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Thursday, December 18, 2008

Sunday, June 22, 2008

And so it ends...

Dear MZone Reader,

The first post ever here on the MZone, way back in on October 5, 2005, was short, brief and (sadly) semi-naked co-ed free:

And so it begins...

What is this blog? Well, it's about Michigan football. Comments, critiques, compliments, criticisms and a little funny thrown in for good measure.

Three of my M alum friends and I have been emailing back and forth, everyday, during each football season for the last couple of years. Sometimes our emails number close to 30 after big wins or tough losses. And while we're all huge Michigan fans, that doesn't mean we don't disagree often (as you'll soon find out). So I figured, if we can procrastinate that much during the week, let's see if others want to join in. Hey, if we're not going to get any work done, why not drag some complete strangers down with us.

So, here it is. This is my first blog so pardon the rookie mistakes I'm bound to make as I get this up and running (hell, I don't even know how to add pictures yet).

Welcome and...

Go Blue!

Little did I know back then just how many "strangers" we'd get to procrastinate with us - almost 4 million as I write these words tonight; a "little funny" morphed into (hopefully) a lot of funny for you, the reader; and thankfully, I did learn to add a picture or two to the posts.

It has been a hell of a fun ride.

But even the best of college football seasons has a final play as all things must come to an end. And like a football coach knowing when it's time to walk away from the game, it is time for me, and thus the MZone, to exit the blogosphere.

By last fall, my team of fellow MZone bloggers has dwindled down to just yours truly, which is no great surprise as running a daily blog can be a grind at times. That's why I have such respect for the many fellow bloggers I've gotten to know during the course of running the MZone who do it and do it so well.

But for me, it's gotten to be too much to continue on my own. Besides, half the fun of it was doing it with friends. And as much as I enjoy and enjoyed blogging, it was never a goal for it to be anything more than a hobby. Except for a brief flirtation with Google AdSense, we turned down each and every advertising offer we received. Because it wasn't about the making money. Hopefully that came through as you read over the last (not quite) three years.

Thus, rather than ever get to a point where people say, "Man, the MZone used to be so good. But now it sucks giant, Michigan-owning Buckeye nuts," I'd rather end it here on a high note and the old vaudevillian credo of "Leave them wanting more...caption contests and Photoshopped gems." And while I won't say never in terms of the MZone returning somewhere down the line - or in some other incarnation - if the passion returns, right now it's time to simply say farewell.

So thanks to all the fellow bloggers out there who have become, dare I say, cyberfriends during our little run. While I won't be posting here, you can bet I'll be lurking around your sites which I've grown to really enjoy over the last (not quite) three years.

Thanks to all our regular contributors who, quite literally, made the site possible with their great ideas, tips and suggestions. Without you, this site would have gone dark long ago.

Finally, thanks to you, the MZone reader for making the last (not quite) three years so much damn fun and rewarding. Your emails and kind words are what kept me doing it. All those, "You start my day with a laugh each morning" put a smile on my face as much as you said the site did for you. That's by far the hardest part to leave behind.

Go Blue!

Yost

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Cubicle Worker Going Berserk

Still on my sabbatical but had to get these videos up of a Russian cubicle worker going absolutely berserk. Oh...my...God.

Now, I'm not saying what the guy did was right. But for anybody trapped in a cubicle hell job, you can at least understand it.

First is the security camera footage...



And here's another angle of the craziness from a co-worker's camera phone, complete with sound...



Okay, back to...uh...sabbitcalling.

(HT: D via Gizmodo)

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Taking Some Time Off

Burned out. Don't have much to say of late. And real life beckons. Couple that with an upcoming trip and I need to get away for a bit.

Thanks for understanding.

Friday, June 06, 2008

Wings Capture Cup!


God, I love playoff hockey!

My heart rate is just returning to normal after the Detroit Red Wings hoisted their 4th Stanley Cup in 11 seasons last night with a thrilling 3-2 victory over the Pittsburgh Penguins in Game 6.

After the heartbreaking triple OT loss at the Joe Monday night in Game 5, the Wings gave every Detroit fans their second heart attack of the week in the final two minutes yesterday. The Penguins cut a two-goal lead to one with just under a minute and a half left then almost tied it up in the closing seconds second.

In the wake of the devastating tying goal just :35 seconds from clinching the Cup in game 5, I think I would have shat myself had Pittsburgh's last second desperation shot gone in.

But, alas, it was not to be.

Well done, Wings!

P.S. Anybody else think there should have been a penalty called when Pavel Datsyuk was tripped near center ice with under :30 seconds left?

(Photo via AP)

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Holy shit!

At a bike race in Matamoros, Mexico on Sunday, fourteen people were injured and one person was killed when a car slammed into the cyclists.

How the fuck do you not see a bike race coming at you?

Monday, June 02, 2008

Please Stand By

Busy last couple of days. Going to try to get things back up and running here shortly.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Not That There's Anything Wrong With This Coaching

MZone reader MA sent us the YouTube link and stills below from an online coaching video called SUCCESSFUL COACHING: JOHN COOPER - DEFENSIVE ENDS.

Now, a couple things caught our eye about this gem (and no, not just the title). First, in the YouTube description of the clip it states:

This program teaches fundamental techniques, drills and championship philosophy. Learn how to improve your technique and learn from one of the legends of the game. John Cooper is the 6th winningest active coach with a career mark of 179-73-6 and has led the Ohio State Buckeyes for the past 13 years. His Buckeyes have won 62 games over the past six seasons nad in the decade of the 90's Ohio State compiled an 85-23-3 record, eighth best among all Division 1-A schools and captured a national title for 2003.

Naturally, I was quite surprised to read the above as I thought Jim Tressel was the one that led Tuos to the National Title in '03. My bad.

And then there were the stills MA sent from the video that the eternal 8th grader in us couldn't help but wonder just what these drills were teaching...



"Now shower up and let's go watch some gladiator movies!"

Saturday, May 24, 2008

"You don't know, do you?"

I hadn't planned on posting anything until after the holiday. I was content to relax and stay away from my blogging addiction. Then I read a blurb in Newsweek about the clip below and I couldn't get to the computer fast enough.

Now, you know how we love our cheerleaders here on the MZone. Of course we prefer when they're female who go from pom-pons to porn, even more so after this story of male cheerleader who went from screaming on the sidelines to screaming on the airwaves.

Kevin James (not the actor) is a former Oklahoma Sooner cheerleader-turned-lawyer-turned-radio talkshow host in Los Angeles. And judging from the YouTube video here, he's one of those modern day firebrands who "prove" the validity of their points and positions, not via the content of their argument, but by being louder than those with an opposing point of view. Because no matter where you personally fall on the political spectrum, as we all know from watching the "news shows" that pass for political discourse in our country today, louder means smarter.

To set the stage for what you're about to watch, in a nutshell...

Last week, President Bush addressed Israel's Parliament and basically compared those who negotiate with "terrorists and radicals" to British leader Neville Chamberlain's appeasement of Hitler and Nazi Germany before WWII. Democrats claimed the remarks were aimed at Barack Obama, the White House denied he was the target.

Shortly after Bush made the remarks, MSNBC's Chris Matthews had KRLA's James, a "right-wing" radio talkshow host in Los Angeles, and a Mark Green, a "left-wing" radio host from Air America, on HARDBALL to discuss the brewing controversy. Below is the clip. You MUST watch. Really.

Please know, putting this up is not an endorsement of one political party, candidate or viewpoint. Whether you agree or disagree with the President's comments, James' uninformed ignorance is simply staggering. And all the shouting in the world can't hide it.




You know, folks, it's one thing for those of us talking smack on a college football blog to be full of shit. It's another when you're on a national TV show discussing U.S. foreign policy issues and presidential politics.

