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Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Got Michigan?

A cow from a farm in Spaulding, Michigan (shown below) may be spared a trip to the butcher shop because of a unique birthmark: a brown spot on its side that resembles Michigan's mitten shape. And as hard to believe as this may sound, a pattern on the other side of the heifer is shaped like a "U."

Thus, instead of being sold for beef, the owners of the 30-cattle family farm 80 miles northwest of Detroit say they are "willing to sell the steer for promotional or mascot use instead of shipping it to the slaughterhouse."

Mascot use? With a cow? Whose idea was this, the cow's?

And for what school? The big Hindu university in Michigan I'm not familiar with? Or perhaps a certain - wait for it - "Moo" U?

So what does the cow think about this potential pardon?...

You know, if the whole "school spirit" angle works and the cow above avoids bovine death row as a result of a lucky birthmark, it's going to be like a real life Far Side cartoon on farms across America next week. Cattle from coast-to-coast will be "tatting" up to try to gain a little cow clemency.

Hell, by Sunday, every cow in Ohio is going look like this...


ohio_guy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ohio_guy said...

who ever thinks that looks like Michigan needs to look at a map.

In reality, Saginaw Bay is much larger and extends further south, and the eastern edge of the thumb doesn't stick out that far to the east.

whetstonebuck said...

I told you so, Cletus.

This is what happens when you start messin' round with that cloning thang.

I suggest a recall. Those cows appear to be mad.

The M cow looks like a prank. Probably a UM art student's work. The second cow seems quite possible. Evidence of Intelligent Design if you ask me. For Irish fans et al, it would settle the question of who God roots for...

srudoff said...

I wonder what Jim Carty would say about this.....oh wait, Jim's working on a much more serious article right now. Rumors of a huge expose about academic fraud at a certain midwestern university. The FSU of the West? Details to follow.....

god of the whoppers said...

Here was Drew Sharp's input twop weeks ago:

He must keep Cow away from Jim Tressel.

He must do whatever it takes.

Failure is not an option.

this just in:

Michigan landing super recruit Cow would be an overrated victory

beast in 'bama said...

"Mascot use? With a cow? Whose idea was this, the cow's?"

Bevo's always thought it was a good idea...

Vadatripp said...

"Rumors of a huge expose about academic fraud at a certain midwestern university. The FSU of the West? Details to follow....."

OMG, you mean the OSU booster who gave Pryor the Corvette blabbed? I'm so sorry.

TitleIX said...

Bevo is a boy....
ergo not a cow

says yonder city girl

and ohio guy--you may want to check your map because that sure as heck looks like the lower peninsula mitten to me....

Joshua said...

Now it all makes sense. Buckeye fans taught the Chick-fila cows to spell.

Eat mor chickin.

BARman said...

Ohmigod, Yost--this is one of your funniest!!

Thanks for the pick me up, man...

Daniel said...

The udder is directly below the birthmark, so that first picture would appear to be geographically correct.

beast in 'bama said...

Technically speaking IX, Bevo is a steer, not a boy. And he still thinks this is a good idea.

But please remember to be careful with any form of bovine mascot:

Bevo II once charged an SMU cheerleader, who had to defend himself with his megaphone. Bevo III escaped from his enclosure and ran amok across campus. Bevo IV once attacked a parked car, while Bevo V broke loose and scattered the Baylor band. More recent Bevos have had a more peaceful tenure.

Contrary to popular belief, Bevo (currently #14) is not drugged during football games. Bred to be docile, he is riled only in the most extreme of circumstances, such as once during a lightning storm during a game against Rice, in which he broke away from his handlers.

Joshua said...

I guess technically the cowshit would fall south and east, so it does make sense, the cow's even aromatically correct.

MGoBlue93 said...

Isn't Carty the same guy who made the Drew Sharp-esque comparison of Rich Rodriguez to Nick Saban? Yeah, that's a source of reason and integrity.

Yeah, I recall taking a geology course just to fill a couple of credits after my audit revealed I was 2 credits shy from graduating. About two-thirds of the football team was in there. So while there are some student-athletes who skate by, to hold the whole institution responsible in a Harbaugh-like manner is like throwing the baby out with the bath water. There are lots of positive examples of student athletes in "Bo's lasting lessons".

However, if there's been widespread academic fraud at a certain Midwestern university -- one which has conferred degrees on many in this forum, then I think you'll find that folks will stand up to the accusations and try to fix it rather than trying to hide it (and probably much to the chagrin of Carty and notso-Sharp).

