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Tuesday, March 08, 2011

Tressel-I-am!

Two weeks ago - before Yahoo! Sports posted a story claiming that Ohio State football coach Jim Tressel knew about Buckeye players trading merchandise for free tattoos more than eight months before the school said it was made aware of the allegations - The Vest was photographed reading Dr. Seuss books to a group of school children in Ohio:




Well, in light of the recent allegations in C-bus, may we suggest the following for The Vest's next reading to the kids:


 An excerpt:

We looked!
Then we saw him step in on the mat!
We looked!
And we saw him!
Terrelle and his tats!
And he said to us,
"Why do you sit there like that?
I know it is wet
And the sun is not sunny.
But we can have lots of fun
Lots of fun with booster money!"


"I know some good bars to go to,"
Said the QB.
"We can drive in the new car
The new car dealer just loaned me!
We will take the car, take the car out for a ride.
My coach
Does not care, so I have nothing to hide!"


Then Sally and I
Did not know what to say.
But Terrelle said Coach Tressel
Would look the other way.


But our fish said, "No! No!
Make Terrelle go away!
Tell that Cat with the Tats
You do NOT want to play.
He should not be here,
He should be on probation!
He should be suspended
With the rest of Buckeye Nation!"


"Now! Now! Have no fear.
Have no fear!" said the QB
"I won't get caught
Since my coach just ignores me.
Why, we can have
Lots of fun doing my thing
With a game that I call
Selling my championship ring!"


An excerpt:

I do not like the game's laws and its rules
I do not like them, they're only for fools
I did not like them during the days of Clarett
I do not like them nor have been busted just yet
I let Terrelle Pryor get his free tats
Then claimed, "Oh, I did not know about that!"
I do not like the rules they have about class
The N-C-A-A can kiss my Vest-wearing ass
I do not like the rules out on the field
And if we get busted, I'll surely appeal
I do not like the rules here in the 'Shoe
And our fans do not care as long as I beat the Blue
I do not like rules here or there
I do not like them ANYWHERE!

27 comments:

Jennifer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
surrounded in columbus said...

Gold, Yost. Gold.

Mikoyan said...

Solid Gold...Pure solid gold..

Mikoyan said...

Originally they were going to schedule Pryor but saved the embarassment when they found out beforehand that he couldn't read.

Todd not Boeckman said...

liAs a holding my breath Buckeye, even I have to say

ROTFLMFAO.

SIC...You said it right. Yost hit a HR on that one. very funny.

Now excuse me while I go back and say another rosary.

Andy said...

Ohio State Press Conference tonight with Gee, Smith, and Tressel.

ESPN is speculating his job "is in serious trouble".

I will be floored if he is actually fired.

surrounded in columbus said...

Andy,
even if ncaa has "something" on Sweaterboy, it's hard to imagine tosu cutting him loose short of, as they say, catching him w/ a live boy or a dead girl.

however, this incident is just a touch different than the past transgressions. they're not dealilng w/ the NCAA (yet). the feds have been climbing thru this tat parlor/collectibles store owner's background & finances for a couple of months, looking for tax evasion & various money "handling" violations. and they've been hunting down his "business" associates & asking a lotta questions.

some rumors have it that they've started dropping the dreaded "R" word (rico, and i don't mean as in "Puerto"). which scares even the most loyal booster.

when the NCAA shows up, most people just shut the door. when Justice shows up & starts saying things like "conspiracy"?? most people lawyer up & look for a way to rat out someone else.

who knows? maybe something will finally stick to the SOB?

but i wouldn't bet on it. tonight's presser will likely be the standard circle the wagons, deny everything, and wait it out.

but like buying a lottery ticket, it's fun to dream for a few hours.

surrounded in columbus said...

stop the presses- i may have spoken too soon?

Ohio State football: 'Perceived' violation has been reported to NCAA, Gee says

http://www.dispatch.com/live/content/sports/stories/2011/03/08/0308-osu-to-hold-news-conference-tonight.html

Ryan said...

fire tressel!

hire rich rod!

Yost said...