I mean, trying to defend your position on something as frivolous as the college football superiority of INSERT SCHOOL HERE and being wrong is sometimes funny. Being a radio host in the second largest market in America and stirring up passions on issues of real importance when you don't know what the fuck you're talking about is scary.

P.S. I just went to the KRLA website to see if this James guy still had a job (somehow he does from the looks of it) and you know what the station's slogan is? Oh, this is rich in light of the above: Intelligent. Conservative. Talk Radio.

Genius.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Happy Memorial Day Weekend

Hope everyone has a fun-filled holiday.

But before we all part ways for a long weekend of beer, burgers and general relaxation, I pass on an interesting YouTube video sent in by MZone reader RA. Since embedding was disabled, unfortunately I can only include the link below. But suffice it to say, you won't be disappointed.

So click here and enjoy!

New Ohio State Logo

If you know one thing about Buckeye fans besides their love of the F-bomb and a genetic need to fan out across the Internet in order to rebut any perceived slight against their university, you know they are very particular about their school name.

It's not Ohio State, it's always THE Ohio State University. Just ask them, they'll tell you loudly and in your face, the stench of Grey Goose vodka nearly overpowering.

Apparently, after years of folks confusing OSU with Ohio University or some other public institution of higher learner in the Buckeye state -- or maybe people simply referring to the school as "an Ohio state university" -- they became very militant about the "THE."

That's why, when uber-QB Terrell Pryor announced he was signing with the Buckeyes some 36 months and 58 press conferences after most high school players revealed their decisions, we were quite surprised when the prized student-athlete got one teenie, tiny thing wrong that day: namely, the name of the prestigious college football factory in Columbus he was signing with. In revealing his intentions, Pryor referred to our rivals to the south(east-ish) as "University of Ohio State." And nary a "the" to be found.

Genius.

Thus, in the interest of needling our rivals where it annoys them most since we can't seem to beat them on the football field anymore, we here at the MZone have taken time out from cruising the Internet for free porn our busy schedules to design a new logo for the Bucks and their outstanding but name-challenged quarterback. Behold...



And from this point forward, we will now refer to them here as UOS or THE University of Ohio State, aka Tuos.

Ed. Note: Yes, of course t-shirts are coming soon!

Monday, May 19, 2008

College Football Fans Love Jim Delany

Don't beat around the bush, how do you really feel?

Got an email from MZone reader Matt telling us to take a look at Big Ten commish Jim Delany's Wikipedia page, specifically the "Influence" section. As Matt wrote, "You should probably hurry before someone takes it down."

He's right. Here's why...



Funniest thing about that Wiki post? The "[2]" where they actually cite a reference and strive to give proper documentation to their "complete and utter douchebag" assertion.

Who says Wikipedia hasn't fixed any problems with their fact checking?

UPDATE: Since this post, the Wiki entry has now been, uh, "updated."

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

If College Football Were Like the Democratic Party...

KEITH JACKSON: "Whoa Nellie! With less than eight minutes to play here in the 1979 Cotton Bowl, it's Houston 34, Notre Dame 12. Who would have expected this?"

KIRK HERBSTREIT: "Certainly not the Joe Montana-led Irish, the team everybody expected to win before the game was played. But with Montana on the bench here in the second half suffering from the flu and hypothermia -- even eating chicken soup to warm up -- this game is over."

LEE CORSO: "Not so fast, my friend. The Irish haven't packed it in yet and are still out there fighting until the final whistle."

KEITH JACKSON: "I gotta tell ya, I think this is bad for college football. Notre Dame is only 8-3 while Houston is 9-2 and ranked 4th. The Irish need to bow out of this game and rally behind the higher ranked Cougars. For the good of the sport."

KIRK HERBSTEIT: "Couldn't agree with you more, Keith. There are less than seven minutes left, a majority of the game has been played and Houston has amassed 34 of the 46 points awarded today. It's almost a mathematical impossibility for Notre Dame to come back--"

LEE CORSO: "Not so fast, my friend. Notre Dame just scored on a 33-yard blocked punt...and now Montana has come off the bench to try the two-point conversion...it's good! 34-20."

KIRK HERBSTREIT: "But Houston is barely competing now. They have their back-ups in and are just running out the clock until this one is over. And it's over."

KEITH JACKSON: "I gotta tell ya, you hit the nail on the head, Kirk. We got ourselves freezing temperatures, ice and 18 to 30 mile per hour winds. Stick a fork in this one because--"

LEE CORSO: "Not so fast, my friend. Montana just drove the Irish 61 yards in 5 plays and threw for another two-point conversion to cut the lead to 34-28 with 4:15 left."

KIRK HERBSTREIT: "See, that's just the kind of divisive thing that illustrates the old way of college football thinking. When a team is up by over 20 points with less than eight minutes left, college football fans want to be able to turn their attention to the next bowl game of the day. To have to watch until the very end disenfranchises fans who want to tune in to the Rose Bowl pre-game show."

KEITH JACKSON: "Whoa Nellie! And Joe Montana fuuuuuuuumbles with 1:50 to play and the Cougars recover. Now hopefully Dan Devine will do the right thing and have his squad bow out gracefully from this game."

LEE CORSO: "Not so fast, my friend! The Cougars went for it on 4th and inches from their own 29 with :28 seconds left and got stuffed! Notre Dame ball! They have one more chance!"

KIRK HERBSTREIT: "And what if they do score? Are you going to take the victory away from Houston and alienate all the fans rooting for the underdog? Fans who only tuned into the Cotton Bowl in the first place to see if little ol' Houston could upset the mighty Fighting Irish?"

KEITH JACKSON: "I gotta tell ya, the bigger problem is what if the Irish do score, but miss the extra point and we end in a tie? Then nobody wins. Then what? Especially after Houston already won the first, second and third quarters. It's going to be chaos."

LEE CORSO: "Last play...Montana rolls right...he's looking for Kris Haines in the corner of the endzone...TOUCHDOWN IRISH! TOUCHDOWN IRISH! Joe Unis lines up for the extra point...it's good! IRISH WIN! Irish win one of the greatest comebacks in college football history!"

KIRK HERBSTREIT: "I'm so disgusted by the underhanded way Notre Dame pulled this out, I'm never watching college football again."

KEITH JACKSON: "I gotta tell ya, I'm sitting the rest of the bowl season out and will only call college basketball now."

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

The Charity Bowl: Give for a Good Cause!

*UPDATES BELOW*

Seeing as this might be the only chance for anything associated with Michigan to participate in a bowl this year, we here at the MZone wanted to throw our support behind a good cause currently taking shape across the cfb blogosphere.

In the wake of the devastating cyclone in Myanmar, the tornadoes seeming all across the middle section of the country, the earthquake in China as well as the everyday needs in our own communities, Orson at EDSBS and Kevin at Fanblogs.com are asking college football fans to show their school spirit and help those in need today by making a donation to the American Red Cross, CARE, or the International Rescue Committee.

In turn, they'll rank the total donation by school and display it this week at Fanblogs and Every Day Should Be Saturday. The winning school will have its colors displayed at EDSBS and logo/mascot shown on every page at Fanblogs.

The particulars:

1) Make a donation online to the American Red Cross, CARE, or the International Rescue Committee.

2) Email the donation confirmation to kevin@fanblogs.com and state your team affiliation by 8pm EDT on Wednesday, May 14th.

3) Results will be displayed at Every Day Should Be Saturday and Fanblogs throughout the week, with the final results shown by Thursday, May 15th.

4) The winning school will have its colors displayed at EDSBS and logo/mascot shown on every page at Fanblogs.

And while it's not listed, I've added...

5) It's a chance for Benny and I to show our parents the MZone for a change and say, "See, look at all the good in the world we do with this!" ("No, ma, not the semi-naked ASU cheerleader story. Above that.")

