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Thursday, May 24, 2007

"It's so close, you can spit on Fulmer from here."

As any good real estate agent knows, the number one rule when purchasing property is "location, location, location." And for most people, that means things like views, or being near good schools or living in a safe neighborhood.

But not in Alabama when marketing to Crimson Tide fans.

Apparently, the way to entice University of Alabama fans to purchase property is to tease them with promises of being able to spit on an opposing coach or throw objects at another team's fans.

No, we're not kidding.

MZone reader Chris sent us this link to Houndstooth Condominiums, a development "built for Bama fans" whose main selling point according to the website seems to be that it's just .4 miles away from "your balcony to Bryant-Denny" stadium. As the home page for the $215 to $300K condos states:

"Imagine yourself living in a luxurious condominium, just steps away from the home of 12 National Championships! Your dream gameday in Tuscaloosa is now a reality... Don’t just be close to the game, be a part of the game!"

Ok, nothing wrong with that, right? Well, click on "The Location" link. Here's what it says:

"Feel like spitting on Fulmer? You’ll be close enough to do it. Want to chunk a corn dog at those annoying LSU fans? Do it from your balcony. That’s how close Houndstooth is to the action. Avoid the traffic and parking stress. Walk to the quad to capture those moments that make Tuscaloosa special."

Are you fucking kidding me?! Folks, I wouldn't have believed had I not seen it with my own eyes.

I guess the prospective real estate buyer is to assume that spitting on people and throwing shit at other fans are some of the "moments that make Tuscaloosa special?" Classy.

Of course some of the other "selling points" listed on the site are that it's a "Gated Community with Restricted Access to Owners and Guests," has "Full Perimeter Fencing" as well as "Cameras throughout Property Recording 24/7." Because while you want to be able to spit on people and throw shit at them, you don't want cretins like that to be able to do the same to you. That wouldn't be cool. No, sir. In Tuscaloosa, the moment is only special if we do the spittin' and a'throwin', not vice versa.

I think the assclown hawking these things should be ashamed of himself. And don't give me the, "it's a joke" bullshit. It's classless and tacky.

And the university - if officials know about it and allow the school name to be plastered across the site - should be embarrassed. To imply this is condoned or acceptable in any way is black eye to Alabama fans everywhere.

UPDATE: Bama blogs RollBamaRoll and MemphisTider give their take on the condo controversy.

UPDATE, PART II: For the developer's response to complaints about the remarks in question (and what they did and didn't change), click here to read our 5/24 post on the subject.


Ram61 said...

Lighten up brother. It was just a joke, a way of showing how close they are to the stadium. While it's not completely out of the question that 'bama fans think they could in fact spit on Fulmer from their balcony, I'm genna have to go the other way and say it was just in good (SEC)humor.

Out of Conference said...

I can't believe someone actually used the words "spit" in a ad to sell not-so-cheap condos. Perhaps it's more clever than what I'm giving them credit for considering it's the Bama fanbase (insert any of your favorite stereotype insults here because any will fit nicely).

The artist's rendition of the pool scene was not done accurately. I don't see any cut off jeans, no kegs of natty light, no litter, and the people don't appear ignorant enough or conceited enough. The rendition of the parking lot in front of the condos is also not very accurate. Not a single car on blocks. There may be a few dogs laying out in the crawl space under the porch there, however, but we can't see from this angle.

sidewalkfan said...

The bammers are just targeting that home crowd that is notorious for throwing stuff. They threw a brick through Curry's window, they threw cans at Jeff Gordon when he beat 'neck icon Dale Junior, they threw a bottle and hit David Irons at last years Iron Bowl.

I think bammers just get some sense of accomplisnment when they actually get an object to leave their hands without being sacked by Quinton Groves or Stanley McClover.

Out of Conference said...

Damn - a good chance of a helluva good Bama-Auburn gang fight blog, and not even an "F*** You". Sidewalkfan - is this what happens to rivalries when one side completely dominates the other in recent years? Maybe you guys should let Bama win one just to keep things interesting.

zen wizard said...

Do you have to have an assault charge on your criminal background to get approved by the condo board?

CFBF said...

The throwing of items is alabama speak for "open QB tryouts". The spitting part was just to get the women excited. Knowing that Phil Fulmer could be close enough for them to spit their snuff on gets them wetter than knowing their brother is coming to town.

Todd Jones said...

As an Alabama fan, that's truly embarassing. Hopefully exposure will cause them to change the website and take that down.

Jack said...

haha. that's funny. I'm a gator and I'd laugh my a** off if we had condos selling like that. I'd spit on fulmer if i could too.

Shelby35 said...

I'm not an Alabama fan, but I am an SEC graduate. Obviously, you guys don't understand SEC rivalries or football in the south... much less humor.

SECpayton4 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SECpayton4 said...

and how exactly do you "chunk" a corndog at an LSU fan? Shouldn't it be "chuck?" I'm from Bama---and even I know that. I'll admit its embarrassing, but given that my beloved school manages to embarrass me much worse than this often, I'm kinda used to it by now. Unfortunately we are a good-ole-boy school with likewise fans, I hate to say. It is improving, but remember we are Alabama, where our state motto is, "thank God for Mississippi."

steve g said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
John said...

I think everyone is missing the key problem with the ads. There are 250-300k CONDOS IN ALABAMA? I mean, I'm not sure if the developers realize this, but it sure takes a lot of mobile homes/trailers to add up to $300k.

Newspaper Hack said...

OOC – seriously, you are in no position to talk about rivalry domination. Clemson's owned Carolina for most of the history of that rivalry. I was personally there for the 63-17 shellacking in '03 (thank you very much, Lou fuckin' Holtz).

I, I don't know. It's just after spending three years (and getting my degree) at Carolina, I pretty much have a zero-tolerance for Cock smack. It's like if Kentucky fans actually gave a damn about football.

Out of Conference said...

Hack - now Jesus H Christ, are you going to start bringing up facts?!? Well, I'm taking my shit and going home.

1955gator said...

You obviously have never been to Tuscaloosa as an opposing fan.


The Bammers are trailer trash through and through. End of story.

Deuce22 said...

Damn dude. Grow a set or get some tampons, your choice. Did you REALLY take it that seriously? It REALLY offended you that much?

Just one more step towards the Pussification of America.....

Matt Barker said...

Forget spitting on Fulmer or "chunking" corn dogs at LSU fans, if I were to pay $215K for a 950 sq. ft. condo in Tuscaloosa, Nick Saban better be coming over once a week to scrub my toilets.

Jim said...

What they forgot to say on their website is that when you buy one of their condos, you get a Confederate flag for free.

jim masterson said...

Boyz; Let's talk about the upcoming 2008 schedule.
AD Martin has Toledo & Miami at home & they need one more to fill in.That is awfully weak.
How much are the tix at the 'big house'.

MGoBlue93 said...

Its fucking hilarious to see SEC nation call out each other. Yeah I guess us Yanks don't understand the south and football... YAWN. Guess what... College ball is big everywhere. SEC Nation doesn't have football trademarked ya know... especially with that overrated conference of Vandy, USC (sorry OOC), Kentucky, Ole Miss, MSU, Bama (sorry BiB), and Arkansas.

beast in 'bama said...

MGo93: Please don't confuse me with a 'Bama fan. Hook 'Em Horns.