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Thursday, December 21, 2006

Your Life vs. College Life

Another in an occasional series...

Your Life

After a crappy year in which two of your friends were fired and your job hangs in the balance due to corporate downsizing, you have to top it off by going to the office Christmas...Holiday...Winter party to hang out with people you don't like to begin with. Plus, since your company is so damn cheap, the party's being held at that crappy Mexican place which just had the health scare.

And with sexual harrassment suits more common than holiday bonuses, so much for hitting on Debbie in Human Resources.

Worst of all, due to legal reasons, there is no longer an open bar. Couple that with the fact that you have to drive 35 minutes to get home afterwards and you'll probably only have one beer.

College Life

While your parents actually think you're studying for "one more final," you actually finished last week and are staying in Austin to party for a few more days. Why go home to visit with Aunt Doris when those couple days after finals are some of the wildest on any college campus on America, right up there with those days before classes start in September?

Best of all, a bunch of the hot sorority girls next door did the same. And judging by the shirt one of them wore over to your place to "pre-party" with you and your roommates before hitting the town, she just might be interested, horny or both.

Best of all, while you merely offered the girls a Corona from the fridge, it was her idea to try out the beer bong she saw you do at one of your parties this semester. As she drops to her knees and takes it in her mouth, you try to be somewhat of a gentlemen and at least pretend to fight the mental image invading your brain. No luck. "I bet you can suck the golf ball out of a fucking garden hose," comes flying out of your mouth. Oops.

But instead of a sexual harrassment lawsuit or even so much as a dirty look, you get a laugh and a smile. Unfortunately, you don't enjoy it as you should, mistakenly assuming, as any 21 year old does, that this sort of shit will go on for the rest of your life after you graduate.



Yes, yes we all wish we were a beer bong after watching that. Ok, except for our female readers.

ED. NOTE: If you are a female reader and still wish you were beer bong after watching that, please email us.

22 comments:

Mike said...

This makes up for any lack in posting...

DW said...

this feature (your life vs. college life) truly depresses me.

only one more semester to enjoy such things... gotta make it count.

Brad said...

"I'm scared..."

If I had a nickel....

Yost said...

dw,

Make it count. And just know Benny and I will be living vicariously through you. No pressure, just go out there and make us proud.

Anonymous said...

dw -

Live, damn it. Live like you've never lived before!! (and never will again)

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

why was my college experience nothing like that? oh, b/c i didn't go to school in the state of texas. or florida. or a bad california school.

Play Tusk! said...

"why was my college experience nothing like that? oh, b/c i didn't go to school in the state of texas. or florida. or a bad california school."

Bad California school? Even the good ones (well...not Cal or Stanford) have girls like this!

Great post (and video) again guys!

Jim said...

"Unfortunately, you don't enjoy it as you should, mistakenly assuming, as any 21 year old does, that this sort of shit will go on for the rest of your life after you graduate."

Ain't that the damn truth. Funny series guys.

By the way, what's with the champion-round Klingonese spelling bee word for the word verification for me this morning? Holy shit, can I even fit that many letters in the box?

Trent said...

Even the bongs are much better than when I was in undergrad.

Bill said...

Unrelated but check out
www.gatorsvsbuckeyes.com

Doug said...

Ladies and gentlemen, meet my future ex-wife.

ShaunTX said...

Seriously depressing. Beer bongs, shotgunning cans, shots, Around the world parties, 69 club, Boons Farm wine, Trashcan punch, Easy sorority girls.......

When did it all go away. *sigh*

trojan mike said...

I have a work Christmas party tonight. Oh joy!

TitleIX said...

Your 'bong' vs. The beer bong:

Your 'bong'---Only good for one hit, low pressure system due to short tube, falls over after first use, takes hours to refill....

Beer bong---Can take it as long as you can, high pressure with high flow due to incredible length, quickly recharged and refilled....

Anonymous said...

Has anyone ever considered that living the "College Life" of partying and shacking up may lead to the crappy "Your Life" later in life?

All the guys I know from my fraternity who spent their time drinking, shacking up, and goofing off instead of working hard now hate their lives... boring, lame jobs and annoying wives who, now that they're in their mid 30s, don't look as hot as they did before. The wife's vapid personality isn't quite as easy to deal with now that her boobs hang a little bit lower and the tummy's not quite as solid.

Those who didn't slack off, those who weren't satisfied with a 2.4 GPA, now have great lives. Awesome jobs, great family life, happy futures. They worked hard in college and now get to enjoy their lives rather than reminiscing about long-passed-by college years.

The most pathetic people are those who say their best times were in high school. The people who feel that their best times were in college aren't far behind.

Yost said...

Anon,

I hope you don't take anything on this site too seriously. We're not trying to provide life lessons, just a little smile or two during the day.

Anonymous said...

good point; may as well delete my post. it does seem out of place, doesn't it.

TitleIX said...

anon---
maybe some therapy would help???

In my experience, those of us who worked really hard enjoyed playing pretty damn hard too....

personally, I reminisce because I wish I could START my night at 10 PM and go til 2 or 3 and STILL make my 9 AM like I used to. Those days are llllooong gone, but they are fun to remember.
Different craziness and fun now, but life is still good, and I'm still working pretty damned hard.

My secret???
Not married.
No kids. :-)
although, I sure as hell could use a 'wife'.....

hang in there, and be true to u.
Signed,
Lucy (that'll be 25 cents)

T_bagg said...

WOW, wow, wow. God I miss college life!

Ungar Kelt said...

"I bet you can suck the golf ball out of a fucking garden hose"

A little creepy, dude.

I wonder if anyone tried the ole' "slip a 1/2 pint into the funnel while she isn't looking" trick? Not that I would advocate something like that...

beast in 'bama said...

"Lucy,"

Do you realize that your rates have gone up 500% since 1965? Is that compatible with inflation for your profession?

LOL, IX!

mgoblue93 said...

Anon 10:47 doth protest too much! Sound like one of those stories that start out, "I have a question -- you see there's this 'friend' of mine and he has a problem with..."

Great post! Makes me long for my 20s... where the hell did my twenties go?

Oh well... only 1 more week til I leave this Colorado blizzard behind for Pasadena!