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Tuesday, May 06, 2008

OSU Dorm Chief Arrested for Crystal Meth

Under the category of "shit you probably think we made up because we're a Michigan blog but didn't," Ohio State's assistant vice president for student housing has been arrested for possession of methamphetamine.

The problems for administrator Ronald Kochendoerfer (no relation to John Kochtoestin from FLETCH), began after a package he sent to a Franklin County Jail inmate was intercepted and found to contain heroin. Police then searched his home and found the crystal meth.

Which brings up an important point: when you send heroin -- hidden in GQ magazine! -- to your buddy in the slammer, for God's sake, make sure you properly conceal your crystal meth stash back at home just in case some cop gets all nosey and starts asking questions such as, "Hey, what's this big lump of powder hidden in this magazine?" It is not known at this time if Kockandballs was going to next send his prison pal a nail file hidden in birthday cake.

According to WBNS, THE University of Ohio State declined to comment on camera about the case but said it would decide Kochringuser fate after the outcome of the investigation. However, since he doesn't play football or run a 4.4 40, it's widely assumed he's completely fucked.

(HT: CS, T9)

24 comments:

Out of Conference said...

I'm too lazy to Google it, but is that really his picture? I couldn't imagine a more sterotypical methhead pic than that, and he's a senior official at a large university?!? I mean I understand arrest pictures don't bring out the most flattering looks in people, but holy cow..

Jeremy said...

We're all saying "University of Ohio State" now, and that is well and good. But if we're going to fully mock Terrelle Pryor AND UoOS in one fell swoop, we need to do it accurately.

Pryor did not say "The University." He just said "University." It compounds the insult to see he's omitted that one article, the definite article for which UoOS has gotten its collective 3XL panties in a twist for years, and he omitted it entirely.

So while the sarcastic "THE" in front accomplishes one thing, it's not only more demeaning to leave it out, it's more accurate as well.

TitleIX said...

maybe the drugs would have made their way to Clarett if Dorm Man had stashed them in a lint roller?????

whetstonebuck said...

That's Adolf Hitler's love child. You can't fool me.


wv = yjfkdxf. If that isn't more proof. A word of germanic origin if I ever tried to prounounce one. Tough, sharp and full of consonants. Not all slobbery and vowel ridden where the letters don't know when and where to stop as in that queer French excuse for a language.

srudoff said...

actually he's Assistant TO the Vice President for Student Housing...

Joshua said...

maybe the drugs would have made their way to Clarett if Dorm Man had stashed them in a lint roller?????

Oh my God i love you. Best. Comment. EVER.

srudoff said...

Josh, you're trying waaaaaay too hard

Joshua said...

And by "oh my god i love you" i mean that in a "that was an awesome comment that would've resulted in liquid through the nose had i been drinking liquid" sort of way, not in a "crazy interweb stalker" kind of way.
Though I do have my Tuesdays and Thursdays free do to a recent restraining order so maybe I could pencil you in if you'd like.

Joshua said...

Sru, you made that joke even better by getting that comment in the middle. Nice work.

Besides, T9's not my type.

Ron said...

Absolutely, T9, funny stuff.

Love the name changing in the post as well.


Yost, nice work. No need to post every day during the offseason. But thanks a bunch for the huge laughs today.

I will now go clean the OJ off of my keyboard and screen

Catie said...

"crazy interweb stalker"

I have one of those, not fun. :o(

Joshua said...

Catie, I'm the fun kind of crazy interweb stalker, not the unfun kind. The unfun kind are just creepy and decidedly unfun. But you know, guys just tend to get attached when you cause them to make the Joe Pa O-face. ;)

srudoff said...

Catie,

sorry about the stalking

Catie said...

Thanks guys, one of my friends contacted him late last week and I haven't heard anything (or seen him) since then. Hopefully that means that he got the message.

srudoff said...

man NO ONE got the Office reference in my first post???

Mikoyan said...

He looks like an actor but I can't think of the movie. I'm thinking the tired space station astronaut or something....

Mike From THE state of Ohio said...

Yes srudoff - I just got it when I read through all the comments just now. Good form.

Although, he may have thought he was the Assistant Vice President of Student Housing because he was put in charge of picking a healthplan...

surrounded in columbus said...

Miko,
he looks like John Hurt portraying winston smith in "1984", see- http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000457/

it's something about the hair & the "jumpsuit" looking outfit he's wearing.

OSURulz said...

Sru, that's some good bloggin'. Of course I keep all of SiC's posts in a box under my desk.

jcloverboi said...

this guy may not be totally fucked after all. think about it--if he's really that much of a tweaker, i'm sure he can run a 4.4 40. suit him up, tre$$.

sru,

do you suppose he got to use the dorm's empty conference room as his "office?"

TitleIX said...

joshua--
not your type? sheez...I can't decide if I should be hurt

or not..... :-)


here's to you, crazy good blogger stalker guy, who laughs at my jokes and generally eggs my insanity along

whetstonebuck said...

"not your type? sheez...I can't decide if I should be hurt

or not..... :-)"


T-9,

In an effort to totally destroy your reputation and psyche...

I'm your huckleberry.

beast in 'bama said...

Mikoyan & SIC:
It's John Hurt alright, but from Alien - just before the little bugger makes his cinematic debut...

Mikoyan said...

Yeah, I was thinking Winston from "1984" but wasn't sure. Like I said, I was thinking some weaselly space station techie or something....


Thanks.