Lloyd Carr - Michigan
Costume - Old West Gunslinger
After circling the wagons following a 7-5 season in A2 last year, Carr came out firing with guns blazing in 2006, leading his team to the cusp of greatness. This costume is also convenient because it allows Carr to re-use it and go as a member of the Village People if things don't go as well in 2007.
Joe Paterno - Penn State
JoePa wanted to go as someone who was about his same age this year. Also, after surving all the FireJoePa.com, .net and .org sites a few years back, he's about as hard to get rid of as the Count. Besides, a guy his age always smells like garlic anyway.
Chuck Amato - N. C. State
Costume: Grim Reaper
Let's face it, hosting the party or not, Amato is "Dead Coach Walking" after yet another disappointing season in Raleigh.
Jim Tressel - THE Ohio State University
Costume: Frank N. Furter
The Horseshoe reminds us of The Rocky Horror Picture Show - people screaming and throwing shit at the screen. Plus, the costume did come with a vest...
Greg Schiano - Rutgers
Yes, they're 7-0, but with WVU and Louisville still to come, it's almost midnight in New Brunswick/Piscataway.
Dirk Koetter - Arizona State
Costume: Headless Horseman
Off the field, he caused a QB controversy right before the season started that was so bad one of his QBs transferred. On the field, he does things like punt against USC with less than a minute and a half left and down just seven points. As such, he's left us and many Sun Devil fans wondering if there's anything up there.
Mack Brown - Texas
Costume - "Mac Daddy"
After years of folks saying he couldn't win the big one, Mack is now the "Mac Daddy" in Austin following the Longhorns' National Title last season.
Tommy Tuberville - Auburn
Costume - Big Baby
After whining about the BCS a couple weeks ago, Tuberville's Tigers have proceeded to lose then look like shit against inferior competition.
John L. Smith - Michigan State
Costume - Turkey
Now that his team has packed it in for the year (as it usually does come October), the Spartans can be counted on to be slaughtered each and every Saturday (with the ax to fall on Smith himself in November).
Pete Carroll - USC
Costume: Stud Boy
Charlie Weis - Notre Dame
Well, that's it. Those are the coaches we heard were at the party. Next--
Hey! Who the fuck invited Gary Moeller?!