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Thursday, June 01, 2006

That's Like Our Mascot, eh

Let's face it, some team nicknames just don't strike fear in the heart of an opponent. For instance, the Syracuse Orange. Orange? That's it? A color? And the color of prison jumpsuits and road pylons to boot? Sorry, not real intimidating (although Donovan McNabb was pretty scary as he sliced through Michigan's "D" in '98). And save your nasty emails UT fans but a Volunteer is not a team mascot, it's a relief worker who helps out after a hurricane or other natural disaster. And just what the hell is a Hokie anyway? Isn't that an adjective on par with "cheesey"?

But it could be worse. Much worse if you went to college in Canada. Think we're kidding? Listen to these dandies from north of the border:

University of Ottawa Gee-Gees

Apparently they didn't want to get sued by the musical group but still wanted to suggest the disco era. And on their website, they call themselves "Canada's university." Hmm. Wonder if they should be referred to as THE Canadian University Gee-Gees.

St. Francis Xavier University X-Men and X-Women

Now this one we sort of like. Our team after all is the Michigan Wolverines. Hey, we could have just as easily been the Michigan Mystiques or U of M Emma Frosts.

Bishop's University Gaiters

No, not "Gators" as in Florida Gators. Gaiter. As in this definition: "A garment similar to leggings, worn to cover or protect the ankle and lower leg." Yes, fear the BU Fighting Leg Protectors.

Calgary Dinos

Actually, this wasn't the first choice. The school also considered naming itself the Calgary Frank Sinatras, the Calgary Peter Lawfords or the Calgary Sammy Davis Juniors. As a side note, the Calgary Joey Bishops was quickly ruled out due to potential confusion with their rivals, the Gaiters.

University of Toronto Varsity Blues

Other rejected nicknames: UT Summer Catches, UT Happy Gilmores and UT Remember the Titans.

Simon Fraser University Clan

Sure, Simon Fraser was Scottish but this could be the worst sounding name of them all. Yes, it's spelled with a "C" but if you just hear it? It ain't good. God forbid they're ever on ESPN and you just happen to flip on Chris Fowler talking about them on GameDay, "And up north, it got pretty ugly today as Grambling got taken out behind the woodshed by the Clan."

No, no picture for that last one.

Props to reader Ferenc for tip.


Benny Friedman said...

What do you expect from a country that has a professional football league with TWO teams named Roughriders? OK, one was actually the Rough Riders, and that team is defunct, but it's clear they lack some creativity up there.

Anonymous said...

hokie = an emasculated turkey

ferenc said...

It is a sad sad day when the University of British Columbia Thunderbirds (calling internaitonal rescue!) and the, uh, Regina Rams pass for normal, but under these circumstances I understand that they do. To end this poorly written 'paragraph' with a rhyme; great post Yost.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

A Hokie is a castrated turkey, probably the most pathetic mascot in America. A pathetic mascot for a pathetic school. I feel bad for anyone who attends that spartan, dreary, seemingly all male, shithole of a school.

Go Blue, Eh! said...

I think we have some pretty cool and unique team names up here. Starting with my alma mater the McMaster Marauders. Although instead of the more obvious pirate or raider type mascot we inexpicably have an eagle. Our water polo team however uses McMaster Bators.

There is also the Windsor Lancers, Guelph Gryphons, Acadia Axemen, Concordia Stingers, Queen's Golden Gaels and RMC Paladins.

Remember before you mock your northern neighbours too much that Michigan plays in a conference with a poisonous nut, a Gene Hackman movie, a character on MASH, an a shotglass dropped into a beer.

Yost said...

LOL, GB, EH! One question though -- when did Gene Hackman star in a movie called "Golden Gophers"?

Go Blue, Eh! said...

Sorry Yost, I did forgot to include the rodent that Bill Murray was hunting in Caddyshack.

ferenc said...

Dear Mr. go blue, eh,... Just for future reference, is there a rivalry between the Mcs? I mean, does a McGill - McMaster contest bring out "Muck Fichigan" type of comments? If so, I would really like to say something along the lines of, "Go Masturbating War Eagle, Go!" to you. If not, my apologies and have a good day, sir!

Go Blue, Eh! said...

No real rivalry between McMaster (Mac for short) and McGill. McMaster is located in Hamilton, Ontario which is our version of Pittsburgh and competes in the Ontario University Athletics conference. McGill is in Montreal, Quebec which is our version of, well you guys don't have anything like Montreal or Quebec for that matter. They are in the Quebec Student Sport Federation. The two schools would generally meet only in tournaments or championships.

utah said...

I'm sure someone can school me on the Stanford Trees - I mean Cardinal. Just one Cardinal? Is it in the tree? Are they catholic? What's the deal here.