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Thursday, June 02, 2011

Tresselgate: Our Blogging Cup Runneth Over

It's June. The last thing I should be doing in the wee hours of the night when I have to get up for work in the morning is blogging about college football. Did I mention it's June?

But just when I think I can take a break...Tresselgate pulls me back in!

JIM TRESSEL...COME ON DOWN!

(from MZone wire reports) Hollywood, CA -- Former Ohio State football coach Jim Tressel has already lined up his next job.  Not surprisingly, it involves being on TV with a microphone in hand.  But while, for most coaches, that usually means stepping into a sports broadcast booth, Tressel's microphone will be of the long, skinny variety.

The MZone has learned that the recently-resigned Buckeye coach will be replace Drew Carey as host of The Price is Right because "Tressel is simply better at giving away free cars" according to longtime Price producer Harvey Millsap.

"Tressel's probably given away more cars than Bob Barker did during the entire 104 years he hosted the show" explained Millsap.  "And like Barker, Tressel has that same, non-threatening 'old guy in the dessert line at Home Town Buffet' vibe about him."

Millsap also said several popular games on the long-running show will be updated or changed when Tressel takes over this summer.  Among them are "Hi Lo" and "That's Too Much!"

Currently in "Hi Lo," a contestant is shown six grocery items and asked to choose the three he believes are the highest-priced.  When Tressel arrives, the contestant will be shown six tattoos and asked to choose how many pairs of Gold Pants he'll have to trade for five of them.

The biggest change is coming to "That's Too Much!"  In the present version of the game, a contestant is shown up to ten prices for a car in ascending order of price. The contestant wins the car by correctly identifying the first revealed price which is higher than the actual price by calling out "That's Too Much!"

On Tressel's show, that format will be completely scrapped and retitled as "Phone a Booster!"  In the new version, each contestant will randomly call Ohio State fans in the Columbus area to see who will pay for the new car they just picked out at the local car dealership.  If the booster initially refuses, the contestant will yell, "Fuck Michigan!" until the booster changes his mind and pays for the car.


(HT to KK whose FB post inspired this idea)


DUDE, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO WRITE SOME NEW LYRICS

Last October, we introduced you to a pro-OSU, pro-Tressel video that was so gloriously, jaw-droppingly bad it was Showgirls-esque.  In light of recent events, it begs for a re-posting.

Looks like it's time to write a new tune, Mascot Man.



I know, right? Rest assured, this may not be the last time I post this. Simply classic.

REST THE VEST

My former blogging cohort, Benny (respect) sent me the following tidbit he saw on Uni Watch.

The Fort Myers Miracle, the minor league baseball affiliate of the Minnesota Twins, is holding a "Rest the Vest" night on June 6th.  According to their press release, "

The Fort Myers Miracle feel the disappointment and anger of the Ohio State University football fan today and want to help ease the pain. So the time to move on from the Jim Tressel era is now!

The new coach of the Buckeyes presumably will not wear sweater vests on the sidelines; so it's time to retire them. Fans are encouraged to bring their sweater vest and place it in the retirement bin near the front gate of Hammond Stadium.

Patrons willingly letting go of the prized possession will have the opportunity to participate in a test drive of a beautiful sports car from Classic Cars of Florida.

The Miracle want everyone to enjoy the "Rest the Vest" Night and even though you might not have a favorite sweater vest, if you have a tattoo then you also benefit.

Just by showing a tattoo, Ohio State or non-related, fans will receive a piece of Miracle memorabilia to keep or sell.

We know it has been a long saga that has affected Buckeye Nation, but let the Miracle help with your move into the Luke Fickell era.

Why the Florida-based minor league baseball affiliate of the Minnesota Twins is concerned with events in Columbus is beyond me, but who am I to judge?

6 comments:

phil said...

I think the T.C. Bear mascot of the Minnesota Twins and Brutus are having an illicit affair. I think that's the connection between Columbus and Minnesota.

Ramona said...

Now, stop, now!! I mean, you guys are on a ROLL... we will all be weak by September with this type of off season!!

Ramona said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bigasshammm said...

Is it just me or does the fact that Pryor has a lawyer seem really Fn shady? I can't remember another player involved in something like this using a lawyer to talk to the media or NCAA. Seems like they know they're Fd so they'll get a lawyer to throw so much legal bs at the NCAA that they won't be able to prove anything. How does a player afford a lawyer also?

Ramona said...

Please, I bet the attorney fees are the least of his concerns.. and he isn't paying those fees out of his pocket.

Bigasshammm said...

But the attorney is going to totally get him out of everything ala Cam Newton.