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Monday, February 18, 2008

Marriage: Buckeye Style

Aside from an undefeated season, a national title, a victory over your arch rival, a 4th and inches defensive stand on the road or a Heisman Trophy for your team's star player, is there anything more moving than a beautiful wedding ceremony? Two hearts, joining as one, and declaring their undying love for all eternity.

And leave it to the hopeless romantics of Columbus to set the gold standard for all things holy matrimony.

For instance, always dreamed of a white wedding in a castle, ladies? Well, three Ohio gentlemen killed two (love)birds with one stone when they married the women of their dreams at White Castle restaurant in Columbus (dare I say the real city of love).

In a ceremony that undoubtedly brought tears to the eyes of all in attendance (and not just from that onion smell floating through the dining area), the flower girl threw salt and pepper packets instead of rice and "the cake resembled a White Castle tray holding three 'slyder' burgers, fries and a drink — all made of cake and frosting."

Best of all, for something this sacred, the nuptials were broadcast live on a local radio station which paid for the flowers and other arrangements. However, no mention was made as to whether or not that station also picked up the tab for a honeymoon to the Findlay tractor pull.

Top that, you say? Well...

Check out the clip below of two Tosu fans getting married at the pre/post-game outdoor Buckeye beer fest/tailgate party known as Hineygate. For those not familiar with it, getting married at Hineygate would be like getting married at the toga party in ANIMAL HOUSE...only not as classy (and makes a White Castle wedding look like Camelot).

Call me old fashioned, but the bride shouldn't me screaming "Woo hoo!" right before her vows and usually - I'm not saying always, but usually - the groom isn't holding a plastic cup filled with beer (or wearng a t-shirt...or a baseball cap).


phil said...

As OSU guys I'm sure that evening the blushing bride asked "where's the beef??!"

whetstonebuck said...

Someone didn't get a Valentine this year.

TitleIX said...

Brings a WHOLE new meaning to the term...

Catie said...

I bet she doesn't make her new hubby attend "couples showers", and IF she does, I bet they are a hell of a lot of fun! ;o)

Hemlock Philosopher said...

Why am I not surprised that the Home of White [trash] Castle is C-bus?

Vadatripp said...

Nothing says true love like sliders. I wonder if they went cowtipping after the ceremony.

kristy said...

I'd have to "switch sides" before I'd marry in a greasy-spoon dive like that!!
Off subject-Let's here a Whoop-Whoop for our Maize and Blue B-ballers for giving a spankin' to the Suckeyes this weekend!!

champs97 said...


I totally agree with you, huge basketball win & yet no mention of it on the whole site???

Yost, seriously we all know that tosu fans are trash so how about you report on actual news next time!

GO BLUE!!!!!!!!!

beast in 'bama said...

OK. Harold married the girl in the elevator - who'd Kumar hook up with?

Joshua said...

Come on- you're kidding right? I mean....no, really. You're kidding. People actually did this and it wasn't a joke? And I can't even see the video b/c I'm at work, but really- White Castle? Are you shitting me?! Someone please explain to me which person in the couple a)has the idea in the first place and b)has the balls to actually propose it to the other person.

My God, this is like the donkey show question- at what point have your standards/hopes/dreams devolved to the standpoint of saying "You know what- that sounds like a good idea."

Someone please tell me that somewhere God is standing in the great Kmart of life saying "cleanup on aisle 5",
and aisle 5 is Columbus.
It's a football blog almost exclusively, thus no B-ball coverage, but awesome win! Gives me hope!

Bigasshammm said...


I've been away for the last couple days due to a life changing event. For details go here... http://img402.imageshack.us/img402/4496/helenamizo7.jpg
...although the picture may be a little large. I'm not savy on all this computer junk. Also I no longer have a picture of myself. To the chagrin of many I'm sure.

Bigasshammm said...

Apparently above link no work

http://img402.imageshack.us/img402/4496/helenamizo7 .jpg

beast in 'bama said...

bigasshamm: I have four of these at home. Believe me, there will never be any further photographic evidence of your existence from this point forward.

Congratulations...and good luck. Hope you can function with sleep deprivation for the next 3-4 weeks.

Catie said...

Biggs, the first link worked for me, the second did not.......and that is one adorable creature!

Thank you for sharing!! New life is one of the best moments!! Congratulations!!!!

Joshua said...

"Also I no longer have a picture of myself. "

Yet another reason not to have children- as soon as you do all known pics of yourself automatically disappear into the abyss.

J/K Ham- Congratulations man! Guess that makes you Papa Ham.

kristy said...

