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Tuesday, March 25, 2008

I think I have a crush on Jim Tressel's daughter

So I'm reading EDSBS today (and as a side note, Damn you, Orson! How the fuck do write about college football - and only college football - 365 days year, you magnificent bastard?!) and they have a post regarding a story in the Canton newspaper about Jim Tressel and a what a normal guy he is (normal, that is, for the head of a vast and dark evil empire).

Anyhoo, included in the story was a picture of Tressel and his family and, damn, I think I have a crush on Whitney Tressel (back row)...


I know, I know. I feel so dirty and I hate to admit it in public like this. But the fact is, Daughter of Darth Vader or not, she's cute.

P.S. In the newspaper story, it says Tressel mows his own lawn and shovels his own snow. For a guy living in a $1.4M home who makes just shy of $3 mil a year, that's probably an anomaly.

P.P.S. As has already been pointed out in the comments section, are we really being owned by a guy with two foo-foo dogs like that?! Needless to say, as with everything else Lord Vader, I pictured Tressel's dogs (which sounds like the name of a really hardcore punk band) in a slightly different light. I imagined them right up there with the Hounds of Hell. You know, huge hairy, bomb sniffing beasts ready to attack an opposing team's bus as soon as it enters The 'Shoe. Not two little Maltese things that look they were stolen from Lindsay Lohan's yard.

65 comments:

Shorty the Beachcomber said...

The looks of Buck-ettes are like those of herpes. They make my penis soft. Always and forever.

jcloverboi said...

she's pretty cute--i've always been a sucker for blondes.

i try not to let rivalry affiliations cloud my judgment in evaluating a girl's hotness, but sometimes it's difficult. i'll even give props to Florida girls, though i have less than no love for that swampy hellhole. Even Fat Phil Fulmer has a cute daughter. As for the rest of the girls at UcheaT--heinous.

Jeff said...

I'm at school right now with a friend of Tressel's daughter. She refuses to tell me any bad stories about him though. She probably knows I'd immediately tell you, Yost.

TrojanJim2007 said...

Easy there tiger!!! While Whitney is very cute, and very, very, very perky in all the right places, and the fantasy of a updated Montague-Capulet-esque romance is appealing, she's a Buckeye, you're a Wolverine.

Focus!!!(Imagine two fingers held in front of your eyes)

It's just not natural.

BTW, is anyone else creeped out by the supposed lord of evil being the owner of two fou-fou dogs?

For some reason I was picturing something like rottweilers, pit bulls, dobermans, gnawing on human skull or an old oil can.

It's a bit more like SPECTRE's Ernst Blofeld with his cat.

Yost said...

Thanks for talking me down, TrojanJim. I don't know what the hell I was thinking.

And loved the Romeo & Juliet ref. LOL! Funny.

Dezzi said...

I'd like to give Whitney my OWN version of the "Buckstache"...

I'm willing to infiltrate her "evil empire"...

I think it is possible if I were to date Whitney... Ol' Jimbo would be too busy thinking about the welfare of his daughter and not plan properly for the game against Michigan. I'm willing to do that for the team!

Back to our regularly scheduled programming...

goat7ed said...

"BTW, is anyone else creeped out by the supposed lord of evil being the owner of two fou-fou dogs?"

typed in my best English accent...
Why those fou-fou dogs have a mean streak a mile wide.

Feelin' Blue said...

They only look like "cute" little lap dogs. Everyone knows that Satan is a master of disguise.

There is nothing wrong with getting with UoOS women. In fact, stealing the Buckeyes' women is the right thing to do.

phil said...

Why do I look at that picture and hear...?
"Well now its time to say good-bye to Jim and all his kin.
And they would like to thank you folks fer kindly droppin' in.
You’re all invited back again to this evil lair,
To have a heapin' helpin' of their lying Buckeye fare,
OSU BS that is. Set a spell. Take your shoes off. Y’all come back now, y’hear?"

Lane said...

those aren't dogs - those of two of 'gun shows' Q-tips he left in the Woody Hayes.

just thought i'd clarify.

oh, and Whitney is hawt!

Joshua said...

