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Monday, November 27, 2006

Michigan Marching Band Held Hostage: Day 10

(from MZone wire reports) Columbus, OH -- The University of Michigan Marching Band remains trapped in Ohio Stadium as the hostage situation enters its second full week. The band was surrounded by jubilant Buckeye fans following Ohio State's 42-39 victory over Michigan on November 18th and have been held there ever since.

"At first we just thought they'd leave after celebrating for 19 straight hours. But when we entered day four, we knew we were in trouble. Especially once more beer arrived." said Tim Penderhaus, a senior trombone player from Grand Rapids, Michigan who was allowed to use a cellphone as long as he shouted "Fuck Michigan!" four times first.

President Bush is said to be closely monitoring the situation and his top aides say he continues to hope for a peaceful resolution to the stand-off. "While Ohio State remains a part of the Axis of College Football Evil, we still believe a diplomatic solution can be reached. But all options are still on the table, including bringing back John Cooper as head coach," said a White House official who spoke only on condition of anonimity.

When reached for comment regarding the ongoing crisis, Ohio State President Karen A. Holbrook claimed the press was only focusing on the negative instead of giving her and the school credit for protecting both goalposts on the field during the postgame melee. "People shmeople. The important thing was to protect goalposts. And we did that," said Holbrook. She then ended the conversation saying she and her staff had a full day planned of trolling Michigan Internet sites in order to post "1-5, bitches!" and "Owned!" over and over and over again.


18 comments:

Anonymous said...

Even as a Buckeye fan, that is pretty hilarious.

srudoff said...

MUCH better than the "crisis in columbus" attempt at humor last week - Kudos.

MGOBLUE94 said...

wow - srudoff seal of approval.

amazing

Great job guys!!

Anonymous said...

Comparing Buck fans to Terrorists, not cool. My uncle died in 9/11 and terrorist jokes are still not funny to me.

Anonymous said...

Mentioning trolling on Michigan message boards, not cool. My uncle got carpal tunnel doing that and jokes are still not funny to me

IC said...

Well, as long as President Bush is closely monitoring the situation...

anonymous iv said...

What are the colleges that belong to the axis of evil?

WillinSacto said...

Colleges in the Axis of Evil:

tOSU
ND
USC
Duke (For Basketball Reasons)
Miami
FSU (except Jenn Sterger)
Stanford (Because of their idiot Band)

yup said...

Totally hilrious. The bloggers comments are funny too.

Thanks for a monday laugh.

yup said...

Typo... hilarious.

Anonymous said...

1. The Stanford band rules.

2. http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2006/football/ncaa/11/26/bc.fbc.footballbet.shoo.ap/index.html?cnn=yes

Anonymous said...

Anon 6:44. Very sorry for your loss. But I do think you're stretching quite a bit to say that the post either (a) misuses 9/11, or (b) compares OSU fans to terrorists.

Jim said...

Funny blog guys. Now all you need is the UofM busses to run out of gas on High Street and crashing in a rescue attempt. Then UofM could hire Spurrier and OSU would give up the hostages with their hands in the air, "Ok, ok, we give up!!!" before Spurrier puts a Reagan-esque beat down on 'em.

(quick off-topic question) Willinsacto - was that your blog that had the top "redonkulous" names of players in the SEC? I found the link to that person's blogsite from EDSBS and I can't remember where it was at now. I didn't see it on your blog just now when I checked, but then again I didn't use the "search" tool either.

Anonymous said...

Jenn Sterger = waaaaay overrated

Quiet Storm said...

I think I might actually support a draft if it meant I got to go to Columbus to help with this situation.

Anony said...

The photoshop is great. It's the little things, like the O on the hat that puts it all together.

MGOBLUE94 said...

The O on the hat ... come on now ... what about the F Michigan shirt!

Anonymous said...

Anybody know why the MMB was a no-show at the pregame concert at St. John Arena? The OSU announcer cited a scheduling conflict, but I'm betting they didn't want to endure that mob waiting outside. Too bad, because the two bands always put on a great show.