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Sunday, September 19, 2010

Mark Dantonio Shows College Football Fans How Big His Sack Is

Mark Dantonio reveals the size of his sack
(From MZone wire reports)  East Lansing, MI -- Mark Dantonio's sack is bigger than yours.

After repeatedly declining during his post-game press conference to discuss exactly how big his nut sack is, Michigan State head coach Dantonio finally spread his hands over a foot apart and said, "This fucking big!"

With his squad down 31-28 in the first overtime and facing a 4th and 14, Dantonio had his team run a fake field goal.  The holy-fucking-shit!-I-can't-believe-he-fucking-did-that!-He-must-have-a-huge-fucking-sack! play resulted in a 29 yard touchdown pass and a thrilling 34-31 Spartan victory.

The assembled members of the sports media had been clamoring from the onset of the press conference to know the size of Dantonio's lower package.  But the coach modestly kept refusing to answer the question.  Finally, after the eighth time he was asked, Dantonio threw his arms open and revealed the size of his stones.

Even jaded members of the press corp burst into applause at the Spartan head honcho's modesty.  Most said his sack had to be at least another foot larger because of his nuts-scraping-on-the-fucking-floor-dragging-across-the-shag-carpeting-game-winning call that left MSU fans delirious and the Irish faithful heartbroken.

Dantonio said the name of the play was "Little Giants," after the movie with the same moniker.  Celebrating Spartan fans said the name of the man who called it was now "Big Sack" after their coach who obviously has a ginormously huge sack.

BREAKING NEWS:  We have just learned that Coach Dantonio suffered a mild heart attack after last night's game.  According to reports, he's resting after a stent was inserted and is expected to make a full recovery.  We here at the MZone wish Mr. Dantonio Godspeed.  Be well, coach.

31 comments:

insomniac said...

I'm sure ya meant to say fake FG. Not even Notre Dame would fall for a fake punt in OT. Well, probably not.

Yost said...

Good catch, insomniac! Thanks.

Mikoyan said...

In case anyone missed it from the last post.

My pics from the game yesterday:
http://michiganexposures.blogspot.com/2010/09/university-of-massachusetts-vs.html

http://michiganexposures.blogspot.com/2010/09/university-of-massachusetts-vs_18.html

616goblue said...

Oh the irony!

The name of the game winning play called by the little brother's coach is called "little giants."

Anyone hear how many couches were set on fire last night in East Lansing?

Andy said...

I am reluctant to ever give Sparty credit for anything... but that play call was insane. I loved Brian Kelly's smirk when he and Dantonio met after the game.

It will be very interesting to see if our defense can be effective against their pounding run and quick passing combo. From what I saw last night, it may be a long day.

Kraut said...

Did anyone notice that the play clock appeared to expire before the snap on that final play?

TitleIX said...

He is such an ass. Stupid sly smile and then tells Holly Rowe, by the way, the name of that play is " little giants". Ok A) who names a play in such a juvenile manner? And B) why the F do you brag about it?
I can't stand him.

TitleIX said...

And yes, the Sparty Tine Keeper was up to his ol' tricks again. The clock had hit 0:00 before the ball was snapped.

TitleIX said...

Er, tiMe. iPad issue

Andy said...

I just watched the replay....

The time clock says "00" and the ball had not been snapped. Couple that with Sparty's last TD when Cunningham ran out of bounds (he was not forced) and made the catch.

Home cooking... tastes good.

Crock said...

T9 - I couldn't agree more. that S--t eating grin of Dantonio's makes me want to vomit. He carries himself like such a d-bag 99.9% of the time. always so critical of his players, never enjoying the game. Then he acts like he's God's gift to football after the game. ugh.
Honestly - I like Tressel more than him.
imagine if that ball gets dropped - he'd be packing his bags for sure.
I thought there were some great looks of disbelieving last week, but last night topped it for sure.
The look on Kelly's face was priceless.
glad he used that played against ND - hopefully our team will keep that in mind in a few weeks.

phil said...

Apparently the only difference between Kelly and Weis is 200 lbs. and Charlie has his own website (www.firecharlieweis.com)

plooder said...

if you look at the replay, Notre Dame had the play covered at first, but 2 defenders were knocked out of the play by Sparty's releasing Tight End. With all else being equal on the field it took a heroic play call and a lucky break to win. Any of you would love to see a shit-eating-grin like that on Rich Rod's face if there were reason enough, so be thankful that Dantonio played that card before he faces your porous defense. Thank you.

TitleIX said...

Plooder....our coach doesn't eat shit.

TitleIX said...

