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Friday, May 05, 2006

USC Hits Rock Bottom

Forget the Reggie Bush and Housegate controversy. Who cares about Dwayne Jarret and his freeloading ways. Put aside the Mark "Dirty" Sanchez scandal for a sec. Those all seem like a minor blip on the Trojan radar now. That's because USC officially hit rock bottom when it was revealed that Matt Leinert is dating Paris Hilton.

We here at the M Zone have one question for you, Matt...

Are you serious?! Paris Hilton? You're Matt Leinert, dude! And she's...skanky.

Even at your drunkest, you had better sense than this. Remember? Did you lose the number of the brunette in this picture? Hell, even the bitchy friend on the right is a step up.

Good God, man, get a hold of yourself. It looks, bad. Real bad. Worse than being picked 10th in the NFL draft. By Arizona. Vince Young wouldn't tap that. Hell, neither would Marcus Vi-- scratch that. Never mind. Point is, you can do better, much better. And we're worried about you. On so many levels. Professional and medical.

Folks, you know how we feel about billboards here at the M Zone but this might be justifiable. This is a cause even we can get behind. So somebody in South Central get on it. Find the space. Raise the money. And grab OneSkank.com (or should we say .org?).

Something needs to be done. Here is the answer...

20 comments:

Benny Friedman said...

I'm in for $100.

Anonymous said...

He must be pussy-whooped. We've all seen the porn videos, she's wild in bed and that's what most 21 year olds have to have.

Kofi-Cup ANON said...

I like the gratuidous passing of judgment on the few earlier scandles.

Say it Yost, you want SC to go down.

About Leinart, Yes Paris is a skank, but she is the #1 skank. She is almost as big of a deal as a BCS trophy. If I was matt i would do what he is doing to show he can get any chick he wants then leave here. You would do the same thing if you could Yost

This wont last 2 months don't worry.

Yost said...

KC,

No, I actually don't want SC to go down. Their fans have been very cool to us here on this site.

Yes, I agree - it won't last more than 2 months.

Finally, no, I can HONESTLY say I wouldn't do the same thing if I could. I really find her replusive.

WickedWolverine said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
WickedWolverine said...

She's not wild in bed, she's pretty lame in my opinion. Ms. Hilton appeared sub-par(e.g., giving head).

Kofi-Cup ANON said...

One more thing, why is it we assume if you are hanging out with a chick that you getting dirty with her.

Maybe Matt enjoys her company and intelectual converstaions.

Anonymous said...

Jebus kofi-cup anon,

Have you even seen The Simple Life?

Doug said...

I know this is indefensible, but I'd hit it. (Hilton, I mean, not Leinart.) You gotta figure with all the money she's got, she can afford as many antibiotics and non-FDA-approved experimental drugs as it takes to wipe out whatever diseases she picks up. To paraphrase Dave Attell, you gotta at least fuck her for the story.

Anonymous said...

You guys are just not realizing that Leinart is simply a gold digger. With the millions he lost dropping to 10 he had to find a way to get it back.

Yost said...

Good point, Anon. She can definitely cover the difference.

wds4usc said...

I think I'd try Jessica instead.

BaggyPantsDevil said...

This is the sound of the bottom falling out. And just when you thought things might quiet down for USC comes what is indeed the most humiliating of all their recent troubles. The fact that Pete Carroll can’t steer his gorgeous, Heisman-winning star quarterback—OK, he’s the former star quarterback now—away from the likes of Paris Hilton is all the proof anyone needs to see that he has lost control of his team in a Bobby Williams fashion. I can almost see someone from the E! network shoving a microphone into a harried and teary-eyed Carroll’s face and asking him what in the world Leinart is doing with Hilton and getting that same despondent expression and pained “I don’t know” answer.

This is so sad it’s almost not funny, and the key word there is “almost” because this is comedy that writes itself. Leinart does the stand up thing, he stays in school to graduate and help his team to another MNC and his “reward” is losing to the otherworldly Vince Young, getting drafted by the Arizona Cardinals and then having to console himself in Paris Hilton’s overexpose and overused scrawny body. He probably has to actually talk to her from time to time, too. It’s like an alcoholic getting fired and going on a drinking binge with a case of Robitussin because that’s all he can get his sweaty, trembling hands on. Leinart has become a cautionary tale.

Sic Transit Gloria.

once crapped in a hormel chili can said...

Excuse me people!!! Isn't that skanky bitch ho worth about 5000 gazillion dollars? You'd be runnin' with her too if your USC checks quit coming cause you don't play for 'em no mo. I'm sure he'll give her the cleat once his first NFL check rolls in. Matt when your done pass her my way maybe she'll buy me a bigger can.

Trojan Mike said...

I can't wait for tomorrow to see what happens next......

Anonymous said...

The relationship may only last two months but herpes will last forever.

Anonymous said...

at least she's catholic.

Anonymous said...

That is F#@king hilarious. Great post!!! And this is coming from an Irish fan, so you know i'm unbiased.

Yost said...

Thanks, Anon.

Anonymous said...

Paris' newly acquired single status comes weeks after she revealed she was ready to settle down and have children. The blonde beauty revealed: "I can't wait to find a guy like my dad and be together forever and have lots of kids. That's what completes your life.

"I want a boy and a girl."

http://www.hollywoodrag.com/index.php?/P18/


The thought that she wants to reproduce--nightmares tonight. WTF is this guy thinking?