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Thursday, March 22, 2007

Gee, has it really been a year already?

Today marks the one year anniversary since the infamous Colin Cowherd Controversy here at the MZone. After our readers and many in the blogosphere rallied to our support, following some nasty email exchanges, Mr. Cowherd gave us full credit for the bit five days later and the issue was resolved.

Today, we look back by reprinting in its entirety the definitive account of the crisis, "A Nation Remembers: Five Days in March" from our March 29, 2006 edition.

On Wednesday, March 22, eight jokes from the M Zone were used on Colin Cowherd's nationally syndicated ESPN Radio show. For five days, the nation held it's collective breath as this crisis continued to escalate. Would Cowherd attack from the flank with another email assault? Would the MZone boys fire back with another PhotoShop salvo? There seemed to be no end in sight until the crisis ended with Mr. Cowherd's March 27th radio broadcast.

Reporter Bob Pickler was embedded at MZone headquarters during the entire Cowherd/MZone controversy. Below is his report during the final hours of the heated conflict.

Emotions were all over the map at MZone headquarters as the staff listened to ESPN Radio and Colin Cowherd's show Monday during which he gave full props to the MZone for the Wonderlic test read on his show last week. As word of Cowherd's remarks began to spread outside the MZone headquarters, church bells rang, car horns blared and one only-slightly-overweight girl even considered kissing Wangs (but didn't).

"Our long period of national suffering is now over," said co-editor Benny after returning from an undisclosed location where he rode out the conflict. MZone founder Yost had decided it was best for Benny to stay in a separate, secure location in case ESPN brass attempted a decapitating strike against MZone HQ during the bruhaha that very nearly escalated into a donnybrook.

"It was strictly a precaution, but one we felt we needed to take," said Yost. "When the Onepeat fanatics joined the fray and started leaving comments, it was simply the prudent course of action."

College football fans across America knew something was seriously amiss when even Buckeye fans rallied around the maize and blue cause.

"That could have been us in their shoes," said O-Zone member MichiganCan LickMyBigHairy NutSack427. "But by the grace of God - and by God, I mean Tressel - that could have been one of our 'Fuck Michigan, you cock sucking faggots!' bits being read on the air with no credit. Although, we are trying to trademark "Fuck Michigan" so that will never be a problem. Either way, we supported them this time. Now that it's over, we think they're all big fags again. 4-1! We own you bitches!!"

Even Michigan State fans weighed in saying they'd support their hated intra-state rivals if it meant "we can burn couches and stuff if there are riots."

But, with a simple four and a half minute address to the nation Monday afternoon, Colin Cowherd defused the situation and the crisis was no more.

"We here at the M Zone owe a sincere debt of gratitude to all those who supported us during the darkest hours of this crisis," said an obviously relieved Yost while watching the Ohio State Video Chick clip for the 783rd time. "To Deadspin, EDSBS, MGoBlog, Fark, TuckerMax, VodkaPundit, FireJoeMorgan, DawgSports, Burnt Orange Nation, MaizeNBrew and so many others, thank you."

Rumors quickly spread that things at the MZone would now return to normal. BaggyPantsDevil was more pointed, saying, "I hope this means we can go back to semi-naked cheerleaders and shit."

Postscript: As you can see, a lot has changed in the last year. Hell, we haven't heard from the above-mentioned "Wangs" here at the MZone in months. Apparently he started doing this really crazy thing that prevents blogging called, uh, working at his job and dating girls. Quitter. Thankfully, the semi-naked cheerleaders are still a staple of the site.

Join us again next March 22nd when we don't feel like writing new material for the site for the second anniversary of the controversy and another reprint of this story.


Anand said...

Hilarious stuff ! The people in nearby cubes can't figure out why I am cracking so hard..only if they knew! I would have to be back to work again....

beast in 'bama said...

OK, I see Orson in the photo. But where's Forest Gump? Or could they be the sa...NO!

Also love the Warren Commission-style layout in the first photo, complete with those Bristol palm trees.

Out of Conference said...

Those were scary times indeed. I remember in school the teachers showed films of proper emergency plagerism procedures. During drills, the principal would switch all TVs to ESPN, air sirens would go off, we all had to climb under our desks and pray for the best.

But truth be told, later conspiracy theorists claimed you guys had a high level spy at ESPN that told you Cowherd would back down to pressure. Rumor has it the spy's codename is Herbie.

surrounded in columbus said...

excellent. my only disappointment is that you didn't find a way to work in a reference to the "bay of pigs" incident as a precursor to the crisis.

BARman said...

Funny, funny shit. Thanks!

Zen Wizard said...

This should be required reading in every American history class.