Rants, comments, thoughts and funny - mostly funny - on all things Michigan and college football.

If you have ideas, tips, links or pictures for the blog, e-mail us at: MichiganZone at gmail dot com.

Thanks for checking out the M Zone. And if you enjoy the site, please pass the link on to a friend or two. We'd sure appreciate it.

Twitter: @MZoneBlog

Facebook/MZoneBlog

Best Of Tat and Tresselgate

M Zone Videos

Best Of MZone 2.0

Best Of The Original MZone

Tosu Favorites

MZone Archive

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Oh, the humanity!

"It's finally here now. The 2007 season. They've brought Appalachian State onto the Big House field to be run over by a number of maize and blue men. Michigan's offense is starting with a touchdown; it's--the offense has started to slack up. Now the defense is barely holding, just enough to--


It's burst into flames! The 2007 season burst into flames! And it's falling! It's crashing! Watch it! Watch it! Get out of the way! Get out of the way! Michigan's national championship dreams are on fire-- and they're crashing! They're crashing terrible! Oh, my! Get out of the way, please! The season is burning and bursting into flames! And Michigan is falling-- falling out of the polls! This is terrible. This is the worst of the worst catastrophes in the college football world! It's in flames...crashing! Four or five in both polls and it's-- it's a terrific crash, ladies and gentlemen. It's smoke, and it's flames now! And Henne's Heisman chances are crashing to the ground, probably bringing Hart's with it. Oh, the humanity! And all the fans in the stadium are screaming for Lloyd's head around here. It-- I can't even talk to people. Ah- it's- it's a - ah, I- I can't talk, ladies and gentlemen! Honest, the season, it's just laying there, a mass of smoking wreckage. Ah. And everybody in the stands, the Michigan fans, can hardly breathe and talk, and the screaming. Honest; I can hardly breathe. I'm going to step out of the stadium for I dare not see it. Losing to a 1-AA team, that's terrible. I can't watch. Folks, I'm going to have to stop for a minute because I've lost my voice. This is the worst thing I've ever witnessed."

50 comments:

tdawg said...

Wow, I'm sorry

howie said...

Dude...at least u were a good sport and made a creative Hidenburg reference.

Excellent fark too.

As a non-Blue fan (but a fan of your blog), I was eagerly anticipating how you would respond to such a tragedy of biblical proportions.

Please fire Loser-Lloyd Carr.

fourteenandoh said...

thanks for the entertainment today! App St is HOT, HOT, HOT!

see you in ten weeks when y'all are 10-1. go bucks

Jeff said...

There's something about being present in a horrific disaster, rather than catching news highlights or hearing about it from someone second hand.

I only got to listen to the game on a poor AM signal, and I'm still numb. I cannot imagine having been in that stadium today.

FWIW, here's something that might ease the pain a little around here - at least for the next two minutes and fifty-four seconds. If you need more than three minutes of relief, just hit the replay button.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qvcvc8ZYHm8&NR=1

PS - Andy...ANY, and I mean ANY help in the "still photo" department? We need relief over here!!

Jason said...

Well played!

surrounded in columbus said...

so i get back to columbus, go for the evening w/ all the little buckeyes (who are trying to act sympathetic) and i keep getting asked: "what happened?"

that's when it hit me- it was deja vu all over again. this was like explaining ND/Minn in 2005, ND/TOSU in '04, Oregon/Iowa in '03, etc, etc.

this loss was just like every other loss to a mediocre(several loss) team we've had over the last 5 or 6 seasons. ill prepared and out coached. you could take damn near every comment typed here in '05 and apply it today.

19 losses in 6 seasons before today. Lloyd has had a total of 3 seasons in 12 where he has lost less than 3/ on 1 in the last 6. 2006? 2003? those were the aberrations. whatever kind of coach he may have been thru 2000, the other 4 years? today? that's the real indication of who Lloyd has become.

if he can't turn it around? time has come for him, and the bulk of that staff, to go. if he can turn it around? same answer. if he goes 11-1, all it means now is that he pissed away an BCS NC game caliber opportunity.

he's done.

couple extra random thoughts- anyone else bemused by the A2 News "Lion in Winter" headline in the game day special as the afternoon progressed?

anyone else think those were the longest time out breaks ever?

notice the concession stands weren't broadcasting the game? no local (comcast) feed in A2?

