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Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Your Life vs. College Life: Spring Break Edition

Your Life:

You got your ass chewed out this morning for being three minutes late because there was an important conference call you were supposed to be on (even though Jerry in sales never shuts the fuck up and these calls are fucking pointless).

At 11 a.m., your computer crashes right after the tech guy "fixes" it, sending your TPS report due at 4 p.m. into cyber oblivion.

By lunch, you're in no mood to see anybody from work so you decide to get out of the office and drive a couple blocks to Koo Koo Roo. But by the time you go down to your car, drive there, look for parking, finally find parking, wait in the lunch hour rush line to place your order and then finally receive your order, you look at your watch to discover you only have 12 minutes to eat your meal before you have to leave in order to get back to the office in time because some other jackass scheduled another conference call for 2:00 p.m.

College Life:

It's noon on a Tuesday but you're already drunk -- and so is everybody else around you -- because it's Spring Break! You hooked up with the hottest girl last night from... shit, where the fuck was she from again? Hell, who cares. You hooked up!

Now, you're standing on a beach, drink in your hand as you watch drunk college girls - who will go on to be doctors, lawyers and other successful career women - shake their asses on a stage in front of strangers. You hit on a couple of the girls in the audience. It looks promising.

After this, you take a two to three lunch, getting more hammered and laughing with your friends the entire time at all the "old" 30 year old dudes in suits who come in to eat, but only stay 12 minutes. You all vow you will never be "that" guy and toast on it over more shots.

The entire time, you hit on your waitress and the hot girls in the next booth when suddenly the girl from last night stumbles in. You're back at her hotel by 4 p.m. having sex again. Her name is Beth.

Wednesday: Repeat as necessary.


phil said...

Where's the "continual loop" button on these damn keyboards. Excellent work Yost.

Corey said...


That is what I get for being married (essentially) before my college days.

My spring breaks were never like this!

A2saint said...

You all just chose the wrong professions. My life as an instrument repairman is just like this- and I mean every day. I once fixed the guitar of the acknowledged (and Grammy award winning) "Bob Dylan of India" (not to be confused with Gordon Lightfoot- the Bob Dylan of Canada) Please try to imagine the hi-jinx the came from that back stage!!! Sa-Weet

Tom C said...

Damn going blind sucks. Oh well, I couldn't drive it if I caught it at my age. Would be a hell of a wreck though.

Bigasshammm said...

Are you sure these aren't the celebration videos of TP announcing he's going to TO$U?

Sadly my real life experiences with SB....

College life = I wouldn't know because sadly I never went but knowing my past history it would probably have been something like, how many children can I father before I turn 24?

Real life = Marry into an already made family, "Can we play Xbox?" try to pay bills "Can we play Xbox?" attend to screaming newborn "Seriously, Xbox?" Keep post partem depressed wife from breaking down every 5 minutes "You let him play Xbox all day yesterday why can't I?" Go to work on Monday and get hellishly sick due to this god awful Ohio weather again. "He hit me!" and so on and so on....

Seriously what is the point of Spring Break for anyone other than college students? Obviously in college it's sex and drinking which I have no problem with. But for younger aged students it's really more of a punishment for the parents than anything else. Do teachers not get enough time off during the summer? Come on.

Bitterly ill correspondent BAH.