TnB,

Glad you got a laugh in what, I'm sure, are dark days around C-bus. Thanks for getting the sense of humor around here.

If you're a regular reader, you know we're just as harsh on our own when called for.

Yost said...

Hey, anybody seen Sru? :)

surrounded in columbus said...

Yost,
allow me to stand in for our tosu friends & provide the "appropriate" response to all this:

1) it happens everywhere;
2) you can't prove it;
3) ____ shouldn't be against the rules anyway;
4) this is all rumor & lies caused by jealousy over tosu's success;
5) this is what happens when you're so much more successful than your peers- they watch you more closely; &
6) 9-1 bitches! whooo hooo! 9-1! we own you!

Yost said...

SiC,

Which is why I gave TnB props for putting it all in proper perspective and having a sense of humor about it.

Oh, and that 9-1 just might be 8-2 soon. I'm just sayin'...

phil said...

OMG GENIUS YOST!!!

surrounded in columbus said...

ooh. hadn't thought of that. wonder when they'll restart the count down clock on Dispatch.com if THAT happens???

this is really too much fun.

phil said...

Sru will be here right after he's done vomiting his Scarlett Red Eggs and Ham.

bigGexpress said...

Here's a link for the 7P.M. broadcast. I heard a terrible idea on another site. What if they fire Tressel and end up hiring Meyer out of this?

http://www.ohiostatebuckeyes.com/ViewArticle.dbml?ATCLID=205111867&DB_OEM_ID=17300

surrounded in columbus said...

Well, it's official. He's a documented liar & cheat.

All the rest is details.

Yost said...

I love how pissed some Buckeye fans get at a U-M blogger's tweets during a press conference in which the OSU coach admits he cheated.

Todd not Boeckman said...

SiC---Actually some of those answers are correct. BUT, it doesn't excuse Tressel covering up what are frankly, minor violations.

This is sort of like Watergate. Dirty tricks between parties happen all the time. A coverup by Tricky Dick? Thats a different animal.

Yost. I am a regular reader. I was overjoyed when you started back up. I have always subscribed to the theory that tOSU and you weasels is the perfect symbiotic relationship. The rivalry is only as strong as the weakest link yadda yadda. But your writing is well done; and when things like Appy State happen, extremely fun to read. I'm too old to get overly juvenile with the smack talk...which is why I am more of a lurker.

Anyway, frankly, I am on the fence whether Tressel should resign.

surrounded in columbus said...

TnB
i have 3 teenagers. i have stressed to them that no matter what they eff up, dealing w/ it is much better than trying to cover it up.

i agree that trading "stuff" for tats is not on the same level of getting cash & condos. had tosu disclosed this ahead of last season, the involved players would have received multiple game suspensions, made restitution, and that would have been the end of it. i'm not sure if that is minor, but it's not SMU level trouble.

that's not what happened. and in the end, the "cover up"- the failure to report the violations, the failure to try to cure it in house (they could have had the players make restitution w/ out notifying the NCAA), playing players that they knew were ineligible, and most damning, lying about it when it came to light in December, are going to be far bigger and damaging problems than the underlying "violation" was ever going to be.

and that's something even my 3 teenagers could have told you.

Ramona said...

My word, you guys are on a roll!!

Todd not Boeckman said...

SiC-

As the father of 6, I can't argue with that at all.

Yost said...

TnB,

Six? Wow! You are a brave, brave man.

surrounded in columbus said...

6? dude, i'm not merely impressed that you have that many kids.

i'm impressed you got your wife to have sex w/ you at least 3 more times after you already had the first 3!!!

Todd not Boeckman said...

LOL.

HEre's the secret:

(This is my standard line)

I married a hot blooded Irish lass.....

And I do what I'm told

Buckeyes said...

Long time reader
First time poster...

LOL

Thats just Fk'n funny

Life long Meeechigan fan and have always loved the Big 10, 11, now 12.

But it really is starting to disgust me how I can no longer carry an air of morale arrogance in conversation with a fan of an SEC, PAC10, BIG12 or any team out of Florida fan.