Congrats B.A.H.!! Now continue with documenting every moment!! They go by tooo quickly!!
back to the original subject, there is a show on TV called Redneck Weddings. I think this would qualify. The original post said something about the radio station picking up the bill for flowers and such? If you need help with the bills, call on Oprah or a rich uncle, NOT White Castle and a radio station!! UGH!!!!

kristy said...

I just sent a message to my hubby, who is, I'm sorry to say, a buckeye. I told him not to get any crazy ideas about where we can renew our vows!!!

Joshua said...

What is up with all you guys married to Buckeyes? How does this happen? Not saying it's a bad thing I'm just curious. Don't think I'd know how to function on M/Buckeye day because someone's ending up miserable no matter what.

TitleIX said...

Hey Papa Ham!
That's the best looking can o' spam ever! :-)


MGoBlue93 said...

BAH... congrats... and excellent photo; you're starting your prodigy out right!

I've got a cousin in the oven, sent him/her this t-shirt and this is better than Baby Einstein!

Vadatripp said...

And I thought it was SiC who starred in that disgusting commercial of the UM/OSU couple making out on the couch. It must've been Kristy. Shameful.

(Just kidding. Kind of. No, really, I'm not. That's disgusting. How could you? Your children will be deformed - you know that, don't you? OK, kidding again. Pretty much.)

Joshua said...

WOW. Baby Wolverine. Brainwashing has never been so awesome.

MGoBlue93 said...

Yeah but the brainwashing seems oh so right when compared to buckstache's "Fuck Michigan" onesies.

Joshua said...

I lived in Ohio for years and still only dated one, and she was a Scorpio who looked like Elizabeth Shue. We're talking smokin' hot Leaving Las Vegas Elizabeth Shue, not big hair Cocktail Elizabeth Shue. Lesson? Smokin hot scorpio trumps Buckeye fandom every time. After all, football season only lasts 4 months a year. Shaggin' season, well, that lasts all 12.

(Guess I just answered my question from a previous comment...)

I'm blue, da ba dee said...

We got our son the Baby Wolverine dvd- he was saying "Touchdown Michigan" at the appropriate times during games at age 1... it's never too early :-)

Joshua said...


Good point about the onesies. For the record I think Whetstone looks awfully fetching in his Buckeye onesie, and if I were a female Bucks fan I'd march him down to the local White Castle and demand he make an honest woman out of me.

Vadatripp said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kristy said...

Joshua, I married a Buckeye because I thought I'd show him what a REAL HOT woman was like. He's a Buckeye for gods' sake, just think what he may have had to pick from!
We are an espn commercial. I'll try to get a picture up and show you all.

kristy said...

hopefully the picture shows up. This is how we take the kids out trick or treating. We get all kinds of comments, but my favorite has to be the one from the 5 or 6 year old that looked at me and said, from his cute little costumed face,"Michigan sucks!!" they train them early here in my town.

Bigasshammm said...

Thank you for all the congrats. She is definitely perfect in every way. If she grows up and wants to go to TO$U I'll still love her she'll just be on her own. haha.

The girl I dated before my wife was a TO$U student when we first met. I used to go down there and visit her and party on weekends and such. During such times I amassed a glovebox full of parking tickets and when I received letters in the mail that they would hold my student records and blah bah blah (when I wasn't even a student there) I sent them back a letter on MI stationary that told them to kiss my ass essentially.
I was also able to convert the then TO$U student into a willing MI fan who attended a football game with me in A2 in her MI tshirt. She also transferred to Kent State so I must have had some kind of influence. I won't say what :)

Joshua said...

Kristy, the pic shows up- that's awesome...And yet vaguely disturbing. Btw, can't tell from the pic but if you tell me you're the older sister of a certain Detroit sports blogger I'm gonna shit.

Chris in NC said...

Oh, come on. Weddings at White Castle and a tailgate? What more could you ask for? Besides on the janitorial salaries the Buckeye fans are going to make, it's right in their price range...

Feelin' Blue said...

Oh, Joshua. When I first began to notice your comments (I don't know when you began posting), I sincerely thought that you were still in high school or an underclassman at UM. Then I think you indicated that you graduated in the 90s. Wow.

To all fellow men who still maintain the maturity of a 15-year-old despite have been cruelly forced into the "real world", I salute you.

Which reminds me. Bring back college life vs. real life. On the other hand, don't. It's depressing since I graduated almost one fucking year ago!

Feelin' Blue said...

And another thing. The NBA All-Star game sucked major balls. The level of competition was so awful, I could have sworn that all of the players had gotten together to smoke a bowl before the game. But at least they had Harry Conick, Jr. Nobody's mother doesn't love Harry Conick Jr.!

