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Friday, January 25, 2008

If Rudy Giuliani Were a College Football Coach

Contrary to what folks might think,we're not all beer bongs, babes and snarky photos here at the MZone. Me and Benny are deep thinkers and shit. Thus, with the political season having replaced the college football season, below is the first in an occasional series where the MZone sizes up the various presidential candidates in terms CFB fans can appreciate.

BRAD NESSLER: ...So with the Fighting Rudys down 78-0 at the end of the first quarter - and his team refusing to take the field and instead just standing on the sidelines watching - our own Erin Andrews is with head coach Rudy Giuliani for an explanation. Erin?

ERIN ANDREWS: Coach, a lot of the fans are wondering why you and your team aren't in the game yet. What do you say to that?
RUDY GIULIANI: We made a strategic decision to wait until halftime before we started playing, Erin. Because there are a lot of players on the field if we all go out there at once, and 60 minutes is a long time. I believe our strategy is good one and I'm sticking by it.
ERIN ANDREWS: But you're down 78-0.
ERIN ANDREWS: 9/11? I don't understand?
RUDY GIULIANI: You threw out three numbers: 7-8-0. So I threw out three numbers: 9/11.
ERIN ANDREWS: What does that have to with this football game?
RUDY GIULIANI: Everything. They mean I know how to handle tough situations like the one out on that field today.
ERIN ANDREWS: Uh...okay. But don't you even admit that you've made it tougher than it maybe should have been by not playing and waiting until halftime?
ERIN ANDREWS: But you were a four touchdown favorite going into this game.
RUDY GIULIANI: Any negatives you're talking about, Erin, is just spin by my opponents.
ERIN ANDREWS: But those opponents are up 78-0.
RUDY GIULIANI: 9/11. (smiles) You did the numbers thing again. And as you can see, I have an answer for that. That's why they call me America's Coach.
ERIN ANDREWS: Fine. So, when you finally do take the field, what plays will you be running to make up such a huge deficit?
RUDY GIULIANI: Play number 9...11 times.
ERIN ANDREWS: Oooookay. Back to you, Brad.


Dezzi said...

I'm not a fan of politics.... but political humor like this is classic!

I expect to hear this skit soon on The Herd....

Joshua said...

Heh. Nice work. Although Rudy may now make a nightmarish appearance in my EA fantasies not unlike Lumberg in Office Space.

goat7ed said...

mmmm kay.

Frankly, Scarlett said...

hehehe- PERFECT!

Out of Conference said...

So, would Barack Osama be from the Big East - all huff, puff, and chest thumping until challenged then a whiny, snively little punk?

Out of Conference said...

Osama - Obama - oops, Freudian slip perhaps?!?

Katie said...

Oh my, discussing politics with this group could prove to be dangerous. Politics, religion and CFB do not mix!

ps....perfect way to describe Giuliani!! HA!!!

pacman said...

It's not nice to quote Erin Andrews and not even give us another picture of her. What's up with that?! Sheesh!

Nathan said...


Bigasshammm said...

Maybe UM should have hired Giuliani as it's next HC?At least then we'd always go 9-1-1.

How long until the mutli-colored, afro wearing, John 3:16 sign wearer is replaced by the stick up his ass, bow tie wearing, Rudy 9:11 sign toter, is seen at games around the country??

Would Coach Rudy's defensive scheme be a 9-1-1 defense? Great against the run but if you've got a passer back there look out!

I got pages of these I could go on...

phillip said...

Nice work, but now seriously, where's beer bong friday?

Feelin' Blue said...

I am watching us lose to MSU in basketball and some MSU fans were flashing signs of the WVU logo converted into a Michigan one.