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Saturday, March 17, 2007

Buckstache Hall of Fame

This one left us shaking our heads: Andrew Riley, a 13 year-old Ohio 7th grader, is accused of - wait for it - 128 felony charges including theft, vandalism and witness intimidation (yes, witness intimidation!).

Holy shit! One hundred and twenty-eight felony charges?! Most 7th graders haven't gone to gym class that many times!

And where the hell were his parents?! A lot was cleared up for me when I watched the Columbus news story about the little thug. The kid's stepfather said something to the effect of, "We expected a few charges to come out of all this, but nothing like the number he's been charged with." You know, like 5, 6 or 48 would be a-ok. Typical "kid's stuff." Uh, hey, Mr. Brady, one - one - felony charge is too many!

Now, some may call our journalistic ethics into question for even covering this story, saying he's just a kid and we're being too harsh on young Mr. Corleone Riley. But, folks, I have to tell you, my sympathy train for the little urchin left the station around the 75th felony charge.

Furthermore, others (probably fans of that school to the south which is still playing in a basketball tournament) may not be pleased with us lumping Scarface Pimpleface into our popular (except in Ohio) "Buckstache" category of Tosu players, fans and players-to-be who have gotten into trouble with the law.

But don't blame us the kid was sporting his Tosu best in all the news stories about his crime spree. And while it's true that he doesn't actually have a Buckstache in the picture above, that's only because his robbin' and witness intimidatin' days started before puberty did. Thus, below is an artist's rendition (aka Benny's mad Photoshop skillz) showing what he will look like when his sure-to-come "Buckstache" grows in...


(HT to all the readers who sent us this story)

45 comments:

Go Blue Gabe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Go Blue Gabe said...

"He's our oldest, you know. He's our first born and he's been through a lot," said Blake

Are you kidding me? Yeah I know how it is I'm the oldest too. We've all been guilty of a couple hundred felonies. You have got to be kidding me. His dad should be locked up for making ridiculous excuses, nay, for even trying to make excuses.

I want to see a picture of his dad. I'll give 10-1 he has a Buckstasche.

MGOBLUE94 said...

10-1 odds ... obviously you must not have watched the video in the linked news article.

Anonymous said...

Stepdaddy don't seem to be the sharpest tool in the shed. Speaking of tools, I wonder if Tress typed up his scholarship offer yet?

beast in 'bama said...

You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little fucked up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?

GoBlue43 said...

What are you lookin' at? You're all a bunch of fuckin' assholes. You know why? You don't have the guts to be what you wanna be. You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your fuckin' fingers, and say "that's the bad guy." So, what'll that make you? Good? You're not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don't have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth... even when I lie. So say goodnight to the bad guy. Come on. The last time you gonna see a bad guy like this again, let me tell you.

Mike said...

I thought Clarett was #13.

Anonymous said...

He's from Athens. That explains it. Darn OU Students probably had him do it.

In all seriousness though, this story makes me sick to my stomach. Anytime you see a story about someone so young committing a crime, it's a mark not only on the state the child is from, but on American society as a whole.

MGOBLUE94 said...

no just the STATE ... athens is kinda of close West Virginia, maybe his step dad is also his uncle and grandpa?

Howard21 said...

Did he make that kid who turned him in an offer he couldn't refuse. Holy freakin' God Man. That kid is messed up. I work at a Boys & Girls Club and we get some bad apples, but holy shit that kids got his prison tats already lined out.

Anonymous said...

There are bad kids everywhere, at least he is a wearing the jersey of a winner! There is hope for him still.

MGOBLUE94 said...

Yeah he should fit right in on High St in the falls burning coaches and garbage!

Anonymous said...

This only makes the news in a State that doesn't feature the 2nd and 3rd most violent cities in America. Compton comping in a number 4 btw. In Detroit or Flint this wouldn't be newsworthy until he got to 128... murders.

Yost said...

Anon,

Doh!

But nice try.

MGoBlue93 said...

Wow... this thread has been up for hours and ohio_guy hasn't been in here whining about elitist Wolverines yet.

MGoBlue93 said...

If we wanted wussies, we would have named them Dr. Quinn and Medicine Woman!

Go Blue Gabe said...

MGOBLUE94 4:59 AM
My fault, I didn't watch the video the first time, I just read the article. But his stepfather had one. That is priceless.

