Reporter Bob Pickler was embedded at MZone headquarters during the entire Cowherd/MZone controversy. Below is his report during the final hours of the heated conflict.
Emotions were all over the map at MZone headquarters as the staff listened to ESPN Radio and Colin Cowherd's show Monday during which he gave full props to the MZone for the Wonderlic test read on his show last week. As word of Cowherd's remarks began to spread outside the MZone headquarters, church bells rang, car horns blared and one only-slightly-overweight girl even considered kissing Wangs (but didn't).
"Our long period of national suffering is now over," said co-editor Benny after returning from an undisclosed location where he rode out the conflict. MZone founder Yost had decided it was best for Benny to stay in a seperate, secure location in case ESPN brass attempted a decapitating strike against MZone HQ during the bruhaha that very nearly escalated into a donnybrook.
"It was strictly a precaution, but one we felt we needed to take," said Yost. "When the Onepeat fanatics joined the fray and started leaving comments, it was simply the prudent course of action."
College football fans across America knew something was seriously amiss when even Buckeye fans rallied around the maize and blue cause.
"That could have been us in their shoes," said O-Zone member MichiganCan LickMyBigHairy NutSack427. "But by the grace of God - and by God, I mean Tressel - that could have been one of our 'Fuck Michigan, you cock sucking faggots!' bits being read on the air with no credit. Although, we are trying to trademark "Fuck Michigan" so that will never be a problem. Either way, we supported them this time. Now that it's over, we think they're all big fags again. 4-1! We own you bitches!!"
Even Michigan State fans weighed in saying they'd support their hated intra-state rivals if it meant "we can burn couches and stuff if there are riots."
But, with a simple four and a half minute address to the nation Monday afternoon, Colin Cowherd defused the situation and the crisis was no more.
"We here at the M Zone owe a sincere debt of gratitude to all those who supported us during the darkest hours of this crisis," said an obviously relieved Yost while watching the Ohio State Video Chick clip for the 783rd time. "To Deadspin, EDSBS, MGoBlog, Fark, TuckerMax, VodkaPundit, FireJoeMorgan, DawgSports, Burnt Orange Nation, MaizeNBrew and so many others, thank you."
Rumors quickly spread that things at the MZone would now return to normal. BaggyPantsDevil was more pointed, saying, "I hope this means we can go back to semi-naked cheerleaders and shit."