Victor said...

GO TROJANS!!!!

surrounded in columbus said...

one last factoid- of the 19 losses in 6 seasons- 11 of them to teams w/ 3 losses or more (by season's end). he can't beat the good teams. he can't beat the mediocre.

kleph said...

here's a suggestion. go out and sign app state to be next year's opener as soon as humanly possible.

1) they've shown they can play with the big boys and so this gives them a measure of the respect they deserve. that shows class.

2) schedule any other cupcake in the next decade and it looks like you are running from the dog that bit you.

3) you postively gar-ron-tee your team will be focused from game one of the season.

4) accepting them as a worthy rival is about the only way to atone for the loss in any degree. denigrating them as a lesser opponent only makes what happened look worse.

TitleIX said...

thanks SiC
I feel soooo much better now....

like I said, the emperor has no clothes. Lloyd needs to rescue this season however he can and then go.

today's Ann Arbor News' headline sums it up pretty well...
"WHAT JUST HAPPENED???"

I'll tell ya, we got BOONED by that little ol' team from Boone, NC.

Frank said...

I am no fan of Michigan- or a detractor. At Tulane, we lose games all the time!

But... I like the idea of Michigan playing Applachian State again.

First, it is interesting- who wouldn't want to see that game in the midst of the normal awful week one slate of games the college powers play.

The super classy thing would be to actually go to Applachian State. They'd sell it out- so Michigan could rightly ask for a huge guarantee- and it would generate a ton of good feeling out of this situation.

The Old Man said...

ASU stadium only holds 16,000 people

Katie said...

I was at the game. They were broadcasting the game at the concession stands, at least the one that I went to. (I will hold my comments on the money hungry Comcast) The crowd was in shock after the game. I know I felt dazed as I walked home. I woke up this morning hoping it was a dream. Yost is right, firing Carr now would be wrong...he is in for the season. I just hope we don't have a .500 season.

mmacrn said...

For most, still sleeping on this early Sunday morning. For me, a Michigan fan for most of my life, still reeling over a season ending loss.I think back to the day before the game and my hopes for a great season. Not only for all of the fans, but also for the big three who turned down millions to attempt to make a dream reality. This said , I try to keep it all in focus.Realizing this , though very large, is a football game. Emphasis on Game. So how important is it. in the grand scheme of things not very. Sure , I will have to endure the comments form my buckeye neighbor until the end of time. And I will read about and hear about the biggest upset in history until the next biggest upset comes along.However, I won't loose sleep over it. I won't stop living because of it. In reality, a game like this is what makes sport so appealing. Everyone @ one point or anther has rooted for the underdog. Though I never would go against The Wooves, I have to say I am happy for the Mountaineers. They came into "our house" and out coached, out played and essentially beat us. Nobody who is a Michigan fan likes it, but it is what it is. We can blame and say LLoyd this or The defense this or the offense that, but you know what the last time I looked football is a team sport : "You win as a team" " you lose as a team" Know this ' Any team is vulnerable at any time............and though painful now the season continues, Get ready for the next one. Prepare for battle because the war is not over........You can bet if you don't play as a team, everyone from the back ups back up to the headliners need to be on the same page. That way if you don't win the game it falls on everyones shoulders............... Not just the coach or the starting QB or the starting Defense............Go BLUE ! LUE

intellidouche said...

The Game – This is a game Michigan can’t win. Oh, sure, they’ll score more points that AppState, but no matter what the final score is, no Wolverine fan is going to feel good. Win by 40 and what’s the big deal, so they beat a I-AA, sorry, Champion Subdivision team. What bullies. Struggle against the best Champion Subdivision team and win by a touchdown and watch the Wolverines fall in the polls. This is not the weakest team Michigan will play this year. This would probably not be the worst team in the Big Ten. But a victory, no matter the margin, won’t look good or even be satisfying. MICHIGAN 42, APPALACHIAN STATE 23.

Marcus said...

Nicely done!

Super G said...

Let me lay claim to my dismay by noting I grew up in A2, am a U of M grad, had parents that worked for the U of M, attended more than 100 U of M games growing up through college (including the 1969 OSU victory) --- SO LET'S GET ON WITH GETTING A STAFF THAT KNOWS HOW TO WIN. Carr needs to step down this week or the AD should do it for him.

