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Friday, October 05, 2007

Penn State Fans Claim Vast Right Wing(ed Helmet) Conspiracy

(from MZone wire reports) State College, PA -- In the wake of the Big Ten's decision that Michigan will not have to forfeit the Penn State game because they used an ineligible player, Nittany Lion fans are claiming the ruling proves there is a vast right wing(ed helmet) conspiracy against their school.

The issue involved a misinterpretation of Big Ten freshman eligibility rules regarding safety Artis Chambers. Chambers enrolled at Michigan in January and saw limited playing time on special teams in Michigan's first four games. The rule in question was a Big Ten rule not an NCAA rule and Michigan self-reported the mistake last Thursday.

But Penn State fans see something much more sinister in what happened and the league's ruling that seems to favor the team which has beaten them nine consecutive times, including a 14-9 victory this season.

"It's total bullshit," said longtime Nittany Lion fan Ned Karpawski of Altoona, PA. "First the refs fucked us - twice. Then Lloyd got those goddamn two seconds. Now this. Don't you see what's going on? Don't you?! ANSWER ME, GODDAMNIT! It's Michigan. They cheat! Their coach lies! We're the best! We are! Haven't you heard our chant!? HOW COME YOU CAN'T FUCKING SEE IT?! It's not us, it's THEM! THEM, GODDAMNIT! THEM! I'm not crazy. I'm not, goddamnit! NONE OF US WHO SUPPORT PENN STATE ARE! We're rational! They've cheated nine straight times. We've never been beaten by them, only cheated. Cheated and screwed! Because they got black helicopters. And they use them, with authorization from the UN to...to...cheat us! And then screw us. And then we start losing more games because of NAFTA, which is really a ploy to let Michigan fuck us each season and win! By cheating! And screwing! You think it's a coincidence there is no two dollar bill but they got two seconds put back on the clock!?! Have I mentioned the two seconds?! And what about the UFOs they use to brainwash the refs?! How else can you explain the nine losses?! They couldn't do it without help from government! They couldn't! Why are you looking at me like that?!"

Penn State's slide from preseason top ten to baffling mediocrity continues this weekend with another expected loss against Iowa which JoePa fans are already planning to blame on Michigan's 1997 team.


beast in 'bama said...

"Nurse Ratched, Nurse Ratched! The Chief voted! Now will you please turn on the television set?"

"Mr. McMurphy, the meeting was adjourned and the vote was closed."

"But the vote was 10 to 8. The Chief, he's got his hand up! Look!"

"No, Mr. McMurphy. When the meeting was adjourned, the vote was 9 to 9."

"Aw come on, you're not gonna say that now! You're not gonna say that now! You're gonna pull that hen house shit? Now when the vote... the Chief just voted - it was 10 to 9. Now I want that television set turned on *right now*!"

Yost said...


Love it, BiB

lane said...

Ned's rant sounds similar to one about about some sniffing dogs.

silly Ned!

(couldn't resist yost!)