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Friday, August 19, 2011

Sodom & Gomorrah vs. Miami

In case you missed it (and the only way you could have is if ESPN is your primary source of college football news), the Miami Hurricane football program has been doing its best SMU impression over the last decade or so.  From cash, to prostitutes to abortions (yes, you read that correctly), a convicted felon lavished untold amounts of funds and flesh on the 'Cane program which could lead to the dreaded "death penalty" for Miami.

Seriously, it was so bad I bet when Barry Switzer heard about what was going on at "The U," even he went, "Are f*cking serious?!  Holy crap, that place is crooked."

Apparently, the illegal benefits started in 2002, making the 2003 Miami/Ohio State Fiesta Bowl BCS Championship Game probably the most tainted title game in NCAA history (sorry, Tosu fans, I'm just taking Mo' Clarett at his word).

As a Michigan fan, I don't really have a horse in this race except from the broad "integrity of the game" perspective.  But I did chafe when I saw an article on the scandal talking about what it saw as the problems in college football as evidenced by all the recent NCAA violations at big name programs such as Miami, USC, Ohio State...and Michigan.

Yes, because those are all so equal.  It's like getting lumped in with the Boston Strangler because you were convicted of a jaywalking ticket.  I'm reminded of the old Sesame Street tune, "One of these things is not like the others.  One of these things just doesn't belong..."

How bad were things at Miami?  Put it this way, there really is no comparison to other college football programs.  That's why we here at the MZone have compared their transgressions to the only places even close to what went on there: the biblical towns of Sodom and Gomorrah.

                                        MIAMI                                               SODOM & GOMORRAH

ILLICIT SEX:                     ✔                                                                     ✔

PROSTITUTION:                ✔                                                                     ✔

JET SKIS:                         ✔

ABORTIONS:                     ✔                                                               PROBABLY

TURN PEOPLE
INTO PILLARS                                                                                          ✔
OF SALT:                                                                                      

FREE TVs:                         ✔

ANGEL RAPE:                                                                                           ✔

LAP DANCES BY
BY STRIPPER                     ✔                                                                    
NAMED ANGEL:

GENERAL
WICKEDNESS:                  ✔                                                                      ✔

DESTROYED BY
THE LORD:                                                                                               ✔

ABOUT TO BE
DESTROYED BY              ✔
THE NCAA:


9 comments:

A2saint said...

My nephew is a quarterback for the Hurricanes. Last year, as a true freshman, he was supposed to redshirt. But then Harris went down. So he started and played really well.We all thought he would probably be the starting QB this year. Now we are really worried that Miami will be hit hard with sanctions and his time at Miami is going to be worthless. I'm going to plant the seed in his mind that maybe he should transfer to Michigan...

Dennis said...

I would like to thank The U for making our transgressions look almost quaint.

I don't want to stir up a political fight, so I should probably keep my mouth shut, but if the abortion part of the story is true, Shapiro is a new level of reprehensible. If true, if you didn't read the article, when the stripper/prostitute Shapiro had paid to have sex with a player came to Shapiro to tell him she was pregnant he paid for an abortion and never told the player. I found this quote so chillingly callous:

“I was doing him a favor,” the booster said. “That idiot might have wanted to keep [the baby].”

I have to agree with Yost, you guys are unfairly being lumped in. The cost of having a big name and a previously unblemished record, I guess.

The funny thing is, you guys got extra practices, stretches, etc. and clearly it didn't help. Miami also got poor return on investment from this guy. Interestingly when he started ramping up was when Miami began its decline. At least we got our money's worth from our scandals. Even if we had to return some of it. :)

A2Saint, best of luck to your nephew. I have no idea what I would advise him in this situation. I don't know if Michigan really needs another QB. I hope he managed to avoid being tied to this mess in any way. And even if he had, teams may steer clear of Miami kids for fear they are tainted even if they did absolutely nothing wrong.

Shorty the Beachcomber said...

When I was in the Marines, the diddy, "One of these Marines is not like the others" was used quite often in response to one Marine not conforming (wearing the wrong thing) with the rest in regards to any dress code at any time. Lots of fun times!

Mikoyan said...

Now I have the Big Audio Dynamite Song in my head...

Thanks.

beast in 'bama said...

Oh, I'm betting Sodom & Gomorrah had jet skis.

beast in 'bama said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Josey Wales said...

Sodom and Gomorrah, what a quaint Bible story this is.

God is feeling the need for a good old fashioned human obliteration, but is convinced by a mortal man that *MAYBE* that's not the most moral action. So the all knowing, all loving, all etc. creator of the universe bargains with a slightly more rational being, man, to spare one of the man's family. This is one hell of a family hook up as Lot is Abraham's nephew. Angels visit Lot's city and bunk with the one "righteous" man before God kills every man, woman and child of his city. Then the "righteous" man is propositioned for angel pimping and instead offers up two of his own daughters to be gang rapped as an alternative. God later kills his wife, who was willing to let her daughters be raped to save some angels, because she didn't take something they said perfectly literally.

Ladies and Gentlemen.... The Bible.

surrounded in columbus said...

Sodom & Gomorrah were twin cities, right? Miami & tosu are twin schools?

the game 9/17 is going to be "epic" in a lot of ways.

forget the score- what's the over/under on the number of players suspended for this game? from each team?

todd said...

What is the over/under on pilars of salt in the aOSU/miami game? Convicts vs. Convicts