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Thursday, August 24, 2006

The Buck in the Plastic Bubble

Turns out a suspect defense wasn't the only reason for Michigan's loss last season to arch-rival Ohio State. Apparently the Wolverine faithful can also blame a tent.

So says junior wide receiver Anthony Gonzalez who made the leaping 26 yard catch at the U-M 4 yard line in the last minute of play to set up the winning OSU touchdown.

The 21 year year old Buckeye claims he was fresher at the end of that game and was less tired over the course of the season partially because he has been sleeping, playing video games and writing emails on his laptop inside a hypoxic altitude simulaton training system for over a year.

So don't blame departed U-M defensive coordinator Jim Herrmann, blame the 6x6x8 foot tent Gonzalez places over his bed. The device sucks air from the chamber and removes oxygen so Gonzalez feels like he's at an altitude of 8,000 feet. With the oxygen reduced from 20.9% to 13%, the thin air is pumped back inside the tent which Gonzalez climbs in then zips shut.

The idea behind this is to increase the number of red blood cells via prolonged exposure to simulated altitude. That in turn improves the body's ability to carry oxygen which increases endurance and shortens recovery time.

Even though his parents and doctors thought he was full of shit were skeptical, last summer he ponied up $5K for the device. According to the article linked above, Gonzalez was told he was the first college football player to use the thing (gee, there's a shocker).

Gonzalez spends 10 to 12 hours a day in his little tent and this month even lugged it to the Columbus hotel were the Bucks are staying during preseason camp. Coach Tressel not only gave Michael Jackson Gonzalez permission, but the wide-out also scored a larger corner room so the thing would fit.

Hey, guess you can't blame Tressel if it helps beat Michigan. Although, how far has our program fallen when we're now losing to camping gear?


Ed. Note: Bonus points for any readers who got Benny's Dennis Miller-esque SEINFELD reference under the top picture.

Thanks to reader LM for the tip!

35 comments:

screwA2 said...

ring.....
ring....
ring....

(phone at 'little plastic tent that helped whoop UM's ass company')

Can't spell Lloyd without 2 "L's" said...

See, I thought it was the fact that he alone could run out of bounds and come back in and catch a pass, when all along it was the tent. (M)oops!

Anonymous said...

That's not MOOPS, it's MOORS, you jerk!!!

Anonymous said...

The indicator has to how far Michigan Football has fallen is how little you actually post about the Michigan Football team.

With that said, I do enjoy reading this blog. Always good for a laugh.

Anonymous said...

CSLWO2L's anyone who is forced out of bounds by a defender can run and make a game saving catch.

Becky said...

Can we just subtract points for anyone who DIDN'T get the Moops reference?

Anonymous said...

If Ed Martin were still alive, every athlete at UM would have one.

Anonymous said...

BTW, the part about him being a 4.0 student was left out. I know you guys like to bash OSU, but he is the anti-Clarett and we are proud of him off the field, in the classroom and 87 days from now in Columbus. Oh yeah, last year in Ann Arbor and in Columbus in 2004 too.

Love the blog and the rivalry. See you in Columbus.

DevilGrad said...

Sadly, however, the larger corner room was still insufficient to house Gonzalez's pet giraffe.

Cool Hand Mike said...

Now I know why I'm not a great athlete. My ass grew up at sea level. Life's just not fair.

Anonymous IV said...

Five thousand dollars for an oxygen tent. I wonder where an undergraduate football player attending tOSU acquires that kind of money?

ferenc said...

Anon 5: You're right about the shame in not including the 4.0. C'mon guys, how can you possibly leave out an obvious joke about a 4.0 student with a major in philosophy at tOSU? I mean, the thing writes itself!

Anonymous said...

John L. is checking his credit card balance as we speak!

Anonymous said...

Uh, Gonzo's family apparently has money, he went to Cleveland St. Ignatius, an expensive high school run by the Jesuits.

Yost said...

Oh, man, some funny stuff here. Thanks for the laughs, folks.

Anonymous said...

The tent is not the only brilliant thing that Gonzo does. He is aiming towards law school; with all his buckeye connections he is assured tons of work as a defense attorney

Boomer Bear said...

DONALD: MOOPS? LET ME SEE THAT. THAT'S NOT MOOPS YOU JERK, IT'S MOORS. IT'S A MISPRINT.

GEORGE: I'm sorry the card says MOOPS.

DONALD: IT DOESN'T MATTER. IT'S MOORS. THERE'S NO, MOOPS.

GEORGE: It's MOOPS.

DONALD: MOORS.

GEORGE: MOOPS,

DONALD: MOORS!


Sounds like those Alabama-Auburn fans arguing over who is less trash!

harry hasselhoff said...

I wonder if he has a mobile Hypoxic chamber in his Escalade?

kwajtiger said...

One of the best blogs on the net!
Is there contact info for submitting some material?
Thanks!

kwajtiger said...

Found it.
Thanks!

TitleIX said...

ok....
I'm a girl...
what the hell is MOOPS????

Anonymous said...

Just give him a Woody-style sucker punch to the neck and he won't be suckin' ANY kind of oxygen for awhile.

Either that or switch his tent with Clarett's version: infused with chilled bong water, AND bullet proof!

kwajtiger said...

moops - term used on the show during a trivial pursuit game between George, and "the bubble boy" that lived in a bubble for heatlh reasons. On one of the cards the game stated in error that the moops and not the moors were a warring people from the past.

surrounded in columbus said...

titleix,
try this:

http://www.movieprop.com/tvandmovie/Seinfeld/terms.htm

TitleIX said...

many thanks!
definitely gotta brush up on my Seinfeld!!!!

Anonymous said...

Well Bubble Boy helped win the game for the bucks last year, but we still have to defend Teddy Ginn

How do you defend this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZaFzOkMbWIk

Yost said...

Kwajtiger,

Submit away! Use the email on the main page in the text under the M Zone logo.

Anonymous said...

Now I know why they even hate Michigan in Tennessee these days.

trenchdoc said...

What a pansyass yankee. Why doesn't he just take a syringe full of EPO like they do in Knoxville?

Kirbdaddy said...

Hey Anonymous IV, Gonzalez's dad played at Michigan. Probably why he can afford the tent.

Justin said...

This is an example of blood doping by the way...and he may be in violation of NCAA blood doping rules.

jim masterson said...

Justin. I think the blood doping that is illegal has to do with the process of removing your blood, storing it for a period of time & replacing it naturally, and the the day of the event re-injectin the blood into your system. Greater amt of red blood cells. I can't think of the Scandinavian runner who was successful in 1972-76 Olympics. Great Blog. Go Irish.

Justin said...

Jim - This has the same effect...it increases the amount of red blood cells resulting in more oxygen in your blood. Not the same as blood doping, but same results. Not sure if NCAA regulations are up-to-date on this kind of "doping". I just called it blood doping for lack of a better term.

Anonymous said...

Hey, healthy living is great!!!! Now, if you could do something to get Columbus of Forbes' 'Drunkest Cities in America' list at # 3 then you might be on to something.

USCKhan92

screwa2 said...

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
|||||||||||||||

quite possibly dumbest thing i've ever seen written!