For reference, I now live in Chapel Hill and UNC told the coach he was done 4 weeks before the end of the season. He stayed on coaching and the team did better knowing that there was going to be a new staff the next year.

Having had exposure to APSU and knowing that U of M's defense was suspect, I knew we wouldn't blow out APSU ... but to lose is simply unacceptable.

I hate this loss for Hart and Long, but the rest of us or the team don't deserve much sympathy.

We've had the talent for years on the sideline, but we've let the AD and school keep us hanging on ... with repeated humiliating bowl losses and continuing losses to OSU.

Michigan can recover from this ... next season. Even winning out from here shouldn't keep Carr and the staff another year.

Sir Putts-a-lot said...

I am somewhat ashamed that most PSU fans see this as a good thing. I don't.

Perhaps I am rationalizing (I'd like for our game on the 22nd to mean something, and the winner to be considered in the top echelon) but Appalachian State would probably be a 6th or 7th place team in every BCS conference, and 4th or 5th in the Big East.

No, that doesn't really make the loss feel any better and I know Michigan fans expect way more from their team than a loss to a Northwestern or Illinois level program... but the 1-AA label is VERY misleading.

Super G said...

Well - being in Chapel Hill - as a side note:

The UNC Women's soccer team lost 1-0 to South Carolina in their opening game. UNC Women's soccer has been called the greatest sports dynasty of all time. They had not lost an opening game in 29 years.

DP said...

As a Penn State fan, I knew this was bad for us, bad for the Big Ten... I knew this will only hurt our chances for a national title run (especially because even if every team has 1 loss, ours most likely will be in Ann Arbor on 9/22) Will the voters really elect a team that lost to a team that lost to Appalacian St? Probably not.

Ever year I always say, a team that wins the Big Ten deserves a shot at the BCS national title. This year I can't say that. Because of this game.

That said, watching this game, I was rooting for ASU. I just couldn't physically bring myself to root for Michigan. It was like watching Rocky vs. Drago. The Mountaineers were taking everything Michigan had and kept coming back for more. It really was inspiring. I'm just glad we had FIU on our schedule.

Da Vest said...

Some thoughts from the OSU side.

1) The M coaches just don't develop talent well. This is showing more and more each year. It will hurt your recruiting because players look at NFL draft stats.

2) Your seniors, especially Hart, are poor leaders. His trash talking this year sounds like it comes from a freshman. We see that stuff at tOSU and it gets handled early.

3) You need a young innovative coach, but it appears that your administration is more of a fine wine (old and dusty) than an energy drink.

4) This loss, combined with the OSU and M bowl losses last year make the B10 irrelevant this season. There are no strong OOC games to alleviate this mess of losses. The only hope for the conference this season is respectable bowl match-ups that the B10 teams win. This means no ND. Thankfully they suck so bad this year that they will be out of the bowls.

5) These are probably the darkest days of M football ever. Your huge fan base will keep the program from sinking, but some really decisions must be made this year by the administrations. Otherwise the program will languish.

6) Nicely played, as always, Yost.

RTBDTHRTR said...

You guys should cough up $5 million a year for Nicky "CoonAss" Saban. He's always "for sale", and he has NO BUYOUT CLAUSE at Bammer.

Think about it...

One Man Gang said...

I must be the only Michigan fan who's not all that torn up about this one. I guess for me, this is not a sudden "WTF" moment but the inevitable conclusion of the last 10 years of Michigan football. We have been sliding into mediocrity fuled by ego and apathy for years now, and we have been getting away with it "Because we're Michigan." What I like about this loss is that it will force change. If we had lost to Northwestern, or whatever other low-ranked teams we play this season, the AD would have blown it off as an embarrassing anomaly. Pressure would have increased for an overhaul, as it always does, but, as always, no significant change would have occurred. This loss, on the other hand (which is deceptive -- I'll get to that in a minute) HAS to be addressed in a major way and in a timely manner. It's just brought too much shame to the program. So that's good in the way that a bloody revolution can sometimes be good.

