tressel's gutless call with Bo.  I recall in my youth a player for one of Bo's final teams, I believe, missing curfew in LA by like 15 minutes a couple days before the Wolverines were to play in the Rose Bowl.  Not only did that player not play in the Rose Bowl, he was on a plane back to Detroit the very next day.

Tressel wouldn't know about integrity if it smacked him in the face.

Oh, and speaking of getting smacked in the face, Andy cooked up this little 'Shop dandy...

WOODY RESPONDS TO CONTINUED RULES VIOLATION ALLEGATIONS

"Couldn't you at least go out like a man!"

LAST BUT NOT LEAST

Yesterday, @beckleys who follows our shenanigans on Twitter, sent us this video of a Buckeye fan who was quite enthusiastic when Terrelle Pryor made his decision to play for "University of Ohio State."

Wonder how he feels today?



I know: you couldn't fake a video of a someone who was that, shall we say, stereotypical of a Buckeye fan.