Zen Wizard said...

I agree--cleary, one should at least wait for his testicles to descend, before he descends into a life of crime.

beast in 'bama said...

Goodnight, Mr. Bad Guy...

You always tell the truth, even when you lie.

Kirbdaddy said...

I would bet the letter of intent has already been faxed to Columbus!!!

Kirbdaddy said...

Yost,

Where did you find the pic with the full jersey. All of the Ohio media crops the picture so "Buckeyes" cannot be seen. They really take their love of OSU WAY to seriously.

Yost said...

Kirb,

If you watch the video link in our post, it's there. Benny grabbed a screen capture.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I guess you michigan people have a point. But wait, what about the 3 players that just got kicked off your team, with the rumors being drugs or maybe another wife beating. But yeah, better shift the attention to a kid in Ohio, away from the criminals that play for your beloved wolverines.

Anonymous said...

There's the pot calling the kettle black you hypocritical dumbfuck.

Jason said...

wow... 3 college kids smoking the ganja is comparable to a 13 year old and ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY felonies.

I knew that you buckeyes were stupid but WOW!

Texas Truth said...

Glad to see others posting on this subject. I have seen kids similar to this in my 30 years in rhe classroom.

I bet he had MAJOR discipline problems in school.

Please feel free to stop by my blog and post your thoughts.

http://moretexastruth.blogspot.com
texastruthblog@yahoo.com

beast in 'bama said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
steve g said...

Anon 5:11

M Zone did talk about the three players. Possible. Maybe not probable

Andy said...

Classic stuff. That photo might be on the cover of a Wheaties box someday.

Yost said...

Steve G,

Right you are. Of course they never notice that.

Andy said...

3 minutes left and Xaiver is up by 9 over the Bucks...

Plus Tommy says he has been fired...

Happy Days !!!!

Andy said...

Oh well...

Bucks avoid an upset. Lucky bastards.

beast in 'bama said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
beast in 'bama said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Andy,
Well the blue may actually have something to cheer about instead of adolescent felons and Buckyeye losses...AMAKER just FIRED!

Anonymous said...

Ohio State is awesome!!! Wonder what it feels like to be in the NCAA tourney, hopefully whoever replaces Amaker can beat them for once!

Anonymous said...

^^ That guy is right. tOSU is dominant in all sports right now! Let's hope for better days ahead. Also, there are people with mustaches everywhere, that buckstache thing is stupid. I am sitting in an Applebee's in Detroit right now and every other guy has a stache. ?? Guess that's all you guys can come up with after all this losing.

Yost said...

Anon,

Actually, stupid is an Ohio State fan sitting in an Applebee's in Detroit on his computer coming to the site of their rival on a Saturday afternoon.

Anonymous said...

yost,
it beats UM students sitting on their computers at BW's updating their myspace sites during the Tourney (saw it yesterday) because they have nothing to cheer about! Oh wait, some of those fans are in Detroit on their computers and cheering on the hockey team.

Anonymous said...

What's wrong with hockey?

Anonymous said...

Nothing is wrong with hockey, I actually love the sport...but when you're a big-time university with a big-time athletic budget, if you have rely on the hockey team for sports noterity, then I think you've just become an IVY League school and a wanna-be at that...next thing you know UM will be scheduling Harvard on their non-conference football schedule. Go Crimson!

Anonymous said...

Frankly, this story about the ohio kid with 128 charges is only the beginning of what our society is becoming. You have the guy who stabs a 5 yr old repeatedly in the back and throws him out of his car...with the knife still protruding out of his back (yeah, you think that kid is gonna have issues?), you have the girl whose pet dog was stolen then decapitated and sent back to her as a present, you have a guy in Wisconsin decapitating two little kittens because they "were annoying me," you have the loser in NY beating the shit out of two old ladies...if this sort of shit isn't affecting you in any way, then you need to wake up, try and reconnect to your conscience, and become engaged with what's going on around you.

Yost said...

Anon,

Sad, sad stuff indeed.

Anonymous said...

It is likely that "Buckeyes" is his Middle School team's mascot and that his jersey has nothing to do with OSU. Nelsonville's Schools' mascot is the Buckeyes.

Doug said...

Well, he is "the oldest, the first born" in the family. Being the oldest in my family, I find myself having to fight the urge to commit felonies all the time.

Go Bucks.