As for the loss, it's bad, but it's not as bad as people think it is. Many will say I'm just making excuses, but I'm not. I don't think our team is good, and I think our program is a dinosaur. But App State is better than you might think considering the "1-AA" tag applied to them. Because of the decreasing scholarships available to D-1 programs, there has been a marked evening out of the talent in D-1. Witness Boise State last year, but more accurately, witness the dozens of mid-majors that upset BCS schools every season. What I'm getting at is that App State is a team that could walk over probably as many as 30 of the bottom feeder D-1 schools right now, and could probably beat another 30-40 of them on the right day. Now, Michigan SHOULD NOT be amongst those schools. But nonetheless. It's not as bad a loss, matchup wise, as everyone thinks it is. What it is is an INCONCEIVABLE loss sports zeitgeist-wise.

Which, as I said before, is a good thing, in an f'ed up way.

Deborah said...

Just wanted to leave a quick note. I'm an Ohio girl who wandered onto this site via google and wanted to say thanks to all the classy people here--both the original article and the commenters. It's nice to read comments from people who don't have their head so far down in the dirt that they can't speak cleanly, clearly or with any intelligence.

As much as I enjoy Buckeye Football and the whole season-long experiences, there *are* bigger things in life, and demonstrating respect and courtesy as human beings is far and above more important.

Thank you again, one & all, and God Bless!

Cero said...

Just wanted to add my two cents as a college football fan:

1.Let's face it, Michigan was overrated for quite some time.

2. Let's face it, the Big Ten has been overrated for quite sometime. The Big Ten's main problem is that they just don't recruit players with speed and overall athleticism. (Point to Mike Hart...now as a response). When facing another opponent with speed not only Michigan has trouble, but so does OSU and other Big Ten foes.

3. The cure for these problems: not only should UM play App. St. at App. St (because App. St. has earned the right and enough respect to host a game), but the Big Ten should think about bringing in App. St into the Beg Ten. Yes it sounds crazy and App St. is incredibly small but there are many small D-I schools, and with the inclusion into the conference will give it enough money to grow and develop.

Plus App. St. would bring in speed and athleticism, and also be a team that other schools won't mind beating up on, for easy wins. Its crazy yes, but there 2 D-IAA rings and there going into the Big House and denominating at least could give the idea some life and debate.

whetstonebuck said...

Cero,

Appy's location might be a problem.

Brian said...

Not to mention App. State doesn't even approach the requirements needed to join the conference. Hell, I don't know if they meet the requirements to join the Sun Belt.

OnWisconsin! said...

I think after something like this you have to look for the silver lining:
Although this was an embarrassment for the Big10, a humiliation of a class program, a big ding in UW's strenght of schedule, and may have eliminated the chance to get big bucks on ebay for my tix for the Michigan game I found a bright side.
I won't have to listen to any more condescending comments about Wisc's schedule from last year.

Now get out there and kick Notre Dame's butt!

Philip said...

34-32!!! Wow Michigan Fan! What do you have to say for yourself now? I've heard that some of you have down played this loss and say this is not a big deal and should not be considered the greatest upset in college football history. Well wake the f*ck up BLUE! You were ranked #5 in the country! Even if my beloved Spartans, fell to these clowns they still would have pasted it all over ESPN. You deserve the criticism and this loss, for all the BS we put up with. So now you're going to run the table and win the Big Ten??? You guys are delusional. Think real hard about this lose, how are you going to beat Oregon a Pac-10 school? See you November 3rd in East Lansing, we will make it rain on your secondary. Good luck with the your soon to come interim coach. Go Green!

Richard Dennis MIller said...

If Michigan thought they were scheduling Cupcake State, they weren't paying attention. App State is back to back defending D1AA champion and they have the longest winning streak in the country. App would beat half the D1 schools on any given Saturday. This wan't a fluke. If App was D1 in a non-BCS conference, they would have maybe 8 or 9 wins and go to a bowl. App is the best team in NC right now. They would kill Duke and beat NC, NC State, Wake, East Carolina and for that matter Clemson just across the border. They are not big but they are fast!

Jim said...

As embarassing as this loss was, I wouldn't be so quick to jump on the pile if I were another Big Ten squad on our schedule. The season may be lost for us, but how stupid will you feel if we walk over you? If you think the team will roll over and play dead as soon as the next 1-A team walks through the tunnel, you're sadly mistaken.

