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Thursday, June 22, 2006

Oregon: The Rocket Man of College Football

TO: Oregon Fans
FROM: MZone
RE: Uniform Design 475,892

Dear Duck Fans,

First off, you know we like you guys here at the MZone. Heck, a couple months ago, we named UO fans some of the classiest in the country. And we realize Nike founder Phil Knight is an alum who donates millions to the school, including money for locker rooms which we hear are the envy of NFL teams.

But for the love of God, somebody has to reign in these designs the Nike folks are forcing on you and your team. You guys are a major college football team, not contestants on Project Runway.

I mean, a while back there was that Nike-designed mascot that looked like a rejected villian out of the really shitty Batman movie starring George Clooney.



Now we get sent pix of your latest uniforms...

Sweet mother of Pearl! Where do we start?

First of all, what's with the four different styles? Just so you know, most teams have two - home unis and away unis. Period. Not a different design for each month of the college football season. Christ. You guys have more wardrobe changes than a Madonna concert.

And let's talk helmets. Rule of thumb: use one. Not three. Then again, with four different uniforms, maybe this is restraint.

Finally, can somebody explain the criss-crossed silver things on the sleeves and knees? Seriously. It looks like it was inspired by the metal floors you find on a warehouse loading dock. Either that or tire treads on an F-150. But then that seems to imply somebody ran over your ass which isn't the image a football team usually seeks to portray.

Listen, like we said above, we're big Oregon fans here. My trip to Eugene was fantastic (except for the outcome of the game part). However, according to your school's press release about the new uniforms, this is the 4th major "evolution" of the football duds since Nike starting designing them in 1996. Four big ones in a decade.

Senior tight end Dante Rosario puts it this way, "Those schools, Southern California, Michigan, Notre Dame, Penn State, those teams are known for the tradition they have of not ever changing, however many years they've been playing. Maybe we're known for innovation, trying new things, pushing the boundaries of what people are used to. We're different."

Ok, ok. We get it. Crazy outfits are sort of becoming what Oregon is known for. But so is Elton John. And I'm not sure that's a good thing for a college football team.

Besides, doesn't anybody realize why Nike changes them so often? So the suckers who bought the 2003 model now have to go out and buy the new crap. It's not about "improving" them. It's about making a buck (or $50 mil in order to put new plasma screens in the locker room).

So please, before Phil has the Ducks taking the field in bright yellow boas and Nike-swooshed tutus, somebody needs to put a stop to this. Stat.

Just trying to help.

Sincerely,

Your friends at the MZone

Thanks to reader Colin for the tip.

18 comments:

King of Ducks said...

I am an Oregon fan as you can tell from my name, and i totally understand where you are coming from. the thing about oregon and tradition is that, we dont have a long line of tradition. we became a big football school in 1994 when we made the rose bowl, we have been great since then. it has been somewhat of a tradition for us to change jerseys and be innovative. also, the jerseys are 34% lighter than any other jersey in the country and it doesnt absorb nearly as much rain as other jerseys do, which is good when you play in the northwest. the biggest thing about these jerseys that i have noticed is the fact that people 22 and under really like the jerseys. im 18 and have been a huge duck fan my whole, and i am loving the new unis. recruits seem to love the unis too, and anything to help recruiting is great, especially being on the west coast competing with usc and cal. thank for the compliments on our fan base. we take a lot of pride in being the best fans on the west coast. i havent been to enough campuses to determine whether or not we're the best in the country, but id like to think so. i have a bunch of friends who are michigan fans and they are really nice. in fact, my best friend grew up a wolverine fan, but he and myself are now attending oregon, so he is a huge duck fan now. anyways, thanks for the compliments and maybe the jerseys will grow on you.


p.s. see you in ann arbor in 07.

Yost said...

KoD,

Yeah, but if the unis do grow on us, won't they just be changed next season? ;)

Thanks for the email and hope to make it back to Eugene someday soon. It really was one of my favorite college football roadtrips.

Reed4AU said...

How do they create such uniforms, do they give a special ed kid three neon crayons and let him have at it?

Now they are going to use different helmets, that's just ridiculous. What recruit wants to wear a green uniform with a yellow helmet? Apparently being color blind is a requisite for an Oregon recruit.

Keep the green helmet, the whites, and I guess the black ones. If these are the new ones for Oregon what crazy crap do other nike teams get this year, i.e. the Fla. unis with the orange shoulder.

OSU45 said...

Funny, coming from the school that has the ugliest uniforms in all of college football. Nice helmets assbag. I can't wait untill the silver bullets knock the squirrel out of your tree. Oregon? Big football school? I guess geetin stomped out by OU was a sign of your intestinal fortitude. Best fans? Come to an OSU game! I think you hippies need to have granola colored unis with hemp sleeves.

PS Michigan go to hell.
OOOOHHHH HHHH IIII OOOOO!!!!!!!!!

The King said...

The post directly before mine demonstrates with startling accuracy the exact sort of delusion and mouth-breathing idiocy that we've all come to expect from OSU fans.