MVictors reporting that Dantonio went to hospital last night after taping coach's show. MVictors reports Dantonio got stented. If true, here's wishing Coach a speedy easy recovery.

TitleIX said...

ESPN confirms Dantonio heart attack

srudoff said...

RichRod doesn't eat shit...

he just sends it out on the field everytime the other team has the ball

TitleIX said...

Really? reallly sru? That's all you got? Disappointing. Hard to defend you from the troll police when you post like that...

Especially following news of a heart attack.
Sigh.

srudoff said...

tons of posts about how bad michigan's defense is

i segue it into the posts about richrod eating shit and i'm the troll

ok

at least you didn't threaten to start erasing my posts like someone we know

TitleIX said...

Below your standard cleverness. I know you can do better....
Try again.

TitleIX said...

You know, your coach eats possum or some such other refernce to his hillbilly roots. You can't call 19 year olds "shit". It just aint right.

surrounded in columbus said...

"standard cleverness"? sorry, but this kind of useless smack IS his "standard".

it's rare that anything he types is anything other than a "you suck" themed pissy comment. scroll thru the comments and it's something like one of outta 8-10 that's anything else.

if he were an M troll saying things like this on a tosu blog, not only would he have been banned, the tosu blog would have tried to have him fired by now...

as for Dantonio, i suppose he has a family, maybe even friends (they say even Hitler had a dog that liked him), so for their sake, i hope he doesn't die. that said, i couldn't help but think of the Clarence Darrow quote:

I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.

surrounded in columbus said...

for those of you who missed the story & might wonder about the "getting fired" reference:

http://www.wolverineliberationarmy.com/blog/2010/03/14/sbn-will-ignore-their-privacy-policy-and-get-you-fired/

Yost said...

Thanks for giving link to that WLA post. Wow!

surrounded in columbus said...

Yost
you, and Andy & T9, should get a blogger award for your tolerance.

no other "team" oriented site in the blogosphere has your patience for "other" fans.

Andy said...

Sru's daily routine:

1) wake up
2) Shit, shower, shave
3) turn on the coffee maker
4) turn on the the computer
5) make troll comments on MichiganZone

It's like the movie GroundHog Day...

surrounded in columbus said...

"shower"? and "daily"?

you are very generous...

Mikoyan said...

Anyways I wish Coach Dantonio well...

whetstonebuck said...

Sniff, sniff. Do I smell anger in here or is that Iowa's offensive line getting burned...again?

srudoff said...

Oh Andy, hilarity ensues everytime you post.

I guess my daily routine is a bit different than yours...

Andy's daily routine

1. Wake up - normally around 11
2. Yell at mom upstairs to make you some breakfast
3. Come upstairs from the basement, making sure to touch the homemade Go Blue: M Club Supports You banner you've hung at the top of the stairs.
4. Eat breakfast with mom - drown out her incessant nagging about why her Bath and Body works hand lotion is always missing.
5. Go back downstairs and wait for SIC to come over.
6. Go through the modified Barwis routine with SIC as your spotter.
7. Log on to your computer, wait while SIC connects to the same WoW server you're on.
8. Take a break from pwning, log on to Yost's site.
9. Conspire with SIC to post something witty about srudoff. Give up after an hour and just type something lame.
10. Listen to SIC talk about how his wife and his maid are both OSU grads - wonder secretly like everyone else if they are the same person.
11. Fire up a game of NCAA 11 - argue over who gets to be Cam Gordon.
12. Say goodbye to SIC - remind him to post something about srudoff.
13. Disappear into the bathroom with mom's lotion and Denard the Happening queued up on your Iphone.
14. A minute later, clean up and hone those mad photoshop skillzzz for Yost's site.
15. Browse the Freep - think about how mad everyone would be if they knew that Drew Sharp was a facebook friend of yours.
16. Log into Yost's site as your alterego, T9, and allow your feminine side take to over with insightful and hilarious posts.
17. Curl up with a good book about Bo and fall asleep, dreaming about 1997.

Andy said...

I wish I was actually T9. She really is a lot smarter and makes a lot more money than me.

Seriously, there are about a dozen Ohio State blogs/boards that you could go onto every day and get giggles from with your witty comments and "M"orons avatar.

I just don't understand the satisfaction you get trolling on a rival blog every day. If you had something relevant or funny to say, that would be one thing. But for years you have just kept showing up and dumping backhanded comments. Maybe it is just my frustration with the Michigan football program, but enough is enough.

Why don't you go over to the Purdue Blog and starting trolling them? They actually beat the Buckeyes last year. It might be more fun for you to spar with fans of a team that can fight back.