And what was up with the uniforms? For the past few years, I was convinced that the Oregon football team wore the ugliest uniforms ever. But then came along the new Wizards' unis. Those have taken ugliness to a new level. While not as bad as the Wizards' unis, the NBA All-Star unis were still pretty close in ugliness. What is it with the NBA anyways? It's like David Stern is so dedicated to showing up the University of Oregon athletic dept.

whetstonebuck said...


You said you wouldn't comment on the onesie.

Goes to show, you can't trust a UM grad.

Joshua said...

Feelin' Blue,

Thanks you for pulling out the "you're so immature" card, though I have yet to direct any pointed comment your way and don't know where it came from. I'll now bow down to your ironic knowledge of what it's like to be in the real world and mature, even though you graduated "almost a year ago.

Please enlighten me on where I went wrong oh great sir, or where I compared college life vs. real life. Was it my comment about "cleanup on aisle 5"? My "Papa Ham" comment? The Whetstone onesie? Or perhaps my "Shaggin season lasts 12 months"? I suppose it was the last one. Look, I'm sorry I've offended your comic sensibilities by making a sexual innuendo, but stating that sometimes there are more important things in life than football, like meeting someone you'd like to have a child with (Congratulations to you again B.A.H.) or maybe even a beer with (nod to Whets, Catie, T-9, SIC, et al) even though they don't share the same team affiliation generally doesn't bring the house down. For the record the Buckeye fan I dated was an awesome individual. She was fun to be around, intelligent and kind as well as beautiful. For various reasons it didn't work out, and it happens. But I was going for a laugh, and if you want to read a treatise on human relationships this probably isn't the place.

What you know of me are my comments on a humor-laden CFB blog. Didn't realize I would offend your oh-so-mature tastes when the blog you frequent consists of eye candy half the time. If you'd like to debate the socioeconomic effects of our current political situation, or whether or not we should be in Iraq, or parenting, or anything else serious I'd gladly do so with you, but this is neither the time nor the place. In the meantime I recommend you re-evaluate your audience before you start critiquing people- and your level of "maturity"- as I don't find calling people out to make yourself look better a very "mature" practice. It actually makes you look like an ass. Besides, I've received several compliments on my posts, so I could care less what you think. But thanks for chastising me, it makes you cooler than me. It really, really does.

mamarosie79 said...

A link to this site was sent to me from a high school friend this morning. How it was brought to her attention, I have no idea.

Anyway, here's an explanation from the Bride of the Hineygate Wedding...not that it needs an explanation... :)

This was a second wedding for both of us and we were making plans to go to Vegas. As we are avid Buckeye fans who enjoy Hineygate at every home game, we decided to do this instead. We thought it would be a lot of fun and it was!

Say what you will..but with our family and friends in the crowd, as well as the Buckeye Nation, we had an awesome, wonderful, and memorable wedding day! (t-shirts, baseball cap and all!)

Go Bucks! :P

MGoBlue93 said...

When looking at the coeds and beer bongs on this site, it doesn't make graduating 15 years ago any easier either.

Feelin' Blue said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Feelin' Blue said...


Oh no! I did not mean to insult you in anyway. I really enjoy your comments. I just re-read my comment and saw how it could be seen as critical. That was far from the intent. I should have written in a tone that would not have been misconstrued as critical or negative. I truly appreciate and embrace your adolescent take on sexuality and sports. I know it sounds negative and judgemental, and I am basically killing the joke by analyzing, but I really just found it funny that you are older than I thought but are still able to be a guy at heart. I mean, my parents bother me all the time about finding a nice Jewish girl to settle down with, and a lot of the time I just want to be a guy. What I am saying, Joshua, is that you make me feel like a natural man.

As a guy who feels like he just woke up one day in his mid-20s and suddenly has to make his own lunch, I find your comments refreshing. I also know that the projected immaturity of your comments is all in good fun. I consider myself immature for crying out loud, and I am damn proud. I mean, how much of a prude do you think I am? If I were that prude, I would probably be more at home at an equestrian sports blog (if one exists) and not a CFB one. I am entertained by your comments and not in the least bit offended. I still thought that Elizabeth Shue was hot in Hollow Man, a horrible movie by all accounts, plus she has that older woman thing going on now and it's pretty hot. I know as well as you do that the best way to get at the Buckeyes is to steal their women.

I know that you probably don't need someone analyzing you or your comments, so I will just leave it as this: I intended to praise your comments, and I am truly sorry that it came off as negative and critical. I intended to salute you in show of solidarity with you and men everywhere.

Joshua said...

Hey Blue-

"What I am saying, Joshua, is that you make me feel like a natural man."

I have no idea how to react to this- natural woman i get a lot- natural man, not so much!!