Yost said...

Bingo, King.

Anonymous said...

The yellow jersey and helmet will give Oregon a big advantage, a blinded opponet.

Yost said...

LOL, Anon.

Anonymous said...

USC fan here. UO's jersys were cool when they first came out with the new "O" logo around Joey Harrington. Then its spiraled out of controll. I hope UO can gets there resourc`es together and build another dominant program on the West coast. So we have one more big game to look forward too.

P.S. tOSU fans are morons

King of Ducks said...

to the ohio state fan,

first of all, OU beat us by 3, hardly a stomping. second of all, i have never had a problem with ohio state, but because of recent ohio state flamers on oregon boards and fans like u, ive started to have somewhat of a hatred for ohio state. keep it classy. by the way, the shoe aint got nothing on the jungle known as autzen.

BaggyPantsDevil said...

These things are just wrong on so many levels and are a blight on college football.

First, we have the lame features intended to make the uniform more “tough” and “intimidating” looking. Oregon has gone with the most common of these, the use of black when it’s not one of the school’s colors. Then we get an allusion to rugged, pick-up truck driving, manly men with the incorporation of the “diamond plate” non-skid pattern. All that’s missing is a face mask designed like the grill of a Hummer.

I especially love the “reasons” for some of the design features. The “diamond plate” on the shoulders and knees is to “improve the durability of the product.” I can buy that weaving some sort of reinforcement into the fabric might do this, but how does the silver improve durability? Then we have “Oregon” down the left leg of the pants to “further enhance the identity and exposure for the university.” As if any other school has a Chem-Light yellow uniform.

The funny thing is, they could have been worse. Click here to see.

As for the argument that this look is popular with the kids, maybe, there’s no accounting for taste. Still, a classic look is a classic look because it’s timeless and ages well. A decade from now—if not sooner—these uniforms will be the equivalent of a Members Only Jacket, acid washed jeans, and a mullet to the people who think they look cool now.

With three different helmets, four different jerseys, and four different pants, it will take Oregon four years to get through all 48 possible combinations and by then, they’ll have another set of uniforms.

Oh, and it's kind of nice to have the "typical" Ohio State fan stopping by again. There was a stretch there where they were mostly "atypical" (articulate and thoughtful).

Anonymous said...

I have to disagree with the the King of Ducks. I live in the largest city in Oregon (ok the ONLY city in Oregon) Nobody wears those hidious shits, they mostly wear the solid dark green from a few years ago. And as much as I loath Ohio State, I have a sneaking suspistion the OSU in that morons post was Oregon State, and after all what the heck kind of school calls themselves, the Beavers? Oh wait Oregon is the Duck, never mind that last bit ok?

Anonymous said...

If He was an oregon state fan Ithink the biggest stomp we could of done to him was thinking he was a tOSU fan. lol

Anonymous said...

If it's an Oregon State fan, he should hardly be talking about a stopming at the hands of OU after the beavs recieved their 56-14 ass kicking at Autzen. Any uniform looks good when you kill your rival. Anyway, as a duck I wouldn't call the uni's great (I would perfer a more traditional look, and I'm 17) but they aren't horrid. At the same time, if thats the price we need to pay for all the facilities paid for by Mr. Nike, it's worth it. As long as the players like them, its fine with me. Afterall, they helped design them and they have to wear them. Anyways, I look forward to the game in 2007 @Michigan. I have a lot of relatives in Michigan, a few even went to Michigan. Oregon should have one hell of a team in 07, with a lot of the players returning. Hopefully the game is as good as the last one, including the ending :)

Anonymous said...

More like the Oregon Liberaces to me.

Anonymous said...

I don't understand who the hell said you have to have 1 helmet and an away and a home jersey. Who gives a shit if you have umpteen different colors and designs! I would say 80% of the NCAA teams need a f***ing change. USC=Ugly Shittin Costumes. They are a hideous purple red putrid color and the yellow/gold color looks like your piss after a hard night of binge drinking!!! I love our new jerseys (the yellow needs work though) and the diamond plate and the silver ghost flames on our yellow helmets are something nobody has. Speaking for myself only, I love having different shit that nobody else has.And when you have NIKE on your side, we can change as often as we want and people can be jelous or whatever. We will never give a rats ass what people think as long as we play great football.

On another subject, you Wolverine fans are awesome. You are welcome in Eugene anytime. Thank you for the awesome game in Autzen. It was the best game in my 33 years here in Oregon. You are very classy and the Wolverine tradition is amazing and i'm glad I got to be a part of that game. I will never forget it (especially because we won). Hope we have great games in the future and no matter who wins, it will be fun as hell!!!!!! I will forever root for Michigan as long as we aren't playing each other of course!!

Oregon Duck

daddyduck said...

As a big ducks fan I have got to say that you Michigan fans are a classy group. I am really looking forward to the big one at your house. I have to say the new uni's are abit ugly as one ducks fan on here said we rock the Harrington era jerseys.

Anonymous said...

one word, NIKENVY