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Tuesday, October 11, 2011

The Many Faces of Mark Dantonio

While even the most casual fan knows about the physical side of football, the mental element is equally as important.  Two coaches going head-to-head in an effort to outwit the other.  That's why, if one coach can get inside the other coach's head or, like a poker player, "read" the other coach to know what he's thinking, it's a tremendous advantage.

Thus, in an effort to help Brady Hoke and the Wolverines in their showdown this Saturday with Michigan State, the MZone has studied and analyzed the Spartans' head coach, Mark Dantonio, and his various game day looks.  Not surprisingly, we've picked up on a couple "tells."  Below is a a cheat sheet so you'll know what to look for.


First, as a baseline and point of reference, we give you normal, everyday Mark Dantonio.  This is so you have something to contrast the following pictures with and are thus able to note the subtle differences. Below is Mark Dantonio when he goes for a walk, answers the front door, takes a shit or watches SpongeBob on his flat screen.


Our next picture below is happy Dantonio when things are going well in a game.  Notice how similar it is to Daily Dantonio.  If you didn't know better, you might think they are one in the same.  Or he's actually unhappy.  But you would be wrong.  That's what he wants you to think.  And it's these shades that make Mark Dantonio such an effective coach.  You can't read this guy.   I mean just look at these two pictures.  Now you know what teams are up against. 

So unless you study the photos here today and know what to look for, you might have no idea if Dantonio's paying his Verizon wireless bill online, or his team just scored a touchdown.  Nope.  You just don't know.


Beware Michigan.  You see this face and Trick Play Dantonio is probably about to run one of his treasure chest of trick plays named after his favorite children's movies such as LITTLE GIANTS, KUNG FU PANDA or coach's personal favorite, HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 2.


Below is the Dantonio look when things aren't going well.  When you see Worried Dantonio, something bad is happening or has just happened.  For instance, his team is losing or he called the exact same trick play against the exact same team yet somehow thought it was going to work again the same way as last year.

Are you now getting a sense of why it's so damn hard to read this guy? Dantonio makes Chris "Jesus" Ferguson look about as subtle as Howie Mandel.

Okay, now let's see what you've learned with the quick three-picture Dantonio test below.

Which Dantonio is this?  You have 10 seconds...

Time's up. 

No, that's not Douchebag Dantonio, flipping out and getting into media back-and-forth with an excited college kid on the opposing team who made a post-game comment after a big victory.  The picture above is Dantonio after his team just kicked an extra point early in the second quarter.

Let's try again.  I'll put 10 seconds on the clock...

Wrong: this isn't simply a reverse angle of the picture above.  But good guess.  This is "Erin Andrews didn't talk to me but talked to the other coach at halftime instead so I might go on a killing spree" Dantonio.  Or it could be "I have to drop a deuce" Dantonio.  Or kickoff Dantonio.  Hell, even we're not 100% sure what the master's doing here.

Last one.  But this should be the easiest of all....

You're right!  See, told you it was easy: This is the Dantonio look you'll see after Michigan beats MSU on Saturday!



Below is a Bonus Dantonio. Tell us which Dantonio this is in the comments section.


MMQ said...

That's the "How in the Hell did Henne and Manningham manage to hook up twice and beat us at home?" Or is it the, "Jeez, I guess I have to bow down and kiss Lloyd Carr's ring..."

Jeez, this IS harder than it looks...

Dennis said...

Conflicted about beating OSU face?

I won the $254,000,000 Powerball and I'm leaving for Aruba face?

My wife won the $254,000,000 Powerball and is leaving for Aruba with Mike Hart face?

I just read the MZone and gee willikers it tickled my funny bone face?

pacman said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
pacman said...

That's his "How does he run so fast with his shoelaces untied?" face.

Mikoyan said...

That's his, "Wow, some Nigerian Prince is going to give me 10 million dollars and all I have to do is send him $1,000. sign me up" face.

616goblue said...

That's his "I guess Junior Hemingway can jump and catch a ball at its highest point like Braylon Edwards and Mario Manningham" face.


GoBlueBob said...

"Did I forget to unplug the iron?"

Bob said...

I miss Rich Rod face!

I can't want for the "I thought they got rid of Robinson in Ann Arbor?" Coach that was Greg not Denard face at about 3:30 on Saturday.

CaliGirl said...

Back to being the "little brother." Ahhhh well, it was fun while it lasted face.

@Bob: I see it too! The I Miss RichRod Face!!

NXDave said...

That's Aneurysm Dantonio. Notice the lack of any facial wrinkles and the "lights on, no one's home" look in the eyes.

Ramona said...

Hmm, would it be OK to go interview at OSU today or wait until after the weekend...face.

withering fire said...

"I can't believe it's not butter"