So do whatever you can if you can and help paint the cfb blogosphere Maize and Blue!

UPDATE: According to Fanblogs, Meeeeechigan was the Day 1 Charity Bowl leader with its fans having donated $1,000. Florida was in second with $500.

UPDATE II: As of 7am Wednesday morning, over $11K has been raised via the CFB blogosphere and the top of the donation chart looks like this...

1. Michigan - $2,985.002. Ohio State - $2,305.00 3. Florida - $1,570.004. Texas - $480.005. Auburn - $355.00

And today, the last day of the Charity Bowl, comes with a twist: it's Rival Smackdown Day. So when you you make your donation today, note if it is FOR your school or AGAINST your rival.

Ed. Note: As of this writing, there is no truth to the rumor that Scott Frost is lobbying for Michigan to have to split the mythical donation title with Nebraska due to the fact that Tom Osborne retired 11 years ago.

(HT: OoC)

Florida Doing Best Miami Circa 1988 Impression

Remember when the 'Canes used to rule the state of Florida in both "Ws" on the football field as well as run ins with trouble off of it?

No more.

Move over Miami, the Gators have arrived.

Just a year ago, they claimed their first BCS title. Now, they're working on polishing their off the field credentials.

Last week, in the I-still-can't-fucking-believe-somebody-would-do-this category, one Gator player was charged with using the credit card of his teammate's dead girlfriend.

Then, to keep the UF momentum going over the weekend, defensive lineman Matt Patchan was shot in the shoulder at a Tampa-area park.

The good news is Patchan is expected to make a full recovery. However, the prognosis for Florida's reputation is not as clear at this time.

Uncle Buck(eye)

We all have one. You know, that uncle who makes you fear for the family gene pool.

Of course some have it worse than others.

Case in point, the email and pic below which we recently received at the MZone home office.

"I wanted to send this to you, but had to doctor it a little since it is one of my favorite uncles. Wife found it first and her exact quote was "OH NO" I am a Wolverine and she likes the Buckeyes. She shouldn't have shown it to me."


Sweet Jesus.

Two (of many) things come to mind.

First, "But it's a really old picture" is not a defense for the above. There is no time period where that was acceptable. Ever.

Second, I pray -- pray -- that this was actually supposed to be a half shirt.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Mike Barwis's Cats

And you thought Michigan's new strength and conditioning coach was only tough on the players?

Hell, even his pets can't escape this workout-crazed madman as the secretly obtained clip below illustrates.



(HT: T9)

Friday, May 09, 2008

Gator Uses Credit Card of Teammate's Dead Girlfriend

This is messed up.

Florida Gator safety Jamar Hornsby has been charged for allegedly using the credit card of a woman who was killed in a motorcycle accident that also killed a teammate.

The woman, who was the girlfriend of one of Hornsby's teammates, was getting a ride home from Gator walk-on Michael Guilford when his motorcycle struck a curb at high speed last October 12th.

Hornsby allegedly started using the dead woman's credit card on October 13th.

Yeah, as in the next day!

Police are unsure how he got his hands on the credit card but EDSBS reports it happened when Hornsby was helping his teammate clean out his girlfriend's apartment the day after she tragically died.

If the allegations are true, forget getting kicked off the team, this guy needs to spend some extra time in a jail cell for the added crime of being a complete piece of shit and embarrassment to humanity.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Charlie Weis: "To Hell With Michigan"

You'd think going 3-9 would preclude a coach from talking smack. Especially talking smack about a team that bitch slapped his squad two years in a row.

Not Notre Dame's Charlie Weis.

At a gathering with fans before the Blue-Gold spring game last month, Weis had some harsh words for Michigan.

He started out saying the Irish had to make a "statement" in its season opener against San Diego State (assuming the entire school hasn't been arrested for selling dope). He then turned his attention to the Wolverines who visit South Bend the following week.

"I've always been one never to make excuses," Weis told the Domer faithful. "You back your words by your performance on the field. I think that's the message our team is going to follow on September 6 with San Diego State. I think the first opportunity we'll have to make a statement is that day."

"Then we'll listen to Michigan have all their excuses as they come running in, saying how they have a new coaching staff and those changes. To hell with Michigan."

To hear it with your own ears, check out the video below at about the 50 second mark...



Let's get it on, Big Man!

(Video HT: MGoBlog)

SDSU Redefines "Party School"

Ninety-six people -- 75 of them San Diego State students -- were arrested this week following a months-long undercover drug investigation on the California campus. Six fraternities have been suspended and all arrested students have been barred from campus until their cases are reviewed.

Police seized two kilos of coke, 350 Ecstasy pills, marijuana, psychedelic mushrooms, hash oil, methamphetamine, illicit prescription drugs, several guns and at least $60,000 in cash. Authorities allege some frat members openly dealt drugs out of their frat houses.

How openly? Well...

One Theta Chi fraternity member apparently sent a mass text message advertising special "sale" prices on cocaine since he was going to be out of town in Vegas one weekend.

Nice going, Scarface.

According to the AP story linked above, drug sale profits may have been used to finance fraternity operations. Yeah, hey, clue #1: when the frat party you go to is catered by Wolfgang Puck and the kegs are anything but the cheapest available beer, something is going on.

Among those busted were a student who was about to receive a criminal justice degree and another who was to receive a master's degree in homeland security.

And here's the kicker: one of them asked the cops who busted him if "his arrest and incarceration would have an effect on him becoming a federal law enforcement officer."

Gee, you think?

But my favorite quote comes from Theta Chi's national director who had this to say when he learned about a number of students from the SDSU chapter being arrested in the raid, "They were on the upswing. They had improved their recruitment. They were trying to raise money for a new house."

Oh, I bet recruitment was improving. And nothing like tens of thousands in drug sales to ugrade from the usual urine-smelling frat house to something more befitting Tony Montana.

Ohio State: A Team America Loves to Hate

The Daily List at SI.com recently had a post up called "Five Sports Franchises We Love to Hate."

And the nominees were...

1. Any Major Team from Boston -- Must say, with Tom Brady on the Pats, I don't feel this way. But with the Celts, Pats and Red Sox all doing so well, I can understand why other sports fans would.

2. The New York Yankees -- Steinbrenner and his Pinstriped Posse are a given on any list like this.

3. Los Angeles Lakers -- Couldn't agree more, especially with all their Hollywood pseudo-fans who always seem to be in the stands not to cheer but to be seen at the scene.

5. Chelsea -- Soccer. I don't have strong feelings about any sport where 2-0 is considered an offensive explosion.

But the reason his post is up on the MZone of course is because of the team they listed at #4:

THE Ohio State University -- The SI.com story included the following explanation as to why the Bucks made the list: "Buckeye fans have had the legs for their argument for dominance knocked out from under them lately, what with the way they keep losing in championship games. But you'd never know State can't win the big one by listening to them Buckeyes. (By the way, we get it: You're THE Ohio State University. Nice sweater vests."

Uh...what they said.

(HT: MnB)

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Exodus from A2 Continues

First, Ryan Mallett transferred to Arkansas.

Then, Justin Boren left Michigan for the Buckeyes.

Now, just when it seemed things couldn't get worse during a tumultuous off season in Ann Arbor, The Rock is packing up and heading to Michigan State.

"The family values have just gone in the shitter since Rich Rodriguez arrived," said The Rock when reached for comment by the MZone. "He's always yelling, using language like 'Paint the motherfucker!' And that Barwis guy wants people to paint me harder. I didn't sign up for that."

The Rock (no relation to the actor) said he just feels more comfortable next to the MSU "Sparty" statue where he will now be placed. "They do it right up there. They protect Sparty from getting painted before the U-M games. I was taken for granted in A2. Getting painted, two, three times a week."

