Just wanted to take a moment to say thank you. Thank you both for helping pass the bill Mr. Goodlatte sponsored in the House of Representatives yesterday banning online gambling. Now I can lead a pure life of wholesome American values (which I assume was the intent when you included the bill in the Republican American Values Agenda last month, Mr. Hastert. Well done, sir. Well done).
Without your help in looking out for my personal well-being, I would be lost. Sure, some might call you hypocrites for carving out exemptions in the bill for state-run lotteries and horse racing which have powerful lobbyists in Washington but I'm sure they're just a bunch of liberal, faggot-loving, marriage-hating, abortion-wanting, stem cell-cloning, assault-rifle-banning, un-American nut-jobs bent on causing the destruction of our great country. Because if you say Internet sports wagering and online poker are "bad" gambling, but online horse racing and state-run lotteries are "good" gambling, who am I, a mere citizen, to question such altruistic wisdom?
And thank God (yours, naturally) you were able to overcome the previous defeat of a similar bill in 2000 which was opposed by
Best of all, I must say bills such as this are going to be winning over some folks to your party. I mean, take me for example. I'm neither a Democrat nor a Republican. I'm a non-partisan voter who has supported candidates on both sides of the aisle over the years. Your average American who votes issues, not ideology. But by passing such legislation as this and now knowing folks such as you are sincerely looking out for my well-being (as opposed to that "other" party which - *snicker* - thinks I know what's best for me), I'll obviously be much more inclined to vote Republican in the future.
I can only pray (naturally) that Arizona Republican John Kyl of Arizona will keep his word and pursue this matter "aggressively" in the Senate where those pansies have not made this values-oriented bill a top priority.
Keep up the good work, gentlemen. And again, thank you. Because as Bill O'Reilly asked in the title of one of his best-selling books, "Who's Looking Out for You?", I now know the answer: Bob Goodlatte and Dennis Hastert, that's who.