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Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Deep Thoughts by Brian Kelly

In the wake of Notre Dame's loss to USF, Irish head coach Brian "The F-Bomber" Kelly, had this to say:

"You can't start winning until you stop losing."


And the Lord reached down from the heavens, placed his finger on the coach and said, "Lo, thy name is genius."

But what can you expect from a coach who can put together a string of profanities that would make Lil' Wayne go, "There's a combo I never thought of."  In fact, these aren't the first pearls to fall forth from Coach Kelly.  Among the other Kelly-isms the MZone has uncovered:

*  "If the QB passes the ball, then it is not a running play."

*  "You always must play the first half of the game before the second half starts."

*  "A sunny day is just a rain storm minus the water."

*  "I've yet to lose a game in which my team scored more points."

*  "Holy crap, did Dayne Crist suck ass last Saturday!"

*  "A road game is simply a home game in front of the other team's fans."

*  "The day after tomorrow will be yesterday in 72 hours."

*  "No, seriously, how ass-awful was Dayne Crist last week?!   What the fuck?!"

*  "A donut without a hole but made of leather ...and covered with laces ...and shaped like a prolate spheroid ...is a football."

*  "I no longer think it is possible to wake up the echoes, for I now believe they are in a coma and probably brain dead."

*  "A donut without a hole but made of leather ...and covered with laces ...and shaped like a prolate spheroid ...is a football ...that will be thrown right into the arms of the other team's DB inside the opponents' 10 yard line if you fucked up and started Dayne Crist."

* "Touchdown Jesus was really just signaling for a field goal."

*  "Profanity is the subconscious's way - minus the "sub" part - of telling your QB the things that will make him a better player... except Dayne Fucking Crist!"

Leave us your favorite Kelly-ism in the comments section.


So I just read this by a writer from the Chicago Tribune quoting ND WR Mike Floyd on playing in the first night game at Michigan: "It's just a regular game, but the sky is dark, and it's on a different channel."

Hell, at first I thought it was just a submission for this post!


SierraSpartan said...

"What the fuckkity fuck was that fucking shit, you fucking ass fuck?!?"

Bigasshammm said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Yost said...

You know I don't usually moderate comments, BAH. But you were gonna catch hell for that one.

Michigan Sports Girl said...

I'll bet money that BK's halftime speech at Michigan this weekend will sound something like Clark Griswold in "Vacation":

"I think you're all fucked in the head. We're 24 minutes from the fucking win and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something. This is no longer a game. It's a quest. It's a quest for fun on the field. I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun. We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles. You'll be whistling 'Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah' out of your assholes! I gotta be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to try and beat Michigan. Praise Touchdown Jesus! Holy Shit!

Mikoyan said...

You see that fucking icon on the wall? Yes, the fucking icon of the Savior...Well if you throw another fucking interception...You're gonna be meeting him...

Mikoyan said...

Oh yeah Andy,
If you are still lurking about, thanks for your tips on the game. They were pretty helpful.

SierraSpartan said...

"Play like a fucking champion today!"

phil said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
phil said...

"The only thing keeping us from having a winning record is losing"

(Yost, I regret to tell you I am leaving MZONE to be a full time blogger for Andar Ebsani Girsang and his fantastic blog of friendship for Chelsea FC as per his comment on here. I got you 4 million hits, so my job here is done. It's time to turn my full attention to Andar Ebsani. I just hope he's good at Photoshop. Peace out and "be friendship all the time.")

Yost said...


BIG bonus points for the VACATION reference. I knew there was a good reason you joined us around these parts.

Yost said...

Mik, lol!

Sierra, That might be a funny 'Shop.

Phil, lol. Although, I had just pressed delete on that spammer before I saw your comment.

SierraSpartan said...

@ Yost - I doubt my shop-fu is strong enough, but I will make an honest attempt.

phil said...

Yost (as i get directly in your face) You deleted my new f**king favorite website? If you're gonna f**king play that way then i'm gonna f**king bench your ass and put that f**king Andy in your f**king position! I'm not putting up with this f**king sh*t anymore.
(i just attended a free introductory class at the brian kelly school of charm. how am i doing?
ps. Not to make you jealous but Andar Ebsani has a 24/7 healing picture on his home page: http://chelseaguider.blogspot.com

Mikoyan said...

Paraphrasing from Patton:
"I don't want them to love me, I just want them to play for me. When I want to stick, I give it to them loud and dirty"

Yost said...

S, already sent the pic to Rigby. So it might already be in motion.

SierraSpartan said...

It's quick and dirty, but here it is...


Bigasshammm said...

And I even censored myself...

Yost said...

Sierra, just saw this after Rigby had sent pix.

BAH, not the edited f-bombs, you know we don't care about those around here. Topic was problematic.

Bigasshammm said...

I know.

It wasn't about the poor kid. More poking at Kelly because I'm sure he didn't give a care at all.