Sorry for jumping all over you there- bad day. I work hard to stay "a guy" yet earn the respect of those around me with the kindness they deserve. I often can get away with comments in real life that are way wrong, (like far, far past the line wrong) simply because people know me and the values I really stand for. I'd post one here that I made last week if I thought people knew me well enough, it's still being talked about at the office.

That having been said, I am the self appointed minister of fun to everyone I know. Too many people get caught up in expectations, quite often those of the people around them, and aren't true to themselves. I wasted a good deal of my 20s trying to live up to what I thought I was "supposed" to do and was fairly miserable. At 33 (now 34) I sold EVERYTHING I owned and moved to the Caribbean to bartend and write. Didn't know anyone, never been there, just went. Came back to be around my nephew so he'll know who I am when he gets older, then plan on going to Europe or back to the islands, or maybe Colorado, who knows. Maybe I'll find someone here in Michigan I decide not to leave for, or maybe she'll come along. The thing is, I'm being true to myself. Don't worry about your parents, they'll love you anyway, and they don't have to live with any regrets you may have- you do.

And so MamaRosie, welcome to the romper room! You are now semi-famous/infamous, and I commend you for saying screw it and getting married at a tailgate. Not my thing, but then again, who the hell am I? Live your life, and screw everyone else. (Preferably several times if they're good in bed!)

Joshua said...

Brings a WHOLE new meaning to the term...

Beer goggles are some of my favorite goggles. They're right between Jager goggles and whisky goggles- though there's a fine line with the ability to goggle and giggity when it comes to the whisky.

Oh, and equestrian blogs? This person writes from the point of view of the horse. I shit you not.

And lest my previous comments be interpreted as too live and let live, I say this:
Live, and live well. But if you do stupid shit* I'm coming after you, and I'm gonna point and laugh. After all, we're all here for my amusement, yours is simply a bonus!

*Definition of "Stupid Shit" subject to change at my whim and those of people I find amusing.

Feelin' Blue said...

Just to clarify that whole thing about your life vs. college life, I was referring to that series of posts by Yost about how real life sucks and college life is pretty much like a page out of penthouse forum.

BAH, congrats on the baby.

Equestrian blog from the viewpoint of a horse. That reminds me a little of the scene in Fight Club where they find the books written from the viewpoints of various internal organs.

Joshua, where in the Carribean were you? Was it St. John? St. John is one of my favorite places in the world, and it seems like a more relaxed place than the other islands. Also, did you get to watch Michigan games?

Catie said...

MommaRosie, More power to you girl!

It did look like fun and that is the most important thing.

It is the off season for CFB, and we are, afterall, a Michigan Blog, so you understand ........

I hope that you and your's are happy ever after, cept on the 3rd Saturday of each November, then I do not wish for your happiness ;o)

goat7ed said...

Bigasshammm congrats on makin' bacon!

Joshua said...

Feelin' Blue-
Worked on the East End of St. Thomas- I could see St. John from behind the bar. Completely different world down there, and yes I got to watch the games, there's a great sports bar right there (one of two on the island).

TitleIX said...

ok, now joshua and feelin' blue hug and let's put this behind us....

(and mamarosie for that matter)
NEVER NEVER NEVER let some dude convince you to marry in a White Castle or at HINEYGATE for fuck's sake.
DIAMONDS are a girl's best friend!

We should be bought and paid for with a big rock and a big wedding and lots o' presents and fancy shit just like the chattel we are!

tee hee

Joshua said...

If you're after me for anything more than my mind and body your outta luck there sweetheart. Not because I'm against it, but simply because you asked.

Then again, according to Scarlett "Man+flowers = Woman+slutty lingerie". What's the diamond equation? Maybe I can be swayed.

Catie said...

Agreed, white castle and hineygate, not so much...............but......

There is nothing you can do that can't be done
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung
Nothing you can say, but you can learn how to play the game

It's easssyyyyyyyy

All you need is love.......
All you need is love......
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need.

Sing it all together now.......:o)

kristy said...

vada- no deformed children, just confused. My son is already warped over to the dark side and my daughter wears her UM blue sweatsirt proudly and sings the tOSU fight song all the while.
Joshua- not related to anyone in the blogging world.

Vadatripp said...

Kristy - That's OK. Your daughter is probably too young to know the blasphemy of singing "Across the White Castle Lobby" while wearing U-M garb.

But your son must be converted. There is still time. Let him know that other schools (like U-M) offer degrees in studies besides agriculture. Please let him know that chugging a six-pack of Schlitz and crushing the empty cans against his head is NOT a marketable skill.

And, please, PLEASE teach your son that just because he grew up in Columbus doesn't mean that EVERY city smells that bad.

Oh, also teach him that anyone who wears a sweater vest is Satan.

The rest will take care of itself. Good thing you told me while there is still time. Get to A2 STAT!