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Friday, February 18, 2011

Obese Buckeye fan gets stuck in doorway after shoplifting, then tased

Why T9 thought this warranted but a small blurb on his Delicious Buffet to the right, I'll never know.  I trust you'll see why I bumped it up, stat.

According to NYDailyNews.com:

A 400-pound Michigan woman was busted for shoplifting--and later hit with a Taser-- when her motorized cart got stuck in a supermarket's door, according to police.

Jerrie Perkins, 30, allegedly tried to steal more than $600 worth of electronic merchandise from a Meijer in Rochester Hills last week.

As she attempted to drive out of the supermarket in her cart, the door's alarm was activated. Perkins became hostile when Meijer employees approached her and asked for her receipt.

The 5-foot-2 woman shoved a loss-prevention officer and hit her in the face, the Oakland County sheriff's office told The Oakland Press.

When authorities asked her to put her hands behind her back, she cursed, according to a press release from the sheriff's department, "balled her right hand into a fist and took a fighting stance."

Twice Perkins was asked to put her hands behind her back before deputies zapped her with the Taser.

On her Friendster account, Perkins describes herself as a singer/songwriter/deejay with "a little extra weight."

She was released on $15,000 bail and charged with unarmed robbery, resisting and obstructing a police officer and second-degree retail fraud.

So, why did we do a story about a female shoplifter in Michigan?  Well, check out the pic below:  apparently Ms. Jenkins is a "big" Buckeye fan.

As far as we know, the only basketball in this photo is the orange and white one
being held by the woman in black

Now, there is so much to discuss about this story, I'm not sure where to begin.  So let's just dive in, shall we?

First of all, in the NYDailyNews.com article linked above, their caption under the pic above reads:

Jerrie Perkins, 30, right, attempt to steal from a Meijer in Michigan was foiled when she got stuck in the doorway, police said. 

Perkins is the one on the right?  No shit.  Gee, thanks for clearing that up.   

And I love this line in the initial news story:

On her Friendster account, Perkins describes herself as a singer/songwriter/deejay with "a little extra weight."

Uh, who the hell has a Friendster account?  What is a Friendster account?   Isn't that like a place where swinger's meet?  Can any of our readers in The Lifestyle clear that up for me?

And "a little extra weight"?  Come! On!  Weighing 400 pounds and having to get around on a scooter is not " a little extra weight."  I know we all exaggerate online but that's like Gerg Robinson saying his defense had "a couple lapses" last season.

Finally, I see she was charged with unarmed robbery, second-degree retail fraud, and resisting and obstructing a police officer.  "Obstructing"  a police officer?  Okay, that's just being mean now.

Hey, what is the female equiv of the Buckstache?


phil said...

Q: How do you get an OSU coed into your dorm room?
A: Grease her up and push her through the door as hard as you can.

Q. What do you call a 300 lb. OSU coed?
A. Anorexic

Q. What is the difference between an OSU co-ed heading to the cafeteria and a speeding bullet?

A. Superman can stop the speeding bullet.

When an OSU co-ed puts on high heels in the morning, by the afternoon they're flats.

OSU co-eds don't get tattoos, they just wear billboards.

surrounded in columbus said...

i don't think i wanna know where she wears her "buckstache"

ChicagoWolverine said...


Yost said...

lol, Phil & SiC.

This post is exactly why I don't totally shut down The MZone in the offseason.

"Just when I think there's nothing to blog about, they keep pulling me back in!"

Bigasshammm said...

I will say though I have frolicked with many an OSU coed and they were never much over 100lbs. I'll give them credit in that regard at least. But as for this woman I see women like her in OH everyday.

I hate it here.

J said...

Somewhere there is a joke about Buckeyes and the ginormous blobs of sagging flesh that have replaced her boobs, but I am running on fumes right now thanks to work and cannot come up with one...

That is just nasty.

chadengler said...

The woman in black is Katie Smith. Way to do your homework (like Forcier). How's that football program up there? Kind of cute how you pretend it's still significant. Good luck being medicre again this season.

Mikoyan said...

If you are going to talk about mediocre, you could at least spell the word correctly. I guess that's the Buckeye education showing through.

Yost said...

Well played, Mik. Well played.

surrounded in columbus said...

My wife is a tosu grad, and she's not half the woman this girl is.

Hell. She's not even a fourth!

whetstonebuck said...

Mik, Mik, Mik...

Jumping on an obvious typo (he had the "cre" correct) is beneath your usual fair-minded commentary. You could have jumped on his proof-reading, but that would be petty, eh?

As for SiC,

Dude, feed that woman of yours!

wv = forsh. As in SiC, forsh your wife to eat dessert.