Feelin' Blue said...

How much would it suck if the farmer's last name were Tressel? Another case of Tressel owning Michigan? I hope the fuck not.

Beast in Bama,

I like Texas a little. They're classy fans but I don't like Shady Mack Brown. I'll root against them if I need them to lose, of course, but other than that I like 'em. Oh, and the girls are hot.

But anyways, an issue I have with Texas is that a lot of things in their school tradition are in reaction to things done by Texas A&M. Texas Fight, while a great fight song, was written as the flipside to "Aggies Fight" and contains references to A&M. Even the writer of the fight song acknowledged that it was intended to counteract anti-Texas jeers by A&M.


Also, there is a myth that the name Bevo came from an attempt by UT students to get rid of the "13-0" that A&M students branded into the longhorn mascot.

i just don't think that a program's tradition should be so defined by its rival. I mean, a rivalry is a huge part of any program. OSU fans pride themselves in their recent success over UM. A rival shouldn't influence the other program so much. I am not being so clear, and this post has gotten too long. You know what I mean, I hope.

Lane said...

yost, i'm willing to wait for stuff, as long as it's as clever as this....especially the second picture and comment. funny thing is i was thinking the same thing even before i scrolled down and saw it.

good stuff - keep it up!

intellidouche said...

What the hell? Shit fucker?

Joshua said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Joshua said...


I have no clue how you made the leap to that quote, but I almost spewed my tasty carbonated beverage out my nostrils.

kristy said...

"hell, by sunday, every cow in ohio will look like this one." That's okay. They will blend in with all the bumper stickers, flags, welcome to our home signs, and everything else in this god forsaken state that has that phrase on it. I hate living down here!!! GO BLUE!!!

Cowbell Commander said...

That Ohio State cow looks like it has a serious BEEF with the Wolverines. ZING!

zen wizard said...

If this cow is allowed to live, the Upper Penninsula will secede from the United States!

I would like a butterflied filet of Lansing, medium rare.

zen wizard said...

With proper marination, Windsor, Canada can make a nice brisket.

beast in 'bama said...

feelin' blue:

The following lyrics are from the "Aggie War Hymn." You tell me how you'd react to this:

Hullabaloo, Caneck! Caneck!
Hullabaloo, Caneck! Caneck!
Good-bye to Texas University
So long to the Orange and the White
Good luck to the dear old Texas Aggies
They are the boys that show the real old fight
"The eyes of Texas are upon you..."
That is the song they sing so well
So good-bye to Texas University
We're going to beat you all to--
Rough Tough! Real Stuff! Texas A & M!

Saw Varsity's horns off!
Saw Varsity's horns off!
Saw Varsity's horns off!

Varsity's horns are sawed off!
Varsity's horns are sawed off!
Varsity's horns are sawed off!
SHORT! Ayyyyyy!

Now, I don't know about you, but if a group of crazed farmers is chanting about sawing off my horns, I'm likely to respond in one way or another.

Seriously, the fight songs of many Southern schools pay some such "tribute" to their rivals. It's just a different approach.

Jim Harbaugh Scramble said...

Nice post. Even in the offseason the M-Zone comes through with some quality content.

ohio_guy said...

"and ohio guy--you may want to check your map because that sure as heck looks like the lower peninsula mitten to me...."

well, then I sorry to hear about the doubt that dried up Saginaw Bay...and I also wasn't aware that Canada gave you all of Lake St, Clair, the southern part of lake Huron and all the land in Ontario that is west of London, ON and north of route 401.

because that would all have to happen for this image on the cow to be considered accurate.

Feelin' Blue said...

Beast in Bama,

Thanks for the clarification. Is Aggies War Hymn an official fight song? I mean, this whole thing goes back 100 years, but I just don't like addressing a rival in an official school fight song. An anti-rival cheer I understand, but a fight song? Why honor a rival by acknowledging it? But that's just me. The Victors doesn't acknowledge Michigan's rivals, although I am disappointed that there are not many anti-OSU cheers.

I don't know. All fight songs seem to praise a school's heroics on the field, so perhaps it's not such a large step to actually mention your rival in a fight song. I don't want to get much further into it, as that would be to debate the entire essence of a fight song or something like that.

Clove said...

There's no Traverse Bay either. This cow is a fraud.

The problem with Ohio State fans is that most of them did not go to Ohio State.

OSU class of '98

TitleIX said...

chick filet? joshua you crack me up.

thanks Yost for getting us all goin' again.

Like riding a bike....