"Plus, the Sparty statue is as close to a Michigan icon as you can find. They're very similar. Except for the fact that he's a big semi-naked bronze guy and I'm a stone that started out the size of a pebble before 165,872 coats of this goddamn paint over the years."

In response to a story in the MSU student newspaper, WE KAN SPELL AND SHIT, former Michigan head coach Lloyd Carr angrily denied reports that he helped The Rock get his release from Michigan or said there were "good campus icons" in East Lansing.

When reached by the MZone, other Michigan icons The Cube and The Belltower denied they too were thinking of transferring. Even still, Detroit Free Press columnist Drew Sharp claimed The Rock's departure is yet another sign of Michigan's declining status.

OSU Dorm Chief Arrested for Crystal Meth

Under the category of "shit you probably think we made up because we're a Michigan blog but didn't," Ohio State's assistant vice president for student housing has been arrested for possession of methamphetamine.

The problems for administrator Ronald Kochendoerfer (no relation to John Kochtoestin from FLETCH), began after a package he sent to a Franklin County Jail inmate was intercepted and found to contain heroin. Police then searched his home and found the crystal meth.

Which brings up an important point: when you send heroin -- hidden in GQ magazine! -- to your buddy in the slammer, for God's sake, make sure you properly conceal your crystal meth stash back at home just in case some cop gets all nosey and starts asking questions such as, "Hey, what's this big lump of powder hidden in this magazine?" It is not known at this time if Kockandballs was going to next send his prison pal a nail file hidden in birthday cake.

According to WBNS, THE University of Ohio State declined to comment on camera about the case but said it would decide Kochringuser fate after the outcome of the investigation. However, since he doesn't play football or run a 4.4 40, it's widely assumed he's completely fucked.

(HT: CS, T9)

Friday, May 02, 2008

BREAKING NEWS: ASU Cuts Cheerleading Squad

First one of them gets into porn, then they get really "Dirty."

Arizona State has cut the school's cheerleading squad after six members of the now-axed squad posed in their bras and panties on website "The Dirty." As the FOXNews story above states, while only six ASU cheerleaders are shown in the pics, the entire 16-member squad will suffer the consequences.

Seriously, ASU. Are you really going to pull the ol' first grade teacher, "If you don't tell me who did it, you all have to stay inside for recess" stuff?

So I guess this means if six ASU football players get busted for something this fall, you drop the whole program, right?

I suppose ASU officials are a little paranoid over the past, uh, "X"-ploits of some of their cheerleaders and don't want to see this again...


...Although many of our readers sure do.

Spartan Donor is Deadbeat Dad but MSU to Keep Coin

And the Father of the Year Award will probably not go to this Spartan alum.

According to the Detroit News article linked here, an MSU grad bequethed a cool $1 million to his ol' alma mater. Just one problem with that: his kids say he owes $45K to their mother for child support that was never paid.

Upon finding out about the "gift," the alleged deadbeat donor's now-adult kids asked MSU trustees that $45K of the donation -- the amount of child support money the man admits he never paid his ex-wife -- be given to their mother.

Not gonna happen, say Sparty officials.

"That's between him and them," said Joel Ferguson, Board of Trustees chairman. "We'll keep the money. He's got to get a good lawyer. It's his dad's money. We accept the gift in the spirit of giving."

"We accept the gift in the spirit of giving?" Really? Even in this instance? Ouch.

Hey, while it might not be blood money, it sure is asshole cash.

Go Green! (just not to the kids or ex-wife)

(HT: MB, JP)

Two-Minute Drill

Need to try to catch up with some of the great stuff you've all been sending our way. Let's begin, shall we?

* Former Wolverine receiver Mario "Then I Got High" Manningham was apparently stoned when he took the NFL's Wonderlic test: he scored a Vince Young-esque six. Six. Out of 50.

(HT: JW)

* Fox Sports ranks the Top 25 cfb uniforms in the land and Michigan comes in at #1. Unfortunately, with our QB situation more unsettled than the Democratic party's presidential race and more O-line depth on South Quad's intramural squad, this will probably be the only Top 25 ranking Michigan football sniffs this year.

(HT: CaliGirl)

* Tressel not a gentlemen either? Propect reneges on Illinois, commits to Tuos. Pot, meet Kettle. Kettle, meet Pot. No word yet if Tressel hurt himself after the fall from his high horse.

(HT: MB)

* Former University of Ohio State defensive end Derrick Foster has been charged with shooting two Columbus police officers during a drug raid. Thankfully, the injuries of the two officers are not life threatening and they're expected to make a full recovery.

According to the Columbus Dispatch article linked above, Foster had no criminal record, a sociology degree, a $60,000-a-year job as a Columbus code-enforcement supervisor, a $146,000 home on the South Side, a 5-year-old daughter and a valid permit to carry a concealed weapon.

So what explains his seemingly surprising turn to crime? Uh, hello! Do I need to spell it out? B-U-C-K-S-T-A-C-H-E.

(HT: LS, MB)

* Some MZone readers relaunch once-popular music website FMSound.

* Classy Bama Tees over at DeepSouthSports. Yikes!

(HT: JR and her fellow Auburn friends at TigersX.net)

* Self important? Delusional? Yep, they're talking about Notre Dame over at the NYT.

(HT: TL)

Big Day for Detroit Sports Teams: Wings, Pistons Romp

With college football seeming like a far away fantasy in the off-season dead zone known as May, I've been getting my sports fix via the Red Wings and the Pistons.

And they have not disappointed.

Yesterday, the Wings blitzed the Colorado Avalanche 8-2 to sweep the series 4-0 and move on to the Western Conference finals where they will meet the winner of the Dallas-San Jose series.

Big props to goalie Chris Osgood who stepped in midway thru the Nashville series when aging All-Star Dominik Hasek faltered. In his first tour of duty with the Wings in the 90s, even though he won a Cup, there were lingering questions about his mental fortitude. Hopefully this puts such talk to rest.

As for the Pistons, after being down 2-1 in the series and 10 points at halftime of game four against the Philadelphia 76ers, the Pistons stormed back to win game four, then post blowouts in games 5 and 6 to advance to the Eastern Conference semis against the Orlando Magic.

Go Motown!

Thursday, May 01, 2008

If AMERICAN IDOL came to Columbus...



Somewhere even William Hung is plugging his ears.

ED. NOTE: Yeah, yeah, even I admit this is just a "filler" post. But really struggling lately to keep blog going while maintaining a) a life and b) a career.

Monday, April 28, 2008

"Good people" in Columbus? "That's a lie" says Carr

Did the Columbus Dispatch get Punk'd?

Last week, TASS the paper reported that former Michigan head coach Lloyd Carr helped Justin Boren get his release from Michigan and complimented Ohio State in the process.

According to the Enquirer Dispatch, Carr told Boren that Tuos is the closest thing to Michigan he would find and that there are "good people" in C-bus. The Weekly World News Dispatch claimed the source for the story was an "unnamed person close to the situation."

Not so fast.

"That's a lie" Carr said through U-M's sports information director.

I must admit, the story did sound sketchy from the get-go. Carr never seemed tight with Tressel and his bomb-sniffing minions in Buckeyeville. In fact, the whole thing had the ring of wishful thinking in C-bus, giddy over the Boren defection in the first place ("Not only do your players want to transfer here but even scUM's old coach secretly envied us and recognizes our greatness!").

Most importantly, if you're the Globe Dispatch and you're about to print a story saying Michigan's recently-retired coach not only helped facilitate the transfer of a starting player from A2 to Columbus , but also heaped praise on a hated rival in the process, don't you think maybe you'd contact Carr to verify the information? But, alas, there is no mention of such a crazy-ass thing (often called "reporting" by many newspapers) in the Star Dispatch column. Nope. One person gives you surprising info that makes a great story as your readers would wish it to be, why confirm it if it might turn out to be false and damage said story?

