DEEP-VOICED NARRATOR GUY: In a world where a preseason top 5 team could be embarrassed at home by a 1-AA squad and then ass-raped by an unranked PAC-10 school the following week, only one man can inspire them to stop sucking...
MAXIMUS: My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Ann Arbor Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Bo Schembechler. Father to a murdered defense, husband to a murdered special teams unit. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.
At my signal, unleash hell...and start making tackles, and stop throwing picks in the red zone, and quit getting field goals blocked, and giving up big plays, and making mental mistakes...
MAXIMUS: What you do in the Big House...echoes in eternity!
JOE PATERNO: The actor who became a friend of the coach. The friend who became a motivational speaker. The motivational speaker who inspired the team to start winning. Striking story! But now, college football fans want to know how the story ends. Only a stirring run to the Big 10 title will do. And what could be more glorious than to start that run by defeating Joe Pa himself and his Top 10 team in the great Big House?
MAXIMUS: You want to fight a resurgent Michigan team on its home turf?
JOE PATERNO: Why not? You think I'm afraid?
MAXIMUS: I think you've been afraid all your life. Or at least the last eight times you played Michigan.
JOE PATERNO: They put two seconds back on the clock! Two fucking seconds or that game in 2005 was mine, you son of a bitch!
BILL MARTIN: You will remove your Michigan hat and tell me your name.
MAXIMUS: My name is Motivator.
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15 comments:
Classic Yost!
does this mean that Crowes Next 2 movies flop?
About that, "What you do in the Big House...echoes in eternity"... you're not talking about the noise, right? j/k
Nice one, I actullay laugheed out loud on that.
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Ann Arbor Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Bo Schembechler. Father to a murdered defense, husband to a murdered special teams unit. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.
At my signal, unleash hell...
actually a pretty good metaphor
both Maximus and the Wolverines end up getting killed at the end
:)
great post.
BiB,
That's too good. Might have to add it to the post.
BiB,
Done. Thanks!
Absolutely brilliant!
Srudoff, sure, Maximus dies in the end, but not before taking out his most hated rival who has been at the source of his agony.
I was so hoping someone was going to make a Russel Crowe picture with him holding up Jimmy Clausen's head yelling, "Are you not entertained!?"
If you find yourself alone, the first of the ranked to lose to a I-AA school, do not be troubled. For you are in Elysium, and you're already dead!
This was brilliant. I am speechless. I am without speech!
Does this make Russell Crowe an honorary Michigan Man?
"resurgent michigan team"?
beating ND does not make one resurgent - you pretty much just need a pulse to beat ND nowadays
plus you got your best line from someone in Alabama..... nuff said.
;)
Oooooh, backhanded by some moronic regional bigotry...
;)
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