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Thursday, April 06, 2006

PMLs

Last week, a Palmdale, California man was charged $4,300 at Burger King for four burgers. As originally reported in the Yahoo! News article, the erroneous charge was due to a cashier error.

But the M Zone has learned that the charge was actually a new program being instituted by the burger chain that introduces "Personal Meat Licenses." PMLs will be required by anyone who wishes to purchase a Whopper ($2,500), Double Whopper ($5,000) or Triple Whopper ($10,000). Even a Whopper Junior would require a PML payment of $1,000. "Many other restaurants have required their customers to purchase similar licenses," said Burger King vice president of customer relations Jill Barton. "We have a budget to meet, and we believe this is the most expedient way to meet it," she added.

At this time, BK has no plans to introduce the licenses for "lesser burgers" or any of the chicken meals or salads. The curly fries and potato cakes also seem safe for the time being. "We have to keep the cost of a fine dining-quality meal within the means of our average customers," said Barton.

It's believed that both McDonald's and Wendy's will join Burger King in charging for PMLs in the near future. Taco Bell has considered introducing Personal Bean Licenses, but has scrapped that plan, figuring that the stoners who purchase from the drive thru after midnight might get totally paranoid in line and hold up other paying customers.

2 comments:

IC said...

Taco Bell should reconsider. I don't think I'm alone in being willing to pay at least two grand for a PBL to ensure that I can keep getting those Crunchwrap Supremes. And the Carmel Apple Empanadas....alllchhhllallhch!

Jeremie said...

Actually, it seems to me that Taco Bell might be able to pull this off better than any other gut-bomb-factory. Here's the logic: if the average TB customer is the drunk-stoned type, then at 2AM when the cashier tells some kid his three burritos and 2 crunchwraps come out to 10 grand, I'm pretty sure the drunk-stoner type would hand over the credit card and a.) not realize what the hell just happened until the bank statement comes or b.) realize what is happening, but be in such a state of extreme craving for that TB goodness that he's willing to drop 10 g's on some beany-good-times. Anyway, my two cents. And you thought the run-on sentence was dead.