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Friday, March 30, 2007

Terror in Ann Arbor (aka "Hey, some chick's diddling herself on our couch!")

Yesterday, our "crack" investigative team here at the MZone blew the lid off the story of the female masturbator who blew the cushions off the couch at the U-M Pike house. That's because, as your #1 source for stories about random girls who show up at fraternities to pleasure themselves for (half) hours on end, we're all over this like the stains on that couch. And rest assured, we will continue to beat the living hell out of this story and over-do it like FOX NEWS' Greta Van Susteren covering the disappearance of a white chick.

As such, it should come as no surprise that we have more information to bring you today.

First off, reader NB sends us a couple of much better photos of the alleged Pike perp (via TotallyCrap.com) as she allegedly left their fraternity house last week.

Now, judging from this latest photo, if this is indeed her, it's becoming, uh...clearer...why the Pike brothers felt compelled to destroy their couches like a bunch of MSU students after midterms.

Furthermore, their reasoning for booting the girl out and calling the police is summed up in this response we received from a member of the house:

"As one of those michigan pikes, I'll say very quickly why we didnt 'join in' and tried to kick her out, i think i can sum it up in about two words: DUKE LACROSSE."
But our favorite picture is the larger, uncropped photo of the alleged Pike visitor from our post yesterday (also via TotallyCrap.com). As you can see, there is a young gentlemen - presumably a student, presumably from the Pike house - shown in the bottom corner...

Man, look at his face. Is that horror over what he just saw? Or disappointment at opportunity lost? We report, you decide (and let us know in the comments section).

Finally, in a shocking new twist to this story, the MZone has learned this isn't the first time something like this has happened at the Pike house in Ann Arbor. In fact, it's the third.

Last semester, a stray dog entered the house and the fraternity brothers who walked in on the animal were confronted by this...

Thankfully, unlike the story of the alleged E.M.U. woman last week, the dog only stayed 20 minutes, no furniture was lost and the pup, renamed "Bootsy," is now the official house mascot of the U-M Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity.

And though we are just finding out the details, there was what the Pikes simply refer to as "the monkey incident" during Rush Week in '05 when they discovered the following behind their house...

Sources are telling us that many attribute this incident to the Pike's less-than-steller pledge class of '05.

Ed. Note: There is no truth to the rumor that the monkey found out behind the Pike house was also an Eastern Michigan University student as well.

Stay tuned to the MZone for continuous, round the clock coverage as this story develops (or as we think of shit to keep us from working and help you to procrastinate).


Richard Cranium said...

Upon further review, the Pike's are a bunch of pussy's but obviously used better judgement and called the cops on this chick. The blown up picture shows that she is indeed one of the beatest chicks on earth. Also being it was 11:30 AM, I too would not have even attempted to skeet on this chick's face. I did see some comments about sorostitutes and I want to warn you that should those girls see them, then the Pike's will be the one's accused of masturbating.

BARman said...

Oh my God! For those of us losers who have to work for a living, can you perhaps add some kind of warning before we scroll down to photos like the "stray dog" and "monkey incident"?? Do you know how hard it is to clean a coffee/saliva mixture off of a monitor? Anyway, don't know where you guys get some of this stuff but keep up the good work!!

Out of Conference said...

As I was scrolling down, I thought you had another pic of Jimmy Clausen, but then when I see him self-felating, I knew it wasn't him.
(I'm not even sure how in the hell you spell felating, nor will I risk getting fired to google the spelling.)

Anonymous said...

I have seen that pose before...That pic of her on the sidewalk looks a lot like the famous freeze frame from the home video of a sasquatch when it turns and looks back at the camera. Now that we get a good look at the chick, I think there may be some common ancestry there.

Andy said...

WOW. The monkey image is an instant classic. I just spilled my coffee because I was laughing so much... Good work guys.

NDIrish36 said...

Can someone let me know how I can email Yost some pictures.

Lets just say....
Buckstache + Achy Breaky Mullet = Funny

Zen Wizard said...

The dog was an agent of a local chiropractic association, hoping the PiKE brothers would attempt to mimic the stunt.

(Ron Jeremy was booked up due to a prior commitment.)

Anonymous said...

MichiganZone at gmail dot com

Yost said...


Use the gmail address on the main page, upper left.

Anonymous said...

insert Larry Harrison joke here

Anonymous IV said...

There is a birthmark or strange scar on the interior of her left thigh. I assume it is a scar or birthmark it could be also some strange runoff.

Anonymous said...

What's kind of weird is that this picture is indeed taken from the Pike house. I'm not a Pike, but it's taken from Pike and you can see SAE in the background.

MGOBLUE94 said...

Yost this could be the start of another regular edition to the blog ... similar to the Beer Bong Friday.

Any Beta frat boys from the early 90s reading this blog? Beta ate a Donut story is hilarious.

summary: Theta Delta Chi made there initiates place donuts on their privates and took a picture. They then ordered a box of donuts be sent to the Beta House just down the street. The next day the Theta guys posted a picture of donuts on their privates.

Anonymous said...

I would say she may be one of the hottest broads ever spotted on Michigan's campus. Obviously that ain't saying much.

Anonymous said...

I think I can top barman and the coffee/saliva - Pepsi out the nose burns like a mother!!! Now to call IT to clean up this keyboard (yech)

Curse you and your monkey!!

(LOL! Great work guys! Best Blog Ever...)

AUGH - It burns! It burns!!!!

better a Pike than a Fiji, at least said...

Mmmm, Ypsi's finest.

Back in the day, I tried to get my virgin buddies to cruise frat row with me looking for 1/2 naked hungover sorority girls (or the dregs of Ypsi) walking home, somewhat unsatisfied by the Pikes. (Our standards were extremely flexible at the time.)

Ha, bitches - it does happen.

Anonymous said...

lucky monkey.

MGOBLUE94 said...

Anon 12:08 -

Tell your mom to stay out of Ann Arbor and out of Frat houses!

Scarlet & Gray Matters said...

now THIS is a masterbating DOG!


WMU said...

or does footage really exist of this crime!


Tom said...

30 minutes?

Are you sure it wasn't really Lloyd Carr? Over the last several years he has repeatedly demonstrated that he has difficulty finishing.

Anonymous said...

All of you, do everyone a favor and kill yourselves.