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Thursday, September 27, 2007

Penn State Names Paterno Statue New Head Coach

(from MZone wire reports) State College, PA -- Following their 14-9 loss to Michigan in which the Nittany Lion offense continued to struggle and showed no imagination, Penn State has named the bronze Joe Paterno statue outside Beaver Stadium as its new head coach.

The statue was introduced at practice Wednesday and will be on the sidelines this Saturday when Penn State faces off against Illinois.

"After my son's cocker spaniel was calling out our offensive plays before they happened during the Michigan game, it became obvious we needed to make a change," said PSU Director of Athletics Timothy M. Curley.

"But we knew we couldn't fire Joe because the man's a living legend...and has donated all this money to the school...and graduates most of his players...and other crap like that which really has nothing to do with football. So it would look bad if we just canned him. Then somebody in my office suggested replacing him with the statue, which we all thought was brilliant. People can't really say we fired a legend, we just replaced one with another. Plus, the statue has only been around since 2002 and thus has a better grasp of modern offenses."

The move already seems to be paying off. Sources close to the program told the MZone that during the Nittany Lion practice yesterday, Bronze Joe Pa called three consecutive pass plays for the first team offense during its scrimmage against the first team defense, something that had previously never happened in Happy Valley.

(Note: the above was inspired by a reader comment on Todd Sponsler's 50-Yard Lion, an excellent Penn State blog which linked to us yesterday)


Out of Conference said...

I think it was wrong to have the statue posed in that straight leg gallop he demonstrated last year when he had "to go".

harry hasselhoff said...

Ah yes, who can forget when JoePa elected to "go for two" during the PSU-Ohio State game last year?

Papa Steve said...

LOL. Too bad there isn't a statue of Lloyd on campus in Ann Arbor ;)

WolverineSteve said...

Who would have thought that shitting his pants on the sidelines would have been the second worse thing to happen to him last year?