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Thursday, December 09, 2010

MZone Speculative Fiction: The Tale of Two Coaching Possibilities

Comic books are rife with storylines and plots dealing with alternate realities and parallel universes in which the current timeline breaks off into two equally plausible potential futures.  In the wake of Urban Meyer's re-retirement from Florida, the MZone "gets its geek on" as we nerd up and take our  first stab at speculative science fiction.

Each of the two possible universes presented below can be considered a short horror story on par with something straight from darkest depths of Stephen King's imagination, or a soothing dose of young adult wish fulfillment -- all depending on which side of The Great Coaching Debate within the Michigan fan base you currently fall on.

In the first universe...

(from MZone wire reports)  Gainsville, FL - Jim Harbaugh was hired today as the head coach at the University of Florida.  He replaces Urban Meyer who retired last week after six seasons in Gainsville.

Harbaugh, who leaves Stanford after four seasons, was introduced by Gator athletic director Jeremy Foley at a hastily arranged press conference.  "Jim Harbaugh has proven himself a winner as a college quarterback, as a professional quarterback and as a head football coach.  I have no doubt he will continue his winning ways here at the University of Florida," said Foley.

While some questioned the choice of Harbaugh because he was not a practitioner of the spread offense run by Meyer, Foley dismissed those concerns.  "Jim Harbaugh knows how to coach football and win games.  How he does it isn't an issue."  Foley went on to say he saw in Harbaugh a lot of the traits he saw in Meyer when he wooed him away from Utah: a hungry young coach who'd already proven his ability to win at different schools.

The announcement was immediately felt across the college football landscape.  Not only in Palo Alto where Harbaugh just finished leading Stanford to an 11-1 record and a BCS birth, but also in Ann Arbor where many Michigan fans openly lobbied for Harbaugh to replace current U-M coach Rich Rodriguez who has struggled in his three years at the helm.

In a scene right out of Frankenstein, many of those hoping the former All-American QB under legendary coach Bo Schembechler would return to his alma mater stormed the office of Michigan athletic director Dave Brandon.   They blamed Brandon for "blowing it" regarding Harbaugh since he refused to make a decision on Rich Rodriguez's fate until after the bowl game...at the conclusion of the Afghan War...following the successful marriages of all the Kardashian sisters.

In the second universe...

(from MZone wire reports) Gainsville, FL - In a move that shocked the college football world, Rich Rodriguez was named the new head football coach in Florida, replacing the just-departed Urban Meyer and ending Rodriguez's three year tenure at the University of Michigan.

"Rich Rodriguez is the perfect coach to continue the storied football tradition here at the University of Florida," said athletic director Jeremy Foley who introduced Rodriguez at a hastily arranged news conference.  "He's a proven winner and I have no doubt he'll do just that in Gainsville."

When asked if he was concerned about Rodriguez after his recent struggles as head coach at Michigan, Foley shook his head.  "Not one bit.  Rodriguez didn't forget how to coach when he went to Ann Arbor.  But I do think some in Ann Arbor had a hard time forgetting about the past."

Standing next to Foley and Rodriguez at the podium, outgoing coach Meyer agreed.  "Rich is a good football coach.  I basically learned the spread offense I ran here from Rich Rodriguez.  When I was coaching at Bowling Green, Rich was good enough to meet with me when he was at West Virginia.  I have no doubt Rich and Florida will continue to build upon the success we've come to expect here in Gainsville."

The warm reception by Gator Nation marked a stark contrast to Rodriguez's days in Ann Arbor where many in the Michigan fan base never deemed him a good fit.  When asked if he had been unfairly treated, Rodriguez simply said, "I wish Michigan the best."

In a scene right out of Frankenstein, many Michigan fans who supported Rodriguez and hoped he'd be back in Ann Arbor to lead his potent offense for a fourth season stormed the home of former Michigan coach Lloyd Carr.  They blamed Carr for refusing to fully embrace Rodriguez when he was hired, the current tensions with North Korea, and not convincing Chad Henne, Mike Hart, Jake Long and other players in Carr's final season to stick around for additional 5th, 6th, 7th and 8th years of eligibility in order to ease the transition for Rodriguez. 

5 comments:

whetstonebuck said...

When asked about the tragedy, Whetstonebuck stated, "Well, the edge was closer than we all thought. One minute, Yost was there, and the next...he, he was just gone!"

Yost said...

LOL, Whet!

phil said...

Yost, we need to study the science behind your possibilities and run your ideas up a flagpole and sees who salutes:

Possibilities -Indirect measurement.

To measure the height h of a flagpole, we could measure a distance of, say, 100 feet from its base. From that point P, we could then measure the angle required to sight the top . If that angle (called the angle of elevation) turned out to be 37°, then

so that h
100 = tan 37°
so that
so that h = 100 × tan 37°.

From the Table, we find

tan 37° = .754

Therefore, on multiplying by 100,

h = 75.4 feet.

All functions from one function

If we know the value of any one trigonometric function, then -- with the aid of the Pythagorean theorem -- we can find the rest.

Example 1. In a right triangle, sin θ = 5
13 . Sketch the triangle, place

the ratio numbers, and evaluate the remaining functions of θ.

To find the unknown side x, we have

x² + 5² = 13²

x² = 169 − 25 = 144.

Therefore,

x = = 12.

(Lesson 26 of Algebra.)

We can now evaluate all six functions of θ:

sin θ = 5
13 csc θ = 13
5
cos θ = 12
13 sec θ = 13
12
tan θ = 5
12 cot θ = 12
5

Wait, what was the question?

whetstonebuck said...

Speaking of "gone."

bigGexpress said...

Phil, you forgot to take the integral of sin θ. Geesh!