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Friday, May 26, 2006

What Buckeyes Really Use the Library For

Folks, sometimes a tip is sent our way that is so good, a simple "Thank you" seems inadequate. Such is the case of this post, for which the tip was passed to us by Orson over at the always-funny EDSBS.

Now, Orson had mentioned something about this yesterday but oh-so-rightfully felt that we here at the MZone also just might be interested in a story about, as he says, "the most embarrassing bit of fanwear on public display since the alleged pedophile priest wearing a Notre Dame hat trotted out of a courtroom wearing an Irish cap."

The video is a news segment from WKYC, a television station in Ohio. It's one of those "undercover" investigative stories every news station does for sweeps month. This one deals with the dangers of going to public libraries in Ohio.

Watch it all the way through. We promise you won't be disappointed...unless you're a Tosu fan. Pay particular attention to the "gentleman" in the red Ohio State sweatshirt starting at about the 1:40 mark of the piece and "coming" back throughout the rest of the story, the capper being outside his parents's house at the end.

As Orson points out, this story has it all: "Assaulting reporters. Mustaches. Masturbating in public libraries. Living with parents." And might we add: your typical Buckeye fan.

So, sit back, relax and CLICK HERE to watch on the station link.

Again, Orson, thank you. Thank you from the bottom of our maize and blue hearts for this one.

UPDATE 6/1/06: There is a new video of the story up on YouTube. As such, here it is...

41 comments:

Brickeye said...

It would of been funnier if he would of screamed out FUCK MICHIGAN as he orgasm'd.

Anonymous said...

why does this guy bother to go all the way to the Library, errr Libary for UM fans, to get off when everyone knows it's perfectly acceptable to just do it on the front porch of some random chick in the neighborhood????

tyrone butterfingers said...

Your son gets caught masturbating in the library, so you:

A. Out of shame, refuse comment and go back in the house.

B. Express shock and disappointment.

C. Rip the mic out of the reporter's hand, verbally assault and then physically threaten him while pointing out your combat veteran status.

Just imagine if his son was arrested. He probably would have drove into the front of the police station, pulled out a machine gun and shot the place up Terminator-style.

Joshua said...

rofl, check out the Jimmy Clausen "successories" poster over at "Hey Jenny Slater." Priceless.

Anonymous said...

Wow, how brilliant, an OSU poster responded with a Larry Harrison reference. Nice to see the creative juices flowing.

Anonymous said...

That'll teach the Buck fans to ask for "reality" rather than photoshop.

Cheers,
DevilGrad

tc said...

Clearly the "ohio state" on his allegedly "red" sweatshirt was photoshopped. Man that guys mustache was even fake or not real. You guys can't find anything original so you have to resort to making up stuff...and stuff. There aren't even any libraries in that part of Ohio so the jokes on you. HA. Nice try guys!

robert paulson said...

EDSBS finally got it up as a YouTube that is easier to view. That has to be one of the funniest clips I've ever seen. I wonder how much he paid for that awesome Ohio State sweatshirt. The advertising for tOSU is simply priceless.

Anonymous said...

It was Akron!! I consider it part of Pennsylvania. So ha!!! There are some sick fucks out there. Watch Dateline's "to catch a predator" that will make you cringe.

tc said...

Actually, I believe it was a library in Berea, OH. I'd hardly call that PA. Anyway, this guy could have been jerkin his chain in NYC and it would still qualify as tOSU ammo. Kinda like Vito Spatafore and his fucking Irish hat. Greatgoogilymoogily that made me cringe.

Anonymous said...

And to make matters worse, he was looking at michigancoedsinsweats.com

Yikes...

Anonymous said...

When I was at tOSU (early 80's), there was a guy there who was given the moniker "Stack Jacker". No need to go into details, the name says it all.

Perhaps there is a new tradition building.

Yost said...

LOL, folks. Funny comments.

As for MichiganCoedsinSweats.com, that's my homepage.

Anonymous said...

it's the mustache that just makes it hilarious

cottoncandy said...

Most kindergarteners know that when you are caught with your hands in your pants, shut up; and if you do talk, deny it to the end of the earth. This guy is dumb on so many levels it hurts the brain to consider it. My only hope is that he exclusively roots for synchronized swimming.

Anonymous said...

tc -

There are libraries in that part of Ohio. Some of the books haven't even been colored in.

Anonymous said...

And he's a COOPER to boot!!! (lmao) The fun never ends for poor OSU. Dig it!

Anonymous said...

Berea is Jim Tressel's hometown. Not there there is anything wrong with that.

The Quiet Storm said...