Mowing your own lawn and shoveling your own snow is an essential part of making sure people don't find the bodies.

And I guess it's true what they say about people looking like their dogs, as evidenced by the quadruplets in the front row.

Out of Conference said...

+1 Phil

beast in 'bama said...

Damn! goat7ed, you beat me to the Holy Grail!

"Well, we'll not risk another frontal assault. That rabbit's dynamite."

Sign next to Tressel's mailbox: BEWARE OF DOGS!

beast in 'bama said...

...along with the bones of dozens of would-be trespassers (in the spirit of Joshua's body's-buried comment).

Dezzi said...

I can't read what it says on Whitney's breasts... does anyone have a bigger image?

Not sure it says "Ohio State"

Joshua said...

Dez, it says "Joshua was here" on her breasts. Not sure what it says on her shirt though.

goat7ed said...

"who are you?"

"I am Tressel, coach of the buckeyes."

"Well, I didn't vote for you."

WingRG said...

Yost, since you insist on a Tressel story, i'll tell you one (although i hope that people involved in this story don't find it here/take offense to me posting it).

In Jimmy T's first year at OSU, his son (older one, i won't mention him by name) was a student here. Him and three other guys shared a house on south campus. One day i happened to be at that house, and we were getting into curing our winter quarter blues with some herbal remedies.

Suddenly, phone rings: it's Jimmy and he wants to drop something off for his son. Problem is: Jimmy's son isn't there, the house smells like Bob Marley's ashtray, and the roommates are incapacitated. Smart people that we are, we vacate the living room and air it out, hoping Jimmy will use the front door. After that we move to the kitchen, shut all doors, and proceed to "get down".
Just as we're done, Jimmy knocks on the back door (leads into the kitchen). We scramble, make a lot of noise, and run back to the living room, as the only guy that lives there (son's roommate) is left to answer the door. As the door opens, a huge cloud of smoke rushes into Jimmy's face and escapes the kitchen. He doesn't even blink, or say anything, nor does he come in: he leaves the door open for about 5 minutes to air the kitchen out (in the middle of C-bus winter) as he has a conversation with his son's roommate (who's shaking, thinking that cops are already on their way). He drops things off for his son and goes on his way.

We spoke to Jimmy's son about this incident since then, but he says he never got any grief from his dad about it.

So, when Tressel tells you that he treats his players "like family", he's speaking the truth. In my experience he's very non-judgmental, and is willing to give his family (and even their friends/roommates) another chance.

and BTW, i've met both the daughters in person, and Carlee is way hotter and cooler than Whitney.

Joshua said...

"and BTW, i've met both the daughters in person, and Carlee is way hotter and cooler than Whitney.

Is there another daughter or do you mean the one who looks like a gym teacher? I'm totally confused.

Dave said...

i'm up for a tressel daughter sandwich : )

WingRG said...

Joshua,
sometimes pictures don't do a person justice. She's a little older, but a lot cooler.

Joshua said...

Ok Wing, that makes total sense, I think we all know people who are hotter in person based on personality, how they carry themselves, etc. That having been said, you can't motorboat a personality. I'm just sayin'.

WingRG said...

Josh,
the kid is my friend, so i've never really had my sights set on one of his sisters. That being said, both girls are athletic, good looking, and very social, so neither one of them would be a bad catch.

BARman said...

...where's the sweater vest???

Joshua said...

Sorry if I offended there Wing- I'm in a particularly evil mood this morning.

WingRG said...

Josh,
no offense were taken, i just wish no one in that picture accidentally stumbles on this thread :-)

zen wizard said...

A $1.4-million dollar house, and folding steel chairs for when you want to make a pose of studied relaxation: Now that's what I call livin'!

whetstonebuck said...

The canine swifters have got to go.

SiC, that means you too.

Joshua said...

Two tremendous boob jokes and I don't even get a laugh? Tough crowd....

Shorty the Beachcomber said...

Don't worry Joshua, I'm young and immature... I was rolling!

Joshua said...

Ah yes, validation via the interweb. Tonight I might not cry myself to sleep.

Can you guys tell I'm determined to be compleytely unproductive today?

kristy said...