This must really be a bad loss for the cow palace to be chiming in.

whetstonebuck said...

Cow Palace?

Please enlighten.

chazz said...

I agree with those who feel that the whole team along with the coaching staff must share the blame for this loss. That's what TEAM means. You share the good and bad. You can have a great, good or adequate game plan, but if the player(s) miss an assignment or don't perform to their potential you can't blame the coach who worked with them all week or longer on the fundamentals of the game plan. Michigan played a very good team, maybe a better team than Michigan was. Congrats to ASU for taking advantage of the opportunity to showcase their program's talent. Michigan underestimated ASU and ASU made them pay for it.

Harrison Clifford said...

-This loss is the equivalent of putting sanctions, i.e. the loss of a couple of scholarships on the Michigan program. Lloyd Carr personally sanctioned Michigan football by costing us top recruits and possibly making commits rethink their commitment. That might as well be the loss of scholarships. How many are thinking that it might be time to get out now while they still can?

-Boy, makes you think that Bo picked a good time to die.

Harrison Clifford said...

-First off, players are responsible for poor performances, but just as much coaches are responsible for the training and motivation of those same players. Confucious said something to the effect that an untrained army is a waste of an army. That was the case. Michigan coaches let this game slide out of the mind of the players and let them focus ahead to the future contests. That was compounded by the fact that all the question marks (defense/secondary) was abysmal and poorly coached. English is out with his exposed D when Carr leaves and so is DeBord who couldn't make it at CMU. What a waste. Oh and by the way, thanks Bill Martin for ending one UM record for the longest streak going without playing a 1-AA team (since the thirties) and putting us in the books with another one for the greatest humiliation ever suffered by one team.

-Michigan recruits as good as anyone year in and out and has the ability to win the title. Why dosn't it happen? tOSU gets good corner play consistently as well as from the rest of their players. They maximize their players' potential. The only thing that can be said is that the coaching style at UM hinders all american prep stars from reaching greatness. Charles Woodson was different as have a couple players here and there been. That is because they had a natural feel for the game and didn't let bad coaching ruin their play. They had that killer instinct.

-Speaking of killer instinct, Carr is as about as intimidating and go-for-the-throat as a Bridget Moynahan is with John Edward Thomas Moynahan. I remember when a story was ran last year about how Carr was motivating the players with that movie Cinderella Man! Players in their teens and early 20s are not motivated by Renee Zell and stories of hard times in the Great Depression. Those stories teach nothing of killer instinct. And think that K.I. doesn't translate into titles? Just watch highlights of the UM PSU game in '97 and watch as a UM safety lays it all out to hit a PSU TE... then you will remember what killer instinct and giving it your all is all about. And you will know that it was the players on that team that had IT and won IT on their own. Refuse to lose!

-If you want to motivate players try a different Russell Crowe movie that young guys (like myself) get motivated off of and makes you want to go out and murder terrorist b!tches! In the opening of Gladiator when Maximus is talking to his cavalry he says, "Gentlemen, what we do in life echoes an eternity." That is the point... do you want to be remember for being second best because you weren't willing to sacrfice yourself in the name of victory and honor? If you do then you don't belong at UM. That is a reason I give that snake-in-the-grass Tressel credit. He hides behind his sweatervest but he's like Clarrett has said. He's evil and knows how to get dirty with his crew. He identifies with his players and knows how to bring out the dog in them and get them ready for the ring like Michael Vick does in the offseason. That's why he owns Carr's Lisa Frank Warriors.
Motivation isn't anything without preparation and preparation isn't anything without motivation. Get kids pumped to play by showing glorious past teams like '97 and great games honoring UM's true legacy. Show clips of Gladiator, the Waterboy and Braveheart! Know how to identify with and take care of the players so as to put them into position to win it all. Carr thinks that that can be done with a few smiles and some sweet conversations reserved for Yacht Club members.

-This brings me to the bright side. With how bad that was, tommorrow can't be worse. And next year we will surely have a new coach. So here is my dream scenario. First we all know that Michigan only hires within the family so lets look at the candidates. Ron English... are you kidding? He's out. Fredo Harbaugh... after those comments and a destined rebuilding year where we won't see his potential he's out for at least a decade. Les Miles... DUH!

