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Saturday, October 15, 2011

BREAKING: Mythical Walmart Wolverine Captured Live on Video

POST-GAME UPDATE: Well, in the wake of...uh..."that"...might as well laugh -- at ourselves.  Below should help.

We've all heard rumors about the mythical "Walmart Wolverine."  Sporting their strange-shade-of-overly-bright-Michigan attire and acid washed jeans.  Masturbating to Pop Evil.  Yelling "F*ck INSERT OPPONENT HERE!" like they were Buckeye fans.

But, like Bigfoot, I thought -- nay, hoped -- they were a figment of a jealous MSU imagination.  Sadly, I'm here to report that they are real.  And below is the video proof.  Captured on YouTube for all the world to see.

It pains me to post this.  It really does.  I'd much rather post this video of an adorable 5-year-old singing The Victors.  Or the dude from OFFICE SPACE and his Michigan cubicle.  Or a frightening look at what life would be like if you were trapped in a Broadway musical this weekend.  Or what passes for a wild and crazy night in the dorms at Spartyville.  Or this clip of an MSU fan who apparently traveled in a time machine from the set of FLASHDANCE, circa 1983, to share her opinion on the M/MSU game.  But the journalistic integrity you've come to expect of the MZone demands I share the video below immediately, shining light where there is darkness.  Oh sure, if this was an OSU fan, I'd be giddy to pass it on.

But it's not.  Not today.  It's a Michigan fan.  A Michigan fan and his 12 gauge shotgun.

Ah, yes -- "Go Blue, bitches!" The famous cheer Fielding Yost brought with him to A2 along with the Winged Helmet. 

All I can say is God help us if we lose since we lost today.  Because I promise you - PROMISE YOU - this motherf*cker is going to wind up in the inbox of every Michigan fan 600+ times over the next couple months.

POST-GAME UPDATE II:  I sure hope somebody took his shotgun away after the game today.


Section37 said...


Reed said...

Dude can't even really pronounce "Go Blue." Yikes.

hs8bern said...

Walmart wolverines do live among us!! Go down river,see the camel toe and big hair with uofm shirts!Sad thing about it is there is white trash fans for all universities,and they should do means testing before you can purchase college gear.But this is America and if you have mullet and your women has a muffin top with a tramp stamp and since walmart sells cheap uofm gear they will buy it:( I myself was stunned by the amount of white trash I saw yesterday in Warren,they also live in my area too:( Sterling Heights

Mikoyan said...

But does he say "First Down Bitches"