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Monday, October 25, 2010

Oregon Duck Mascot Moving to Muscle Beach

(from MZone wire reports)  Eugene, OR -The Oregon Duck mascot has decided to leave the team and move to Muscle Beach in Venice, California, to pursue a career as a professional body builder.  The decision came after the Duck - which does a push-up for each Oregon point after every Oregon score - did his 346,831st push-up this season in the 4th Quarter of Oregon's 60-13 pounding of UCLA last Thursday.

"First, I dropped from a waist size of 106" to 32" after the first two games,"  said the Duck sometimes known as Puddles, though not to his face anymore.  "But I didn't realize just how many damn push-ups I'd done this season and what the effect on my body was until I looked in the mirror on Saturday.  Holy crap!  I'm ripped!  So I decided now is the time to pursue my lifelong dream of becoming Mr. Olympia."

The Duck never thought that dream could become a reality, especially after his weight had ballooned in early 90s during the lackluster Rich Brooks seasons.  "We just weren't scoring.  That and I loves me the Taco Bell," said the Duck as he showed off doing those one-handed Rocky push-ups.  "Now, thanks to the number one offense in American, I can bench press just over 400 pounds.  Put it this way - I'd like to see that Ohio Bobcat mascot try to pull that shit with me that he pulled on Ohio State's Brutus.  I'd kick his punk ass all over the football field.  And you can print that."

Though nothing is official yet, the Duck also said he's planning on a series of late-night fitness infomercials.  "You think that P90X stuff gets you in shape?  Ha!  Trying doing push-ups after every score when Chip Kelly's offense plays New Mexico at home!"

8 comments:

phil said...

The Duck walks into a ProForm fitness store and orders some weights. The clerk says, "will that be cash or check?" and the Duck says, "Just put it on my bill"

(thank you, i'll be here all week.....lucky you)

Yost said...

LOL, Phil!!!

MaryJo said...

As a Duck fan, in Eugene, I love the press. Minor detail, Oregon played New Mexico, not New Mexico State. I've never been to either but I'm sure fans and alumni of both schools care.

Is Michigan up for another home and home series? We'd love to have you back. Thanks

Yost said...

Would love to go back to Eugene. Great atmosphere, great fans!

Andy said...

Can you imagine the number of points Oregon would put up against our defense this year?

Yikes.

Yost said...

Indeed, Andy.

Yost said...

PS Thanks for the correction, MJ. Fixed.

tonystewart99roy said...

Can I get a Woot Woot! Or should I say "Quack Quack!" The Ducks blew out the Trojans last night on USC's home turf! Two years straight beating up the once Mighty Trojans. Corso had it right again.....