Carl Monday --- my new favorite media personality.

John said...

Seems to me maybe daddy gave him a hand getting started in life.

handjob willie said...

What's the big deal?
Like none of you have spanked your monkey in public. The last time I checked the library system was built and funded with tax dollars, and I pay my fair share damit.

Yost said...

Valid point, HJW. Vaild point.

Earl Bruce said...

Gives new meaning to "dotting the i".

Serously, one of the funniest smackdowns of a rival ever. It wouldn't suprise me if Ohio State simply forfieted the game versus UM this year. That is just awesome.

Anonymous said...

I felt like I was watching a sick and twisted version of Napoleon Dynamite. "I used to be able to shoot my wad a quarter mile." The unemployed part and the mustache was hilarious. He obviously didn't go to college.... anywhere.

Anyways good smackdown to M-Zone from a buckeye fan in Georgia. "you see them mountains over there.. I bet I could shoot it over those." Fucking sickos.

Eric S. said...

Jesus Christ, why must our state's stupid people wear Ohio State gear?

I think there should be a sign in front of every building that reads "If you're a dumbfuck, don't wear Ohio State clothing."

That would make my life as a fan so much easier. $1 Billion says this guy never set foot near Ohio State as a student.

Anonymous said...

Ouch. Fair enough after that Larry Harrison fiasco. (But still, Larry is football player while that guy clearly is not.)

More reasons to input the porn blockers in the library computers!!!

Yost said...

Eric S.

LOL!!

Yeah, you'd think M fans were paying folks to wear the Buck gear in, uh, "incidents" like this.

Anonymous said...

As a Michigan fan and a librarian it was my duty to bring the content of this video up to another fellow librarian, who is a Longhorn fan, at work today. After some thought we agreed that public libraries should have an area that is separated from the rest of the library by curtains and a sign that reads "Perverts Only". Since I also live in Texas the thought of this kind of Ohio filth slithering to Austin for the showdown with the Longhorns this fall is something that all Texas librarians should be prepared to deal with. I will post this video on the Texas Library Association website that way we will be on full alert for these families that spawn this kind of degenerates. The only thing that gives me solace is the fact that if they are caught in Texas they stand a good chance at getting the death penalty.

Brickeye said...

Please, if you catch them i'll personally pull the switch.

DevilGrad said...

Eric S. said... "Jesus Christ, why must our state's stupid people wear Ohio State gear?"


Because -- NEWSFLASH -- ninety percent of Ohio's stupid people are Buck fans.

(C'mon, man. Suck it up. You can't leave the slider out over the plate like that.)

cottoncandy said...

"Since I also live in Texas the thought of this kind of Ohio filth slithering to Austin for the showdown with the Longhorns."

Uh, Texas has crazies who shoot people with big calibur rifles and Ohio has loons who jerk in public. Kind of a toss up if you ask me.

DevilGrad said...

But the tie-break goes to Texas -- at least until Cooper gets elected vice president.

BaggyPantsDevil said...

Sometimes, the comedy just writes itself.

For everyone who sees this, whenever you're feeling down, just remember that at least your not an unemployed loser with a molester mustache who has to go to the library to masturbate, gets caught multiple times, is interviewed for the news about, makes a mess of denying it, hasn't the good sense to say "no comment" and walk away, still lives at home with his violent, troglodyte parents, and gets all of it displayed on the internet for world to see.

I'll never feel bad about anything that happens to me again because at least I'm not that guy.

Anonymous said...

Ohio has the Internet now?

Brickeye said...

Just in library's.

Joshua said...

That'd be "libraries." Sorry.

tyrone butterfingers said...

Deadspin has a link to Coop's Myspace page. I didn't try to leave a comment, but I'm guessing he's recently activated the "approve comments before posting" feature.

His headline says he's "looking for miss right." Looks like he didn't have any problem finding Miss Left.

once crapped in a hormel chili can said...

Just took a peek at his myspace page. Can you believe Tom his his friend too?!!!

Anonymous said...

Just more evidence to support my stance that everyone on myspace should be under police surveillance.

Joshua said...

Oh hell. He has a pic of himself posing in front of his Camaro on his myspace page. I don't even know what to say about this.....

Josh said...

dear michigan fans..... i understand your anger and resentment towards ohio due to the recent ass beatings in basketball and football you have recieved from our teams. your school may be seen as smarter, but i have been to michigan and there are some dumb ass people there. also, there are some dumb michigan fans everywhere such as on to catch a predator when a michigan fan sporting his true colors was caught (turns out his true colors were meeting young boys for sex). thankyou and goodnight