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Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Your Life vs. College Life

YOUR LIFE:

After working for your current employer all six years since graduating, busting your hump for shit wages and even worse benefits, your job now hangs in the balance because Nan from payroll overheard you tell an off-color story - during your fucking lunch hour! - to your pal Doug. She reported you to human resources claiming "sexual harrassment" and a meeting is set for Thursday.

To cheer you up, Doug - who didn't even get mentioned by Nan - takes you out for a beer after work. Unfortunately, some fat chick named Stacy spills that beer all over you when she practically knocks you off your stool excitedly explaining what happened on last night's AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL episode to her friend.

Now totally depressed, you go home and masterbate to the Victoria's Secret catolog that keeps showing up in your mailbox addressed to some girl named Katherine Kalinksi who apparently used to live in your apparment. You think about spanking it again but fall asleep on yourself wondering what Katherine Kalinski looks like.

COLLEGE LIFE:

The cute girl from across the hall knocks and asks if you have a beer bong she can borrow. It's apparent she's already drunk and so are you, even though it's only 9:30. On a Tuesday. During finals week.

You tell her of course you have a beer bong she can borrow but, feeling bold, you "joke" that body bongs are so much better. She giggles in that 20-year old giggle you'll never hear again once you graduate.

Next thing you know, you're slurping cold beer off her warm back, right off that spot that would have a really stupid tattoo if she had dropped out of community college or worked as a stripper. She drunkenly "jokes" that she feels like she's shooting a porno. You drunkenly "joke" that you have some if she wants to watch some. She says no thanks...she has her own porn collection, thank you very much. And then she giggles again.

You have sex with her later that night. Three times.


(Picture HT: DW via OpenFanSite)

14 comments:

cvillebuck said...

I hate these "Your life vs. College life" posts. They bum me out.

cvillebuck said...

... and another thing, I'm sure it's not accident that you post these on a Monday. Damn you Yost.

Out of Conference said...

sigh....

Stephen said...

While college life is fun... you can make your life just like it by having 4 x 19 year old Slovak girls in your hotel room until 6 AM... and they are probably as educated as a girl in college that lets you do a body bong...

SoFlaDave said...

but stephen you can't have those four slovak girls every night without paying a hefty price to their pimp. college girls you can have any night of the week

Stephen said...

sofladave

Strangely enough... there was no pimp involved... my roommate just has charm with the ladies...

Though I must admit... a good college girl is definitely worth its weight in gold (preferably around 110 lbs)...

zen wizard said...

Well, now you know why I took ten years to get my bachelor's degree.

WolverineInHanoi said...

Yost, I HATE YOU!!!

I wish I had a time machine/teleporter/age reducer machine so I can go back to college, preferbaly to Arizona State.

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

that girl's "stripper tatoo" is probably in a more secretive spot.

vaazzurro said...

Hey wolverineinhanoi, I live in Ho Chi Minh City. How do you like Ha Noi? By the way, I have a question for you: Can you open the website "thewolverine.com"? For the last month or so, I can no longer open the site, and I cannot figure out the reason. Please let me know....

a_Maize_ing_Blue said...

vaazzurro...

try michigan.rivals.com

thewolverine.com needs to be redirected, maybe that is your problem.

Monty93 said...

It's because of girls like this that make me so proud to be an Aztec. (wiping tear of joy from eye...)

(check the photo link to verify - yes boys, she's an Aztec!)

So what if we can't win a freakin' football game - it's so nice to drown your sorrows when your beer bong looks like this!

WolverineInHanoi said...

vaazzurro,

I spent six weeks i SaiGon last year and I liked it. Hella Mad Crazy Moped heaven!

However, HaNoi is a little less crowded (relatively speaking..8 million people versus 4 million people) and nice. I live in HoTay district with other expats so it isn't too bad.

Drop me an email: tam.ly@victorscapital.com and next time i'm in SaiGon, I'll look you up.

Brian said...

Luckily, the college life you describe was not realistic at Georgia Tech, but I do weep thinking about the fun we did have.

I had a somewhat similar post last summer on my buddy's blog about tailgating then & now.

here is the link if anyone's interested:
http://indoddwetrust.blogspot.com/2006/07/gameday-guide-for-new-alumni.html