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Friday, December 10, 2010

For the female Michigan fan who has everything (no, seriously - EVERYthing)

You're an entrepreneur and a college football fan.  You'd love to sell a product that shows your team spirit and you want it to be something unique.  Something that hasn't already been done.  But it seems everything that could possibly have a the ol' block M logo or be produced in Maize and Blue is already out there.

Michigan Muffin Pan?  Right here.

M Ice Tray?  Too late.

Go Blue Dog Collar?  Fido's already covered.

Oh!  What about a Michigan Jersey Grill Cover?  Beaten to the punch.

Yes, there's nothing left.

Or is there.

Folks, I'll admit it, here's one I never would have thought of: the team-themed vibrator.

Yes, vibrator.

A website called SportyVibe.com - whose tag line is "Serious fun for the serious fan" and states that "It's time to take your team spirit somewhere its never been before" - sells a variety of "Personal Arousal Devices" in the appropriate school color combos.  Behold "The Maize and Blue":

Apparently they aren't officially licensed products (no shit) as the Sparty Sporty is called, you guessed it, "The Green and White" and the Tosu tickler is "The Scarelet and Gray."  (Although I'd love to see the application to get officially licensed come across Dave Brandon's desk!  <-- Stop.  Don't even go there with the pun, people)

Now, while I'm all for a good sex toy, does one score points for getting this for his girl?  Or does one catch a little flak if one is in a relationship with someone who didn't go to Michigan and isn't quite as big a Wolverine fan as someone who, say, reads a Michigan college football blog everyday?  ("For cryin' out loud, Mark - even our sex toys have to be about Michigan!?")  Or will the effect of the Sporty Vibe render any such thoughts superfluous?

On the flip side, personally speaking here, if I were getting intimate with a woman and sex toys were being introduced into the relationship for the first time, and she pulled out a Michigan vibrator?  Well, I might propose on the (G) spot. 

ED. NOTE:  If any of our female readers try the product and would like to review it for the M Zone, well, I'm pretty, pretty, pretty sure we can start a new feature here on the site for that.  I'm just saying.  Think of us as the college football blog-slash-sex toy reporting equiv of Consumer Reports.


phil said...

You guys haven't gotten the little mrs. one of these yet?

mrs: oh phil....the games on.
mr: what honey? there's no game on tonight.....OH!...that game.
mrs: and this time honey, you're going to show me the entire pregame activities and not going right to the kickoff.

BaggyPantsDevil said...

You guys are amazing!

This does make me wonder, though. Considering how these "toys" are, uh, "used" or at least can be used, is it always appropriate to have the toy in your favorite team's colors or would a rival's colors work better?

To be more specific--and unfortunately much more graphic--I would think that a Michigan fan would want scarlet and grey for a butt-plug, if that’s the sort of stuff one enjoys. I’m just saying.

Additionally, I would think using a Maize and Blue vibrator on a young lady who was an Ohio State fan--if such a lady possessing sufficient amounts of sobriety, civility, personal hygiene, and attractiveness even exists—would add a whole new level of enjoyment to the encounter. Again, I’m just saying.

Bigasshammm said...

Brings new meaning to the "spread"!

Thank me later.

J said...

Dammit. No orange and blue yet. Will just have to keep checking back. That is awesome.

Altho, Yost, how exactly did you "come across" (there it is again...) such an item? What exactly possessed you to search for a Michigan vibrator? Inquiring minds, and all that...

And BPD - you are right. I guarantee an Auburn fan who was into such things would not consider a butt plug in any color combo other than crimson and white...

GoBlueBob said...

J... You might think Yost was looking for Christmas gifts when he say this but really it was a comment by another reader...er entrepreneur who mentioned the website.

Andy said...

You are right Bob. It was a spamming "reader" that sent the info. To highlight the differences between Yost and I:

When I saw it, I thought to myself.... "damn spammers, this needs to get deleted."

When Yost saw it, he giggled to himself and said "WOW, what a great idea, I think I can make a funny post about this."

Bigasshammm said...

Reading between the thread I realized that perhaps Yost gave a bit of personal information away?
("For cryin' out loud, MARK - even our sex toys have to be about Michigan!?")

He becomes more real everyday.

Damn looking forward to hockey tomorrow. I got my old school jacket in the dryer right now.
Old school for me at least.

Yost said...

LOL, Andy. My initial thought was delete as well as I don't want to reward that stuff. But I took them at their word that they were Michigan folks who started it so I checked the link to see what it was.

And then, after seeing it, while I still didn't want to reward the trolling, I couldn't help but think of the funny.

John said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
John said...

and it shall be called the "Rich Rod"...or other words that rhyme Rich not so PG

sales said...

SportyVibe here - and we've certainly heard all of this before! "A Maize and Blue vibrator? You're kidding, right?" Well, we're not kidding, and we wanted to thank you for taking notice of our products, for your great review, and for really understanding what it's all about!

Yes, our team is comprised of entrepreneurs, half of whom are Michigan alumni and half are State. Put us together, and you end up with - you guessed it - novelty Big Ten vibrators that not only work, but are the ultimate conversation piece in any college sports fan's collection.

As your readers have noted in their comments, it's tough to be taken seriously when your product emails get tossed out with all the sex spam. But imagine what happens when our fans actually get their own Sporty: reactions range from shock and awe to - well, maybe we shouldn't mention those "other" reactions on a public forum.

Thanks again for the great write-up!

TitleIX said...

Andy? Delete
Yost? Comedy
T9? Critique: needs pearls and/or a strategically placed Block M to be truly legendary....

Yost said...

LOL, T9.

beast in 'bama said...

Could it be...an actual F**k Lion?

sales said...

We'd love to meet you, AND we have some free Sportys on hand at the Big Chill today. Yost- we'll hold all three for you especially!


Yost said...

Wish I could be there, Sporty.

J said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
J said...

@sales, when you decide to get into the orange and blue market for the "Southern" region (yet another pun...!), I might be willing to share the concept amongst my more open minded fellow Auburn sisters... if you're handing out free samples and what not, I'd be glad to test drive one for you... email me! Or contact Yost - he has my email address. I'll be happy to give my opinion as long as you understand it will be an honest one - no promises of rave reviews - a girl can't lie about something like this! (except in the interests of marital harmony, but I digress...)

Since we are talking Auburn football here, what about a crystal colored one to match the egg that might be coming our way? :-)

War Eagle!

sales said...


Auburn, in fact, is very much on our list (www.sportyvibe.com/lineup). This list, however, based on location and population, school rivalry's that it participates in, and of course it's ranking as a "party-school" may change somewhat now that football season is ending. For example, I suppose we should start thinking a long the lines of Duke-Blue and White...???

If you join our email list J, we are going to be doing another 50% for 50 minute sale today, or email me direct and I'll notify you when it hits. We already gave our allotment of freebies for the week unfortunately at the game. We really did that one just so that anyone reading this could come and meet us and see that we were legit. Marketing this one has been tougher than we had imagined it would be- I see the words blacklist and spam in my sleep. Yost, we still have your three freebies all packaged up and will deliver at any time! Just let us know!