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Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Brady Hoke does not do push ups, he pushes the earth down

ED. NOTE: Some Michigan "fans" are using the loss to MSU as the opening they craved to question Hoke's hiring -- still (absolute dumbest tweet I've seen by an alleged U-M fan this week: In the next 2 years I know that Hoke will underperform what RR would have done. After that I have no idea).  But we here at the MZone still believe. That's why the post below that our friend Michigan Sports Girl put in the queue last week still holds true today.

So, upon reading Yost's recent post about our unflappable head coach, it got me thinking.

It brought to mind another undeniable bad ass to whom the world and all of its inhabitants owe all of our earthly freedoms: the one and only Chuck Norris.

I am quite a fan of Chuck Norris Fact sites. They're everywhere, and they are endlessly entertaining. Norris' level of tough was once thought to be unattainable by any human being -- until I began to see some similarities between Chuck and our now-fearless leader. Could there actually be a parallel between one Chuck Norris and the King of Toughness and 'Payshun' himself, Coach Hoke?

A story then popped into my mind. Back when Coach Hoke was an assistant at Michigan, he was the head coach of one of the intra-squad teams heading into our annual spring game. In the Lloyd Carr days there was a tradition (a tradition actually brought back with Coach upon his return to Ann Arbor) that whichever team won the game that day got to eat steak at the barbecue that night. The losing team? Banished to the more simple backyard fare of hamburgers, hot dogs and a steaming hot helping of shame coming from the endless taunting of the winning team around the picnic table.

Before the game that year, Coach rallied his troops in the locker room for his pre-game pep talk. After a fiery speech that more than sufficiently hyped his corps of Wolverines, he proclaimed: "Men, tonight we eat steak." He then turned his head, pulled out a large bottle of A-1 Sauce, and proceeded to DRINK THE ENTIRE BOTTLE in one swig.

That is one bad-ass coach.

So, here are some Brady Hoke facts that you may not know:

*Coach Hoke and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

*When all else fails, Coach Hoke doesn't.

*Coach Hoke does not wear sunglasses. The sun wears Coach Hoke glasses.

*If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Coach Hoke.

*When Coach dives into a pool, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Hoke'd.

Please feel free to leave your best Coach Hoke facts in the comments below.

][V][ GO BLUE!

ED. NOTE, PART II:  This just sort of screamed out for a re-posting of the video below that the MZone made back in June.


IamCris said...

Coach Hoke went to McDonald's and ordered a Whopper, and got one.

DrCatie said...

I have to admit, I didn't like his hiring at the time we hired him. I was wrong. I think he is good for our program and I think that one game is not going to determine differently. Now.....DB....that is another story. That Pizza marketing guru is going to cheapen the program.....seriously $500 to SIMPLY be ON the waiting list for one year......ugh....I am stepping away from the soap box!!

Nice Piece.....Hoke can do it.....:)

Mikoyan said...

Coach Hoke can hold a candle in the cold November rain...

Superior they say never gives up her dead when the gails of November come early...Unless Hoke demands them.

The Bismarck is not the terror of the sea, Hoke is.

Oh and Dr. Catie? Congratulations.

phil said...

An amazing coach. If Brady Hoke coached Terrelle Pryor, then TP would already have a Heisman and a National Championship. If he coached William Gholston, WG would have earned sainthood from the Little Sisters of the Poor. TP and WG will live with this regret the rest of their lives.
(If Hoke coached Dr. Catie, she'd have the Pizza marketing guru's job!)

Jeff said...

But did they win the scrimmage?!?!?!

Michigan Sports Girl said...

They DID in fact win the scrimmage, Jeff! There was an ending to this post that I had crafted prior to the Sparty fiasco which had to be edited before posting this week. That was part of the post that got lost! LOL! But, yes: the A1 method worked that day! LOL! GO BLUE!

GOBLUE3 said...

Jesus can walk on water...but only Coach Hoke can swim on land

Jeff said...

Thanks Girl. Reminds me of sideline reporter Jack Arute drinking half a bottle of Tabasco sauce during the telecast of a Michigan game many years ago. He finished the bottle later in the game.

Bigasshammm said...

Moses may have parted the red sea. But the red sea parted for Coach Hoke.

Coach Hoke turns Buckeyes into Wolverines.

Hoke eats the Buckeye still in its pointy shell.

bigGexpress said...

Coach Hoke has been to mars. That's why there's no sign of life.

Coach Hoke terminated Pi.

DrCatie said...

Thanks Mik, not quite there yet, but far closer than I was 4 years ago! Phil, I would need some coaching from Hoke for sure, but if I got that, no doubt I could do a better job than DB!

Dennis said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dennis said...

Coach Hoke is so fat... wait, wrong meme.

Coach Hoke's mother... No, that's not right either.

Coach Hoke's logic is so infalliable, that even though it looked like the Wolverines lost on Saturday, because he doesn't use State when refering to other schools with State in their name, Michigan won after all. Still not what you are looking for, I think.

I think I got it. If Coach Hoke had been in Zanesville the last few days, one look from him would have sent the animals back to their cages where they would have locked themselves in.

Ramona said...

I am rooting for Catie to be our next AD!!