And does this sort of story really warrant an "unnamed" source in a (supposedly) legit newspaper? I thought that sort of "source protection" was for stories where the reporter was dealing with a huge corruption scandal at the highest levels of government, or a mole inside the mafia, maybe a double agent with insider knowledge of Iran's clandestine nuclear weapons program.

Not at the National Examiner Dispatch. Such a "Deep Throat" veil of secrecy is afforded sources for stories on transferring football players. Edward R. Murrow must be rolling over in his grave.

As for the Sun's Dispatch's source for the story? My opinion is that it sounds like something "leaked" by somebody close to Boren in an attempt to soften the perception of the Judas move ("But even Carr thought it was the best move for Justin.")

NFL DRAFT OPEN THREAD

T9,

Ask and ye' shall receive! Here's an NFL Draft thread.

Jake Long goes first overall, Chad Henne early in the 2nd, more rounds today.

Discuss.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Clausen's Kingpin Look for '08

Having had some fun in the past on the MZone with ND Uber QB Jimmy Clausen's hair styles, we thought we should update our readers on his new 'do. Apparently this season he's going for the oh-so-popular Woody Harrelson look sweeping college campuses today...



(HT: PK)

MSU Students Awed By Sight of Female Breasts

Waaaay behind on reader emails but had to get this one up even though it's a couple weeks old.

Mike sent us this picture from Evan F's Flickr page. Look at the faces of the guys in the crowd. Utter and complete awe. Like they've just witnessed the weeping image of the Virgin Mary suddenly appear on the side of a bale of hay in the middle of an Iowa cornfield.


Or ever see that movie SIXTEEN CANDLES? Remember the scene where Anthony Michael Hall holds up Molly Ringwald's undies in the boys bathroom and the freshman geeks just stare in wonder? Bingo.

Sometimes it's just too easy...

The honest-to-God, actual headline below (here's the link) was sent in by our pal DW. It's a story about a coach leaving the Oregon women's b.ball program and it should have been on that segment on the Tonight Show...

Ho leaves position as women's basketball assistant

Of course, the departure begs the question: now that Ho's gone, how are they going to fill that opening?

Thank you, goodnight! I'll be here all week!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Boren Bolts for Buckeyes, Schembechler Rolls Over in Grave

After leaving Michigan because new strength and conditioning coach Mike Barwis didn't provide hot coco, warm hugs and chocolates on his pillow at the end of each workout claiming the program's "family values have eroded" under recently-hired coach Rich Rodriguez, former Wolverine starting O-lineman Justin Boren has transferred to the University of Ohio State.

In announcing that he was going over to the dark side, Anakin Skywalker Boren said he was "looking forward to the chance to help the Buckeyes continue their excellence in any way I can."

Of course, Boren has already contributed to that his first two years at Michigan helping Michigan lose both those contests to the Bucks.

College football historians claim the move is unprecedented, saying this is the first time since World War II that they can recall a high-profile player selling his soul to the devil transferring from Michigan to Ohio State.

The move is even more amazing considering Boren's father Mike played for legendary Michigan coach Bo Schembechler. Visitors to Schembechler's gravesite noted a small shift in the earth when the transfer announcement was made.

Under Big Ten rules, Judas Justin Boren must pay his own way for the rest of his career at Ohio State and will not be able to receive an athletic scholarship from the school. (INSERT BUCKEYE BOOSTER JOKE HERE)

Not surprisingly, the most excited person about the transfer outside the state of Ohio was Detroit Free Press writer Drew Sharp. Sources tell the MZone he wept, wet himself then ran fully erect to his computer in order to hurriedly write his 1,684th column trashing the University of Michigan, former coach Lloyd Carr, the city of Ann Arbor and anything blue.

I'm back...I think

My apologies to all for being away from ye ol' keyboard the last couple of days. For some reason, I'm expected to work to actually get paid. Go figure.

Although, I have to say, it's pretty cool to see everybody picking up the ball so to speak and running with it. 160+ comments for a filler post? Uh, do you guys even need me? Sheesh!

One thing since I haven't been spending as much time here as I should of late: please know that when I see blantantly offensive comments, I will delete them. There's a difference between free wheeling and personal attacks directed at other commenters.

Come on, join hands and sing it with me (no, not "Don't give a damn about the whole state of Michigan!," Buck fans):

"Kumbaya, my Lloyd...Kumbaya..."

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Real Life Rudely Intrudes

Busy week on the work front. Hope to be back to some semblance of a regular schedule soon.

Michigan-Ohio State tickets can get you laid

Blow jobs for Buckeye tickets?

Maybe.

According to an evolutionary psychologist at the Univeristy of Michigan, exchanging valuable items for sex isn't just for johns and prostitutes. In fact, scientists who study these things say there is no clear line between gift-giving and prostitution.

In his paper published in this month's issue of the journal Evolutionary Psychology (what do you mean you don't subscribe?), U-M's Daniel Kruger interviewed 475 college students and found that 27 percent of the men and 14 percent of the women reported trying to trade something to get sex. "Sometimes it was money, sometimes it was funding voice lessons, and sometimes it was giving tickets to the Ohio State versus Michigan game," he said. "There's a black market for those tickets - they're quite sought after."

Michigan-Ohio State...or sex?

Hmm.

Hmmmmm.

Now, let me just go on record as saying I love sex. A lot. But upon further review, I really can't think of a potential sexual situation not involving Charlize Theron and Evangeline Lilly -- with Stacy Keibler video taping it -- that would ever make me even consider giving up my Michigan-Ohio State tickets.

And even faced with the above hypothetical, it would depend on the team records and what was at stake. Undefeated and the BCS berth on the line as was the case in '06? Sorry, Charlize. I'll be dodging donuts and sitting amongst 98,000 scarlet and grey-clad profanity-spewing truckers as I cheer on the Wolverines.

Then again, if the '08 season turns out to be a bad as I think it could be, come November I just might be open to trading my tix to any drunk Tri Delt for a hand job and some post-climax cuddling.


Ed. Note:

Dear Charlize, Evangeline and Stacy,

The MZone is a college football website with an emphasis on comedy. I'll say it again: comedy. Thus, if you really want to see the M-OSU game and the above situation -- hell, even two-thirds of it -- sounds reasonable, please feel free to contact me at the email address on our home page. Yes, I want to go to the game but, I mean, it never hurts to ask, right?

Sincerely,

Yost


(HT: DW)

Friday, April 11, 2008

Beer Bong Friday: The Underwater Bong

Mascot Mishaps

Busy week this week on the work front so haven't been able to post a lot. But, in an effort to help take our minds off Michigan's hockey debacle as we head into the weekend...

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Mario Manningham Liked To Get Baked at U-M

According to Pro Football Weekly, former Michigan receiver Mario Manningham admitted he used marijuana and tested positive for the drug twice while playing for the Wolverines.

Manningham sent a letter to NFL teams before the Pro Day workout at U-M last month to let them know about his relationship with Mary Jane during this days in A2.

This revelation comes on the heels of Manningham's crap-ass performance at the NFL combine earlier this year where he denied to NFL scouts ever testing positive for the stink weed.

Once an almost sure first round draft pick, Manningham's stock has tumbled and, according to the Detroit News article linked above, he's reportedly been removed for some team's draft boards due to character issues.

By sending the letter to NFL teams, apparently Manningham hoped to -- pardon the pun -- "clear the air" and let organizations know he's put his wake and bake past behind him and is serious about being a professional athlete and not Ricky Williams' future roommate.

