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Thursday, December 15, 2011

Brandon hired as Christmas consultant, unveils new look for Santa

(from MZone wire reports) North Pole -- Kris Kringle named Michigan athletic director Dave Brandon as a special consultant for the upcoming Christmas holiday and changes are already in the works.  At the press conference announcing his hiring, Brandon unveiled several new looks for Santa's iconic attire and said Jolly Old St. Nicholas will be wearing each of them as he heads across the globe on Christmas Eve.

Needless to say, not everyone was pleased.

Following a brief "elf fight" upon seeing leaked photos of the new suits on the popular holiday blog Every Day Should Be Christmas, Brandon calmed the crowd by assuring the concerned elves and several of the reindeer that these were not permanent changes nor were they the only suits Santa would wear during his yearly sleigh ride.  Most of the time, Brandon said, Santa would still be wearing his traditional all-red-with-white-fringe suit.  He insisted the new "legacy costumes" would only be used for a limited time during a small portion of the trip.

"The new candy-cane-adorned suit is only going to be worn over parts of Canada, the violet snow-flaked-encrusted costume is for the Netherlands, and the tie dye look is specifically for UC Berkeley," said Brandon as Mrs. Claus and Rudolph stood nearby, modeling two of the new suits.

Brandon claimed he understood the anger expressed by those who didn't want any changes to Santa's familiar and time-honored look.  However, he pointed out that an update to the Old Man's attire was needed if Christmas wanted to continue to appeal to a younger audience.  "Look at Halloween," said Brandon.  "It's a marketing bonanza because there are so many different costumes to choose from.  Kids love it.  So while we're sensitive to tradition here at Christmas, we're also mindful of the need to keep pace with the other holidays during the year."

The new suits will be available starting Friday on The SantaDen for $60 each.




11 comments:

616goblue said...

This is the breaking news journalism one can only find here at the Mzone.

Hail.

Dennis said...

Genius.

Bigasshammm said...

I wish I was super rich so I could donate a couple hundred million under the caveat that Brandon never fucks with tradition again. I want him to be a robot at the podium and leave his pizza ways at home. Look how good that worked for Herman Cain.

The only place for pizza

is pizza.

Michigan Sports Girl said...

LOLOLOL! Now, THIS is FUNNY! Pure comedic brilliance, Yost! Pure GOLD!

Thomas Beindit said...

This is hilarious.

I have no problem with Brandon changing the away uniform, though I'd like to limit it to like 1 alternate per year?

But please don't mess with the home jersey again. One time was acceptable, but please not again

616goblue said...

BAH,

Did you notice this season that the overpriced pizza being served in The Big House is Papa John's and not Domino's?

Is this Brandon's way of "proving" he doesn't play favorites...inquiring minds want to know.

Bigasshammm said...

616 I can almost guarantee that's the case. It's gotta be either that PJs was originally in a contract with them (I wouldn't know I never eat there) or that Brandon deliberately didn't choose Domino's to stave off any legal repercussions from other pizza chains.

HailFromOhio said...

The Tradition thing is so annoying. What's wrong with the players, who picked the uni's by the way, wanting to have a little fun and change it up. I wish there were blogs when the fab 5 came out with their black socks and baggy shorts, so we could hear weekly rants about the AD messing with "tradition". The bottom line is young people (the ones who play) like this kind of stuff, and unless we want to turn into Notre Dame people should imbrace it a bit. The tradition that matters is still broadcast every game (on NEW SCOREBOARDS AGHHHH) with images of Mich greats, and quotes from Bo and others.

I could take the uni's, piped in music, and spring game promotions...or leave it for that matter. I would sure as hell rather see Blue win, then pound me chest b/c we wear the same jersey they did back in the 50's.

Pretty funny post BTW!

GoBlueBob said...

HFO... I agree with you except that when I read about this in the paper the last line was something about them going on sale soon for $60. It is just about the money and giving the players a choice of which one they like is nice but not the only reason this is being done.

HailFromOhio said...

Good point on the money, but consumers decide when enough is enough. Plus as a season ticket holder the facilities upgrades I have witnessed sure are nice. The reality is EVERYTHING in college FB is driven by money, I appreciate the fact that Dave Brandon is making sure UM doesn't get left behind.

Just my thoughts, I can understand the other side of the fence....I'm just over hearing about it! We are 10-2 FERGAUDSAKES, let's embrace it.

Bigasshammm said...

Sponsorship in the big house in 5 years if this keeps up.

The players didn't choose the jersey they chose from selections they were given. It wasn't their idea. If asked they probably would say to leave the uniforms alone. They're never going to say they don't like them because they are beig coached on what to speak or say. It's annoying that it's happening here.