I reaally like those Thexy (say with definite feminine accent) leather loafer\sandels. Fashion faux-pau: Has on his football gear and then looks ready to hit the Miami club scene in the loafers.
Does he mow his lawn in those?!

Catie said...

I see this is not a thread for us girls......and I agree with Wing, I hope no one in that photo runs across this comment section!

(by chance that you do, please know this is just a bunch of 12 year old boys having fun :o)

Feelin' Blue said...

"Two tremendous boob jokes and I don't even get a laugh?"

The boobs aren't THAT big, but they're nice looking. You can't motorboat a personality? Brilliant!

The fact that it would be so wrong to get with the daughter of the evil Buckeye overlord only makes it so right. I would just love to give Tressel's daughter a different set of nuts to try on.

Joshua said...

The boobs aren't THAT big, but they're nice looking.

And that's the important thing. I've never been a quantity guy- I'm all about the quality.

And if by chance one of you Tressels comes across this thread keep in mind what Catie said, we're just a bunch of idiots having fun. Unless it's actually you Sweatervest, in which case, dude- I'd totally do your daughter.

Hey Catie- experienced the JoePa O-face yet? *evil grin*

Catie said...

OMG Joshua you are evil!!!



About the O face.....I was thinking about that the other night and I thought, that would mean that YOU would know when I ....ummm.....yeah. Hmmm....I might not be able to share when I experience the O face......out of self preservation and all......I might not ever live it down!

Packer487 said...

Without sports, this wouldn't be disgusting...

god of the whoppers said...

josh-
definitely lost it when i read that you were on her breast

on a different note
i believe those are high ankle sprain dogs...

Nick said...

Nothing wrong with crossing enemy lines. I hooked up with the president of tri-delt at OSU and mid coitus I started stinging the Victors. Kind of like planting a Michigan flag in C-Bus.

Plus, Tress' daughter does have a great rack of lamb on her.

god of the whoppers said...

tri-delta...
everyone else has

Dezzi said...

Kind of like planting a Michigan flag in C-Bus.

Freud??

joshua

I did enjoy the breast joke... just was too busy at work to re-comment... if such a word exists.

Out of Conference said...

Tri-Delta and try the friendly thighs.

Joshua said...

Lol, glad to see fishing for compliments still works; have been WAY bored at work today while being non-productive. I was gonna ask if you guys thought I was special, but I already know I am- my mommmy told me so.

'Cause I'm good enough, and I'm smart enough, and Gol-darnit, people like me!

whetstonebuck said...

I was gonna ask if you guys thought I was special, but I already know I am- my mommmy told me so.

We had "special" kids at our elementary school. Yes, I think you're special.

Chris in NC said...

Wingrg: "i've met both the daughters in person, and Carlee is way hotter and cooler than Whitney."

I was wondering who the other was. Whitney is cute, yeah, but Carlee definitely has an air of hotness to her.

Chris in NC said...

Of course, it would not be easy dating either of them. The old saying "make my daughter cry and I'll make you cry" becomes more terrifying when the entire OSU offensive line is having at you for making his girl cry...

TitleIX said...

DUDES!!!
Take off the beer goggles and BACK AWAY from the Tressel chicks.

JEEZ you guys will go after ANYTHING......
have some self-respect!

whetstonebuck said...

C'mon, T-9,

Don't blame them for wanting to move up.

TitleIX said...

damnit whetstone! :-)

IamCris said...

My what big foreheads they all have.

Joshua said...

"C'mon, T-9,

Don't blame them for wanting to move up."


WOW. The level of burnage in this statement cannot possibly be put into words.

Golf clap to you sir.

Joshua said...

T9,
You hear about Boren?

surrounded in columbus said...

"the greatest trick the devil ever played? making us believe he doesn't exist"

and just how does make us believe he doesn't exist??? by mowing his own yard, shoveling his own snow, and owning a couple of cute foo-foo dogs. that's how.

ever see the interviews of a serial killer's neighbors? they always talk about what nice guy he was. always friendly but kept to himself. mowed his own lawn. shoveled his own snow. had two foo-foo dogs...


and Yost? trust me on this one- the "cute" ain't worth the rest of the baggage. no one's that good.