As you may recall, Manningham was suspended for last year's Eastern Michigan game due to what was called at the time "a violation of team rules." But in his letter to NFL teams and Snoop Dogg, Manningham revealed the reason was actually "due to coach (Lloyd) Carr's determination that I was lacking in focus."

Yeah, the Gange will do that, M.

In the Detroit Free Press story about Manningham's admission, they note that "NCAA rules do not require the suspension of an athlete who tests positive for 'street drugs,' listed as heroin and marijuana in the NCAA drug-testing manual."

If Manningham tested positive only for the Whacky Tabacky, the discretion for suspension would not be with the NCAA, but instead with Michigan.

I'd love to know when the other time he tested positive. Judging from his performance, I'd almost guess it was about 10 minutes before last year's Ohio State game.

Hey, thanks, Mario. So sad to see you go.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Cedar Fest 2008: The Video

Saw the video below on MGoBlog regarding the little "gathering" called Cedar Fest our Spartan brethren had over the weekend.

You know, for the first half of the clip -- the beer, the chants, the girls kissing (yes, the girls kissing) -- I saw simply the drunken (although crude) shenanigans of college students everywhere.

The second half of the clip made me realize, Oh yeah, this is a riot.





For another clip of drunken idiots amongst the tear gas haze screaming "Woo hoo!," "Fuck the police!" and "They ran over the bricks!" followed by head-scratching laughter usually associated with those who think Carlos Mencia is funny, click HERE.

Click hear for another vid and a question about something I don't understand: So this one more or less starts the pre-tear gas mob chanting in the middle of Cedar Village. Two girls are (I assume) on the shoulders of their boyfriends (?) when the (surprise, surprise) "Show your tits!" chant starts. While they don't oblige there, they do start kissing sending the crowd into a frenzy (and quick lunges for their cellphone cameras and video cameras that borders on parody).

As the two girls kiss, a third girl is hoisted up on somebody's shoulders. Then a fourth. And they all start kissing. But my question is this, and it's a mult-parter: A) What boyfriend, seeing the chaos all around and hearing the chants of "Show your tits!" thinks to himself, "Damn, I want my girlfriend to be in the epicenter of a beer and hormone fueled mob! This is a fantastic idea! C'mon, honey, get on my shoulders!" and B) What woman thinks to herself, "Shit, I'm going to miss my opportunity to either show my tits or kiss a girl in front of three thousand drunk people -- and really the world when this ends up on YouTube! Hurry, Brad! Hoist me up on your shoulders!"

Look, I'm not usually one to complain about two college girls kissing. But I am a little baffled by the thought process that got us here.

Improv Group Pranks Little League Game

This is clever (and expensive!).

A group called Improv Everywhere -- which according to its website "causes scenes of chaos and joy in public places" -- had a some funny turning a little league baseball game in Hermosa Beach, CA, into a major league event. Behold...

Sparty On!

Proving that you don't need a sporting event as an excuse to trash your city, three to four thousand people turned a party at the Cedar Village apartments on the edge of the MSU campus over the weekend into a riot. Police -- who said they were forced to respond with tear gas to control the violent crowd -- made 52 arrests and issued 48 tickets (of those arrested, 28 were MSU students. About half the tickets also went to students).

According to official and eyewitness accounts, the large Cedar Fest gathering -- which was banned in 1987 exactly because of parties like this -- was more or less peaceful until things began to get out of hand at around 1 a.m. when police waded into the mob to break up fights and detain two girls who flashed their breasts. The crowd began pelting the officers with bottles, cans and beer.

As things got worse, reinforcements were called in but the East Lansing police chief said at the time, “We’re going to solve this without a drop of tear gas."

Uh, how long have you been the East Lansing police chief, Chief?

Even more amazing, according to the Detroit Free Press article linked above, this desire by the police chief to not use tear gas came even after "his officers had been chased east on Waters Edge Drive by a now-riotous mob yelling obscenities."

So instead of tear gas, what did the ELPD try first? "Flash bang" grenades.

Yes, "flash bang" grenades. You know, the things Delta Force uses as they enter a suspected Taliban hideout in Kandahar.

Yeah, hey, no tear gas -- which is made for mobs like this -- let's break out the special forces and S.W.A.T. team toys first.

Unfortunately, the "flash bangs" didn't work as the police were up against a group more hardened and dangerous than radical terrorists: Michigan State students and East Lansing townies, who began chanting "We want tear gas! We want tear gas!"

Yes, spring is in the air in East Lansing.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

"They can't treat our city like that! Only we can treat our city like that!"

Ah, irony.

Following their team's 2-0 loss to the Columbus Crew, a group of Toronto FC fans who traveled to Ohio from Canada to watch their team open the Major League Soccer season created havoc before and after the game, getting rowdy with police who had to call in extra help.

"They're pissing all over the damn place, and as you can see, they've littered it up considerably," Columbus police lieutenant Kevin Conley said. "And then they decided that they were going to surround one of our cars like they were the Indians and the car was Custer."

Or like, oh, I dunno, they were Buckeyes and the car had Michigan plates.

Also, according to the article linked above, some Toronto fans taunted Columbus fans with insults and profanity.

"You know what? Part of the sporting spirit is being antagonistic," said Andrew Gorsky, a 22-year-old Toronto fan. "You can't deny it."

Yes, I've heard that before.

But Columbus police were not amused by the -- I'm just pointing it out -- scarlet and grey (and white) clad Toronto fans.

"Any game is disappointing when you have a crowd that's not acting well or, let's say, sociable," Conley said. "We don't mind a little bit of drinking, or a little bit of fans cheering and rowdiness. But at the same time, if we come in and ask you to quiet it down and stop the behavior, we kind of expect a little bit of cooperation."

When asked to comment further on the incident, Captain Renault of the Columbus police force had this to say, "I'm shocked -- shocked -- to find that fan misbehavior is going on around here!"

(HT: JP)

What celebrities would look like if they lived in Ohio

Recently, MZone reader JT sent a funny bunch of pictures our way entitled "What celebrities would look like if they lived in Ohio." As you'll see below, they're great...and, naturally, dead on.

However, JT didn't know where they came from and I wanted to make sure we gave props to whoever created these gems. So I did a little investigating and found out these fantastic Photoshops were originally from a site called PlanetHiltron.com. And while the folks at PlanetHiltron.com hadn't grouped them as an "Ohio" bit, an observant PH.com reader must have noted the obvious and began emailing them around as such.

In any event, via PlanetHiltron, here are what some celebs would look like if they lived in Ohio...

PAM ANDERSON



BEN AFFLECK AND JENNIFER GARNER



JOHNNY DEPP



SHARON STONE



JENNIFER ANISTON


And check out PlanetHiltron for others.

Ed. Note: Apparently, some of these pix have made the rounds under various, "What celebs would look like if they lived in FILL IN THE BLANK" names. Oops. Now I feel like a stand-up comedian still doing his Nixon material. Oh well.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Burger Joint Bruhaha

Have another "hot button" issue today. Well, okay, "hot button" in A2, that is.

Below is a picture of a new restaurant that opened last month on State Street called Quickie Burger and Dogs:



Just a burger joint and a sign? Well, not to some.

According to the Michigan Daily, "the Stonewall Democrats, a lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender caucus of the University's College Democrats chapter, has taken offense with the restaurant's logo and recently began circulating a petition to sway the owners to change the logo."

They claim the picture of the woman riding the hamburger next to the word "Quickie" contributes to the "objectification of women."

Oooo...kay. And what do the owners say?

"We were thinking beef, rodeo, so instead of putting a cowboy, we just picked a cowgirl. It's a rodeo-style cowgirl riding a bull, but instead, it's a burger. It was put together to be funny and different. No offense was meant to anyone."