-A Bo player and assistant he is family and UM fans would embrace him and his not so damned conservative approach. He identifies with his players and you will never see a Miles team unprepared... see 45-0. Their D is always in the top 3 of all the land and they have a great secondary year after year (something that plagues UM like lepracy or Madonna). They are always focused and ready for the kill. He's a motivator and a go-for-the-throat kinda coach... see the fake field goal to set up a LSU TD against ND last year in the Sugar Bowl when they were already up about 20. Which brings me to another point... Wies and ND was owned by Miles who probably loves to stick it to ND as evidenced by that trickeration from "THE HAT". And with a nickname like that... who wouldn't want an innovator like him for a coach. Furthermore, Miles looses one or two a year in the SEC, but those are usually away games and against others who are the class of the conference. He doesn't lose to the Kentuckys or Ole Miss' like Carr does to Mich State or Northwestern. Also, Miles-Tressel, those would be some classic battles. And if all that isn't enough, he's in with all the high school coaches in Louisiana and the deep south, and as such will open new doors to the deepest and most talented pool of prep stars in the nation.

-So how do we get him? Well LSU hasn't fully loved him since Saban won a title and Miles hasn't repeated the feat, though LSU has been the consistent class of the SEC since he took over. So let's say he wins the SEC West, or even the SEC title, but doesn't bring home a National title or even a shot with a loss or two. Maybe even one (aint gonna happen.. though neither was APP. State) to Saban and the tide. So at the end of the season A2 calls for their beloved son to return home and with LSU still a little cold to the never good enough Les Miles, he feels wanted, maybe sees a few more dollar signs and we got a real coach. I can only forsee the return of the 90's, maybe even better, with Miles at the helm in A2.

Bekki said...

I am maize and blue through and though and every goddamn year, I am left with a hole in my chest from being kicked in the nutz by that 1 game. I mean after last years complete ass-whooping in the Rose Bowl, I was pleased to see our boys ranked for BCS hopes this year. But after Saturdays ABORTION of global proportions, I CANNOT WATCH OR FOLLOW A SINGLE FUCKING GAME this year. I have already written off the entire season in hopes that Jesus Christ himself will come down and re-build this fucked up program from the ground up. This is like the fucking Yankees losing to a little league team. Are you fucking kidding me?!!!!

Jim said...

Annoying in-state ag school with paltry football credentials = cow palace.

Yes, this is me deflecting a little. I can take a little ribbing from tosu, even PSU, but you've got to draw the line somewhere.

Haga said...

UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE!!!!!!


Some where in MD this true conversation takes place.....

Patron: Excuse me bartender, do you by chance have direcTV installed here?

Bartender: Yep sure do...

Patron: If the bar doesn't mind, could you please turn it on the BTN so I could see the score of the Michigan game??

Bartender: Anybody have a problem if I turn off the Mich St. game in the corner TV?? No? Here you go guy, enjoy. Can't do the main TV, most everybody here is watching the V-Tech game...

Patron: All good, I understand... I appreciate it...

(Bartender grabs the remote and locates channel 220 on DirecTV with 3 minutes remaining...)

Patron: WTF?!?!?! Are you FUCKING kidding me??

(Patron watches TV nervously as the seconds slowly tick away)

Patron: WTF??!?! WTF?!?!!? Can't they stop ANYBODY??? ARRRRGGGHHH, fucking grab someone if you fucking have too!!!! WTF?!?!? I need a drink!!! BARTENDER!! Shot of GG!!!!

(Patron watches as Appalachian State kicks a field goal to take the lead)

Patron: I feel sick... I feel sick... I think I just had a heart attack and two light strokes...

Bartender: You ok there guy??

Patron: Look damnit, my phone is about to blow the fuck up like the fucking World Trade Towers. You'd think I was a 911 phone operator the way I'm going to be switching back and forth between lines... Just keep the fucking GG coming, on second thought, fuck GG I want tequila, bring me two shots of Jose Cuervo, better yet, just bring the damn bottle...

Bartender: Look guy, I can't give you the whole bottle, this isn't a whole sale outlet...

Patron: Dude, here's a hot one ($100 bill) if I can't have the whole bottle, then I don't want to see the bottom of this shot glass ok?? Keep the thing freaking full... We clear??

