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Friday, July 22, 2011

Why getting married in The Big House is a bad idea

On the face of it, it sounds like an awesome idea: you can now tie the knot at The Big House.  Say "I do" right on the giant block 'M' at the 50.

Sure, it's a little pricey - $6K for a one hour ceremony on the field, $9K to use the big Jack Roth Stadium Club for the reception.  Then again, you ain't exactly renting a Ramada Inn ballroom, either.

For diehard Michigan fans, what could be better, right?

But in the words of Lee Corso, "Not so fast, my friend."

Why, you ask?  Simple math.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, in some cases), something like 50% of marriages end in divorce.  One out of two. And when one is divorced, quite often things that remind one of the ol' ex or The Day That Wasn't Meant To Be aren't, shall we say, a good thing.

Which means, if you bleed Maize and Blue and get married at The Big House, there's a 50/50 chance that, one day, sitting in the Hole that Yost Dug could be bring up memories as painful as watching a U-M coach sing Josh Groban tunes at the football banquet.  Just walking inside the gates at Stadium and Main could, conceivably, bring about the same sense of dread once reserved for settling in to witness one of Gerg's 3-3-5 defensive cluster fucks flailing around on the field.

Think about it.

When you watch a Michigan tailback tear off a 52-yard TD run into the south endzone, do you want to celebrate along with him?  Or do you want to be reminded that he's being mobbed by his teammates in the exact same spot that your former sister-in-law with the overly loud laugh kept making snide remarks about the best man following the ceremony?

When the drum major bends all the way back like he does during The Victors, do you want to marvel at his flexibility, or be reminded of your ex-wife's - which she's now sharing with that guy "Blaine" from Facebook who she swore was "just a co-worker?"

When a roar goes up in The Big House, do you really want to hear her attorney's voice informing you that your ex will now be living in your house?

Look, I'm not unromantic, I'm a realist.  Here to help you, the MZone reader, keep your love of Michigan football untarnished.  Pure.  Scar-free.  Because that's what I do, people - I give.  I give so one day you don't detest that which you love most.

So, is it really worth the risk?

You're welcome.

P.S.  Need the number for the Ramada Inn?

Keep it pure

7 comments:

Kieffer said...

Wow great idea if you can afford it :) in this economy Im not so sure. Great blog! Just found it today, will return.

- Kieffer
www.sewardparktech.com

phil said...

Yost, a broken marriage which originally started on the 50 yd. line wouldn't be so bad. I've been going to games the last four years. How could memories being in the Big House get any worse?

huck said...

This post is the best defensive move anyone from UM has made in years.

Scott said...

"If you bleed Maize and Blue and get married at The Big House, there's a 50/50 chance that, one day, sitting in the Hole that Yost Dug could be bring up memories as painful as watching a U-M coach sing Josh Groban tunes at the football banquet" - Best Line EVER!

GoBlueBob said...

I am not sure about the wedding idea but the photo and tour packages sound interesting to me.

bigGexpress said...

So what if your fiancee wants to treat you to a marriage in the Big House. You say no, how do you explain that to her without pissing her off?

Man: Well there's a 50/50 chance.....

Fiancee: WHAT!!!! YOU DON'T THINK OUR LOVE IS ..........

Air Commando Billy said...

@bigGexpress, Just tell you're fiance, the big house is for football not getting married. However if you want to take me to a game for our honeymoon, this is acceptable.