And no offense would be taken in 99.9 percent of the country. But you're in A2. Where I think some folks actually look for stuff to be offended by, whether warranted or not. And the sign above definitely falls in the "not" category.

What say you?

Is the Quickie Burger sign offensive?
Yes, it's demeaning
No, it's just a burger sign
  
pollcode.com free polls

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Beware if you're invited to a "picnic" in Ohio

First the library now the patio furniture?

A 40-year old Ohio man, Art Price, Jr., has been charged with four counts of public indecency after he admitted -- and this is no April Fools' Day joke -- having sex with his patio picnic table. Repeatedly.

Yes, repeatedly. As in four times in one day!

Apparently, this wasn't a one night stand, folks, this was a relationship.

Now, I really think highly of my couch. And sometime my armoire just looks at me like it wants it. But so far, I've resisted those urges we all have to just let our passions run wild with the furniture. And while I've heard some guys say, in their more vulgar moments, "Gee, I'd like to bend her over the table," I've never heard -- as drunk as any of them have been -- "Gee, I'd like to bend over my picnic table."

So how did this sexual furniture predator get caught?

Police were tipped off after someone anonymously taped one of the incidents then gave it to authorities. Uh, how did that go down:

HUSBAND: Uh, Helen, you need to get over here. And bring my video camera.
WIFE: I'm watching Deal or No Deal.
HUSBAND: No, you need to see this. Because if somebody else doesn't, I'm not gonna believe it's happenin' myself.
WIFE: What the hell is it? A UFO or somethin'?
HUSBAND: Better. Art next door is fuckin' his picnic table. Again.

Even worse, I read in one of the (many) links sent my way about this story that Price is married with three kids. You think Elliot Spitzer had a lot of explaining to do? Ha! Today his wife wishes he were with a high-priced call girl. Or any girl for that matter.

ART PRICE: Honey, I have something to tell you and, well, you better sit down for this--No! Not at that table.

So how does one consummate a relationship with his patio furniture? (A cursory glance of my outdoor arrangement leaves me a tad confused as to what exactly is to go where if I were so inclined). Well, leave it to a perv to figure it out. Allegedly the neighbor who videotaped the incident (and wants to remain anonymous--surprise, surprise) saw Price walk outside, stand a round metal table on its side and insert himself into the umbrella hole.

Yeah, that sounds pleasurable. (And you think you need a lot of lubricant when you have intercourse without foreplay.)

Finally, while we have no proof Mr. Price is a TOSU/TUOS fan, he looks like a donut thrower to me.

Now if you'll excuse me, I think I hear a coffee table calling my name if you know what I'm saying. And if I'm feeling really randy, maybe I'll try to get the ottoman to join in. That's right: three-way! Schwing!

Ed. Note: Before we go, I'd like to offer a small prayer of thanks to the benevolent Comedy Gods...

"Thank you, oh thank you, ever-bountiful Comedy Gods for this story. I do not deserve such abundance. I humbly knee before you -- but not like Art Price's table -- in gratitude at your comedic blessings."

(Thanks to all who sent this story our way!)

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Wolverines Reach Frozen Four (Again!)

Even though it isn't our forte here at the MZone, as many of you have suggested, we would be remiss to not mention the Michigan men's hockey team. Yesterday, the top ranked Wolverines reached the Frozen Four in Denver April 10th with a thrilling 2-0 victory over Clarkston. I believe this marks the Wolverines' 22nd trip to the Frozen Four, the most in NCAA history.

I caught the last period and that was some damn exciting hockey. Goaltender Billy Sauer was outstanding, especially during a 6-on-3 Clarkston advantage in the last two minutes of play when he made some circus saves to preserve the victory and his shutout.

Big props to Red Berenson and his squad.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Rich Rodriguez: Ladies Man...or Photoshop victim?

Gee, maybe it's just my fading memory, but I don't recall seeing any photos like this floating around with Bo...


Man, I gotta tell ya, Mrs. Rodriguez is hot! Wow! Wow, wow, wow. Well done, Coach.

Uh, what's that Benny? That's not... oh. Oooooh.

Never mind.

Ed. Note: Yes, it did take great restraint not to go with an alternate caption for the above pic along the lines of, "So that's my spread offense in a nutshell. Tell me about yours."

ED. NOTE II: The Big Question - is this pic Photoshopped? What say you? Looking at it again - and reading SiC's comments - me thinks the smoking hot brunette might have been an addition.

(Big HT to LM)

Friday, March 28, 2008

Greatest Sports Movies: 15-11

Last week, before being sidetracked by Terrelle Pryor choosing the University of Ohio State for his college football playing days and Michigan O-lineman dropping like flies, we had started counting down the 15 Greatest Sports Movies of All-Time.

That first post contained the Honorable Mention films that just missed the cut for various reasons. Today, we take a look at films 15-11.

15. CINDERELLA MAN

Lloyd Carr was right: this is a great film. When it first came out, I didn't see this in the theater. Another underdog boxing movie? Ugh. And the title? Cinderella Man? What is this, some reject Disney flick? Double ugh.

But when I finally got around to seeing it, I loved it. Though I seem to recall (and Wikipedia confirms) this movie not doing well when it was released (probably for some of the same reasons that kept me from rushing out to see it), if you haven't checked it out, it's definitely worth a look.

14. A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN

A flick about a women's baseball league? Starring Rosie O'Donnell and Madonna? Here's another that, upon first hearing about it, doesn't exactly scream "Must see!" But, alas, like Cinderella Man above, this is a great flick. Start to finish.

"There's no crying in baseball!" Classic.

13. THE ROOKIE

The problem with most sports movies is, you know where they're going from the time you see the trailer. Case in point: The Rookie. If you follow sports, you either a) already knew about the story of pitcher Jim Morris or, if not, b) knew he was no longer in the league and thus didn't go on to have a long career. So you knew the story was about his journey: having promise, getting "sidetracked by life," getting the second chance nobody thinks he can achieve, and then achieving it, albeit briefly.

Yet, even knowing -- or thinking you knew -- where it was going, this was a great flick. I guess as is the case with most romantic comedies in that there is no surprise that boy gets girl at the end, even in sports movies where the endings are also often predictable, if the ride getting there is a good one (which seems to be more and more rare with movies today), the end result is an enjoyable flick.

12. BAD NEWS BEARS

No, not the fucking remake. Please. The original. In fact, this is the sports movie that many of the cliches in these movies today originated from. Real characters, real funny and just as entertaining when you were in 6th grade or seeing it again in your 30s.

P.S. The people who decided to remake this should be flogged.

11. THE NATURAL

As I look at the post today, I just realized that four of the five flicks today are baseball films -- which is surprising because I'm not a huge baseball fan (I think it's right up there with cricket on the ol' excitement meter). But I think the best sports movies aren't really about the sport, but about the individual and his quest (i.e. never giving up on your dream in Cinderella Man more than just "boxing").

The Natural is one of those films that is more mystical than "real" baseball as Roy Hobbs attempts to make a comeback many years after being attacked by a crazed fan when he was just coming up as "the next big thing." If you don't cheer when he blasts out the lights in the end, you don't have a pulse.

Hottest Co-eds

Counting down the greatest sports movies is an off-season time killer. Counting down the hottest co-eds is God's work.

Popcrunch.com counts down the 50 Hottest Student Bodies and -- surprise, surprise -- in first place is...


No surprise there. And this even though former ASU cheerleader-slash-porn star Courtney Cox/Simpson is retired from "the biz" according to Wikipedia (Yes, that's why Benny and I are wearing black this week).

You know, looking at the picture above again (and again and again and again), I don't know what the big deal is. Take away the water and the ASU sign and that picture could have been taken out front of Bursley.

(HT: CG)

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Boren Bails

NOTE: UPDATES BELOW

This isn't good.

