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Thursday, February 15, 2007

SEC Claims Another Title

Earlier this week, we put up a story about Big 10 head honcho Jim Delaney's anti-SEC rant that he posted on the Big 10 website. Many college football fans around the country assumed it was just sour grapes on the part of Delaney in the wake of Ohio State getting ass-raped by Florida in the BCS title game.

Not so.

The MZone has learned that it wasn't the BCS embarrassment that got Jimbo's knickers in a knot. It was the fact that the SEC trumped the Big 10 in yet another head-to-head match up. Of course I'm talking about the NCAA National Mascot Hand Painting Championships held last week in Seattle.

In the four day competition, the SEC went on a tear, kicking some serious hand-puppet ass and dealing another setback to the Big 10 as the SEC took the top three spots.

In third place was the University of Alabama and their elephant mascot "Big Al" as displayed below by Brian Hannerhan, a sophomore from Mobile...

Coming in second place was the University of Florida. The Gators took second despite repeated pleas in the media by their mascot hand painting coach Manny Urbanski who said his team deserved to be the champions due to their brutal non-conference schedule against former Mascot Hand Painting title holders Tulane, BYU and Gonzaga during a three week stretch last fall.

And the 2007 NCAA National Mascot Hand Painting Championships is...

The Auburn University. This is the second year in a row the squad from Auburn has taken the crown which has led to calls by some for NMHPC officials to change the rules to prevent teams from using multiple team mascots as Auburn did again with their War Eagle and Tiger...

The Auburn team was also going to include their third mascot, the Plainsman, but nobody could figure out what the fuck that would look like.

Following the competition, Delaney said the Big 10 was at a disadvantage against the SEC because they must balance mascot hand painting skills with academics.

(HT: FC)


Sports on a Schtick said...

Nice handjob on the spread eagle.

beast in 'bama said...

To Jim Delaney: History is against you.

Long ago, the SEC schools (with the usual exception of Vanderbilt) adopted simple, well-known animals as their mascots - Bulldogs (2), Tigers (2), a Wildcat, Gator (not Alligator, son - Gator), an Eagle (of the War sub-genous) and an Elephant. Tennessee was left out just because, well...just because.

A rooster and a wild pig were added later for seasoning.

All of these animals are well-known and easily recognized by school children of all ages.

Now what has history dealt you in the Big 10? Sure, you've got a few of the same - Wildcat, Badger, Gopher. But you'd have a hard time explaining just what in the hell a Hawkeye is, much less paint it on someone's hand. Is it a hawk, an eye, the eye of a hawk, Alan Alda, or Natty Bumpo?

A Buckeye is common enough, I guess, but hardly the makings of inspirational hand art. Boilermakers and Spartans just don't come around in everyday discussion, and don't even get me started on a Hoosier. Even THEY don't know what a Hoosier is exactly!

And then there's the Wolverine. An animal so mean, so ferocious, and so batshit crazy that nobody wants to get within 100 miles of it in the wild, much less paint it on a hand.

No Jim, you'll never see a Wolverine in a petting zoo, and you'll probably never dominate in this all-important national competition in which simplicity and familiarity are so crucial.

Andy said...

For everyone other than Lou Holtz, I think it is actually called Auburn University -- not the University of Auburn...

Yost said...

Good catch, A.

rex said...

Well here is some SEC news some of you may not be aware of Mitch Mustain the true Freshman QB from Arkansas that was 8-0 as a starter is at the University of Southern California this week thinking of transferring to USC. His former wide receiver from high school and Arkansas (I think his name is Damien Williams) has already transferred to USC. If he transfers he will have to sit out next year.

ohio_guy said...

LMAO. nice job guys.

Yost said...

Thanks. OG.

Anonymous said...

Those dudes that are spending all that time painting their hands probably get a lot of "tang", but I have to imagine no where close to the amount that you bloggers get.

Out of Conference said...

Funny stuff guys. Nice post BiB, made me crack up!

Anonymous said...

Big Ten (11) Academics according to the ONLY official Football Comparison:

929 is what Ohio State thugs have as a NCAA APR (Academic Progress Report) this morning.


952 for Michigan.

950 for Iowa.

910 for Purdue.


918 for Illinois.


931 for Indiana.


961 for Northwestern.

957 for Penn State.

914 for Wisconsin.


907 for Michigan State.


918 for Minnesota.


What the hell is so bloody great about that ?


966 Florida APR.


981 Auburn.


916 Alabama.

940 Arkansas.


950 Georgia.


926 Tennessee vols of Phillip Fulmer.


911 South Carolina.

957 Vanderbilt.


958 Ole Miss.


920 Mississippi State.

940 Kentucky.


935 LSU.


8 SEC Schools are above 935 in the APR.

4 Big Ten (11) schools are above 932 in the APR.

The SEC is twice as good academically speaking than the Big Ten (11) ever will be for Official NCAA Academic Comparisons in Football between the Big Ten (11) schools and the SEC schools.

There is ONLY 1 measure of Academics Officially for an NCAA spokesperson to speak to on this day about his conference. This takes no more than 11 minutes to look up and report.

931 Big Ten (11) Average APR in Football.

941 SEC Average APR in Football.

There is NO comparison Academically of the two football conferences in Academics.

It is as one-sided as it has ever been either in the Classroom, in the Recruiting Rankings, in the NFL Players, or on the Football Gridiron between the Big Ten (11) and the SEC.

The Big Ten (11) have also Won the Worst Percentage of their football games against The SEC at only a 42 percent Winning Percentage :


On the Road, The Big Ten (11) wins only 29 percent of its games against The SEC.

And, in Bowl Games the Big Ten (11) wins only 38 percent of its games against The SEC.

Football Academics the Big Ten (11) Commissioner wants to talk ?


Where is his URL Link to such BS ?

I mean two-thirds of the Big 10 are under 932 APR while three-fourths of The SEC football programs are ABOVE APR 934.

js said...

Auburn and Florida have higher scores than Northwestern does ...

Ole Miss has a higher score than Vandy does ...

Yeah, this is the definite proof that Big 11 is teh suxxorz