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Tuesday, February 13, 2007

They don't call him Joe "Pa" for nothing

The Anna Nicole Smith story took another bizarre turn yesterday when Penn State football coach Joe Paterno became the fourth person to step forward claiming to be the father of Smith's five month old baby girl, Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern.

Since Smith's sudden death last week, three men - her weirdo lawyer/lover Howard K. Stern, some old boyfriend named Larry Birkhead and Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband Prince Frederic von Anhalt - have all claimed paternity of the infant.

Now comes Paterno's shocking admission.

"Initially, I thought I might be too young for her because her first husband was 89," said the 80 year old Paterno. "But I invited her to the Purdue game in 2005 and she showed up. And then we hooked up after the 2006 Orange Bowl. So yeah, I tapped it."

Paterno said the relationship didn't last long when Smith discovered he had over 350 victories and not over $350 million dollars.


Anonymous said...

This one HAS to be a joke, right?

Anonymous said...

Little disappointed in you guys -- this is a bit crass.

Yost said...


Curious as to why? B/c we're mocking ANS? I find it crass that - with all that's happening in the world - the death of somebody who was "famous" b/c she was a stripper who posed for Playboy then married an 89 year old man when she was 26 to get his money constituted "breaking news" last week.

You'd have thought some important head of state had died not a gold digger w/ a drug and alchohol problem. And that this "story" was front page news is what's really disappointing.

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

great photoshop work! They look sooo happy in that picture...much simpler times.

Galen said...

And you guys thought JoePa walked with a limp because of his knee.

Andy said...

For the record... JoePa would be #5 in the babydaddy sweepstakes.

1) Howard K
2) Old Boyfriend Birkhead
3) Zsa Zsa's husband
4) Howard Marshall's Frozen swimmers
5) JoePa

10 bucks says that Bobby Bowden comes forward this week to keep up up with Joe.

mhentz said...

The rumor that they broke up because JoePa doesn't have $350,000,000 is complete BS! The real reason for the breakup was because Anna Nicole's gnocchi was awful and her scongelli was a complete nightmare. Besides, The Harrisburg Patriot-News would be only too happy to tell you that Joe has more money than God.

Dave said...

lol, great stuff guys. This is what I look forward to on a rainy Monday morning!

Out of Conference said...

Benny's photoshop skills are venturing towards Reuter's quality stuff. It's amazing he was able to add ANS to the picture of Joe Pa partying. Great stuff and pretty funny. "So yeah. I tapped it" resulted in Girl Scout cookie crumbs and coke hitting the monitor. Thanks for the laugh!

I too thought about coming forward and claiming to be the father. I figured the odds of a DNA match and hitting the oil-tycoon's money jackpot are probably better than Powerball and I'd get to be on Nancy Grace either way.

Sports Talk Rocks said...

haha, absolutely hilarious!

Go Blue Gabe said...

Well, put Yost. It is sad all of the attention this crap gets. Bravo on the post by the way. It's amazing some of the things this site comes up with.

The King said...

You skipped the elephant in the room theory.

The theory that Anna's deceased son Daniel was the father of his own sister.

If you ever watched the reality show she had, their relationship was a little strange. Very affectionate. Google pictures of "Anna Nicole Smith & Daniel Smith." See what you find. Weird? You tell me.

So the theory goes like this: Daniel impregnates his own mother, and on the eve of the baby's birth the gravity of the situation overwhelms young Daniel and he takes hi own life with a prescription cocktail. Months later, paternity conflicts necessitate a DNA paternity test, wwhich is sure to occur in the near future. Realizing that this test will reveal the horrid truth, Anna follows in her son's footsteps.

Now THAT is crass, but it's also feasible, and it's been hypothesized many times in the last week.

Anonymous said...

She cheated on Bobby Bowden by going for Joe Pa?

beast in 'bama said...

Forget it, King. It's Chinatown.

Yost said...

LOL, BiB. Now that is a hip reference. Dennis Miller would be proud.

Haga said...

Ok.. I've given you guys enough time... Stop piddling around and finish the top ten list dammit!!!!!

Yost said...

Our bad, Haga. We keep forgetting, then when we finally do get around to it, it's late and we put it off.

But it will be up this week.

surrounded in columbus said...

hmmm. playboy bunny bimbo possibly incestuous love child paternity tests? or Lloyd's 10 greatest victories? i think Yost has his priorities correct leading off w/ the former.

King- luv a good conspiracy theory, & yours rocks.

also, would explain the rush to perserve the mother's DNA. not typically needed to establish paternity, but in the case of an incest, there would be a lot of common overlap and father, mother, and child might be needed to sort it out. fascinating.

Haga said...

Hey now.. I'm ALL about the playboy bunnies.. Now if they happen to show some of Anna Nicole's glory days "Playmate of the year" pics... I'll be the first in line to look... But this site is about MICHIGAN FOOTBALL!!! I have found my mecca damn it!!! A place that obsesses about UM 24/7/365 (minus kids & wive's b-days, holidays and that pesky thing we all call work) So BRING IT ON!!!!

runngunn29 said...

lol good stuff

Hornet1978 said...

This story keeps getting better and be...whoops...I mean funnier. Thanks guys!!!

Run Up The Score! said...

It should also be noted that JoePa just doesn't hit it and quit it. He doesn't start shooting blanks until Round Five.