Junior-to-be and starting "O" lineman Justin Boren has quit the Michigan football team. Boren, who started at center and right guard, was an All Big Ten honorable mention last season.

Apparently, Boren wasn't thrilled with the new offense and how grueling the first workout was when discussing the new regime 10 days ago.

According to the Free Press article linked above:

(Boren) said he had early thoughts about the process and the difficulty of the new conditioning program and how difficult it was for the offensive linemen having to run constantly back to the line of scrimmage in the no-huddle offense.

“We didn’t know what to expect, a lot of screaming and yelling, a lot different, but we’ll get used to it,” Boren said that day. “It’ll just take time.”

The O line now returns just one starter. And we have no QB.

You know, one part of me wants to get all Dan Hawkins on Boren's ass and tell him maybe that was part of the problem, maybe things were too complacent and this is how it should be. I seem to recall hearing stories about Bo Schembechler's first year and how players were dropping like flies.

On the other hand, I can't imagine an All Big Ten selection hated hard work so much that that's the reason he quit. Could he? As more of these stories emerge, you can't help but worry if R2 si a good "fit."

Regardless of the reasons for folks leaving, not to get all Chicken Little, but it could be a very long fall. A very long fall.

UPDATE: Our pal Dave at MaizeNBrew is just as pessimistic as I am about the upcoming season and has a very funny post up (in a laughing through the pain sort of way). I especially like his picture of Michigan's projected starter at guard for next season.

UPDATE II: Boren released a statement Wednesday which I just read on the DetNews.com...

"I regret leaving behind my friends and teammates, but I need to stand up for what I know is right. I wore the winged helmet with pride, whether we won or lost, whether things were going well or times were tough.

"Michigan football was a family, built on mutual respect and support for each other from (former) Coach (Lloyd) Carr on down. We knew it took the entire family, a team effort, and we all worked together. I have great trouble accepting that those family values have eroded in just a few months. That same helmet, that I was raised on and proudly claimed for the last two years, now brings a completely different emotion to me, one that interferes with practicing and playing my best and mentally preparing for what is required.

"That I am unable to perform under these circumstances at the level I expect of myself, and my teammates and Michigan fans deserve, is why I have made the decision to leave. To those of you outside the program, the loyal Michigan fans and alumni, I know you will have trouble understanding, but I do want to thank you for your years of support. I wish my teammates the best and will always be proud to have been a part of Michigan football over the past two years."


Sorry, but I don't think this can be simply written off as a guy who didn't like the new Ironman-esque training regimen brought in by R2. Boren's father played for Michigan under Bo, for cryin' out loud. This hints at something worse.

"And later that night when the lights went out of sight came the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgeraaaaaaald."

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

I think I have a crush on Jim Tressel's daughter

So I'm reading EDSBS today (and as a side note, Damn you, Orson! How the fuck do write about college football - and only college football - 365 days year, you magnificent bastard?!) and they have a post regarding a story in the Canton newspaper about Jim Tressel and a what a normal guy he is (normal, that is, for the head of a vast and dark evil empire).

Anyhoo, included in the story was a picture of Tressel and his family and, damn, I think I have a crush on Whitney Tressel (back row)...


I know, I know. I feel so dirty and I hate to admit it in public like this. But the fact is, Daughter of Darth Vader or not, she's cute.

P.S. In the newspaper story, it says Tressel mows his own lawn and shovels his own snow. For a guy living in a $1.4M home who makes just shy of $3 mil a year, that's probably an anomaly.

P.P.S. As has already been pointed out in the comments section, are we really being owned by a guy with two foo-foo dogs like that?! Needless to say, as with everything else Lord Vader, I pictured Tressel's dogs (which sounds like the name of a really hardcore punk band) in a slightly different light. I imagined them right up there with the Hounds of Hell. You know, huge hairy, bomb sniffing beasts ready to attack an opposing team's bus as soon as it enters The 'Shoe. Not two little Maltese things that look they were stolen from Lindsay Lohan's yard.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

How to Park Like a Buckeye

Got the picture and email below from MZone reader Matt who lives in Columbus and has a blog about bad parking called BadParkingAroundTown:

"Hi, I am a daily reader of your blog and I love it. I am an Avid U of M fan.

Anyways, I just wanted to show you this picture I took. I thought you might get a kick out of it. I have a blog about bad parking. I was out recently and took these pictures. From my experience, it's a typical "University of Ohio State" fan
."


And don't be fooled by the lot being empty, folks. You know this is the same guy at Christmas time jamming that thing into a compact space and dinging the shit out of the properly parked car next to him.

Ed. Note: For those of you who don't understand the "University of Ohio State" moniker, it is the official new name here at the MZone for our rivals to the south after being referred to as such by student-athlete and brand-new Buckeye Terrelle Pryor.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Two Minute Drill

* Fellow U-M alum Dan has started a sports blog called OrdosOpinion. Always want to help out a fellow Wolverine willing to put time into becoming a babe magnet -- otherwise known as a blogger.

* They may not be able to close the deal on the football field, but the Bucks know who to take down the national title in fencing. Yes, fencing. Some kid named Pryor clinched TUOS's third fencing title with a final "touch" (or whatever they call it in fencing) against his opponent from Harvard.

Now, two things about that last sentence. First off all, this Pryor kid is scary -- he's a fencer, too?! Second, that is the only time you will see the words "Ohio State" and "Harvard" in the same sentence in anything unless it's a story about a defendant and his attorney.

(HT: LM)

* Got the email below from MZone reader GH regarding U-M's new ticket policy:

Not sure if you have gotten any emails about this, but
I finally looked at the student football ticket policy
for next fall.

What the hell, man?

I happen to be a grad student who has been getting
student tickets for the past 2 years and I'll have
about 45 credits, which last year would have made me
eligible to be about row 40-50ish.

However I did my undergrad at another school, so now I
am going to be the lowest on the totem pole even
though I'll have more credits than most sophomores.
Every freshmen who drops out after 1 term will get a
better seating priority. If too many people get
seats, I may not be able to get a ticket. If I did my
undegrad at UM, I'd get the second best priority. How
am I less of a student? Are these 20K kids ahead of me
paying $1200/credit? Cause I am! (Keep in mind I
also don't jingle my keys....which should be part of
the priority)

To top it off, have you looked at the home schedule?
MAC schools and Mountain West Ahoy! (though to be
fair, Ball State and EMU did give UM some competition
in 07 and 06).

I'd seriously consider staying home next year and
watching on tv, but I can only get comcast.

Sigh...

Anyway. Love your blog. Hope this can spur some
conversation
.

* Finally, JP sent us the story below from InformationLeafBlower regarding our old friend, Colin Cowherd:

A colleague received this email last night. Draw your own conclusions.

Colin Coward Interview Opportunity- DC Area- TIME SENSITIVE

Hi there [redacted],

My name is [redacted] and I'm working with ESPN Radio to help promote some of their top talent. I wanted to touch base with you about an upcoming event we have with Colin Coward in the DC area. Colin is going to broadcasting from Clyde's Restaurant next to the Verizon Center THIS THURSDAY and we have just been informed he has granted interview opportunities with online press immediately following his show, at 1 PM.

I wanted to reach out to you to see if you were interested in being one of the four sites we are offering this opportunity to. Each site will have ten minutes of one-on-one time with Colin, as well as photos opportunities following. The space and time is understandable limited, so I will need to hear back from you ASAP as to whether or not you'd be interested.

Please let me know and I can give you further details! I understand the turnaround is very quick on this, but I think this will be a great opportunity that shouldn't be missed.

Thanks and look forward to hearing from you!

[redacted]

Oh, that's priceless. Gotta suck when the folks promoting your show can't even get your name right.