Joshua said...

Sic,

BEST. QUOTE. EVER.

surrounded in columbus said...

Josh,
Also heard rumor bout Boren leaving. Not sure we need to worry bout QB w/ 5 new O-line starting!

Joshua said...

Sic,
R2 confirmed the rumor in a presser tonight. I agree about the O-line and if we have an injury there's the very real possibility of a true freshman having to step in. SCARY. In my mind we have a few things going for us though.

First, I don't think we will face a single team better conditioned than we are. Everything that's coming out of Spring Ball screams awesome in the physical shape department.

Secondly, you have our talent, which to be honest has been like taking a chick with a smoking hot body and dressing her in a potato sack. The conditioning will help, but keep in mind you're also going to have people who have been stuck on the depth chart due to politics who are going to absolutely blow up. I'd expect at least 2 surprise major contributors, maybe more.

Third, the offense will be new to us, but it'll also be new to everyone we play. I think this situation with Lloyd would have been worse than it is with R2. Less talent + predictability would've netted 8-4 or 7-5 for sure.

Fourth, the defense is gonna be pretty damn good, and even with a "bad" offense we'll still score some points. Aggression is going to be key on both sides of the ball.

Perhaps I'm setting myself up for disappointment on a Golden Domer scale but I really don't think so.

PS. How nice is it to hold up ND as the standard for pure, unadulterated failure. I love it.

jcloverboi said...

joshua,

i agree--it was blissful to watch the domer o-line get thrown around like rag dolls. hail hail to ol' notre lame...honestly, i wish i could bottle up that joy and use it for dippin' sauce for chicken fingers.

WV: bkktvlsq

bukkake television loves sequinned queens.

mmm, non sequitur...

surrounded in columbus said...

Justin was a leagacy- his dad played for Bo in the early 80's. Since R2's former players & so many of the other guys on our roster now seem to love him, the staff, & Bawais, I have to wonder about just how bad had things gotten in Lloyd's last few years.

3 of our returning linemen quit rather than stick w/ the new conditiong program. Yeech.

Robert said...

I was fairly into her before I saw this picture:

http://www.rit.edu/news/?v=buckeye-fan-is-truly-a-tiger-at-heart

Joshua said...

Sic, this is from a poster over at GoBlog and reinforces just how bad things have been:

Michigan was 75th overall in total offense and 9th in the big 10 last year. Even with a depleted roster, I highly doubt a RRod coached Michigan team will come close to being that bad next year. The upgrade in coaching staff will more than make up for the attrition.

You're kidding yourself if you think Michigan will be bad on offense. This team right now has more talent on it than any team Rodriguez has ever had. He would have coached last year's backups to a better offensive output than Debord-led starters.

75th nationally! 9th in the Big 10! Unbelievable. While losing Boren is bad RRod will still make it work. I hope he finds a nice soft place to land because he didn't want to man up in Ann Arbor.


75th and 9th? Good God man. If this happens again this year, I once again promise to shit a live chicken.

Josh said...

Hey just wanted to let you know that I was reading the campus clicks for today on SI.com and the mentioned you and your crush on the Tressel daughter. Just thought you'd enjoy the national coverage!

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/sioncampus/03/26/campus.clicks0326/index.html


Go Blue!!

Josh

Catie said...

Ruh roh!!

Vadatripp said...

Way to go, Yost. ETA on incoming posts from UMBlows712, SuckItRichRod, DeezNutz42, Meatchicken21 and ILuvCowsLongTime31 - 3 days.

It'll take them that long to sound out all of the words in the SI article.

Joshua said...

Oh dear Lord. Wonder how many hits Yost'll get b/c of this.

Time to kill off everyone who knows my true identity.

AndrewWL said...

A bit off topic but I don't think anyone will complain:

Some celebrity tabloid site ranked the top 50 colleges for "Hottest Student Bodies."

http://www.popcrunch.com/hottest-student-bodies-top-50-universities-ranked-by-looks/

I'd also like to note that the only reason I was on said celebrity gossip site was because it was linked from the SI site Josh mentioned.

Go Bucks!