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Wednesday, October 05, 2011

What the Columbus Dispatch should look like

Earlier this week, we mentioned how OSU's homer hometown newspaper, The Columbus Dispatch, apparently forgot the Buckeyes had a game on Saturday (granted, it was hard to tell based on what transpired in the 'Shoe vs. MSU).

As we also pointed out, the Dispatch is the paper that has the daily counter keeping track of the "days since Michigan's last victory over Ohio State in football."  And it's all done with nary an asterisk or hint of shame to be found in the wake of the latest scandals (plural). 

So following the most recent (on top of the other recent) violations -- or as they call them around the OSU athletic department, "individual failures" -- we at the MZone have huddled with our design team to produce a new masthead and sample page of what the Dispatch should look like.  Well, what it should look like if they were an actual paper and not a pro-Tosu blog printed on paper.


Dennis said...

Yost, slow week at work this week? Maybe you should get some things I love about Michigan done. :)

I think I would have put Butch Davis in place of Leavitt, fits more with the current scandal. I appreciate your nod to the the historical parallel of Leavitt's firing. I assume you are suggesting we are looking for another coach in the Woody tradition, perhaps? Well played, sir.

Yost said...

Actually, busy week in Columbus, Dennis!

Plus, you know how I loathe countdowns in the mistaken belief that I won't hate actually having to finish them.

phil said...

I'm marketing a new calendar. Instead of "The Word of the Day" it is for tUOS fans and it is "The Violation of the Day."
Should be a big seller.

Mikoyan said...

I may have stumbled across the questionnaire for Ohio State's hiring of a permanent coach:
1. A player from the opposing team intercepts a pass from your touted quarterback. How do you react?
A. Choke the living shit out of him.
B. Determine how our record is...if a winning season, I choke the living shit out of him...if not a winning, I congratulate him on a good ply.
C. Nothing

2. do you have any tatoos or piercings?

3. Do you have connections to car dealerships or tatoos parlors outside of the greater Columbus area?

4. What is the proper way to "pay" athletes?
A. Currency stuffed in the pockets of blazers.
B. Tatoos
C. Pot
D. Pay athletes? surely you jest.

5. Do you like sweatervests?

Dennis said...

When out with your wife at a suburban restaurant for dinner and a “few” drinks you should:

A. Punch a police several times in the chest, prompting your arrest on charges of disorderly conduct and assault and battery of an officer.

B. Repeatedly jab your fist and finger into the chest of the restaurant night manager who was trying to get you, who police say are a regular at the restaurant, to switch from booze to coffee and take a cab home.

C. Throw a lampshade at the same night manager.

D. Latch onto the sports jacket of a restaurant patron upset over your boisterous behavior.

E. Stagger and slur your speech so badly that police feared you were the victim of alcohol poisoning to the point they send you to the hospital.

F. Force several officers to wrestle your arms behind your back so you can be placed in handcuffs at the time of his arrest.

G. Use an extremely ugly epithet to describe your wife to police who had left the restaurant earlier to protest your drinking.

H. Sing Josh Groban Karoke

I. All of the above, except H.

Oh, wait, that is off the Michigan Coach questionaire. Sorry, my bad.

Mikoyan said...

Let's see what happened to that Michigan coach....Hmmm...I forget....Let me look in my memory banks....Let's see....

Oh yeah, he was fired or told to resign.

Or let's see, the other major Michigan scandal of the past 20 years....yeah, that coach was fired too.....

Dennis said...

The OSU coach you referenced in question 1 was also fired. Now, I will say that what Woody did was worse than Moeller because it was during a game and televised. Moeller's was a personal failing outside of football.

As for Tressel, once the extent of what happened came out he was forced to resign. Yes, he should have been fired or should have resigned in March when the extent of the emails he sent and what he knew were revealed. However, I will say OSU lost a 2.2 million dollar lawsuit about how they fired Jim O'Brien who more blatantly violated NCAA rules. They may have been cautious because of that.