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Friday, August 31, 2007

Famous Jim Delaney Negotiations Throughout History

It's finally here: today marks the official launch of the Big Ten Network.

Sure, with the opening kick-off of the 2007 season just two days away, many fans still won't be able to watch their favorite teams play this weekend - games that used to often be free on the local hometown station or easy to get via ESPN's GAMEPLAN. But, as you probably already know, that is all the fault of the big, bad cable companies that don't want to be blackmailed into carrying an overpriced regional sports network on its basic packages are just being giant doody heads for no reason.

Luckily, conference commissioner Jim Delaney, who is using Big 10 fans as pawns has been showcasing his negotiating skill and acumen with the nation's cable companies, has come through for the fan again with the last minute addition of Insight Communications, a cable provider which services Columbus, Ohio and Evansville, Indiana.

Of course, to students of history, this should come as no surprise. As he's displayed thus far in the BTN vs. Big Bad Cable Battle, throughout history, Jim Delaney has been a negotiating powerhouse, always striking the right, fair deal at the right time.

Delaney's first brush with negotiating fame came in 1626 when, working on behalf of Dutchman Peter Minuit , he convinced Native American tribes who owned the island of Manhattan to sell it to Minuit for $24 in beads and trinkets.

When the Indian tribes initially asked for $30, claiming the Dutch were being cheap with their "second tier offer," Delaney famously said, "In colonial New York, when you're talking about the Dutch, you talk about them with respect. When you throw in the beads and the trinkets, that is not a second-tier offer."

More recently, Delaney pushed through the Munich Agreement with the French and British in 1938.

When England's Winston Churchill blasted the pact by saying, "We have suffered a total and unmitigated defeat...you will find that in a period of time which may be measured by years, but may be measured by months," Delaney fired back saying that if Churchill wanted to be remembered as a great leader, like Neville Chamberlain, he should "shut his pie hole" and added, "To the extent that those remarks were intended to denigrate England or France or, in particular the women's volleyball team at Liverpool, I think they ought to be rethought. I think if clarifications are necessary, that's fine. And really, if they were intended to denigrate, there ought to be an apology."

Then, as now, nobody understood what the fuck he was talking about by bringing up women's volleyball as an issue.

Most recently, in probably his greatest negotiating coup, Delaney convinced Clark Kent it was in his - and earth's - best interest to give up his incredible powers in SUPERMAN II so that he could marry Lois Lane.

"Hey, people act as if I told him to kneel before Zod. I didn't," said Delaney.


Thus, with such a negotiating machine on our side, don't be surprised if fully 23% of Big Ten fans will be able to get the BTN by the end of February.

6 comments:

Bo said...

a touch of humor, a dash of sarcasm, and a preaching to the choir = fantastic post!

Temp430 said...

Just stop your bitching and whining and sign up for DirecTV.

Or not but rest assured that you and Comcast have taught the Big Ten Network a lesson.

Ya, right.

Bo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bo said...

I've got Insight but don't reside in the "blessed" regions of Cbus or Evansville... so I'm holding out until next week... when DirectTV might become my new bff!

surrounded in columbus said...

well, insight just cut the deal. we're dancing in the streets (at least in the NE 'burbs where insight provides the cable).

the rest of you? you're on your own.

bo- their website says you can get it on their sports package.

annabelle43 said...

Yost if it makes you feel any better I will be here in Portland Oregon watching the BTN! Don't feel to bad about not having it right now, curretly they are showing last years OSU game. Who would want to see that??