Bartender: Will Do....

(Michigan drives down to the ASU 26 yard line with 6 seconds left...)

Patron: OMG!! OMG!!! Oh God yes!!!!!!! Please, please, please, please, please make this fucking field goal!!! YOU BETTER NOT MISS THIS BITCH, OTHERWISE I'M TAKING A ROAD TRIP!!!! I can't look... I can't look... Oh God, I feel sick again.. Please make this, please make this, I don't want to be found dead in a restaurant bathroom from alcohol poisoning... PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE......

(Michigan lines up for the final play of the game....)

Patron: please, please, please... Our Father, which art in Heaven.... OMG, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bartender (leans over bar): Dude you ok down there???

Patron: Look, here's all the cash I have on me... Give me every bottle you got on the top shelf and don't stop filling my glass till either you close for the night, or you run out of liquor, or if you hear me babbling incoherently about plotting to out smart CSI detectives on the off chance I commit a murder.....

Bartender: Huh???

Patron: TOP SHELF DAMMIT!!! LIQUOR!! NOWWWWWWWW!!!!!

True Story......

(Disclaimer) No animals were hurt in the following story... However two toilets and a street corner were grossly violated from expunging liquids and half digested food... Also a shirt was soiled and promptly burned the next morning....

Peter Bae said...

Yesterday, September 1, 2007- a date which will live in infamy...

G8RB8R said...

Damn, I would love to be the guy selling brown paper garbage bags in Ann Arbor this week. I'd make a fortune selling them to M fans! Most overused phone # in Ann Arbor this weekend - 911 Suicide watch.

Absolutely the worst nightmare for any college football fan. The only thing worse would be if Appalacian State loses all the rest of its games this year!

Being a GATOR, we play 2 or 3 of these games every year. They are supposed to be gimmes. DO YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO ME???

SharonRB said...

At least you have a sense of humor about it -- pretty good satire! I'm so glad I sold my tickets for the game and could only listen on the radio. It was torture without even being able to see it. I've had bad feelings about this game for weeks now, though. I just knew they'd be overly confident and would be ripe for an upset. Heall of a way to start the season.

DonnieB said...

First time I have posted, but I love your blog. The kittens made me feel better....the dude abides.

I have always love Michigan football. I have always counted the days from Jan 1st until Sept 1st like a kid waiting for Christmas. I have never faltered in my love of the big blue through good and bad. My love was true through events such as:

-The Colorado Bomb pass

-The 8-4 seasons of Lloyds early tenure

-Gary Moeller's drunken shananigans

-Remember the Alamo (pitch the fucking ball Tyler)

-The recent OSU losses

-All of the bowl losses, which include the 2-199 Rose Bowl record

This however, I can not tolerate. To underachieve as a team to such a massive degree shows me that Lloyd has lost this team. He has not adapted to the times (understatement), and the memory of '97 is now so far away that it could have been '57 for all I know.

This is the first time I have ever said this, but PLEASE LET LLOYD GO! Not now, but "let him" retire at the end of the season with whatever dignity he has left after what this season could shape up to be. I hope that the boys in blue get it together soon, or this may be the longest fall of all of our college football lives.

Go Blue (I guess)

____________ said...

Can I be a paulbearer?

TitleIX said...

who's paul???????

Run Up The Score! said...

The guy who used to pal around with The Undertaker. Don't play stupid.

motion said...

I have only six words to say "Pat Hill Pat Hill Pat Hill" We need Pat Hill

Todd said...

That picture is sweet. It brings to mind the scene in Sienfeld when Newman runs over the sewing machine and then over the paint thinner that Kramer spilt and Newman was yelling " Oh the Humanity".

Photon Torpedo Tube said...

Hello, I think your blog is great. I posted a link to your post on my site. We, South Carolina, play an FCS team, South Carolina State, this weekend.

Bobo the Bee said...

Probably the single funniest thing I saw when we beat ya'll .. gratz on Salvaging the season at least .. And please oh please beat tOverrankedStateUniversity .. that would make my day: Michigan's title hopes gone from my college, and anyone beating tOSU. Michigan > tOSU .. please?

helen said...

And do you have some kind of women's forum here?